Huge hugs to my special friend Carly Carter. Without her unending supply of patience and support I would never have finished this story, let alone published it. Now... on with the story...
It's Christmas Eve and Kenzi is not in a good mood. She hates Christmas and everything to do with it. All morning she had been snapping at Bo and banging the cupboard doors whenever she needed anything. It's getting late in the evening now and her feelings of anger have not gone away. Kenzi's odd behaviour is down to this being her first Christmas with Bo, and she is really scared about that. Kenzi wants to run, every instinct is telling her this is going to be bad.
Watching Bo decorate the tree she has brought for their place makes the bile stir in Kenzi's stomach. She twists her hands in front of her as she stands there watching. Her insides are curling and retching as she watches Bo carefully select the next bauble placement. Kenzi wants to tear it down and scream at Bo, "No this is wrong, it's all wrong! Take it down and throw it in the trash where it belongs!" But watching Bo's smile and the light shine in her eyes like she was a child full of magical wonder, is enough to keep Kenzi from saying anything. So she just swallows the bad memories that are trying to force their way out into the open, and pastes on a fake smile.
When Bo has finished decorating she steps back, turns and smiles at Kenzi, "Hey Kenzi, what do you think. Not bad eh?" Kenzi replies carefully as to not give away her true feelings of contempt for the tree, "Yeah it's good," she says hoping Bo doesn't notice her lack of enthusiasm. Luckily Bo is preoccupied with rummaging in a large cardboard box. Kenzi's world is spinning and her best friend has no idea. Her head is pounding, she needs to sit down, before she falls down. Making some lame excuse to Bo about drinking too much the night before gives her the excuse she needs to go and sit on the couch.
Bo is so wrapped up in what she is doing that she dismisses Kenzi with a wave in her general direction, "Okay, you sit for a bit, watch some tv," she says not really paying attention and doesn't notice the anguish in Kenzi's" voice.
Kenzi clicks the power on and throws the remote on the cushion next to her. For once Kenzi is relieved that Bo hasn't noticed the way she is acting. She never saw the look on Kenzis face when she first saw that tree. She has no idea the demons Kenzi is fighting to keep inside. Demons that are threatening to spill all her past dark secrets to Bo.
She hasn't been living with Bo for very long but when they first met, the day Bo saved her ass in the elevator, Kenzi has felt an instant attraction to her. Everyone does she is a succubus after all. Bo is designed for sex, man or woman it didn't matter, Bo needs sex to survive. If Kenzi had to, she would "take the plunge" if Bo needed her. But this is more than a sexual attraction, it's a deep and meaningful friendship. Kenzi always considered herself a loner, she never needed anyone, but Bo has come along and changed all that. Kenzi feels love like she's never experienced, but she knows she's in too deep now. She is terrified that Bo will find out about her past and will treat her differently. Or worse still, be disgusted and have her locked up! When Bo claimed her as her human Kenzi knew it was partly because she felt responsible for her. That sucks because Kenzi is a free spirit and doesn't want to be owned. Her inner voice is quick to point out, Of course you are grateful that Bo saved you, but when Bo finds out what you've done, that's it. It's over! No more Bo and Kenzi, no more home, even if it is a rundown, no walled crack shack, it's still your home.
"A dollar for them," Bo says and interrupts Kenzi's thoughts.
"Huh, what? A dollar for what now?" Kenzi asks confused staring at Bo.
Bo laughs and says playfully, "Your thoughts silly." Then with a smile on her face she hands Kenzi something.
Kenzi is not really following the conversation and doesn't notice the angel tree topper that Bo has just given her. Her focus has shifted to the tv when the news announcer says, "A body has been found by workers in a Brooklyn sewer. Police suspect it's been there a number of years and a small pen knife has been recovered nearby. They suspect foul play. The body has been taken to a pathologist and when they have more information, we will update you. Now stay tuned for the local weather."
Kenzi reaches for the remote and turns the tv off. Her palms are sweating and she's afraid her lunch is going to make a re-showing over the couch.
"I don't like the news either, too depressing. Kenzi, you want to do the honours?" Bo says hopping on her feet excitedly, like a child on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to deliver their toys. Kenzi can't bare to break the magical spell, even if her world is coming to an end.
Kenzi looks at her hands and her heart starts beating rapidly, leaving her gasping for breath. She stands shaking and throws the Angel back to Bo. Stammering a little and closing her eyes she says, "Uh, um no. It's okay I er...have to do...er, stuff...important stuff that needs um...doing right now." And with that she runs off leaving Bo standing there open mouthed wondering what the hell just happened!
When Kenzi reaches her bedroom she's out of breath, it isn't a big distance to run but she felt like a pack of wolves were chasing her. Never has she been so relieved to be in her room, her sanctuary. She flops on the bed landing on her front and allows the tears she is holding in to flow freely. Lying there with her head buried in her pillow sobbing, memory after memory assaults her, each leaving a stab wound on her heart. Mostly she remembers the tree, and oh God the handmade angel that had dangled from her drunk mothers hand while she was passed out in the kitchen. That little angel had been a gift for her mother, made so lovingly. Covered in glitter and glue she had run home after school to find the caretaker, Mr Wyzanski lugging a Christmas tree across the hall to her apartment. She remembers being so excited to see it, jumping up and down like a crazy girl, rather than helping him get it inside. Her mother was at work and her...well he wasn't home yet either. It was going to be a wonderful surprise for her mother. She couldn't wait to see the look on her mothers face when she saw the tree. But young eight year old Kenzi had learnt a harsh lesson that day.
She rubs her side where the broken rib had been. Shaking herself out of the memory, she tells herself, no, no more crying, not over him! I won't let him in, no, not again! She turns her head and notices for the first time a present neatly wrapped under one of the pillows. Picking it up she reads the label, 'To Kenzi my sister, I love you so much. Thank you for being in my life... Bo xxx.' Pulling her legs up and holding them she slowly rocks back and forth sobbing, cradling the present close to her heart.
Kenzi is really hoping Bo will leave her alone...at least for a little while, just long enough to sort out her feelings. She just needs some time to bury everything that has escaped from deep down in the dark spaces, where nothing can hurt her. But this is Bo, and sure enough Kenzi can hear her footsteps as she got closer. Quickly Kenzi buries the present back under the pillow. A minute later, there Bo was standing in front of Kenzi, looking at her with a hurt expression and the one thing Kenzi didn't want to see in her best friends eyes...tears that she has caused.
Kenzi's eyes are watering again. This time not from the pain of remembering, but the sadness she sees reflected in Bo's eyes. Kenzi desperately tries to hide her face in her sleeve so Bo won't see she's been crying. Bo looks confused and hurt enough, she doesn't need to see the evidence of Kenzi's pain on top. So keeping her face buried she listens to Bo's soft voice.
"Kenzi, are you okay honey?" Bo asks uncertain, chewing her lip with her teeth.
It's tearing up Kenzi's insides to hear the doubt in Bo's voice. Bo is a strong woman, a fighter. With matters of the heart however, she is still learning. Kenzi wants to tell her best friend that everything is so fucked up right now, she wants to explain why she's acting like a brat, why Christmas is hard for her to cope with...and what happened. She wants to say all these things, confess her sins. Instead she lies. "I'm fine," is her slightly muffled reply.
"Now say that and mean it," Bo tells her softly. "Honey, I want to help. Please let me help you. Tell me what's wrong?" She says pleading.
Kenzi's heart is breaking, she doesn't want to have this conversation with Bo. Not now, NOT EVER! She looks up and sees the pain still evident in Bo's eyes. It's too much and Kenzi buries her head in her sleeve once more to hide her own grief.
"Kenzi, talk to me." This time there is no mistaking the tone, it's the 'she is going to get the answers she wants and if Kenzi doesn't like it, well tough luck' voice.
Not this time, I can't let her see the real me. Kenzi thinks sadly. The walls are closing in, Christmas is suffocating her, she can't breathe. She's trembling slightly. She has to run. Kenzi knows she has to be cruel to be kind.
So taking a deep breath in to steady her nerves, she looks Bo squarely in the eyes and tells her, "I said I'm fine, geesh you have blocked ears or something?" Kenzi needs to get Bo away from her, so she lets the words spew out of her mouth like an angry swarm of bees. "I don't need you, I don't need your advice either. Just get the hell out and leave me alone, why don't you go hump a wolf or something if you're bored!" she cries. Kenzi regrets the words as soon as she says them. She watches the shock register on Bo's face, then grasping the opportunity she reaches over the bed and grabs the nearest thing off her nightstand, and hurls it in Bo's direction.
Narrowly missing Bo it smashes against the door frame and breaks apart. The little music box Bo had given her, the welcome to my home present now lay in pieces at Bo's feet. The spring that held the ballerina had snapped and the figure was loose and bent over as if she had fallen ungraciously and landed in a heap. The pink ballerina was still trying to turn. What was once a beautiful gift from her best friend, now is a mangled mess of wooden and metal pieces.
The music box is still trying to play but the sounds coming from it are no longer sweet and melodic, they are all mangled together like the devil himself is mimicking the music. The music box refuses to die, clinging to the last few notes as the little ballerina dances her last dance.
It breaks Kenzi's heart to see her music box smashed. She had dreamed of becoming a ballerina once when she was a young girl. They had such grace and poise. She was always tripping over her own feet and being called a fucking klutz, among other things. But mostly she is upset because it's the first real gift from a friend. Bo is so much more to Kenzi than a friend, she is like a sister. Getting into trouble together had been the norm, but saving each other...no that was special. Kenzi realised early on that Bo would die to protect her. No one in Kenzi's life had ever put themselves out to help her.
Kenzi knows she has to stay strong, all she wants however is to run to Bo and wrap her arms around her, and hug her for all she is worth. Kenzi's whole world is shattering around her and it's her own doing. She feels sick. Her heart is tearing, her hands are shaking, she wants to beg Bo's forgiveness, to tell Bo she loves her and she's sorry. But she doesn't do or say any of that, instead she stands there frozen staring at Bo.
Kenzi watches the tears form in Bo's eyes. She closes her eyes tightly as the voices swirl in her mind, she'll find out, she will learn everything, your past, what you've done! she will learn all of it Kenzi, she will see the real you. She won't want you Kenzi, and all this...will be taken from you, run Kenzi, protect yourself...get out while you still have a chance!
Kenzi's inner voice is right, she has to protect herself, she knows the words that will cut Bo down emotionally, giving Kenzi the chance to slip away. Gathering all the courage inside of her and with her hands still shaking and heart hammering in her chest, she delivers the final blow, "Bo, un-claim me."