Attack on Balloon
(A/N: This is the first thing I'm typing on my laptab! YESSS! I got this idea from a poem I wrote, The Suicidal Balloon. Isn't that just a lovely title? I hope y'alls enjoy this little random one-shot I'm about to type.)
Disclaimer: Do I sound anything like Yana Toboso to you!? Oh, and I don't own AoT, either.
It was a beautiful summer day. Birds were chirping, Sebastian was cleaning, and Soma was fapping. Wait, what? Ciel stood up from his paperwork, wondering what that strange slapping sound from the other room was. Rather than investigate, the young earl sat back down. He didn't want to lose his innocence. Or his lunch..
Ciel returned to his work, thankful for the peaceful silence. Besides the fapping, of course. Right when he put his pen to paper, Alois Trancy burst in the room and yelled at the top of his lungs, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CIEL PHANTOMHIVE!"
"Today is not my birthday!" Ciel yelled, frustrated over the disturbed silence. It seemed as if he was disturbed often, lately...
Alois set a huge bundle of red balloons on Ciel's desk and asked, "What's the matter? You seem more irritated than usual. Are you upset about something?"
"Upset? Of course I'm upset, you baka! You came in, disturbing my-!" Ciel began.
Levi Ackerman broke in through the window and landed flawlessly on his feet. Immediately, he jumped up again and began slashing the balloons, letting out a strange battle cry after every kill. The two young nobles just sat there and watched in awe.
"Y'all owe me a thank you! I just defeated those beastly balloons for you! I could've died!"
Alois tilted his head, almost like a puppy. "Beastly?"
He expected Ciel to get an explanation out of the soldier, but instead, the young earl burst into tears and buried himself in Levi's chest. At that moment, Claude Faustus jumped up on Levi and wrapped around him jockey style. The spider demon growled, "The knocked up one is MINE!"
Claude then jumped off and began eating the destroyed balloons on the floor. Ciel registered what he had growled and gasped, "I AM NOT PREGNANT!"
"Actually, you are," Dr. Who appeared out of nowhere and examined Ciel with his sexy time lord eyes. "In fact, you're about to go in to labor right... Now!"
As the doctor finished his sentence, the young earl's water broke and he let out an anguished cry. "Sebastian! Help me!"
So that, my darlings, is how Doctor Who became a midwife and delivered Ciel's first daughter, Madeline Angelice Phantomhive. And Levi became a balloon suicide preacher. All because Soma decided to fap. Please, listen. Don't fap, little lovelies, otherwise this already cruel world will be filled with more midwives and failed birthday parties. Don't fap. Thank you.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
(A/N: That went well. I hope it was very laughable and enjoyable. Remember kids, do not fap. R & R!)