AN : Just a little thing that I had in mind concerning Ruby, I tried to stick to canon as much as possible, but really that's just how I imagine her state of mind. Please leave a review if you can :)

It was one of those nights. It was one of those nights when her past was too heavy and would keep the sleep from coming. She couldn't stop thinking about it. Those memories were coming flooding her. She had witnessed too many things, haunting things. She had killed too many times.

Her mother. Her dear mother she had killed to protect Snow. Of course she didn't regret saving her friend, she would have done anything to protect her. She just wished she didn't have to choose, she wished she didn't have to lose her mother a second time.

Billy, who hadn't died at her hands. "But what does it changes" she thought. "He's dead. And he would be alive if it weren't for me."

And the thousands of nameless lives she had ripped away. All those villagers, those hunters, who had families.

"They should have killed me a long time ago." she told herself.

And Peter. She tried to push this memory out of her mind all the time but sometimes she was helpless. Sometimes it came back, all too real, making her stomach hurts and the tears flow on her cheeks.

She pulled a brave face every time she stepped outside, but if anyone had seen her in the stillness of this confined room, they would have seen that all that was left in her was ache.

"You've known enough grief for a lifetime." Granny had told her once.

She wiped the tears away. She knew in her heart that she would never forget what she had done, nor forgive herself, but maybe she could move on. Maybe she could be happy again.

"I must be strong," she told herself. "I can be happy. I just have to be strong."

She tried to think about what she had instead of what she had lost. Her friends; she still had her friends. In fact her friends had her. In every situation she tried her best to help, to be there. She helped them carry their burdens as much as she could, but in the end, she was alone, with her bitterness.

She had had Ella. They had been close, sharing secrets and laughter from time to time. But now she had her child and a husband and didn't have much time to spare on a girl's night out.

Snow had her own problems, and now that Emma was back in her life for good, she had a family to take care of.

And Belle, sweet, innocent Belle. She didn't even remember her, she didn't remember anything. She probably never would.

Ruby couldn't blame any of them for her distress, of course, but she just felt forgotten somehow. As if everyone was moving on with their life and she was just left behind. The lift of the curse had brought families together, but all it had brought her was pain and crushing memories. Maybe she should cross the town line, forget everything, erase her pain forever, leave her burden behind and start from scratch in another town. She saw the damages done to Belle. But she wasn't Belle.

"Nobody here would mourn me. Granny would come too. She lied to me but she's still my blood. The only blood I have left in this world."

And so with these thoughts, she slowly drifted to sleep to dream about lost friends and stolen youth, new landscapes and new faces she could discover.