A/N: I was going through some old files on my computer today and found this, written after The Tyrant. It's short, but sort of lovely, so I thought I would post it.
Allison is no angel.
Chase knows that, acknowledges it, accepts it. She has done plenty of bad things in her life, committed countless amounts of sins…she is no angel.
Still, as he stands next to their bed, Chase swears she could be one. Her face so calm, so serene; her hair spread about the pillow as if blown by some heavenly wind. He even thinks he can see the beginning of a halo above her head.
No, by God's definition, Allison is not an angel. But next to me? Chase thinks, She may as well be a saint.
He sits on the bed facing away from her, and a verse from the bible finds its way into his mind,
"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
The words turn in his mind like daggers, sinking in and opening his mental wounds deeper. Was this a test?
He remembers Allison's words, he remembers how she succumbed to treating the patient, setting aside her hatred of this man she was assigned to protect. She completed her duties as a doctor, did everything she could to help their patient.
Chase drops his head into his hands. He killed their patient. With God as his witness, he killed that man. He failed the test.
"No" he mumbles aloud, "No." A million thoughts are hitting him all at once. He can't do this now, can't think about these things.
He pulls back the covers on the bed, slipping between the sheets and lying on his side, away from Allison. He can hardly stand being in the same bed as her, knowing she passed the test he failed.
He lies in the darkness, listening to their breath sounds mingling. Most nights they are in synch, breathing together, but tonight they are off. He can't tell if it's because they are lying apart, or because there is some bigger difference between them now. He thinks about this, while trying to expel the thought from his mind at the same time.
Then, suddenly, a voice breaks the silence,
"Robert?"
Chase draws in a breath, Allison's voice hitting him softly. She sounds so angelic. His stomach lurches, but he turns over to face her,
"Hey." He mumbles quietly, her face just a fuzzy outline in the dark. He feels the pressure on the mattress change and suddenly she is pressed against him, her soft cheek resting on his chest. He wraps his arms around her, taking note of how light and delicate she feels in his arms. It is then that he can feel her shaking…she is crying.
"Allison, what's wrong?"
She lets out a sob and he reaches up, brushing her cheek. He feels her tears under his fingers, and then they seem to evaporate. Angel tears on devil fingers.
"You're going to think I'm a horrible person." Allison cries finally, burying her face deeper into his night shirt.
"I won't think you're a horrible person." Chase assures her, his fingers finding their way through her hair soothingly. Allison sniffles, sobs, and he pulls her closer, kissing the top of her head.
"Al, just tell me what's wrong."
Allison hesitates, then looks up at Chase. Even in the darkness, he can see the innocence written on her face.
"Our patient is dead, I should be upset about that…but I'm not. Robert, I'm glad he's dead."
Before he can stop himself Chase laughs. Allison is acting like she's going to hell for thinking bad things about the patient he killed. He wonders if God is mocking him.
"Allison…" He trails off, pressing his lips to her forehead and holding them there, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. He knows this is as close to heaven as he'll ever come. Still, he doesn't think he even deserves this much. But Allison settles snugly in against him and her tears soon subside. After what seems like an eternity her breathing evens out and Chase knows that she is asleep. He carefully rolls her out of his arms so she is lying on her back in bed and tucks the blankets lovingly around her. As quietly as possible he sneaks off the mattress and stands back at the side of the bed.
Allison sleeps just as sweetly and innocently as she had before, but something has changed now. She seems off-limits, like she has been taken from him by some higher power. When they were first married, he had basked in the feeling of being able to hold her and kiss her and know that she was his and no other man would have her ever again. Now he feels that every kiss violates her, brings her closer and closer to his hellish ways.
Tears sting Chase's eyes. He has already condemned himself to an afterlife of eternal flames, he can't do that to Allison too. Not his angel.
The next morning he is gone before she wakes up.