Anguish shattering through my body as my soul claws at my skin, hammering at the walls and echoing through my body in cataclysmic sobs tearing from my lips. Eventually, strong arms corral me away from the callous, remote shell before me dusted in your body; your eyes staring blankly at the night sky smothered in storm clouds pummelling your ashen skin with glistening droplets like stars glazing your body. Time seems to whir by whilst freezing, kind words and urgent mutters pummel my ears as I vacantly observe those who love you shake their heads, pat you gingerly, allow tears to trickle down their cheeks. They're all madly in love with you but they barely remember your name, how brave and kind and loyal you were. Fluttering recollections of your last moment's wave over me dance through my mind tauntingly laced with the sparse instants we shared when the lights glimmered in your caramel eyes. Rocking back and forth as sobs and half torn thoughts of vivid emerald flashes illuminating your ivory skin, throwing you across that graveyard littered with cackling shadowy figures like you were a rag doll. "That's my son, that's my boy!" someone, knows my agony, my torment as the seemingly over warm lights bounce off of the screeching man beside me. Heaving sobs slice through me as we obliviously share in our grief over your corpse, some form of consciousness raises my head as I force my words out, feeling like ash and fire on my tongue. I rip the story from my mind, the story about how I lost you and how I couldn't save you and spit it out at the terrified mass of people coated in intense scarlet, burgundy, azure and gold. Whilst I cry out your death, something seems to churn in me and I lurch back onto the grass – my limbs feeling like lead, my eyes seeing as much as yours do now. Sullenly letting myself remember you, I allow a wave of moments wash over me.
The first moment I caught your eye; the guarded expression as I stumbled into the room filled with champions who would eventually lose, eyebrows knitted together as warm lights cast soft shadows over your face – sharp cheek bones, full lips and tawny eyes flashing with vague recognition and concern. Then the jittery nerves twisting in my stomach as I approached you lounging surrounded by your friends, disbelief slapping your face after I warned you about the dragon, the way you sub consciously leaned into me. Pacing around the champions tent for the first challenge, tense and fidgeting but out of the corner of my eye I snagged the intense way your eyes seared into me making my heart pummel my ribs even faster. Again, as Hermione's arms fiercely wrap around my shoulders I noticed you stiffen, your forehead crease, but your eyes never leave me. As time progressed you seemed seek me out, not the creepy stalker way Malfoy seems to in the quidditch changing rooms, but in the warm, gentle way that I'd always hope you were round the next corner. As the second challenge drew close, seeing you on the bridge bundled up in your Hufflepuff scarf and heavy robes, hair mussed by the biting wind with your nose and cheeks pinched a rosy pink in the bitter cold was a brief respite that made my stomach swirl with butterflies. The way your voice dropped at the mention of the prefects bathroom, oozing with the innuendo – leaving me flustered, my jaw slack and brain short circuiting as you brushed too close passed me. On the chilly morning of the challenge as we stood at the edge of the lake, about to plummet into its murky depths, I met your ochre eyes. After a moment of staring, they began heatedly grazing over my exposed torso as I allow my own eyes to wander over your surprisingly broad shoulders from years of quidditch, your nipples erect in the wintry morning, abs intricately carved into your porcelain skin. Then the canon sounded, jolting me out of my perusal of your body. The yule ball was already looking as dour as Ron's dress robes before I saw you – with her on your arm. Elegantly wrapped in a soft gold dress, Cho looked amazing. But you, in clean cut dress robes fitting you just right and clinging to you in all the right places, you looked breath taking. As I whirled around the dance floor with Padma or Parvati or whichever poor girl I'd hauled into this mess with me I couldn't resist snatching a few glances at you. That was when I knew. When my eyes weren't flickering at Cho or Hermione in their stunning gowns, when your eyes met mine, swimming with an unsaid promise. An unkept promise…
Your separation in the weeks before the final challenge had left me unsure, hesitant; I convinced myself I'd imagined those soft glances, accidental hands brushing one another, standing an inch too close. But that was until moments before we entered the maze, your tawny eyes met mine – fierce and resolute – burning with an unsated passion. The maze closed around me, your face lingering in my thoughts. My memories become thick, warped mess of screeching cackles and glazed over eyes and roots peppered with running and your voice. And then…then – you –
I heard your body thud to the ground…. Hollow – what felt like years later I was sprawled on your still unmoving chest, the tri wizard cup in a vice grip whilst my other hand was knotted in your chest. A shrill pounding of a brass band and cheering hits us like a wave as I break down on top of you, the closest to your arms I will ever be. You never kept that promise you never said and I let anguish shatter through my body as my soul claws at my skin, hammering at the walls and echoing through my body in cataclysmic sobs tearing from my lips again.