Title: Unfinished Business

Author: Brimi

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the shirt on my back.

Authors Note: I wrote this from a prompt a few years ago and I'm slowly but surely adding fanfictions from when I did ficprompts. This is set sometime when Zig is still living with the Matlin and after Miles and Maya break up for the last time and of course after Cam's death. I had never written a camaya fic before but this is what resulted. Higher rating for sexual situations.

-x-

The only time we can be together is while she's asleep, how lame does that sound? I can stay in her house forever if I wanted to. I was invited there even if she doesn't want to acknowledge me. It's my fault she doesn't listen to my messages or chooses to ignore them. I get that now and if she resents me forever it'll hurt. She never mentions me.

My name is Cam, but I know you were thinking I might as well be named Casper the friendly. . wait for it don't finish. The technicality of my overwhelming loneliness is I'm nobody important. I don't have a soul to talk to. I've never felt more alone. I hate watching her, living with him. I hate that she's wrapped up in Miles I've seen him around her place. Sometimes I like to give him a spook and walk by while he's here just for kicks.

People say being a ghost isn't any fun but practical jokes as a ghost have nothing on life.

I spoon her sometimes, and to think I thought I was doing her a favor?

She resents me yet I don't want to let go.

She sometimes cries herself to sleep and I hold her tighter, sometimes she's sad and I can't do anything. All I have are the memories, memories I ruined. She was a burst of sunshine that Maya Matlin. I never thought I'd say I have regrets. I wonder with every passing moment when I'm in her room; if perhaps I didn't go into the greenhouse and run from her shelter how different my life would be. At the very least where Hoot goes, as do I and Hoot is in her closet on a shelf in the closet in a bookcase. It's my only piece of her, and it's the only piece of me she has.

Tonight was when I want to give her a sign, but all night I've given her some space. Tonight I watched her from cracks in the closet where I sleep; I guess that's a shred I have of humanity or whatever. I laid down in fetal position so I could look through the cracks. I hover a few inches from the ground in my red jersey. what's the point in me hiding? I do it anyway instinctively.

My heart broke when she surprised me as I hear her call; I wished she were talking to me. I longed for her to talk to me. Even if it was bad, even if what she was going to say was hideous. I deserved it, after all.

I wished so hard I was alive.

"Zig," she giggled jubilantly as she stood at her bedroom door, "you know we can't do this."

"What?" Zig asked, flirtatiously speaking in her ear, as Maya beamed and giggled like a schoolgirl with delight seemingly inviting his advances. "I want to hear you say it."

She whispered breathy and seductive, to him and in seconds my stomach is sick. "I want you too, but … we can't do this."

"I respect that. It's just nobody is home and … it might be the only chance we get until next time they go out of town again."

"Well, perhaps we can do this tomorrow and get drunk so we're laughing the whole time, because you're a dork."

"I'm serious, Maya." Zig confessed pretty softly and vulnerably.

She gave it not much else thought; from the looks of it they were both tipsy. Maya's parents were on a vacation with Katie, she's back into soccer and she's working on getting her masters and racking up student debt. She moved out recently. Maya reluctantly pulled him in closer and finally I got a good look at her face.

I can't even hate him anymore because it wasn't his fault I went and offed myself. Tristan had a role in that too that I didn't consider. He's like Iago in Othello, my undoing. I cheated myself so I readily gave up the will to fight. I lost the fight and Zig won.

I screwed up.

I know what's happening next and I can't hear a word of it, as if they're alone.

"I love you," she confessed boldly.

No, my stomach sinks. I begin to cry but nobody could see me. What I would give to kiss her again? I'd give up my life, but I don't have that anymore. I gave it up, I gave her up. Zig leans in and tenderly kisses Maya, as they both fall onto the bed. She pulls him closer and I duck back into the closet forced and to hear it and too tortured to actively witness it.

He'll be her first and most likely last, I know that. She's been thinking about him for months and I opened that door.

I'm haunted by the memory of her but I can't let her go.

She pulled him close as tears steamed down her face, I turn around perplexed and I turn to peer out the cook of the door. It's alright though, they can't see me and they can't feel me there unless I'm directly behind them then the hairs could potential stand up at attention or an eye twitches or necklace turns around while it's backwards that's our work, as ghosts. Enchantments things I never dreamed of but being forced to give up the living world. That's me, the youngest ghost in Degrassi and I'll never ever age. I'd be dressed in my best, ironically my jersey with boxers with clovers splashed upon it. Holding a hockey stick like the grim reapers staff. My hair the same as I looked while I was alive. I'm a ball and chain stuck to Maya for eternity or as long as she decides to let me go.

You know that, right?

She won't let me be.

She resents me and for as long as she does, she'll never move on.

I hear her cry even more, Zig had already stopped kissing and was comforting her now, something I never expected of him; he is attentive and tender about it as he shakes his head, "no, no no it's okay. We don't have to do this." he pulls away as she wraps her arms around him, and hugs him tight as she sobs, "You're okay, right?"

She sniffled wiping her eyes, "I'm sorry, I just," she sniffled, "I thought I could, have sex with you right now but not here."

"How about Katie's room?" Zig suggested to her jokingly but then realized that was probably the wrong thing to say, or he said it as a joke. "It's not really a problem I didn't expect it to go far. You and miles just broke up."

"That's not what I'm … you know thinking about."

"What is it?" Zig furrowed his brow sensitively.

"I'm over it, everything I just …feel like we need closure on something." Maya sat up and Zig pulled her up into a cuddle behind her she laid in his lap as she closed her eyes for a moment, "I get sentimental when I drink sometimes."

"Oh when you're not being a mean drunk?"

She snickered out loud, but he artfully confessed "I never . . blamed you for Cam." I couldn't believe my ears. It wasn't' his fault but I couldn't believe I heard her say my name.

From the looks of it, Zig looked like he was taken back, "Wow, I uh … wasn't expecting that. A good thing, I feel like we need to talk about that too. I can't believe it's been over a year." he was really solemn about out. He surprised me. I thought he was going to change the subject for sure. "I'm sorry Maya."

"A long time coming," she tucked her hair behind her ear inching closer to Zig to cuddle, Zig adjusted his arms around her and pulled her into his side, with her arm around his back, "I feel like we couldn't do that if we didn't at least talk about it."

"Understandable." he answered, softly he agreed with her, "there's things I feel like we should talk about, so we can table that then. Right now Maya, I'm content with whatever you want to do. I'm content with talking. I love you."

I don't know what to think as Maya basically in short described me. "I should've read the signs because what if he's trying to reach out to show me it wasn't my fault."

"What're you saying?"

"What I'm saying is," Maya looked at him pretty seriously, "sometimes I think he hangs out in here or visits. I'm fine with that but I can't have him here if I want to move on."

"Where do you see him?" Zig asked raising an eyebrow, "but that's crazy talk."

"It's not really, you don't believe in ghosts?"

Zig shakes his head, "Nope."

"Sometimes seeing isn't always believing, but sometimes I see drawings and things. I just can't tell if they're things he drew or not."

"So this is about Cam being here, and not about Cam a year or so ago?"

"No this is about both."

"Okay," he answered relieved to understand Maya's frame of reference with his memories refreshed I guess.

"Anyway, Cam wasn't your fault. Wasn't my fault either, but I can't help but feel overwhelmingly sad over it. It's a hurdle that I needed cross before I could finally do what I've been wanting to do for a little while now." She pulled him into a kiss, the way she used to look at and kiss me, oh how my stomach gets queasy. It just never hurt this badly before. At least with Miles I knew subconsciously things were never going to stick with them at least as far as I know. Maya fell back onto the pillows as I hid in the closet with her cello collecting dust next to me. She's over me, but she's still haunted by me. I don't know what's worse?

Zig ran his fingers through Maya's hair, like I always wanted to and I never got the chance. Now every time I try she moves. She must feel something. She already knows I'm here and she doesn't care, not really. She's moved on, maybe I should too before I hurt even worse than I did before?

"I love you, Zig."

"I love you too." Zig replied as I hear him kiss her again.

I've ruined everything. I wish I could just disappear and then I remember I'm invisible. As the tears fall down my cheeks, I'm like a mime but I'm not even seen.

I know it's true when he told her that, the worst part was that perhaps she lied to me when she said she'd never look his way or wasn't interested in him perhaps she always did love him better than me. I gave my life for her and other reasons that have nothing to do with her and this is what I have to show for it. Just a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and now the damage is irreversible.

The dark closet comes to light I let go of them and my hold on her and somehow I disappear, I got my wish yet I'd always remember when I at least got the chance to sleep beside her spooning my arms around her even if she couldn't feel me.

I just guarantee that she'd be the only human I'd ever love.