So for a while now I've been becoming unhappy with how Look At Me was progressing, and I feel that I rushed it and left out important details and just the attention it deserves. If I'm going to write a fanfic, I should put everything into it. So here it is!
It was the waiting; the glancing at the well every passing minute that felt like hours that killed him. Sometimes he'd sit from a distance, but eventually against his own accord, he found himself inching closer and closer every passing day until he was leaned against its wall, his ears swiveled back and listening for anything. When ever a passing breeze would dip into the dormant well, he'd leap up and peer over the edge, the rustling leaves making his heart kick up. But just as soon as his hopes would come surging it's way up his body, desiring to see her smiling up at him from the bottom, he would find his hopes plummeting to his feet before him and into the empty well. It wasn't until a month passed that he started sitting back at the edge of the tree line surrounding the well; he just couldn't take the constant up and down of his emotions every time he thought he heard her. But even at a distance, his eyes were locked on it, his ears at full attention. He'd sit with his back against a tree or perched on the low branch of one, arguing with himself, or reassuring himself, he couldn't tell anymore. But there wasn't much to offer to keep him calm and optimistic. Every day that passed and he'd walk back alone at night to the village or high into the God Tree was another day he missed her more, but somewhere deep in his chest, hope kept him returning to their well.
And then six months passed. An anger had filled him and he found that tearing trees apart and picking large splinters from under his nails helped distract him from it, even if only for a while.
And then a year. That anger that had threatened to send him into a world of chaos has dulled, but now it was a low rumbling annoyance that coated his insanity and gave him a viper tongue. He realized he had to find peace in himself somehow when he yelled at one of Sango and Miroku's little girls just for chasing after him. When he watched her run and cry in fear, he stopped and remembered he wasn't that anymore. There was no reason to fight off kindness, Kagome had taught him that.
Then two. He hadn't remembered feeling a sadness this overwhelming since his mother had passed.
And by the time three years had passed and her scent had been well gone from his clothes and skin, he only returned to the well every three days. He was almost feeling normal again, and had even began to accept the ache in his heart as something he'd carry with him forever. A sad reminder of the friend he missed so dearly, of the girl who he fell so hard for. But with the passing of three long years, somewhere in him he had accepted she wasn't coming back. That he wouldn't have the chance to hold her close to him, to breathe in the smell of her skin one last time. But he had her voice in his head and her bright smile every time he closed his eyes, so he'd be thankful for that. At one point she was there, but now she was gone.
Inuyasha tried not to let it get to him, and found that- even though it was a bit of an adjustment- spending time with his friends did really help. Though he showed gruffness on the outside, he loved those little girls. It's how they found him always willing to let them braid his hair and put flowers around his ears. Their happiness in the face of his inner torment brought him a sense of relief, oddly. At least someone was at peace.
Nights when Sango and Miroku would enjoy the summer nights outside with a bottle of warm Sake, they'd invite him down from his tree and they'd share memories of their travels, and of course, Kagome. It wasn't hard to laugh anymore; before he'd feel guilty about not having her next to him, enjoying the night and the laughter. When his friends had stumbled back into their home and he could hear hushed giggles, he was back in his tree, his head swimming with images of Kagome and his body yearning to feel hers. If it was only for a few moments, the world of soft moans and heavy touches his mind engulfed him in brought a sense of release he started to depend on as he grew older. Sometimes dipping his hands into his pants and letting his imagination run wild was the only way to keep his demons at bay, if only for a while.
It was a day that was cooler than the scorching ones summer had brought them for a while, but now that Fall was approaching, it was actually nice to sit in the sun whilst a breeze cooled their skin. The twins had been playing with his ears so he didn't hear the low rumbling of the well reawakening, and he definitely didn't see the soft blue light of the time slip as she touched down on the other side, her eyes up and searching, but only staring at the bright sky.
But as soon as her scent intermingled with the air around his world, he smelled her. The wildflower of her hair and the warmth of her skin; he could recognizing it anywhere.
"Alright girls, go slay the fox." He easily tossed them onto an unsuspecting Shippo, and before he could bother to listen to his protest, he was thundering away and leaving his friends questioning his sudden departure.
He couldn't move fast enough through the winding huts and people he had to dodge, and he was definitely too eager to stop and help the few people he bumped into as he flew into the forest, zipping past trees and shredding blades of grass beneath his feet. He was almost there; he took in another deep breath. 'This scent, there's no mistake!' He thought reassuringly to himself, and he was finally running through the clearing and the well was in sight. The sun that was high in the sky casted a deep shadow down the well, and even with his eyesight, he couldn't find her. So he leaned down and stretched his hand down to her, into the darkness. Only a few seconds passed until her hand came shooting from the darkness, and as he pulled her up, the light finally showed on her face. And when he had her in his arms and out of the time slip, he stopped and stared at her. Her eyes, her nose, her lips, everything was different, but she was still her. She had aged beautifully, keeping everything gorgeous, but he swore he could see the traces of crying in her eyes and light scars from their battles together on her cheeks.
And then she spoke.
"Inuyasha I'm so sorry- were you waiting here for me?" Her voice trembled with worry, but her smile only said happiness. It was a symphony in his ears.
"Kagome." He forced out; how could he even begin?
"You idiot. What have you been doing all this time?" He tried to keep his voice steady, but it too wavered and cracked. His arms swung around her and pulled her in tight, his cheek resting atop her head. A small scoff left her lips, but she closed her eyes and settled against his chest, his heart beat thundering in her ears. She wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once, but just as her mind wandered to the one thing she had really been wanting to do all those years, familiar voices made themselves known.
It was amazing rekindling her friendship with her loved ones from the past, and Kagome smiled and laughed as they took her by the hands and dragged her back to the village, all with Sango's small son in her arms and Shippo sat on her shoulder (and she could feel that he had grown since her absence), but she looked back at Inuyasha often. His expression was unreadable, but he quietly trailed behind them. She hoped she hadn't done something to make him uncomfortable.
So quickly the village organized a banquet in the wake of their mikos arrival, and she was lost in a whirlwind of greetings and groups of villagers swarming around her and welcoming her back. There was offerings of food and even some fine fabrics, and a few traditional wreaths had been tossed around her neck. Sango stayed close by, helping with introductions and anyone who might be pushing their friendliness too much, but her mind was on Inuyasha. He stayed back, still close, but not with an arm looped around hers like Sango's was.
Out of shear luck, Kaede had been returning with Rin from a visit to a neighboring village, and Kagome almost found herself on her knees hugging the old woman. She had missed her so much. It wasn't until the old holy woman asked Kagome how long and where she'd be staying that her eyes wandered back to the hanyou, but they stayed on him. By the way his ears were perked forward, she knew he had heard her.
As the celebrations wound down into the early night, Kagome finally had a chance to sneak off to where her half demon was leaned against a tree, his eyes following her as she approached him. "Hey." She said softly, and she could see tension release from his brows and shoulders as he responded, "Hey." Her small smile almost made him weep. "So, seeing as I planned on staying, I was also hoping it'd be okay if I stayed with you?" She asked nervously, and his eyes widened a bit. Might as well address the elephant in the room, she thought.
"So you're staying? For how long?" The words came tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them and he was pushing off the tree to move closer. Surprise hit her first, but she was relieved to see the hope in his eyes. "Well I'd say only if you want me to, but for now you're stuck with me." She explained, and she didn't know why she said that. She couldn't go back even if she wanted to, now. He straightened his back. "Well- are you assuming I have somewhere to actually go? What if I stay in a tree?" He asked, his usual snappy attitude ebbing back. She giggled. "Even if it's in a tree, I'm okay." She said, and pink dusted both of their cheeks. "Kagome, I-," his tone calmed considerably as he tried to form the words, trying to tell her how much he missed her, and he wanted her, and he wanted her to stay and more but all he could do was move to wrap his arms around her thin waist and bury his face in the crook of her neck. Even though a few villagers had spotted them and some had even stopped to point and whisper, he just held onto her tighter. Kagome was quick to curl her arms around him, but his embrace felt sad, like there was something holding him back. Kagome could only guess he thought they still had unsettled business, and one of those being that he must've thought they had limited time. "We have stuff to talk about." She whispered, and he nodded, letting her go but taking her hand and leading her down the path some ways into the forest. Every step they took he was a little happier to finally have her to himself.
"Inuyasha, where...?" She asked. "You said you needed somewhere to stay, didn't you?" He replied, not looking back. "Yes." She said softly, and her hands held his tightly as she skipped to match his pace.
She half expected him to actually take her to a tree, but the small hut with one additional room was indeed a surprise. It had just been finished a month prior, and he told her that sleeping on roofs and trees in winter wasn't impossible, just annoying. Only the basic necessities were in his home, even pots to cook with, but it was clear they hadn't been touched. And then he led her down a small hall, and to the one bedroom he only used occasionally. There was only a folded futon in one corner, but looking at it made her cheeks flush. 'Would we be sleeping there tonight?' She questioned herself, and as she stepped in and looked out the small window with wooden slabs across it, she heard his footsteps leaving. "I'll see you in the morning." He said, and she spun around.
"Wait!" She yelled, and it was the first time she had seen him visibly jump, twirling around to face her. It didn't take much to convince him to stay with her in the room that night, mostly because he didn't even want to leave in the first place. Inuyasha sat near the edge of the futon he laid out for her after starting a small fire at the center of the room, and when her feet padded across it, she was pleased that it smelled like him. She sat on the edge close to him, their arms almost touching.
"A lot has changed." She said simply, and he shrugged. "In a sense." He responded, and she looked to him. Now that she had a chance to really look at him uninterrupted, she was noticing that he had changed too, just a little. His jaw a little squarer, his eyes more narrow, and when they had been walking hand in hand, his height had definitely increased. If Sesshomaru was still the same height as he was when she left, Inuyasha could easily meet his eye level now. "We're definitely not kids anymore." She said with a chuckle, and he scoffed. "Didn't have much of a childhood anyways." He said, glancing at her.
She nodded once. "You'd be surprised to see how big Sota's gotten, nearly taller than me now." She said as her knees pulled up closer to her chest.
Her family.
"When does your family expect you back?" He asked carefully, fearing her answer. Kagome sighed and looked to the small fire.
"They don't expect me back, Inuyasha." She said softly, and his brows furrowed. "The well sealed back up when I came here." She finished, and his ears drooped. "Why? Why would you leave them?" He nearly demanded, but his tone was far from angry. Remorseful, bewildered, but not angry. She shrugged, a small grin pulling the corners of her lips up as she tried to lighten the mood. Her form suddenly scooting closer to him and resting against his side made his arms loosen a bit from their folded spot across his chest. "I wanted to be with you again." Her words rang in his ears, and he paused a moment before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, but by then it was easy to pull her right against his side. She still fit perfectly.
He worried she would come to regret her decision, but the more they spoke of one another's lives for the past three years, the more the worry seeped away. At no point in her stories or voice did she sounds regretful. A lot of words can be passed in the span of just an hour, and somehow his hand had ended up in hers when she quieted during a story about her last year in school, and she was marveling at the difference in size. Their words seized then and he was watching her small hands play with his. Slender fingers would trace scars across his palms from all the times they'd blister from holding the Tetsusaigas old and splintered handle. Kagome was amazed at the strength these hands were capable of, it showed in the length of his claws, but they'd never befallen harm unto her unless he was not himself. She'd dreamed of these hands. Holding hers, wrapping around her waist, running down her body...
Inuyasha froze when she raised his palm to her lips and kissed tenderly, and he leaned his head back against the wall to watch her. She was so soft in her movements. His hand turned and he cupped her cheek, smirking when her eyes closed and she rested her cheek in his hand.
"I missed you so much." She said, so quietly that anyone else without his hearing wouldn't pick it up. "I missed you, too." He whispered back, and then they were stuck in each other's gazes. Seconds passed and he could clearly see the shift in her eyes, from the wanting of his touch to the needing of him right then, but he couldn't move. He recalled nightmares when he'd move to touch her, and then he found himself awake and in a fit of rage, screaming to the sky why he couldn't have her back. What if this was all another dream?
Kagome could easily see the inner turmoil in his eyes. So when she rose to her knees slightly so they were at eye level, and ran her hand to his cheeks so he couldn't move when her lips graced his, he thanked her inwardly that she didn't give him the chance to mess it up. She didn't close her eyes until he readjusted his lips over hers and closed his own, and already his hands were running across her sides to pull her closer.
Eventually bravery was what fueled her desire to crawl backwards after a long, heated lip lock, her fingers tugging playfully on his necklace for him to follow. His mouth hovered above hers as he crawled after her, and before they could sink into the futon she had parted his haori and white undershirt to push it off his shoulders. Just as his arms thrashed from it and tossed it aside, his hands slid under her sweater and blouse, and he too pushed them up and over her head, his mouth instantly sealing hers as he pushed her back into the soft mattress. Even when he wasn't ravishing her mouth with kisses, his lips were on her body. Across her chest and over her breast when he removed the bra from her arms; Kagome made it a point to not let him rip it, she wanted it to last.
He loved the taste of her skin when he placed open mouthed kisses around her hips and down her thighs, as he pulled the skirt down her legs, her arousal hitting him like a wall when he ghosted back up her body.
It was easy up until his pants has been pushed down and he was slowly pushing inside her; his fingers just didn't meet up to the size of his member. But she was thankful he had taken the time to rub and slide his fingers along her womanhood, she didn't think she could've made this adjustment without being slick and insanely aroused. To Inuyasha's embarrassment he had only lasted a few pumps before he was exploding all over her stomach after Kagome had told him he could move, but she only held his cheeks and kissed him, telling him, "Practice makes perfect."
By their second time he had indeed lasted longer, but not long enough so she could reach a climax with him. He took this to heart and nearly tore the futon to shreds, but she stopped him and suggested an idea. It didn't work. Watching her rock back and forth on top of him almost made him blow his load faster than the first time, but when he spun them around and lifted her hips off the futon to align himself with her, he was finally able to give her the exploding release she deserved. He loved watching her bare chest rise and fall with deep breaths as loud moans and pieces of his name tumbled from her lips, eventually winding down to sighs of pleasure as he lost himself in her again.
By the fourth time, they moved slow. He wanted to memorize every part of her, to feel every curve and contour of her body. Kagome found great pleasure in the way he would shutter and groan when she ran her fingertips down his chiseled chest and stomach, and he loved the way she'd sigh when he'd kiss her inner thighs. She'd have hickeys covering her thighs by the time the sun rose.
When he finally was encased in her again, she was straddling his lap, her head hung back so he could lick and suck her neck and collarbones with her hands clasped behind his neck. Like this, taking in deep breaths every few moments to relish in her scent was easy. The way the smell of her skin changed when she was like this was intoxicating, and he just couldn't get enough of it. He loved her slowly and carefully, his hips rocking up to meet hers in languid thrusts with the help of his hands on her ass to guide her back and forth until he had her begging. But he still didn't listen.
The sun was peaking over the trees and light was filtering into the room when she was finally yelling his name and gripping his thighs with her legs over his shoulders, and this time, she told him to let go inside of her. Hearing that caused an instantaneous orgasm and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. For the longest of times they couldn't move, wrapped around one another, their hands wandering tiredly up and down their bodies. Kagome was on her back, his eyes locked with hers and his thigh between her legs as his hand made small circles on her shoulder. Her nails made small designs on the arm draped over her chest, and she could feel a trail of goosebumps developing on his skin where she touched. There was a hovering peace around them, and the soft glow of the room with the cool air only added to it. She wanted to stay suspended like this, forever. Unmoving and lost in the deep Amber of his eyes. "I love you so much." She said softly, and his ears slowly rotated forward from their droopy state. A soft titter shook her form; she loved the way his ears would represent what was in his eyes. They grew wide, and a soft blush covered the tan skin on his cheeks. "I love you so much." He responded, and a beaming smile made him smile in return. She pushed off her arm to place a kiss on his lips, his hand moving to hold the back of her head and it didn't take long for him to roll them over so he laid over her, her legs wrapping around the back of his thighs.
It was so comforting waking up to her every morning, and even after a day he could've done without, he loved falling asleep next to her.
It only took about a month after her return for them to realize that anger could still bubble to the surface and it had been so ridiculous. Something small that escalated into fury and them screaming at one another and ending with her storming off towards the well, intent on at least making him worry. And he did. Just as she had sat perched on its edge, not really planning to do much else, he came bursting through the trees, a wild fear in his eyes as he gripped her arms and pulled her down. He yelled and questioned her, shaking her gently as he asked why she would leave him again. It broke her right down the middle to see him in such a state, and even after cradling him against her, he still floated in a despondent state for a bit. She apologized again and again, promising him that she'd never leave his side again.
It wasn't until about three months that they both realized that if they could laugh during sex, it made it even better, added a new depth to their connection. He'd lost his footing as he held her bottom in his hands, thrusting quickly against her with her hands clutching the rock face behind her that she was pinned against. At first she'd relished in running her hands across his toned and dark shoulders, but as she drew closer to her climax, her body felt like it might come apart at any moment. Her legs tightened around him as he again and again hit something deep within in, but when he moved to readjust his foot that was becoming pinned between two stones in the hot springs they found themselves making love in, he slipped against the slickness of it and they both went falling. Seeing as her mouth was open and moaning loudly, she came back up from the hot water coughing and rubbing her eyes just as he did, and for a moment they only looked at one another. And then they both started laughing loudly as they moved to hold each other again, but even as he tried to place kisses along her neck, he was still laughing against her skin as she threw her head back in humor.
When half a year passed, Kagome was dealt a blow she thought had been put far behind them, settled even farther in the past. When the ne-no-kubi had been unearthed and come seeking the Sacred Jewel, Inuyasha couldn't hide much after that. But when it had called her Kikyo- that irritated old wounds. They'd been able to keep their focus on the short battle, but coming to confront her lover wasn't as difficult as she'd expected. Kagome hadn't angered that he kept it to himself of Kikyo's broken seal, but the fact he couldn't trust in her to remain levelheaded. The subjugation beads were still powerful as ever.
With her legs rested up against the wall next to their futon and his head rested on her stomach as she scratched behind his ears, they laid in comfortable silence. It had been a lazy day, opting to stay inside most of it and just lay around and away from the cold outside. On and off they'd napped, and even though their day had been filled with nothing, they still found themselves sleepy as they found peace in one another's company. "We should go for a hike tomorrow." Kagome muttered, and Inuyasha grumbled. "Sure." He said sleepily, twitching the ear she had paused from scratching. She chuckled softly.
As often as he could, he'd steal her away from her day to day chores with arms wrapped strongly around her waist, taking her deep into the trees where no one could hear her screams of pleasure as he would again and again lose himself in the gentle warmth that was her body. He was sure he'd never grow tired of hearing his name coat her tongue in such a way.
And then one day as they sat around their fire and cooked dinner, Kagome grew impatient. All day he had seemed distant and short tempered, never making eye contact with her. Maybe he's feeling unwell, she thought at first. But how likely was that? It wasn't the night of the new moon, so what could it be? He knew she was becoming curious, but he just didn't know how to tell her what plagued his mind lately, and spun in his head like a tornado that day. They'd both looked at each other at the same time, even opening their mouths to speak, but Inuyasha stopped, not wanting to interrupt. "Please speak." She said, her eyes widening but he could still see the annoyance in the arch of her eyebrows.
He summoned the last of his courage from his belly. "I want you to be my wife." He said carefully, and her face went unreadable. The doubt flooded him and he tensed his legs to run; he did it, he just ruined their bubble of perfection. But when she crawled haphazardly to him and straddled his lap, she kissed him once firmly, her hands set on his cheeks and a smile creeping across her mouth. "Let's get married." She said, and he sighed in relief, his forehead dropping to rest on her chest. "Yeah, let's get married." He said, his voice muffled when he held her tightly.
It had been small and personal. Just the two to be wed and Kaede below the shade of the God Tree, promising one another a lifetime together and to love one another with no reservation. It was nothing short of perfect.
It wasn't long after the wedding that Kagome questioned why after all this time, she hadn't fallen pregnant. Never once had it occurred to them to be careful, so why hadn't they been blessed by a mistake? But in the end, it was Kagome who comforted a torn and hysterical Inuyasha. He'd taken the news well at first, but once it sunk in that half demons were infertile, he found a sadness and guilt gnawing at him. It showed in the following days when he didn't eat, when he didn't smile, and when he was suddenly apologizing with tears streaming down his cheeks as he clung to his wife. She couldn't hold him tight enough, couldn't say enough to calm him. How could she ever express that she didn't feel anger, that she didn't love him any less? So she let him unwind and mourn the loss of a dream he'd secretly had to one day father a child.
And then life settled. Everyday was a little easier to handle, and he even began to joke around and play as he used to. Even if they couldn't have a family of their own, Kagome made sure he knew that she would always be a constant in his life, that her love and support for him was unwavering. She wanted him to feel that the two of them could be the all the family they needed. It wasn't until one day he returned from an errand run with Miroku that he realized how much he needed her. He'd walked into their home and found her pulling their futon to the opposite wall under the small window. Before he left he'd mentioned how he liked waking up with the sun on his skin, so she moved it so he'd wake up as peaceful as possible. For a month she had done everything she could to make sure his heart would not break, that the tarnish he felt in his soul wouldn't grow, and now that he was better, he wanted her to feel as complete as he did. As he spun her around and spread her body out before him, focusing only on her pleasure that he realized how much he missed this feeling in the month he'd become withdrawn. He kissed thank yous and his confessions of undying love against her skin as he worshipped her body.
Day to day their life went on, and everyday they learned something new about one another.
She discovered the scars around the inner part of his ears, and he told her how he'd tried to cut them off once if it meant not having sleep outside in the cold when he was small. She only scratched the outer parts of his ears after that.
Inuyasha had traced his hand along the jagged scar of her left forearm many times but assumed it had happened during their battles in the feudal era. But she told him of the time she had become hysterical after six months of not being able to see him and plunge herself into the well, willing it to swallow her and spit her back out the other side. In the end, she had broken her arm in two places and required surgery. He contemplated placing wooden slabs over the top of the opening.
Inuyasha liked the warm weather because catching dinner was easier.
Kagome loved the cold. She hated being hot and sticky.
Errand runs with Miroku had become more frequent; there was something about stormy weather that made demon activity pick up. Maybe the electrical charges of the Lightning. But in the end, Inuyasha and Kagome found themselves living comfortably with a little extra to be able to bring their little home to life. It wasn't much, but a colorful rug accompanied with warm mats to sit on in front of a fire, or trunks to hold their belongings that matched with wall tapestries really made the place a little brighter. He even installed some windows with sliding doors in front of them so light could come into their home more, illuminating the warmth that filled the inside. For a while she had mentioned how she'd like to one day fashion a door to replace the mat that swung at the entrance of the hut, and so on the one year mark of her return, he surprised her with the best door he could manage to make, and it proved useful when she'd thanked him by dipping her head between his legs and Shippo was left locked outside, questioning just what the obstacle was in front of him.
Some nights Kagome would wake from the pure quiet of the world around her, and for the briefest of moments she'd wonder why there was no sirens or cars to fill the night air. And then she'd look to her side and see his peaceful face, and it'd all come back to her. It surprised her just how often that actually happened. She'd scoot close to him and even sometimes wrap her arms around his waist and press her face into the space between his shoulder blades, relishing how warm he was. Counting the seconds between each of his breaths always lulled her back to sleep.
It had been a normal day, she was rinsing the rice she planned to cook for dinner in a pail of water by the river that stretched through the village when her hands stilled as she gazed out upon the rolling hills and trees that eventually melted into the mountains. And for the first time since she'd returned, she was bored. The dirt trail that led away from her home always made her think of how many times they'd taken that path to embark out on a different leg of their previous journeys, and something deep down in her began to miss the travel and adrenaline of being out in the world. As she glanced over at her snoozing husband perched high in the dead tree by the water, she wondered if he did, too. For the last few days he'd kept somewhat of a distance between them; her time of the month drove him crazy but she refused to take that step of intimacy when blood made itself present between her legs. That just wasn't her thing. Besides the intensity of their sex life and the spontaneous visit they'd make to neighboring villages to collect items for their homes, Kagome was growing a bit used to doing chores and training with Kaede. It wasn't just a side effect of living in the past; she'd known plenty of boredom those three years in her own time. But now there had to be something she could do to add a bit of excitement to her life, something her and her husband could both partake in. As she gathered her pails and rice she stopped by the tree Inuyasha napped in and rapped her knuckles against the wood. His ears twitched and he looked down at her before jumping down when she nodded in the direction of their home. He carried her items for her and held her close as one of her arms looped around his waist. Even if boredom filled her days, she wouldn't trade it for anything if it meant she could have small moments like this.
So there it is! The first revised chapter of Look At Me. I'm actually really happy with it, and if there's any errors- I wrote this on my iPhone and that's not the easiest thing to do XD thanks for stopping by!