He started to nervously bite on his bottom lip. His heart clenched in his chest, his hands started shaking. Though it seemed like his feet were made of plumb he managed to slowly move towards the door. Lifting his right arm, he reached out to the doorknob. He suddenly froze again and stayed like that for a moment.
„Cooooome on Darren! We are going to miss the movie!"
Chris yelled, standing in Darren´s doorway, waiting for him to get ready, impatiently tapping with his foot.
„Ok, ok, I got it."
Darren rushed towards him, one arm inside his jacket, trying to get into the other sleeve and putting on a scarf at the same time. Watching Darren´s fight with the clothes,Chris chuckled a little before moving closer to him and helping his friend getting dressed.
„You got the key?"
„Yep, let´s go!"
Darren closed the door behind him, put one arm around Chris´ waist and pulled him in the direction of the elevator.
„Come on Chris, we can´tbe late! The beginning of 'The Lion King' is intense, no way we can miss it!"
„There wouldn´t even be the possibility of missing it, if you hadn´t taken that long to get ready!"
„Sorry, but seeing 'The Lion King' in 3D? I was too excited, couldn´t focus on getting ready!"
„How old are you again?"
„That has nothing to do with age, Chris, you know, The Lion King was the first movie.."
They got into the elevator, kept on discussing more or less serious topics while making their way to the movie, parted ways after it ended and were ready to spend the next day just the same way they already spent numerous workdays before.
He let his arm sink again, looked down to the ground and closed his eyes. His breath was unsteady, his jaw hurt since he pushed his teeth together in order to prevent himself from crying.
„Excuse me, you are here to visit Mr. Colfer, right?"
„I wanted to, but I .. how is he?"
„Well, his condition didn´t change much, but since it didn´t get worse it´s a good thing."
„Yeah, good." was all Darren could get himself to say.
The nurse examined his dark circles that formed under his eyes - an inevitable consequence considering the lack of sleep he had suffered from over the last past days.
„Can I get you some coffee or tea? I´ve been watching you for two hours now, walking up and down the hallway. You must be really tired."
„No, no, I´m fine, thanks. I just wanted to check on him for a second, tell him what he´s been missing today and.."
He stopped.
Today.
It wasn´t even like anything special had happened today. But realizing that the possibility of sharing all the little things in their lives with each other got taken away from them – maybe forever - was too much for him.
„It must be really hard for you."
She tried her best to comfort him, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it softly.
„You seem to be a close friend to him, coming here every day. I´m really sorry for what happened to you."
„Thank you."
It´s been a long day on set and after what seems like eternity, Darren finally heard someone knocking on his trailer door.
„I´m soooo sorry Dare, I know I wanted to be there half an hour ago, but Ryan kept going on and on about that scene we have to do in the Disney episode and.." He wasn´t able to continue since Darren suddenly put a finger on his mouth to stop him from talking. He chuckled a little at the sight of Chris being all out of breath and babbling to excuse for his late arrival.
„Calm down, man!"
He smiled warmly at him.
Chris flushed a little and it took Darren a while to realize he still had his finger on Chris´ lips. He suddenly felt the urge to trace them with the tip of his finger. To take his beautiful face into his hand and move a little closer towards him. He pushed that thought away though and searched his trailer for his jacket before turning to Chris again.
„So, are you ready? We still have two hours left before the musical starts, do you want to go grab some dinner first?"
Chris´ stomach answered by groaning loudly before he could think about it.
„I´m starving."
He smiled at Darren, turned around and left the trailer. He wanted to make his way to their cars, when he looked back at Darren, standing in his trailer´s doorway, staring at him.
„Are you ok, Dare?"
Darren didn´t move, it took him a moment to realize Chris spoke to him.
„Ye..Yeah, sure, I´m fine. Just thought I forgot my cellphone. Let´s go!"
Darren came to Chris´ side, friendly patting him on the shoulder as they left to get to Chris´ car.
After the nurse left him, Darren sat down on a chair close to Chris´ room. He dropped his head and hid his face in his hands, trying to calm his breathing. Time went by, doctors, nurses, patients and late visitors passed him, some greeted him friendly, others rushed by without noticing him at all. He had no idea what time it was or how long he had already been in the hospital, but it didn´t matter to him.
He tried his best to find some strength left inside of him.
It was getting harder for him.
Coming to the hospital day by day, spending an eternity in front of the door, afraid to go inside.
Afraid of the cold, blue walls of the room, the smell of illness, the machineries which made noises to scream for his attention. As if they wanted to be treated with gratefulness for keeping people alive every day.
But he had to get in there.
He promised himself to visit him every day.
To talk to him about everything he was up to. And he wouldn´t be that selfish and break this promise. So he got up again. His knees felt weak and it took him a moment to stand steady on his feet. His breathing slowed down a little as he opened the door.
„Ok, let´s talk about our duet again!"
Chris and Darren just arrived at the restaurant they decided on, ordered their dishes and chatted about nothing special when Darren made a serious face and pulled a script out of his bag.
„Didn´t we already do that in the car ten minutes ago?"
„Sure, but it has to be perfect."
„I´m sure it will be." Chris smiled at him. Darren tried his best not to get lost in his eyes, managed to break his gaze away from his face and pretended to concentrate on the script in front of him.
„Oh Dare, relax! Do you even remember how to have fun?"
„Sure, I´m the master of having fun, did you forget about that? Okay, let´s make a deal, you come over tomorrow, we will make some dinner and play stupid board games. That will make a perfect, relaxingly funny evening. You in?"
„Sounds great! Of course I´m in. By the way, we still got two weeks before we start filming the Disney episode. There´s plenty of time left to practice this duet until it´s perfect."
„You´ll wonder how fast those two weeks will pass!"
They wouldn´t pass half as fast as Darren had thought they would though.
Darren´s eyes filled with tears as soon as he set his foot into the room.
The room was rather dark, only some rays of the lantern outside were able to make their way through the blinds in front of the window.
He closed the door behind him, cautiously not to make any loud noises. He stood there for some minutes, with closed eyes so he didn´t have to face the bed in the middle of the room.
„I think it´s not working!"
Chris looked right into the oven, observing the cake that was developing a rather mysterious shade of brown while melting in the heat.
„No wonder!" Darren´s head popped up in the doorway.
„It has been in there for about .. two hours now? I don´t believe there is any chance this .. thing will become a cake anytime soon!"
It was one of their rare free days, Darren invited Chris over to eat some dinner and play some board games. There was no way Chris could deny that offer, so they were in Darren´s apartement now. Chris persuaded him to bake a cake instead, but it seemed like they forgot some ingredients since the cake looked more like a brown, warm pudding with extra chocolate drops in it than a chocolate cake.
„Ok, ok, sorry. We must have forgotten something…" Chris looked over the recipe again, trying to figure out what went wrong. He couldn´t make out their fault though and shrugged his shoulders before turning to Darren.
„Why are you so grumpy today?"
„Sorry, just didn´t sleep that well. Let´s order some food and play some games, should we?"
Step by step Darren slowly made his way towards the bed.
He carefully ran the back of his fingers over Chris´ cheeks.
That was it.
One look, one short touch was enough for Darren to break down.
Tears streamed down his face. He cupped one of Chris´ hands in his own and carefully stroke his thumbs over the pale, soft skin. He fell on his knees, holding their intertwined hands to his lips, breathing against them.
„I can´t believe your making this fuss over a stupid board game, Darren!"
„I´m.. I´m sorry Chris, really. I overreacted."
„Just a little. I still have yet to find the last dice you threw across the room!"
„I´m sorry. It´s just.. there´s been a lot on my mind lately..and I just can´t seem to figure it out, you know. I don´t know what to do anymore."
„I think it´s better I leave you alone for now."
„No Chris, wait. Please, I don´t want this evening to end like that, I didn´t mean to ruin it."
„I know, Dare. It´s okay, really. We still have lots of other evenings we can make to be a 'perfect evening with playing stupid board games' - as you like to call it. Let´s just forget this one and try again tomorrow, okay?"
Chris smiled lovely at Darren, making the desperation and sadness in Darren´s eyes disappear for a moment.
Darren returned the smile, moved a little closer and tugged him into a hug, whispering softly into his ear.
„I can´t wait to do that, Chris."
After placing a soft kiss on Chris´ hand, he started to whisper towards him.
„Chris.. I know.. I know they said you can´t..you don´t notice anything around you, but I refuse to believe that. So, let me tell you about today, I´m sure you´ll like what I have to tell. We finally started filming the Disney episode today! Had to learn the choreography to 'Cirlce of Life' at first, but it´s pretty simple, you will have no problem catching up. Oh, and you´ll be happy to hear about this! They discussed about giving our 'I see the light' duet to Lea and Cory..but I convinced them to cut it for now, so we can record it once you are back and put it on the DVD as a special or something, we will figure something out for that one. So, don´t worry about it, we will get our duet! Oh, and I have a picture of Jenna and Harry dressed up as Jasmin and Aladdin, wait a second.."
Darren took out his cellphone, typed here and there on it and turned the screen to Chris´ face.
„They aren´t Arabic of course, but don´t they look amazing?"
He smiled widely at Chris, while putting his phone back into his pocket.
Actually he was proud of himself.
Proud about how he was able to turn the mood brighter – even if it was just for a short moment.
It was still dark outside when Darren got woken up by his cellphone ringing that night. Confused, he glanced at the clock beside him, seeing it was 2:30am. Sighing he reached out to his phone, answering it with a sloppy „Wha´s up?".
„Darren? Darren you have to come, Chris, he .." Darren got up at the hysterical voice of Lea who was sobbing into her phone. „..he is in the hospital.. car accident.. they said he.."
'Accident' was all Darren could hear.
He let his phone fall to the ground, threw himself into some clothes that lay around and rushed out of his apartment.
A million thoughts ran through his mind as he went down to his car.
He took the fastest way to the hospital he was able to think about in that situation, having a hard time to really concentrate on the traffic around him.
His mind drifted away to Chris, to the day before, how they foughtover a game.
A stupid board game.
How he promised him to make up for it.
He heard the doorknob clicking, but didn´t bother to move his head to take a look.
The nurse whom Darren talked to earlier opened the door, only as much as needed to look a little inside. She clearly felt uncomfortable disrupting them.
„I´m sorry..but visiting hours are over now", she whispered into their direction.
Darren sighed, turned his head to face her and nodded.
„Thank you, I´ll leave in a moment."
„I ´ll give you another ten minutes, take all the time you need."
She gave him a little smile before disappearing again.
He didn´t bother to find a parking lot.
He parked his car somewhere on the sideway, not caring whether he was allowed to or not. He ran into the hospital and almost yelled at the nurse standing at the reception.
„I need to..Chris Colfer..where is he?"
„Darren!"
Darren turned around, seeing Lea and Ashley waiting in front of an elevator.
Lea´s eyes were red from crying and there were wet streams on her cheeks where tears found their way down before. She ran towards him and flung her arms around his neck.
Burying her head in his shoulder, she silently started sobbing against his jacket. He returned the hug and though he wanted to say something, anything to make her feel better, he couldn´t.
His throat was dry, words seem to be stuck inside of him. He gave up on trying to speak and tightened their embraceinstead, drawing small circles across her back to comfort her.
Ashley slowly caught up to them, with a look on her face Darren couldn´t really interpret.
His earlier almost happy mood changed rapidly when he looked at Chris again.
He had to swallow hard, before silently going on.
„I miss you, Chris. I miss you every day, every single minute. I miss working with you, I miss having you around for dinner, I miss having you cursing at my fridge every time I forget to buy some extra Diet coke for you. I miss how you complain when I leave my clothes lying around in the room instead of folding them and putting them away. I miss spending time with you. I.. I miss being your friend, but mostly...I mostly regret that I never had the chance to tell you..all that. To tell you that you are my best friend. To tell you how much you really.." his voice broke, he took a deep breath again before going on, his eyes fixed on Chris closed lids. „..mean to me."
„What..what happened?" Darren carefully let go of Lea as she seemed to calm down a little.
„He..he was on his way home when a.. a car.."
She bursted out in tears. Darren gently embraced her again, searching for Ashley´s eyes, asking her to go on. She caught his look and continued for Lea.
„A car crashed him. The other driver went over a red light, the police took him with them to talk to him."
„And.. how is he? It´s not.. that bad, right? Ashley?"
She looked down at the floor for some seconds before finally meeting his eyes again. Tears formed in her eyes, making Darren´s heart clench in his chest. He never saw her like that. Lea grabbed on his jacket, her crying got louder.
„His injuries are really bad, Dare. They put him into an artificial coma for now, so it´s easier for him.. because of the.. the pain or something.." Ashley tried her best to hold back the tears, but after taking a deep breath she couldn´t help it anymore.
„Co.. coma? For how long? I mean.. they are going to wake him up, right? It´s just a matter of.. time, right?"
„They said we will have to wait first and see how his condition develops."
„But.. he will wake up, right? He can´t just.."
Neither Lea nor Ashley answered his question. He felt his knees giving in. Grabbing Lea closer, he started crying.
"Ok so.. I have to leave, Chris.
There is still so much more I want to tell you.. but I need you to listen to me. I need you to open your eyes and actually look at me while I tell you all the things I want you to know. So, can you promise me something? Please don´t... please don´t die on me, okay? Will you do this for me, Chris? Can you just get better and come.. come back to me? "
He did his best to prevent himself from crying, his best to be strong.
Taking a deep breath he got up slowly, not letting go of Chris´ hand. He squeezed it softly, while bringing his other hand towards Chris´ face, embracing it carefully. He moved closer and placed a soft kiss on Chris´ cheek.
After backing off he just stood next to the bed for a few minutes, without saying anything. He just looked at him, as if he hoped that he would wake up any moment.
As if watching him long enough would be the key.
As if he could save him, if only he wished it hard enough.
But he had to admit to himself that there was nothing he could do to change the situation. That he just would have to wait. Wait and be patient.
He sighed, before he went on, whispering.
„I owe you, Chris, remember? I owe you a perfect evening, with a perfect dinner and a perfect round of silly, stupid board games. I owe you this, Chris. So please don´t leave me. Come back and give me a chance to make that perfect evening for you."
Though it was hard for him, he let go of Chris´ hand, swallowed hard and faked a smile.
"See you tomorrow, Chris."
Right after Darren turned his back on him tears started streaming over his face, he formed his hands to shaking fists as he left the room with fast steps.
Once he was outside, he leaned against the door, lifting his head against the ceiling, his eyes closed, his heart pounding way too fast in his chest.
He wondered how long he would be able to do this.
How long it would take for him to break down.
But this wasn´t about him. It was about Chris, about being there for him. He made a promise.
After standing in the hallway for a long time Lea´s crying calmed down a little, Ashley left them to search for tissues since they soon ran out of them and Darren still looked shocked and disbelieving as he broke the silence between them.
"We.. we have to stay with him. We.. we have to visit him and talk to him and.. we.."
"There´s.. there´s not much we can actually.."
Lea took her already tattered tissue and tried to blow her nose with its leftovers.
".. actually can do. The doctors said he can´t hear.. can´t hear anything."
But Darren didn´t really listen to her. He made himself a promise. A promise he would keep. The promise that he would visit his best friend every day, be there once he woke up.
No matter how long it would take.
And he wouldn´t break this promise.