On His Own
By: Song
A/U: A plot bunnie got me (again) awhile back. This has been sitting in my files for quite a while now, but when I finally got to see ''Les Miserables'' it got me with revenge. Although I have never actually seen any episodes of Lois and Clark, I''ve read enough of the fanfictions to fall in love. So, I wrote one myself. This takes place sometime after Lois acatually agrees to marry Lex, but before the wedding (season one?)
Other: Nope. Still don''t own. Neither Les Miz, or Superman. -le sigh-
A tall man wearing a dark suit exited the Daily Planet, walking into the busy streets of Metropolis. Lost among the crowd Clark J. Kent A.K.A. Superman, alias Kal-El of Krypton.
And now I'm all alone again
The streets around him were busy with people, going about their daily lives, caught up in the mundane problems that humans so often found themselves in.
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
When the bills are due, wether so-and-so at work was cheating on her boyfriend with her boss, who was coming for poker next Thursday. Meaningless things like that.
Without a home, without a friend
Human problems.
Problems for something he was not, though he deeply wished to be.
without a face to say hello to
No one like him.
But now the night is near
Sure, there was Lois, but to her, he was not but a friend. If that anymore. He wanted more from her, he wanted her love.
And I can make-believe she's here
If she loved him... Not for the power. Not for the fame. Not just a ridiculous crush, but love. The pumping, tear jerking, heartbreaking, 'I'll wait forever', love.
Why did he torment himself?
It was too much. He had to get out of here.
Slipping into a back ally way he spun into the suit, a sonic boom the only evidence of his departure.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
His tactic to 'get away from things' wasn't working.
Walk, think, fly, sit, stand, pace. It was all the same. He still was brooding. Brooding on what could never be.
Was this the world's way of repaying his attempted good for its people? By not even allowing him sleep?
When everybody else is sleeping
Sleep... such a grateful blessing that most dismiss. The bliss that sleep gives is a freedom that can be found no other place... Clark blinked. What he would not give to be normal right now. The ability to sleep, to be physically exhausted and lapse into a welcome void.
I think of her and then I'm happy
Then he would be able to escape the unwelcome thoughts of solitude.
With the company I'm keeping
He could immerse himself in the dream.
The city goes to bed
He could dream about her. He could have her. She could have him. They could be.
And I can live inside my head...
He could be.
On my own
But then he would wake up. Groping at the air beside him. The air that his lonely mind had filled with a spacial someone. Lois.
Pretending she's beside me
Pretending. Wanting. Believing. Hoping. Dreaming.
All alone
Oh, Lois...
I walk with her 'til morning
He would grasp at the memory of a hope. The shadow of a dream, the smoldering remains of a once brightly burning inferno that was wishful thinking.
Without her, I feel her arms around me
How would it feel, to have her embracing him, accepting him for who he was. Not the mild mannered reporter, and not the hero, but Clark. Son of Martha and Jonathon Kent, Child of Lara and Jor-El of Krypton?
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and she has found me
A clap of thunder boomed around him and it started to rain.
In the rain
Rain. A clique little detail. But too Clark that seemed to be the ironically poetic end to the day... rain.
The pavement shines like silver
The people below him bustled to get out of the sudden downpour, hurrying into houses, running under roofs, pulling out umbrellas over their heads. No one looked up to see the man in the clouds as he floated by. No one would bother... Superman never just flew. Clark might, but Superman didn't. They had gotten used to it by now anyway. No. Clark did need to clear his mind, and when he did it had to be far for prying eyes. No one ever looked at twice. A bird. A plane. An exploded cell still floating upon the surface of one's cornea. Nothing spacial.
All the lights are misty in the river
He drearily drifted over suicide slums, then over Hobs Bay. He could hear each raindrop falling, hitting the pavement, the pang of car horn, the cries of children wanting to play outside. So much noise. Meaningless sounds.
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
Speeding high above the clouds he broke earths atmosphere. Around him were thousands, millions, to many for the mortal mind to comprehend; stars. Staring off too space he wondered. How would life have been if Krypton had not imploded? Would he, Lord Kal-El of Krypton, a nobleman, be happy? Would he have a family? A wife? A life that was not completely superficial?
And all I see is her and me forever and forever
Caught up in a dream the thought on how it could have been. He fantasized about how it would be. With /her/. A tear slid down his cheek... the saddest words in life were these; It could have been.
And I know it's only in my mind
It was a dream. Nothing but a dream. Just a dream.
That I'm talking to myself and not to her
He loved her.
And although I know that she is blind
She loved /him/.
Still I say there's a way for us
But that was the problem. He loved her, and she didn't love him back. .
I love her
She was in love with the other him. Superman. A meir figment of his imagination, a persona he had created to try and help.
But when the night is over
Not Clark. Never Clark.
she is gone
He knew this. He knew that true love was the ability to let go. With all of his powers and abilities, his emotion was human; where the rest of him was not. He could not deny this. Being the most powerful being on earth, emotions still wracked him. They still burned in the eternal damnation of solitude. Hell hath no prisoners.
The river's just a river
The agony was endless.
Without her, the world around me changes
The flowers wilted. The leaves fell. The birds stopped singing. The sun set , and his world stopped.
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
He would save them. Anyone who needed his help, he would rescue. Be it a kitten in a tree, to apocalyptic natural disasters. But they wouldn't be /her./ He would still be broken. No body could save him.
I love her
He loved her. He would always love her. He would love her to his dying day. He would love her for eternity. He would wait for her until the end of forever, his heart feeling her beside him, his mind knowing it was not true. Just a longing for what couldn't be.
But every day learning
How could you not be lonely? He was the last of his kind for heaven sake! His birth parents were dead, his adoptive father was dead, his mother was dying, and he was the only one left. No family, no friends, no allies, no one. Just fellow loners... Like himself. Fellow heros. But most of them were men, or partial at least... Not alien.
Being a hero is a life of solitude, silence, and sorrow. A life of sadness. A life of loss.
All this time I've only been pretending
He knew that Lois did not care for him the way he did for her. He knew that she had a life; a life without him. Yes, he would always hope, but fate does not listen to dreams.
Without me, her world will go on turning
He was longing for what couldn't be. A fool's hope.
The world is full of happiness that I have never known!
He would always haunt the memory of that fateful time. He would always lurk in dreams that were never to come true. He would always live when everyone around him would die. He would have to keep going until the end of the earth- or until that cruel little green rock defeated him. Maybe that would be a better fate though. He could see Jonathan Kent again, his closest to father ever. He could meet his birth parents. He could see Krypton in all its glory.
I love her
He was the hero.
I love her
She was the heartbreak.
I love her...
He loved her. He loved her with all his heart. Because he loved her, he would make her happy; even if it wasn''t with him.
But only on my own...
A solo tear inched its way down his sharp features and into the air. Lost in a bustling crowd of raindrops, none of them like it. He was alone like that tear... and he always would be.
Fin