The Virus, AKA, MANURE IS IN THE SGC!

SG-1 is infected with a deadly virus. Uh, no. Wrong story. Basically, this is a bunch of crap. Quite literally.

Author's Note: Um… this is, perhaps, the most stupid thing ever written, other than those STUPID IMBECILES WHO WRITE DANIEL/JACK SHIP STORIES! I HATE YOU! Calming down… seriously, when you read this, don't think. Also, there a few notes along the way. I think those are Jack, I really don't know, the story wrote itself. They could be Teal'C. Oh, hell, you can choose. (I think Teal'C, it's funnier). Also, un-betaed, because any beta reader would slap me over the head for writing this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Daniel or anything else Stargate. I'm going to cry now.

Dedicated to… um… hey, George Bush, current president of US. Why? Because he's going to adopt my dog (hopefully!) when I die. OK, I HOPE he adopts my dog. This isn't a political story about my dog either! FINE, I'll dedicate it to my dog. Go Labradoodles!

Here we go!

The four members SG-1 were sitting around (Hold it! Sitting around! Why the hell are these people getting paid so much for sitting around! Oh, wait… I think I'm one of them… Continue…) Daniel's lab, talking about some artifact that really isn't important to this useless story.

That was when Major Samantha Carter began to smell something that seemed to be coming from Daniel's general direction.

It didn't smell like any roses, either.

(Hold it! I like saying that… Continue…)

"Daniel!" she said sharply, glaring at him and holding her nose. He looked up from the artifact that has nothing to do with this story.

"What?"

Jack and Teal'C (Hold it! Tee-hee… One of them's me… MAYBE… Continue, Damn it!) had caught on and were holding there noses also. "Jeez, Daniel, you got gas, you excuse yourself!" Jack said as best he could while holding his nose.

"It wasn't me!" Daniel exclaimed, and took a whiff of air, "Eww, maybe it's Siler."

I could tell you the entire story of these four people walking around the SGC, following all base personnel (And by all, I mean all but one). They all stunk! The only interesting part was when they followed Janet around (Hold it! This is funny!) and Jack accidentally let it slip that they were following everyone around to see where the horrible smell was coming from. This was a HUGE mistake, because, as everyone knows, Janet Fraiser is the ONLY person who knows the government's secret ninja moves. By the time they'd left the Infirmary, they were crawling.

"Ouch, ow, OWWIEE!" Daniel screamed in agony as Siler "accidentally" tread on his hand.

"Never… again… in my life… will I talk… to that… secret… government ninja!" Jack cried out as he followed the other three members of his team onto the elevator (still crawling).

As they reached the same floor as the 'Gate, they managed (with a lot of help from Teal'C, who was not hurt as bad as the other three) to climb those frigging (coming from Jack), stupid metal steps to Hammond's office. Exhausted and beaten, Sam managed to knock on the door.

The door creaked open…

Crreaaaaakkkkk…..

(Seriously, dudes and dudettes, how many doors in government buildings creak? This person is nuts…)

The four members looked up in horror at the door grinning people in the doorway.

One was an old, fat midget, with buckteeth stained purple. His shaggy green hair covered his eyes (which were brown, but SG-1 didn't know that) and a spiky beard protruded for two feet. He even had green nostril hair.

The second person in the door was, is possible, scarier. It was General Hammond (yes, the man with his fake grandchildren and secret stash of power bars), but he didn't look the same. A crazy, maniacal grin was on his face. The scariest thing if all, though, rested on his head. Once a shiny bald, a wig that looked like Marilyn Monroe's hair lay on his fat head.

Daniel, Jack, and Sam screamed. Teal'C screamed "Indeed" in a high-pitched voice.

Hammond's eyes grew wide, "Well, well, well, well. I shall tell you my evil scheme and you will be forced to live with it. I have ordered two tons of cow manure to be placed underground around the SGC, and you will be forced to live with the stench! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Despite this horrible turn of events, Jack was still curious, "But what about you?"

Hammond took a clothespin out of his pocket and stuck it on his nose, "I will make a rule that only I can wear these! MWAHAHAHA!"

With sad hearts, SG-1 crawled back to Daniel's lab and faced their horrible fates.

(Wow, what a waste of LIFE! God, people, you think that was FUNNY! What is wrong with you? Ah, well, Americans…)

XOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOX

Finished, unless someone wants me to write more (hopefully, you don't). Now, review.