And My World Crumbles, a final fantasy vii fanfic

And My World Crumbles

Rachel "D" Winslow

Featuring Psalm 23

One…

Such a loud noise. Loud…so very, very loud. Silence…

I can't move. Why can't I move? My legs won't pick themselves up, as much as I will them to. This is such a new and unfamiliar feeling…and I could swear it felt like something passed through me just then.

I feel…heavy. It feels like I've been covered in weights and pushed hard in my stomach. What is that in his hand? Don't point that at me…no.

No!

It can't be, it just can't be! That noise, that sound…and now it's all over? I'm shaking and cold, and my vision is blurred. My ears ache and burn with fever. And my chest is covered in heat, so different from the rest of my body. I feel wet fabric clinging to my skin, clinging more and more, spreading ever so quickly.

Blood.

I can't even focus. What's going on? I can smell…taste…metal. When did this happen? I didn't even see it coming.

No. No…no, no, no. I can't…I can't look down. I won't.

Oh God, help me.

One…

If there was anything I'd ever wanted, anything I'd ever wished, hoped or prayed for before as much as this, I can't remember it. I won't accept this. I want to live.

I used to not care whether I lived or died. I never had anything to lose, and I was never close to anyone. I did my job, and I got paid well for it. That was the empty life I'd sold my soul to. Interesting how one's mind can change when he finds something worth living for- or something worth dying for.

I should have thought this through. What did I really hope to accomplish? Was I going to threaten him? What could I do? I was much too courageous for my own good, and now that I see that, it's much too late.

I was foolish. I was foolish to think that I could make a difference in her life; I was foolish to think that I could do anything to help her. But I wanted to. I wanted that more than anything else.

Who will take care of her now? Who will protect her from this evil, and who will keep her son safe from harm? It is all my fault. I didn't even think this through! If anything harms her now, it's all my fault. It's all my fault…

I'm the one to blame.

Two…

I want to live- no…I NEED to live.

I don't want to die…

'You will wish you were dead'

I have too much to live for…

'I will make you suffer'

I want to rest in peace…

'You will never sleep'

Not in fear…

'You will beg for mercy'

Not in blood…

'I will destroy you, body and soul'

And not alone…

'And no human will ever touch you again'

So this is the end. I should make my peace, then. I wonder if it will do me any good; I'm so ashamed of the way I've lived. I never had the time to change it; it was more important to me that I was near her, and I always told myself that I'd make up for it one day, later on down the road. She hated the way I lived my life. But she didn't hate me for it, she didn't hate me at all. She loved everybody. And I've let her down.

I shouldn't think like that. I'll just close my eyes…it only takes a second to send up a prayer, right?

One…

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

This day sure isn't going my way.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

I keep hoping I'm going to wake up. This is just some nightmare…some storm in my head.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

I've wasted it all…thrown myself away…

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

I am terrified. I don't want to die…I'm so very afraid.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Of all people, it had to be him. He shot me…I'm spilling out all over the floor…

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I've been so wrong, and I haven't been able to do a thing…please make it stop. What's going to happen to me?

One…Two…

I will find no peace here. Oh, how I want to believe that everything is going to be alright. In death, I have wronged her, and this is how it ends. How can I ever be forgiven for this? This…my last act…was to sentence her to death at the hands of my own killer.

Oh God, let it end. I need all the time I can get, but I'm so tired…I can't take this anymore. Enough waiting and uncertainty, just let my consciousness fade away…

I can't breathe…I can't…

I was beginning to wonder when I'd feel the sharp pain, the one that really counts. Right on time, too…now I know where it all went- my heart. And it hurts so much…

Just let me have peace. I can't stand thinking about her and what's going to happen to her. Someone please just tell me that she's going to be alright! I can't take this anymore, knowing that it's all my fault. I'm going to die without peace…I can never rest knowing that I've been the one to hand her such a cruel fate. How can I ever be forgiven for what I know I've done to her? How could I just throw my life away and leave her here, helpless and in danger? I've…I've killed her.

No, I do not deserve forgiveness. I do not deserve life, because I threw mine away. I've thrown hers away in doing so…I am her killer. Lucrecia…my love, my victim. I'm so sorry, my love. I never appreciated what I had, what truly mattered, until it slipped through my fingers. And no matter how I grasp for it, I cannot retrieve it.

You know, you can't take anything with you.

I won't panic, no. Just a deep breath. I'll close my eyes, and I'll wake up dead; it's what I deserve, and it's what I want now- just disappear…

I failed…and now…I am going to die.

I am going to die.

Dead! I will be dead!

I never even knew life, not until mere months ago!

All gone, all gone forever; I've been such a waste.

Fade away, I can't bear to think of this any more. I need to live, I want to die. I'm so selfish. How much longer? I'm so ashamed. No more…no more.

All I ever was, and all I ever knew…

One…Two…Th…r…e…e……

End