Dear Journal,
Ever since Fang came back from the crystal, I swear my emotions have been intensified three times over. I was lost for the two years after Fang and Vanille sacrificed themselves to save Cocoon. It's been two weeks since Fang came back, and already I'm surprised I still have my dignity intact. Now if I was a normal person without constant PTSD and a serious fear of letting people in, I'm sure the shift in my thoughts wouldn't be as detrimental as it is. My emotions from having Fang come back have been chipping away at my usually stoic exterior. And that of course, makes me more irritable than normal. Even Serah has been meeting her limit with me for the past couple days. Not only do I have an increased temper, but the energy I now need to put towards keeping myself locked away is massive.
It scares me that sometimes when I wasn't thinking I let the occasional careless laughter go by, or slip up and say something Claire would have said, when Fang and I were together. She's taken over the job of keeping me company from my sister. But coincidentally, she's also the one tearing me apart. My weakness towards her is on the brink of being obvious. When we first met, I promised myself to stay focused on finding Serah, and to not allow my inexplicable attraction to the emerald-eyed Pulsian goddess interfere in any way. But now I'm not as sure. Serah is safe now, and happy with my dimwitted overgrown baboon of a brother-in-law. Could it be that my sister is right, that Fang might love me back? After all, I am to this day the only person on Cocoon or Pulse that could match her in a spar.
To make things worse, the fact that Fang, Vanille and I now share one big apartment together only presses this issue. She had always been flirty and lighthearted, but lately I've noticed her staring at me from across the room, and making an effort to spend more time with me than anyone else. And gods, her voice. Its silky yet raspy sultry accent woven with her natural exotic charm could take me down faster than a King Behemoth any day of the week - I'm doing it again, aren't I? My point is that I feel more at ease with her around me. We're both beckoning mysteries to eachother, waiting to be discovered. It's true that I had preferred to be alone. But now I think I'd much rather spend my nights next to long dark hair and a carefree smirk. Not that I'd ever admit that out loud.
Hey Sunshine, you should kinda avoid falling asleep on the sofa with your journal hangin' open. And I love you too.