Entscheidung: (n.) decision
The night they return to base after escaping the Female Titan, he finds himself on the main turret of the castle. The moon hangs low, but even in its presence Eren finds himself cloaked in darkness.
As he leans against the wall of the turret, looking out across the forest surrounding the castle, he can feel the guilt creeping up on him, threatening to swallow him whole. In the span of barely half an hour, he had caused the deaths of four of the Survey Corps' veteran warriors. Levi had lost his entire squad, possibly some of the few people he had considered friends.
"So choose for yourself, whichever decision you will regret the least."
He had listened to Levi, he had chosen, and he had regretted. A choice to turn and flee, or stay and fight; he had made the coward's choice, and in the process killed his friends. Perhaps they had not been close enough to be friends, but the Special Operations Squad had still been his comrades, his brothers and sister in arms.
Perhaps he should take comfort in the fact that wherever they were now, they were in a happier place than they had been in this world fraught with peril and death. That wherever they had gone, at least they were together with each other.
"Eren."
The voice startles him out of his reverie, loud in the silence of the night. He doesn't need to turn around to know it is the Corporal; after all, they are the only two left in this castle. He turns around.
"Corporal," he greets.
"You're supposed to be tucked into bed, shitty brat," Levi says, expression impassive. He is wearing his usual white shirt, minus the cravat.
"Couldn't sleep," Eren murmurs. Levi moves to stand next to him. "Corporal, I –"
"I don't want to hear it," Levi says. "Apologies won't bring them back. You know that."
Eren falters and looks down at his hands. "It was my fault," he clenches his fists. "They told me to run, and I ran. She was after me; I could have –"
"What, so you would have rather offered yourself up as bait for her to take hostage, without considering all the lives that had been lost exactly because she was after you? Do you know what you are asking for? I knew you were a shitty brat, but I never thought you were this selfish," Levi's eyes spark with a foreign hostility and anger as he turns around to glare at Eren, who drops his gaze and looks away. "Mikasa and I had hell trying to get you out of that bitch's mouth, just in case she didn't tell you."
"Well, then what could I have done?!" Eren shouts in frustration, glaring back at Levi who does not so much as flinch. His fists tremble, and he can feel his nails carving into the soft skin of his palm.
Levi gives a heavy sigh. "Fool. How about you try to live instead of rushing mindlessly towards your death. Make their sacrifices worthwhile; make sure that they didn't die in vain. Isn't that the least you can do?"
His voice softens, and Eren realizes that he looks tired and worn out. Even Humanity's Strongest is only human, his inner voice whispers. "I told you, brat. The only thing we're allowed to do is to believe that we won't regret the choice we make.
"Erwin is coming by tomorrow morning. I don't want him to walk in on both of us oversleeping. Let's go."
As he turns to leave without waiting for Eren to follow, Eren grits his teeth. There is a question burning at the tip of his tongue, and he knows he needs the answer to give himself peace of mind. "Sir."
"What is it?"
"Would they – would Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oluo have regretted their choice? To stay and fight even though they knew it was a lost cause?"
"No."
Even with his back turned to Eren, Levi's answer is swift and decisive, and he says it without the slightest hesitation.
"The price of being a soldier, Eren, is the ever-present threat of death. You already know that. The four of them went into battle today knowing they would not come out alive, but they did it anyway, because they knew that your survival would mean that the rest of mankind could have a chance against the Titans. It was a gamble they all took when they joined the Special Ops Squad, Eren.
"When the time comes, do their deaths justice. But you already knew that, didn't you, shitty brat?"
"Yes, sir."
Levi walks away, hands tucked into his pockets. Eren stays rooted to his spot, and lets out a deep breath.
My first Shingeki no Kyojin fic, and of course it had to turn out to be filled with angst ;; My original prompt for myself was "Rooftops" and it was supposed to be... less angst, more fluff. Obviously things didn't stick to the plan and my plot bunnies demanded to write this. But after all, Levi's not the kind to show direct affection, is he?
I had a pretty fun time writing Eren and Levi, so I'd love your feedback on how you felt when you read it!
Do leave a comment or kudos on your way out!