I grew up most of my life as an only child. My parents were divided before I even knew why. I hardly remember most of my early childlife friends because I was always moving. My friends nowadays are busy with their jobs or special someone. They're too busy for me a lot. Sometimes the only one I can talk to...doesn't exist. He exists in a cartoon as well as his friends and family. I always wondered why I loved Disney Channel shows. I realized it was because the characters had lives I wish I had...full families, friends that always had their back no matter what, realistic problems I deal with in my everyday life. There was just one thing that always seemed to throw me off though...every main character on there had at least one sibling or at least one best friend that bent over backwards for them. They had...siblings.

I don't have siblings. Why can't I? Why must I grow up without a sibling to talk to all the time? My step brother has grown out of the stuff I'm into for the most part, so I can't talk to him much anymore...I don't understand something. Why is it so bad to have...imaginary siblings?

When I'm alone, I shift my voice to sound like characters from my favorite show, sometimes the one thing that makes me smile at times. I wish I could hug him, but he's just air. Even when I talk to my friends that understand me, I pretend he's there because...he's always there for me. When nobody else is, he sits there waiting for me, trying to get me to smile.

I know he's just in my head, and it might just be another side of me trying to cheer myself up. The only way I can touch him is through my fanfiction and my drawings...or pretending a plush of mine is him. I talk to him even though he only answers back if I make it so...I put myself in the show...so I have my own brother...and sister and friends not my age but don't care. Because in this world I can be me, and I can have sibling rivalry with my older sister and a bond stronger than any with the younger brother. In that world I can sing and be the person I wish I was: braver, smarter...and more optimistic. I can dream I sing next to the one that means everything to me. I can fantasize my life more exciting than sitting in this basement wishing life was better for me…

But then...when reality hits me, it tells me to grow up and get out of that junk. 'It's for little kids' they say...I don't know what to do.

Something in my mind tells me I'm abandoning him...without me, he doesn't exist in this world except for what's scripted on a television. Maybe it's just my way of saying I don't want him to abandon me. I don't want to grow out of it. He's taken care of me for a couple years now. He's made me smile when I thought I wouldn't be able to smile. Even though he's much smaller than I am...he's my shoulder to cry on. He helps me make decisions when I'm conflicted. Whenever they tell me to grow up and get out of that, it feels like they're ripping him away from me. Mentally we're crying for each other and holding each other's hands as tight as we can. They can't take him away from me. I won't let them! He's my little brother!

Call me insane, I don't care. The rest of the world may not see him or any of them...but to me…

Phineas Flynn is as real as can be, and he wishes he were real to be there for me.

...

But the sad truth is...he doesn't even know how much I need him because the one in my head is just that...In my head