DICE
How tragic. The headline, it'd be tragic. It'd be pathetic, it'd
showcase how stupid I truly was. It'd show how naive, and
silly and ungrateful I was. It'd show I had no faith in anything.
No faith in life, in me, in any spirit above. Nothing. It'd show
I was vacant, and my life was vacant and empty and full off
nothingness.
Not darkness. No darkness, no sadness, no
depression. Nothingness. There is no depression in
nothingness. There is nothing. And yet, no space. 'Tis
possible. No nothing, no space. Right? No nothing...no space.
Nothing to hold space, nothing to have in space. Nothing.
I have many feelings. I feel happiness, I feel joy, I feel anxiety.
I feel anxiety a lot. Anxiety is a being-this being. I think and
think and think about everything at ONCE AND IT GETS
OUT OF HAND AND IT'S GETS OUTTA FUCKING
CONTROL. I'd breathe easy but it does not stop. It is a being.
It does breathe, it does live, it does taunt. It does nag, It does
take, and it takes what is not his. It does take.
I fix my mistakes and scan and
analyze to be my kind of flawless.
I see now, it
is not mine. I do not have ideas, I take them. Innovation
is nothing but that of a desperate mind. I think
about my words, I think about criticism. I think of the
opinions of those who don't see, those who don't get. I care.
I care that they think I'm crazy behind their hands. I am not crazy.
I am broken. And if you do not see, you do not see.
I never thought I'd be mad when I had it all together.
I still do but...I don't know. I just don't anymore.
Four hours after watching my fall from grace, I rolled a
die. Second night in a row contemplating (my own) suicide.
I told myself if I rolled a six, I cut myself with a pair scissors on the desk.
I didn't think I meant it until the die was in my hand. I shook
it, tossed it, landed on an angle, between 3 and 6. It wobbled
and...Three.
Sigh. I guess it's time for bed.
A/N: *shrugs* No regrets. Review?