... for Hinata to discover KomaHina smut.

I've seen a few of these kinds of fanfiction lurking around in other fandoms. Sadly, I couldn't find one from Dangan Ronpa's fanbase, so I tried a few things in my underground laboratory and gave birth to this monstrosity.

So now, for your viewing pleasure, the crackfic commences:

"Komaeda, I've got a question for you."

In actual fact, Hinata has a thousand questions to ask Komaeda. But that will take up too much time, and most importantly, his patience, so he settles for one question that will accurately sum up all his other inquiries.

"What the fuck is this?"

Maybe 'Did you do this fuckery?' may have been a more apt description of the things Hinata has seen at ten on a Tuesday morning on his laptop. But that would have sounded more humorous, in spite of its accuracy regarding the given context, and Hinata is not in the mood to be made fun of.

Not that he wants to be made fun of at any other given hour, but this time, he really has no tolerance for being made a butt-monkey.

Of course, at this point, Hinata is not aware that his current predicament is the result of a certain caffeine- drunk authoress with full dominance over her keyboard. Not that he needs to know. It's the little details.

But back to the story.

Hinata is pissed, livid, and seething with hell fire.

But more than anything, he's embarrassed and overwhelmed at the contents of his laptop. He doesn't know who sent him this email, and Hinata's not quite ready to start hacking to find out the person's identity.

But he's got quite a good guess who it might be.

Komaeda enters his room, innocent and unassuming. "What's the matter, Hinata-kun?"

As Komaeda makes his way over to Hinata, rage and shame battle for dominance in the latter's mind. Most fortunately, rage emerges victorious and Hinata manages to make his reddened face look more a result of anger than embarrassment.

It takes Komaeda three seconds to react after seeing the pictures on Hinata's screen. "Ah," is all he says.

"You better have a good explanation for this, Komaeda, or I swear to God-"

"What- you think I did this?" Komaeda says, appalled. "That's not up to your usual standard, Hinata-kun. I must say I'm quite disappointed in the steep decline of your deductive capabilities."

"Then tell me who would send this to me except for you?"

"I don't really know. Perhaps we should look on to see if they've given any hints?"

"Oh my God, don't-"

Too late. Komaeda's already taken the mouse and scrolled through the email, which isn't limited to just pictures, apparently.

"READ OUR LATEST STORY: A roller-coaster emotional tale of how Hinata loses his virginity to his best friend, Nagito Komaeda. CYBORG ROMANCE: The Adventures of Owari Akane and her partner, the well-endowed Mecha-Nidai-"

Komaeda scrolls down viciously.

"'Komaeda's kisses greedily make their way down Hinata's chest. He slowly pushes into Hinata's-"

"It's porn," says Komaeda, and clicks too quickly he shuts down all of Hinata's windows. "About us."

"So we've established," Hinata says.

"You're the submissive one in all of them," Komaeda supplies thoughtfully. "That hardly makes sense."

"Will you please keep track of the point?"

"Well, I definitely didn't send this to you. Who do you suppose it could be?"

Hinata frowns, deep in thought. "The only two people I can think of at this point are Hanamura or… well, Souda."

"How dare you!" Souda yells, barging into the room. "I'm a victim of this too!"

Komaeda makes a sound in his throat which is something between a choke and a laugh. "Have you received porn of yourself and Sonia-san?"

Souda makes a face that suggests he was forced to swallow poison, acid and barf all at once. "Not Sonia-san. Tanaka."

Hinata bangs his head repeatedly on the desk as he laughs, anger quickly forgotten.

Souda looks on the verge of tears. "It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry, but it kind of is," Komaeda says.

"I hate you both. Will you at least help me figure out who the hell sent this bullshit to us?"

"Yeah, well, we're in the middle of that too," says Hinata. "Forward it to me, will you?"

"Like hell I will!" Souda shrieks. "My privacy's at stake here!"

Komaeda has the decency to blush. "Then could you show us any part of the email that doesn't contain all the… smut?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Souda presses a few buttons on his phone, and shows it to them. "Don't you dare scroll or I'll get Hanamura to cook you and feed you to Tanaka's disgusting hamsters."

"Ahaha, it's all right. We won't invade your privacy," says Komaeda, as he looks at the last two lines of Souda's email. Hinata joins him, and reads:

"Brought to you by your friends at Fanfiction

Special thanks to the Dangan Ronpa fan base on Tumblr, DeviantArt and Pixiv."

"What the hell is that?" says Hinata.

"My thoughts exactly," says Souda.

"It's probably some sort of codename," says Komaeda. "Fanfiction may be an underground company that stores highly confidential information about the Future Foundation. It could be the work of Enoshima's lingering despair members. I can't think of what Dangan Ronpa might mean, unfortunately."

Hinata makes a face. "So you're telling me they sent us porn of ourselves to makes us despair?"

"It's one possible theory," says Komaeda. "Though I don't see how it works."

"So what is this fan base thing?" says Souda. "We're not actors, and we sure as hell ain't in some apocalypse murder game."

"Huh," says Hinata. "I guess we'll just work on finding out what these companies are, then."

"Google is man's best friend."

Hinata opens a new browser window on his laptop and types "Fanfiction". He reads the description on Wikipedia for a few paragraphs before realizing that he's nowhere near to understanding for what purpose these companies exist.

"I don't get a thing."

"Maybe you should call Kamukura-kun out and see what he thinks?" Komaeda suggests.

"No way. If he reads this email, he'll cut my laptop in half."

"Point taken."

"I'm checking out this Pixiv thing now," says Souda, flipping through his phone. "And damn it, look at their art! I typed my name and found fanart of myself. These are real shit!"

He shows them his phone proudly. Hinata snatches it from him and keys in his own name, fascinated by the results. ("Whoa, no kidding!" says Hinata. "They draw me better than how I actually look!" says Komaeda.) The three spend approximately an hour browsing fanart of themselves before getting back to the problem at hand.

"So Fanfiction is a site where fans write stories about their favourite people and publish it online," Komaeda says after browsing. "That's rather interesting, though I can't believe that anyone would want to be a fan of me."

"To make you feel better, Komaeda," says Hinata. "You have as much haters as fans."

Komaeda's smile is positively radiant. "That makes so much more sense!" he manages to say without a tint of sarcasm.

"No way!" shouts Souda as he browses the results of his own name. "I have fans too! Whoo-sweet! Wait till I show Sonia-san and brag about it to that Tanaka jerk—wait, the jerk has fans too. Shit! He has more fans than me!"

And Souda is henceforth reduced to a simpering ball of rage on Hinata's bed, with his phone discarded in a corner.

"So how do we get this to stop sending us porn?" says Hinata. "I mean, they have pretty good stories over here, why do they only send the lewd ones over?"

"Shall we send them an email and see what they say?" Komaeda suggests.

"Yeah, let's try that."

Approximately five seconds later, the reply arrives. "That's fast." Hinata opens the mail, and reads the first line.

"'Harder, harder', Hinata moans, as Komaeda's cock was shoved into his entrance-"

"FUCK!" Hinata shrieks and deletes the mail. He opens a new email, furiously types the following,

"Go screw yourself. I hate your website and everything it stands for. It's lewd and sick as hell. Take that for a fucking review.

No, seriously, fuck you.

Hinata Hajime

(_l_)"

and clicks the send button.

A new email arrives. Komaeda, seeing that Hinata refuses to read it, opens it and sees it for himself.

"Did you say: 'Fuck'?

Just for you, we have compiled a list of similar searches you may be interested in.

Blow jobs, hand jobs, foreplay, whipping, BDSM-)"

"All right," Komaeda says. "I think I've seen enough."

Souda, Komaeda and Hinata reach a silent, unanimous decision that they should put away their laptops and phones for the rest of the day.

Hinata wakes up to the sound of his phone beeping with thirty three unread emails. Still groggy from sleep, his first instinct is to check them. He opens the first email and swears colorfully.

"It's an advertisement, I think," says Nanami as she scans through the smutty content without so much as a twitch in her expression. "Websites like these often send commercials to attract more viewership, though I can't understand why they'd resort to this when they're already so popular."

Hinata rubs his eyes, which are heavy with dark circles from lack of sleep. He hasn't slept well the whole week, thanks to constant dreams of him having sex with Komaeda like bunnies in 24/7 mating season. Seriously, what the fuck. By now, he's received two hundred and seventy porn emails of him and Komaeda. He's way past the point of embarrassment. Now, he just wants this thing to be over and rid with so he can dream of kusa mochis like he's supposed to.

"So what do they want me to do about it?"

"My guess," says Nanami, looking thoughtful. "Why don't you create an account on their site? Maybe they'll stop pestering you."

"I'll try that."

And yet, the emails keep coming in greater and even more explicit amounts. Hinata is seriously considering destroying his current account and creating another one. Memories and nostalgia be damned.

He's at least glad that he isn't the only one having a horrible time. Komaeda looks like he hasn't slept a wink and goes on about hope and despair more than ever before. However, looking at Komaeda's face makes him think of smut. It's easier to concentrate on dealing with the problem when the guy's not around. But the problem with Komaeda is that he's always around.

"Oh, Hinata-kun, whatever shall we do about this mess?"

"I'm working on it," Hinata growls.

"I'd take fluffy romance to this any day," Komaeda rambles on. "How can they even think of writing stories about how I ravage your body-"

"Komaeda, shut up."

Thankfully, Komaeda complies.

After a moment of intense browsing and deleting, Hinata finally speaks up. "They call us KomaHina."

"How original," Komaeda supplies.

"Yeah, if you're going to write porn about us, can't you at least think of something more creative?"

"Which brings me to think, Hinata-kun. The only ones who've received these strange messages are you, me and Souda-kun. Don't you find that strange?"

"Now that I think about it, yeah," says Hinata. "But what are you implying?"

"I'm saying, what if our original assumption wasn't wrong after all? What if this were really some sort of prank?"

Hinata scowls. "You're telling me that one of us can actually hack one of the most well-known fan driven websites?"

"It's not so impossible. We have an AI in our midst, a Super High School Level Gamer who can travel through our screens and edit the codes of our browsers and windows. If she's in cahoots with a prankster, is it really that hard?"

Hinata takes three seconds to ponder on the possibility of what Komaeda suggests. And then he roars.

"NANAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

His bellow reaches the heavens.

Oh, he's been outwitted. Utterly and horribly defeated. Fooled by her innocence to the greatest level of shame, but it's all right. Two can play the game. He's going to bring her Super High School Level title down to the gallows and make her repent. This is his call of duty.

Reading the smut has prepared him thoroughly for this. Hell, he will write words that will fluster even the Great Touko Fukawa.

At 3a.m. in the morning, he types his last sentence, attaches the document to an email, and sends it to two email addresses.

The sun rises.

Hinata has never been so happy to be woken up by two screams.

When Hinata, Komaeda and Souda access their inboxes the next day, they find it blissfully empty. Order is once again restored.

(PS: Can you guess who's in cahoots with Nanami? Hint: She's a girl and she's the smallest in size of the SDR2 cast. That's right. Hinata wrote NanamiXSaionji slash.) (How Saionji managed to drag Nanami into this is another question entirely, however. Hmm...)

I'm probably going to hell for this blasphemy.