My first day of high school, Takao thinks, battling an incontrollable urge to get a pair of scissors, and I still have no idea how to tie a tie without strangling myself.

Takao Kinomiya, fifteen year old freshman at BBA High and possibly worst student ever, is currently running late. Now, this is not new -- Takao has, in fact, never been on time for anything as far as he can remember. Takao believes that, if he were to die and his life would flash before his eyes, what he would see would probably be a montage of Takao running at different ages, screaming "I'm late" to whoever is willing to hear. Maybe with the occasional eating moment. Takao doesn't exactly lead the most exciting life ever.

Boring life or not, it doesn't change the fact that he's currently late, and if school uniforms came with clip-on ties like in middle school, this would so not be the case. High school, Takao decides after he throws the tie out the window, completely blows. What was wrong with clip-on ties?

"Clip-on ties are awesome," Takao yells out the window, gesturing wildly at his concerned neighbour, "because none of them have ever caused me to choke and die!"

The concerned neighbour, a nice old lady that used to teach geography in middle school but retired last year, decides that giving him back his tie might not actually be that good an idea.

"Oi! T-man! Cut the dramatics and get goin', yo, you're going to be late for your first day of high school!" Takao's grandfather yells out, throwing a clip-on tie at him as he passes by Takao's room. "And use this one for today!"

Takao is torn between yelling at his grandfather for his complete lack of privacy -- like, what if he had been naked or something? -- and grovelling in gratitude at the magnificence of a clip-on tie that actually matches his new school uniform. He settles for a kind of middle ground; yelling out a quick "thanks!" at his grandfather before running out the door, throwing his schoolbag on his shoulder.

That is how Takao's first year in high school begins. At that exact moment, he has no idea what is in store for him in the following three years. And if he had known, well... let's just say clip-on ties would have been the least of his worries.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Safe!!" Takao cries out as he slides into the classroom a grand three minutes before the late bell. His cry is met with shocked and bewildered looks from the kids who have never been to grade school or middle school with him. Those who did simply roll their eyes or laugh.

Max Mizuhara is one of those who laugh, before throwing his arm up in the air and waving Takao over. "Hey! Taka! C'mon, we saved you a spot!"

"Maxie!" Takao yells back, almost tackling the other boy with the speed he runs towards him. "You're back from America!"

"Well, duh," Max responds, "I told you it was only for the summer. What's more surprising is that you, mister, made it aaaall the way to high school. I guess that means you actually passed summer school!"

Takao had met Max in his last year of middle school, when the blond transferred all the way from New York, America to little Bey City, Japan. Max had gone back to New York for the summer, however, visiting his mother at her request. In fact, Takao himself had been invited to go with him, but he'd had to decline, for obvious reasons. Takao grins at Max and sits down with a shrug, leaning back on his chair casually.

"Yeah, it actually wasn't that bad. I mean, it was still a drag going there for most of the summer, but it could've been tons worst."

"I'm surprised you think that way," a voice pipes out from behind them, and Takao swivels around to stare at a mass of brown hair and huge glasses. "I thought for sure you'd spend most of the year whining about how much of a drag it was."

"Aw, Chief, give the poor guy a break," Max says with a laugh, "He passed, didn't he?"

Takao nods enthusiastically, a wide grin on his face as he teases the other boy. "Yeah, and completely without your help, 'cause someone went off to computer camp..."

"Aaah, I'm sorry about that, Takao," the Chief apologizes, shaking his head slightly. "But my parents had already registered me and I couldn't back out at the last minute!"

"Naah, it's alright," Takao waves him off, "I managed, didn't I?"

"Aaah, I'm really glad you did, Takao. It wouldn't have been the same with just Max and me in high school!"

Takao grins cheekily as Max nods his assent. The Chief, alternatively called "the Professor", is the smartest guy he knows. They've known each other since grade school, which is why Takao can say it has been years since he's called the boy by his real name. The nickname "Chief" had somehow just stuck to the other boy when Takao had used it years ago, when they had first been partnered up for a project. That project had been the start of their now long-lasting friendship.

The bell finally rings, and Max rushes out: "I have someone I want you guys to meet during lunch, and the Chief said he wanted to give us a briefing, so don't plan anything for lunch break, alright?"

Takao gives him a thumbs up. "Awright! This is gonna be sweet."

Takao doesn't ask who plans anything during lunch break, and simply puts it to Max being half-American. Americans are weird.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Lunch break finds Takao being completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of people at the cafeteria. He'd known high school was bigger than middle school, of course, but this is ridiculous. He's suddenly glad he bought his own bento box. How is he supposed to find his friends in this crowd? More importantly, how is he supposed to find --

"Oi! Taka! Over here!" Max shouts, practically standing on the bench of the table at the far, far left corner of the cafeteria, waving both his arms around. Well, that's one way to grab his attention.

Takao dodges a few people on his way to the far, far left corner of the cafeteria (seriously, could they be any further away from the doors?) and flops down next to the Chief with a sigh, wiping his forehead dramatically. The other boy doesn't even bother looking up from his laptop. Are those even allowed?

"Whew, I'm beat. It's like war out there!" Takao exclaims, and finally notices the boy sitting next to Max, snickering at him. "Uh, who's he?"

"Oh, that's Rei!" Max answers brightly, clapping the other boy on the back. "He's the guy I wanted you to meet. I met him during the summer! We were both in New York at the same time, and we were both looking for a hotdog stand-- looong story -- and, anyway, basically I found out he went to a middle school in Bey City, and he was going to this high school just like us! Weird coincidence, huh?"

"Of course you forget to mention that you practically drowned my hotdog in mayonnaise, huh Max?" Rei comments cheekily, a lazy cat-like smirk on his face.

Everything about Rei yells kitty to Takao, actually. Must be the gold eyes and sharp fangs protruding from his mouth. The other boy wears his uniform perfectly -- buttoned up all the way and everything, unlike Takao and Max who just leave their jacket open. The bandanna on his forehead is the only thing that differentiates him from all the other student drones. Well, that, and the insanely long plaited hair. It kind of looks like a tail.

Takao is going to make so many cat jokes, it is not funny.

"That's Maxie for you alright," Takao tells Rei with a grin. "If it doesn't have mayo on it, he's not eating it!"

"And it has to be Japanese mayo," Rei continues, smiling lazily. "Otherwise, no way is that touching his plate."

"I'll slather you guys up with mayo, you just wait," Max threatens them jokingly, pointing his chopsticks at Takao's face. "I will make a meal out of you."

The three boys crack up laughing. When they're done Takao smiles at Rei. "Well, it's nice to meetcha, Rei. I'm Takao."

"Oh, so you're the one who was in summer school?"

Takao turns to Max with a betrayed look on his face. "Maxiiiiie! You told him that? You traitor!"

Max raises his hand up in defence, trying -- and failing -- to look innocent. "Hey, hey, all I said was that a friend of mine was supposed to come but couldn't because of summer school! It's not my fault he guessed which one it was between you and the Chief!"

"The nickname 'Chief' helped a bit, I gotta admit," Rei informs them, smugly, and Takao simply grumbles and starts to attack his rice balls with a viciousness that would've made them screams had they not been, well, rice balls.

They eat in silence for a while until their youngest (and smartest) counterpart decides to make his presence known.

"Aaaaah, there, I'm done!" Chief announces, finally looking up from his laptop. Max, Takao and Rei look up from their foods and at him, curious.

"Done with what?"

"I was making a map of the cafeteria sitting protocol, and all the different cliques in school," he explains. "A kind of guide of how-to for high school, I suppose."

Takao and Max share a dubious look, but Rei looks intrigued. "Do you seriously think we need a guide, Chief? It's just high school." Max points out, which gives him what might be an incredulous stare from the Chief. Not that they can really tell, what with the hair and glasses.

"Aaaaaah!! What are you talking about!? Of course we do! High school is the most important part of a student's life!! It can be a complete and utter nightmare if you're not properly prepared for what it might throw at you!!! Just think, one wrong move and your reputation is over for the remainder of your time here, maybe the rest of your life!! This is serious, guys!"

By the end of the Chief's little speech, he looks ready to rip out his own hair and Max makes soothing motions. "Take it easy, I didn't mean to say it wasn't serious, Chief..."

"Personally, I think you watch too many teen movies," Takao says with a shrug. "But, go on. Explain it to us."

The Chief clears his throat, seeming to calm himself down and turns the laptop towards them. The three other boys lean in, trying to get a good look at the screen.

"Alright. You all know there are three years in high school. There's freshmen year, junior year and senior year. All the years are separated into cliques. Generally, in this school, cliques mix and match the years. The leaders of the cliques, however, are always seniors. They boss around the freshmen and the juniors in their cliques, and the juniors also boss around the freshmen. Freshmen are already at the bottom of the ladder, which means we're already in a pretty bad position to begin with!!"

"But our position will get better with the years," Rei points out casually. "Right?"

"Well, yes," the Chief admits. "Anyway, let's ignore the "freshmeat" thing for now. That's how they call freshmen. Freshmeat."

"He's lost it," Takao whispers to Max, who simply nods with a terrified look on his face.

"The different cliques, now. You have, first of all, the jocks-- they all excel at some sort of sport. Their tables are second to the right, next to the windows. The nickname for the jocks in this school is "All Starz", actually."

Max turns around on his seat, as if trying to see them. "We can't see any table from here, so how are we supposed to identify them?"

"Oh, you'll know them when you meet them," the Chief says, waving him off. "Next, over here would be the Goths... Or, uh, monster things. Don't approach them. Any of you. They're terrifying people who like to think they're zombies or vampires or mummies or even werewolves. I heard a rumour that they've been in this school for centuries, only under different names."

"This school hasn't been around for centuries," Rei points out, but the Chief shushes him as Takao tries to hide his laughter.

Vampires! What next?

"Then there's the ... well, preps is the best word I can come up with. They're all rich, they're all snobby, and they probably own half the planet. Takao, try not to get sued by them-- you've met Ralf before, after all." Takao sputters, shouting out a "hey" of objection that is completely ignored. "They sit at the best table, of course. You'll know which one I'm talking about when you see it."

"What, is it gold plated or something?" Takao scoffs.

"It might as well be. Next, on the other far corner of the cafeteria, directly opposed from us would be the bad boys. The rebels, the attitude problems, basically everyone we want to not meet in a dark alley, or even just the hallway. They're even more terrifying than the monster wannabes! From our year, though, there's only four or five, and I heard they're all Russians. So just stay away from the Russians if you value your life."

"Has anyone else noticed that there are a lot of foreigners in this Japanese school?" Max points out casually, but is completely ignored.

"Finally, there's... well, the nickname they have is Bai Hu Zu," the Chief starts, but Rei interrupts him with a grin.

"Ah, yeah, they were my friends in middle school. Let me guess -- 'Traditionally Chinese clique'?"

"... Well, uhm," the Chief says, flustered, "... Yes, pretty much."

"Is that really all the cliques there are?" Takao questions, looking around. "There are a lot more tables than that."

"Well, there are more, of course -- the geeks, the skaters, the punks, the class clowns -- but none of them are as important as the ones I mentioned. Those are the biggest ones, and the ones with the most power. Do not cross them, guys. I'm serious! It's dangerous, and one wrong move in front of these cliques will ruin your high school life forever!"

The Chief, Takao decides, has received one too many swirly when he was still in grade school.

"Soo, where would we fit in? In theory." Max asks him, poking at his now-cold noodles with a saddened face.

"Well... Rei is obviously Bai Hu Zu material, you're good at soccer, Max, so you could probably be a jock, Takao would go in with the class clowns, and I ... well, I'd be with the nerds, I guess." The Chief says all this dejectedly, as if someone spat in his lunch. Again.

"Well, it's not like we're going to go join any cliques," Takao waves him off. "Anyway, speaking of where certain people would fit... Do you know Kai Hiwatari? Which clique would he be in?"

Max, who had taken a daring step and tried some of his cold, soggy noodles, chokes on them suddenly. Rei looks at Takao with wide eyes and the Chief has frozen in his spot, gawking at him in terror.

"... What, do I have something in my teeth?"

The Chief clutches his laptop to his chest and swallows loudly. "How... how do you know Kai Hiwatari?"

Takao blinks. The better question is how they know Kai, really, considering the faces they're all making. "We met during summer school. Anyway, he told me he was going to attend this school too. I was surprised we'd never met before, actually! He's kind of a hard guy to miss. Did you know he was in our middle school, Chief?"

"Summer school?" Max asks, incredulous. "What did they do to get him there, tie him up?!"

"Uhh," Takao responds intelligently, cut off by the Chief's incredibly high-pitched rant.

"Did I know Kai Hiwatari was in our middle school? What kind of question is that?! Do you even know who we're talking about?!"

Takao, who is starting to feel extremely annoyed by all this, grinds out: "Yes. I do. Kai. What did he do, kill your puppy?"

The Chief whimpers, borrowing his head in his hands, shaking it from side to side with a mantra of "not good, not good, so not good". Takao turns to Max and Rei, letting out a breath.

"Alright, will someone tell me what's so bad about Kai? I mean, he's got an attitude problem the size of a small planet, but he's not that bad, sheesh."

"Taka... I have no idea how you'd never heard of Kai before meeting him this summer, but everyone knows about him. He's like, the middle school legend of pure terror."

Takao opens his mouth to tell him how completely retarded that sounds when Rei interrupts him, putting his elbows on the table casually. "Well, even if I think they're both exaggerating, it's true. Kai's got something of a reputation preceding him. Once the Chief has stopped praying for your soul, maybe he can explain it."

As if on cue, the Chief looks up. "Takao, Kai is the bad boy of all bad boys. I told you to stay away from the Russians, right? But those guys have got nothing on Kai. He's the leader of a gang of punks who all dropped out of high school, even if he's much younger than them. He has a criminal record probably twenty pages long, he skips approximately ninety-nine percent of his classes, and he's fought two guys both armed and won with hardly a single scratch! Once, a kid bumped into him by accident and he threw him off the roof of an elementary school!"

"Actually, he hung him up the flagpole," Rei mentions, casually. "It was a friend of mine. Kiki was never the same after that..."

"I heard he visited the school psychiatrist and made her go insane," Max adds, stealing a carrot from Rei's lunch.

"Okay, those are pretty much all rumours. ... Except the skipping classes thing. And he stopped trying to kill people when they bump into him when I mentioned one of his glares would make most of them cry. And maybe the gang thing is real. . . . Okay, so the guy isn't a model citizen, big deal," Takao huffs, crossing his arms.

"Big deal?! Aaaah! Takao, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into! Kai Hiwatari does not have friends! He's going to take out your intestines and dangle you with them!!"

"Like a yo-yo," Max tells him with a grin.

"It's not funny, Max! This is serious!! Takao is probably in grave danger! Knowing him, he missed all the times Kai tried to break his neck with a desk or something..."

"Look, relax, Chief. If Taka hasn't died yet and he's spent the entire summer with him, maybe the guy isn't as bad as the rumours make him out to be. He's skipped class so often it's not like we've ever seen him in middle school anyway."

"I'm just surprised he told you he was coming to this school," Rei says, looking at Takao with a frown. "I heard he was planning on dropping out before high school. Hell, he wasn't even planning on finishing middle school, from what everyone knew."

"That'd be a stupid idea," Takao snorts. "C'mon, who doesn't finish middle school? It's probably another stupid rumour."

"But what about dropping out before high school? Was that a stupid rumour?"

". . . I don't know," Takao answers with a shrug. "But Kai told me he'd be coming to this school this year, and he's not the kind of guy to lie about stuff like that. So I told him to meet me at lunch on the first day!"

"You told him to meet you at lunch?!" The Chief screeches, and Takao wishes he'd have sat on the other side, with Max and Rei. Far away from the screeching. Ugh, his poor ears.

"I just said that," he mumbles out, rubbing his poor, abused ears.

"Don't worry, Chief," Max says, patting him on the arm, which is the only part of the Chief he can reach from where he is sitting. "Kai never comes to school on the first day. ... Or the second day or-- well, maybe he does on the tenth day, but not the first or second day."

"You might be wrong about that," Rei tells them, turned towards the door. The cafeteria, they notice, is basked in silence for some reason.

Max turns to look at the door too, almost standing up to see properly. "Oh my God," Max exclaims with a thick American accent before reverting to Japanese, "Kai just walked in the cafeteria!"

The Chief makes a keening noise at the back of his throat, looking ready to faint and trying to hide under the table unsuccessfully. Takao, in contrast, shoots up in his seat, waving wildly.

"Oi, Kai! You grouch! Took you long enough!"

There is no noise or movement as Kai Hiwatari makes his way to the far, far left corner of the cafeteria. The freshmen and juniors, who have heard of Kai by reputation, stay silent out of fear, whereas the senior seem more intrigued than anything. Kai walks casually, head held high as he scans the crowd for Takao. Takao laughs a little at Kai's appearance. He looks like more of a rebel than he did even this summer. Kai's tie is completely untied, hanging uselessly around his shoulders. His blazer seems to have disappeared somehow, leaving him in only the undershirt, though he's kept it completely buttoned up. His pants seem baggier than the standard uniform would permit it, which makes Takao think he asked for a size or two bigger than he was, considering he has to wear a belt to hold them up. He's somehow kept the war paint he had on during the summer, though he's lost the scarf (which, Takao maintains, should have been impossible to wear during summer) in favour of a dark choker.

Kai stops next to their table, looking at Takao with an emotionless face as the boy grins at him.

"Way to look like a total rebellious slob, Kai," Takao teases him. Max is trying extremely hard not to laugh and Rei looks at the conversation in polite interest, whereas the Chief...

Has yet to pass out, which is impressive. Takao has never known anyone to be that shade of white and not pass out.

Kai shrugs off the comment about his general appearance. He spares a glance at the three seated boys for half a second before looking back at Takao.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he drawls, and manages to sound not sorry at all, which has got to be a talent of his. "Kinomiya."

One day, Takao thinks, one day he will call me by my first name, and when that day comes I am going to tackle him to the floor.

What he will do once that was accomplished is still iffy (either hug him out of joy or punch him for having taken so very long to call him by his first name, possibly both), but he would tackle him. And sit on him so Kai could not kill him with his bare hands. Takao may say those accusations were all rumours, but Kai can still be pretty scary. And probably could kick two guys ass bare-handed. He's kind of cool like that. Socially retarded, but cool.

"Whatever, the important thing is you came, right?! So come on, sit down and have lunch with us!"

The entire cafeteria has their eyes riveted to this conversation, which is probably why Kai shakes his head no. Probably.

"No thanks," Kai tells him, "I'd rather not have to watch you eat enough to feed a third world country again."

Or there is that excuse.

"Uh -- but, aw, c'mon, you said --" Takao tries, pitifully, stumbling over his words. Kai has already turned around and started walking away, which so does not look as cool when he doesn't have the swishy scarf.

God, Takao loves that swishy scarf. Swiiiish. Kai stops a few feet away, as if debating with himself over this.

"Kinomiya," Kai calls, over his shoulder. "Meet me after school?"

Takao is probably the only one who catches the inflection at the end that marks it as a question -- Kai's soft, commanding voice tends to have only two tones: emotionless and angry. Sometimes a third is added; angrier. Still, Takao beams at Kai's back.

"Okay, fine, I get it; you can't spend half a day in school without needing to skip. Sure, I'll see you at the usual place, buddy!"

Kai flicks him off over his shoulder as he walks out, the word 'buddy' probably offending his sensibilities or something. When Kai has finally left the cafeteria, it's like the world has come back around Takao and he finally notices the stares and whispers of the entire school. Plus the fact that the Chief has fainted.

Oops.

"Takao," Max says, sounding slightly awed, "You have got to tell us about summer school."

"... Before or after we get the Chief to the nurse?" Takao replies, trying extremely hard not to laugh.

"We've got some time left," Rei points to the clock. "So maybe we can do both."

... And how is it that only half of lunch break has gone by?!

"Yeah, but, seriously... tell us about summer school, man."

Takao has the feeling high school is going to be slightly more awkward than middle school.

Slightly.

Ooooh boy.

Ladies and gentlemen, but most likely ladies, welcome to the first chapter of this high school AU fic, which is actually going to pretty much completely ignore the high school part of it. THAT'S RIGHT. I AM THAT KIND OF PERSON!

Alright, first off, I know more about the Japanese schooling system than this leads on; this is because this fic is first and foremost a parody of all those other high school fics. That's right. I'm in your base, making fun of you. Having the entire cast in the same high school is part of the parody. In fact the entire clique thing is part of the parody! YAY! In fact, this fic is parodying lots of things in subtle ways; nevertheless it is still a Srs Bizness fic, in which Srs Things will happen, most of them relating to Kai because he is a very Srs Character.

This is chapter one of year one; there will in fact be three, count 'em, three, years shown in this fic. Each year loosely corresponds to a season, and so if a character was introduced in season 2 or 3 you will not see them this year. I'm sad too. ):

This fic will be TyKa! Eventually! ... Near the end of the third year! Yeah. Sooo not happening much.

I currently have no idea if each year will be a different fic or not; it depends on how long each year is, I guess. I hate fics with seventy gajillion chapters. They make my skin itch. Granted I have no idea where I am going with this except bits of each year are already planned, but. We'll see. SUMMER SCHOOL is not going to be a prequel; you lucky bastards get it in this fic. That's right! One or two chapters will be the normal school year, and then one chapter will be summer school. Aren't you happy? (It will make for great cliffhangers, let me tell you.) Next chapter is, in fact, summer school, or how Kai and Takao met. Also, while Kai looks cool and collected so far, it is a lie. A terrible, terrible lie.

I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH EXPLANATION FOR THIS FIC? Uh. Leave a review or...don't, but if you have a question I will make sure to answer it. Oh and a list of clichés I will not be doing include:

Rape
Physical Abuse By A Parent
Anyone Getting Bullied
Cutting
The Girls Being Bitches
Dramatic Love Declarations
Everyone Being Paired Off
Keeping The Same Boyfriend For All Of High School
etc, etc, if you can think of a cliché it is in this list, ladies and gentlemen.

THAT IS ALL, see you next chapter. :)

- Zia