Week 23 Challenge
1,013 words
Don't own
And now that I have word processor my spelling will be lots better! J
Sarah J
I got a certified letter in the mail today from somewhere in New York. Is it a stalker, or a bill collector? The way things are going right now I would bet on the latter. But since it is from a law office I really hope its nothing bad.
Babe,
If your reading this it means that I have been MIA for about 4 months. That means that I haven't made my check-ins and that I haven't contacted anyone to let them know where I was or if I am okay. I told my lawyer to wait this long to send this because sometimes plans change. Every time I go out on a mission I always write letters to my family, Julie, and some of the guys at work. But for the past 2 years I have also started to include your name in the list. At first I didn't really understand why I was doing it. I would make excuses like I wanted to make sure that you knew what happened, or that you could call any of the Merry Men for help. But the last few have been the hardest and the most eye opening. I finally figured out that I needed to stop lying to myself. I was writing the letters because I cared about you. I would wonder 'does she know if I do' or 'what if things were different.' After our night together I knew that I couldn't just walk away, and secretly it scared me because I m not supposed to feel that way about anyone. I am a machine, a tool that is used is situations, and that doesn't have feelings. But since you have walked into our (the Merry Men too) lives things have been changing. I think you have started to rub off on all of us. Me especially. I have laughed more, I have smiled more. Those are not things that I have done in awhile. The feelings felt so foreign to me that I had no idea what they were so I hid them. I would say things to you like "my love comes with a condom and not a ring', or 'my life doesn't lend its self to relationships'. or some other type of stupid stuff I would say. But in reality it was just a cover for what I was really feeling. How sad is it that I can only tell you on paper how I feel, and when I might be dead too. Pathetic.
Stephanie Plum, I love you with all my heart. "In my own way" means the only way I know how. I promised myself that if I made it back to you that I would tell you every thing. About how your smile makes me soft, and how sexy you are when your angry your blue eyes flashing with fire. How soft and milky white your skin is, and when we are close the stark contrast of our skin together. I miss the tingle when I know you are close, how the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck when you laugh. Damn myself for not being able to tell you this to your face so that you can see that I mean every word. Our one night was magical. I will remember that forever. The way we moved together, and how we fit. I don't think we will ever be able to find that again anywhere but here.
I vow to you Stephanie that if I return I will tell you this everyday to make up for lost time. It will not matter where you are, or who you are with, I will find you to tell you.
Love,
Carlos
Im in shock. What..what…is this? A freaking goodbye letter? I re-read it again. And again, and again. It never changes. Ranger has been gone for the past eight months to God knows where, well with the exception of Uncle Sam. I remember that day so clear.
I was sitting on the couch in the Bonds office talking to Lula and Connie about the latest going on the Life and Drama of Stephanie Plum, when the bell chimed over the door and I got the tingle.
Ranger.
"Ladies. Babe talk to you outside?"
Here I am dumb as a door following him outside like a love sick dog. Huh…Loser.
'Need something Ranger?"
"Not really just wanted to see you."
Huh. "OKay….."
"Wanted to let you know that ill be out of town for a bit. Not sure when ill be back."
"Going off to save the world again Batman?"
"Something like that."
"well be safe. Don't get shot."
"Ill try."
And just like that. He grabbed my jacket and hauled me to him. I was shocked at first but then, oh yea I remember this. My arms came around his neck, took the tie right out of his hair. Yummmm, I love his silky black hair. My back is pushed firmly into the brick wall behind us, out bodies flushed together from thigh to lips. And as soon as it starts its over.
"See you later Babe. Be careful."
'Ummm, yea, yea you too."
How he makes my mind turn to mush.
That's the last day that I will ever see him? The last time I smell his scent? The last time ill ever kiss him? Reality is just hitting me tears start to form in my eyes. I wont ever see Ranger again. I wont be able to tell him that I love him too, but that I was too scared to say it. That I wanted to be with him for forever, that he will never truly know how much I care for him. Never. Who ever said 'its better to have loved and lost, than have never loved' is full of shit. Probably some lonely man, that needed to make an excuse.
I don't know what Ill do now….