FOREWORD
A Note From the Author
I do own all of the characters from the Halo franchise, and Halo itself. Yes. I made it up. It was all me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to hide in the shadows any longer. I shall hereafter be known as the Creator of Halo, and I hereby take my rightful place as its creator. No longer shall I await monthly royalties of Pesos from Bungie in order to feed my starving family of cats! O hark, o hear (Note: how thin and clear, and thinner, clearer, farther going) you lowly scallywags at Bungie, for I am Forerunner—all your base are belonging to me!
But what I mean to say is: really? How important is this Author's Note that says I don't own the franchise for which I'm writing? Is it not already made abundantly obvious (perhaps by the very fact that I'm posting on ) that I don't own the series that I'm writing about? Don't you think if I owned it I would be doing something a little better with my time? Like, oh—I don't know: chasing down hobos in my Ferrari because (other than killing a hooker just to feel the life leave her body—which I could do, because I would have So. Much. MONEY), other than it being the only thing that makes me feel alive again, I've already made so much money using this franchise for better purposes than poorly written fanfics?* Don't you think if I owned it I'd be publishing and capitalizing on it, not just making word doodles?Do we really need to make a disclaimer for the obvious fact that we don't own the series on which we're basing these, aptly named, "fanfics"? (It's even called a fanfic. How is this not getting through?)
Well, no—not this time. If you can't figure out who doesn't own the proprietorship to this franchise, then you're obviously too incompetent to be reading on your spare time. Why don't you just go play Lawn Darts or something? Huh? Would you like that? I bet you like playing with sharp, pointy things, don't you? I'm sure they'll even let you be goalie this time.
Look, here's the deal, Chuck—name's not Chuck, you say? Lovely: you shall hereafter be known as Susana Guildenstern, Mighty Princess of the Hubagalow People, Peace Be Upon Her and Her Bonnet Until The World's Ending—: Susana, how about we agree that you don't put up these stupid author's notes telling people that you're not the rightful owner to the franchise? They can figure that part out, I'm pretty sure. You just concentrate on the storytelling.
And if you're still reading this, not because you enjoy being insulted and not because you find it humourous, but because you still haven't quite figured out what I'm trying to say, then have I got some swampland in the Kingdom of Reuben to sell to you!
*All fanfics are poorly written, even this one. It doesn't mean they're not enjoyable, but there are no Tolstoys, Eliots, Austens, or Plaths amongst the myriad of fanfic writers; there are simply those who write trash, and those who write enjoyable trash (so there may be a few Tolstoys after all—oh snaps, did I just go there? Yes. I most certainly did.)