Blonde Moments
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. Red Witch owns the Misfits!
One Shot
Farrah Willows, the teen feline Avenger Persiana, was seated in front of a makeshift desk. She had the camera positioned a few feet in front of her and was making final adjustments for what looked to be an Internet show. She sat down and cleared her throat. When Farrah was ready to begin, she pressed a button, indicating the camera was turned on,
"Ladies and gentlemen, to anyone who can hear and see me; I just want to say that, we are currently facing a massive health crisis…"
Leon Maxwell, the teen hero Crisis, was walking by when he saw the set up and poked his head inside. As he stood and listened, his girlfriend continued talking,
"This health crisis is so bad, it makes the Black Plague look like a joke. Yes, I'm talking about an infestation worse than the Black Plague. I am talking about…blondes!"
Leon held the bridge of his nose,
"Oh, no. Here she goes."
Farrah said,
"Blondes are, for the most part, stupid! If you don't believe me, watch this…"
The video changed to one where Amara Aquillara, the mutant Magma, was busy putting her laundry in the washer. She put the clothes in and, looking at the box of soap, decided to drop the whole thing inside. She then set the timer and was about to scamper off when she heard something from the washer. The fire making mutant opened the lid and the soap exploded in her face. Amara screamed and fell backwards, unintentionally launching a fireball out of the room. A male voice shouted,
"AAAHHH! I'M ON FIRE!"
The video then went back to Farrah,
"As you can see, clearly, blondes are stupid."
At the Institute…
Amara, who had been watching the video, roared,
"I SHALL HAVE HER HEAD FOR THIS!"
Back to Farrah…
Sam Wilson, the avian teen hero Falcon, had approached Leon and asked,
"What's going on?"
Leon shook his head,
"Farrah's ranting on the Internet about blondes."
Falcon grinned,
"Think she'll talk about you?"
Farrah continued on,
"And, blondes are also delusional about romance, too!"
The video then changed to one where Jennifer Stravos, the luck manipulating Hellion Roulette, was busy near a pond on the academy grounds. She was holding a frog and, though the voice seemed to be muted, she was clearly talking. Then, she kissed the toad.
At the Hellion House…
The other Hellions were roaring on the floor, laughing. Roulette screamed,
"SHUT UP! I'LL KILL THAT LITTLE FURBALL BITCH FOR THIS! WHERE DID SHE GET THAT TAPE?"
Sharon Smith, the purple-furred cat-girl Catseye, casually whistled as she checked her pocket with the hundreds inside.
Back to Farrah…
The white-haired lioness said,
"And, here's another example!"
The scene changed to where John Cena was being chased by a love-struck Emma Frost. John shouted,
"NO! STOP! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!"
Emma called out,
"COME BACK, MY BOSTON BEAST, YOU!"
The scene changed again, this time to Quicksilver being chased by Crystal, the Inhuman princess. Crystal squealed,
"Come back, Pietro! I need you to make an heir for the throne!"
Pietro was frantic,
"WANDA, HELP ME!"
Wanda looked up at the chaos from where she was sitting and reading a book, and then went back to reading it.
Farrah continued,
"And, of course, contrary to the belief blondes want to have fun, they don't!"
The video changed to a scene where Carol Danvers, the teen heroine Miss Marvel, shouted,
"This game sucks! There's no action!"
She slammed her cards down on the table and upturned the table where a board game was being played. She then stormed out of the room.
Farrah said,
"And here I thought she was going to sprout wings and breathe fire."
Carol was storming down the halls,
"WHERE IS SHE? I'LL SKIN HER ALIVE!"
Leon held her back,
"Carol, don't. Just let her rant. No one is really going to watch this!"
Hercules, the teen god of strength, came on,
"Guess what? This video just got a million hits!"
Three very loud, echoing screams from three different sides of the country could be heard, all with an intent to kill Persiana. Farrah said,
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next time!"
She then dashed away, Carol hot on her heels,
"You're dead, furball! I'll skin you and make a fur coat out of you!"
Leon groaned and held his head,
"Is it too much to ask to have my girlfriend have one lucid moment in her life? Is it?"
End of One Shot