Agents of H.A.L.B.E.R.D.: A Kirby human spy au fanfic
By Adrael74
Chapter 1: The king is dead
Bandana Dee sighed as he swiped his orange hair out of his eyes. Today was not going as planned. He had thought he would come into H.A.L.B.E.R.D. headquarters, do his job as Director Dedede's assistant, then go home, watch some Starflix, maybe even eat a Maxim Tomato or 2. Of course, things didn't exactly go as planned as he was currently breaking into Kirby's house at midnight accompanied by Popstar's greatest criminals. His mind flashed back to the beginning of the day.
~~~~~~Cue Flashback~~~~~
He adjusted the holo-screen brightness on his S.P.E.A.R. (Super Portable Electronic Analyzing Recorder). He opened up the file that said IN CASE EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD because, well, he was pretty sure he was the only agent left alive(A super-sized B-Bomb in your secret hideout will do that). He had no idea how someone managed to sneak a bomb the size of himself into headquarters, but what he did know was that the Haltmann Works Company was behind it. Yesterday Director Dedede had received a message from the HWC to "stay out of our business", which was unsurprisingly ineffective, as H.A.L.B.E.R.D.'s purpose was to get into everyone's business and make sure there was nothing dangerous to Dreamland's government there. But that wasn't how Bandana Dee knew, no, because the HWC had left another message at the crater that used to be HQ claiming responsibility for the bomb and taunting them. And that left Bandana Dee on Kirby's couch to activate Protocol 64. He wondered how he would break the news to Kirby. Meta Knight was like a father to Kirby, and he was most likely dead. But anyway, in the IN CASE EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD file, there it was, Protocol 64. Bandana Dee had never liked this protocol, but in the end he had acknowledged it was necessary. Protocol 64 contained information on Popstar's greatest criminals (that were still alive), and more specifically, how to recruit them.
Taranza
Description: After the Dreamstalk incident, Taranza retired from the agent business
to start a puppet shop in the Floraria district. According to our personality algorithms,
he will be reluctant to join H.A.L.B.E.R.D. but you will be able to blackmail him into
joining with our data on his role in the Dreamstalk incident.
Magolor
Description: A former friend of Meta Knight's, he has since started a small weapon
dealing business in the Halacandra district. According to data, he will be enthusiastic to help if you call in the "Starcutter favor".
Marx
Description: A practical joker with a twisted sense of humor. He will probably find you and volunteer for all the"fun" that will possibly be involved in this mission.
S
Description: A bounty hunter that has surfaced relatively recently. Should join of her own accord.
Bandana Dee sighed. He had his job cut out for him.
~~~~~~~~What Meta Knight is doing during the flashback~~~~~
Meta Knight sighed. He wondered about a lot of things. Like how he got into this situation. Or whether Kirby was okay. But mostly how he was going to infiltrate literally the most secure building in Popstar. After the HWC destroyed HQ, Meta Knight knew he had a small window of time before the HWC put whatever dastardly plan they had into action. As he watched people go about their business from his perch on the NME building, he ran over various plans to get into the HWC. Hide in a delivery crate? No, they checked each inbound package with great care. Sneak in an air duct? No, they had security cameras covering every inch of the ducts, then they'd see him and he'd have 100 security robots on his tail. Disguise as an HWC worker? No, they-actually, that might work. All he had to do was find a hazmat suit-wearing worker that was about his height and then the rest would be relatively easy. After all, he wasn't H.A.L.B.E.R.D.'s best agent for nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 Minutes later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was like this that Susie lived for. One of the last remaining H.A.L.B.E.R.D. agents had taken the bait, and now it was time to spring the trap. All it took was a slight electrical pulse to the floor and everyone in the lobby without an HWC-brand all-purpose cranial implant was rendered unconscious. After that it was a simple matter of locating the disguised agent and moving him the the re-education chamber. She grinned. This was the rumoured "Dark Knight" that had caused the HWC so much trouble over the years. He would make a very valuable asset to the HWC, a very valuable asset indeed.