Of Love and Sorrow
Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley
Rating: PG or K+
Pairing/s: Bella/Carlisle
Category: Angst/Romance
Warnings: None
Spoilers: New Moon
Summary: A sequel to Mourning Your Love. Bella allows herself to be loved once more.
A/N: Written for my Twilight20 prompt: Love. I don't know about this one, I kind of feel like I've overstepped the canon boundary with this fic. Is it possible for these two to have this kind of relationship?
I sat on my bed staring at the wall. The wall was the only thing I could look at without being pitied. Every person I looked at, every face I saw, they all pitied me. I sat here, not sleeping, just thinking about the traumatizing events that took place not more than a week ago. Edward, my first true love, the only one I had ever wanted…had left me. The one that made my heart flutter whenever he came near, the one who always made me feel safe, the one who was always there for me when I needed him…was gone. He was gone forever, and I couldn't come to face the fact that he wasn't coming back. Edward was gone…gone from everything included in this torture chamber everyone seemed to think was life.
I couldn't even bring myself back to reality because I was so caught up in memories, good and bad ones. I remembered the first time I had met Edward, in Biology class. That memory itself brought tears to my eyes. Even more tears came as I reflected on the time I had spent with him…the memory of our first day in the meadow made me shut my eyes before an ocean of tears came falling down onto my blanket. I sobbed and sobbed, until I was sure all of the water in my body was sitting in a lake beside my bed and my pillow was so wet that it could have held the contents of a bathtub.
I got off the bed and staggered. My legs were so weak from not being used that I could barely stand. I used the table beside my bed for support and looked over at the picture sitting on it. I stopped breathing when I saw the picture. It wasn't supposed to be there, he'd forgotten about it. It had been taken only two months ago, except that time had long passed. All I could do was pick up the frame with trembling hands and stare at it. We stood in the kitchen, smiling and embracing, that beautiful lopsided smile on his angelic face. I couldn't stand it anymore; I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, the picture slipped out of my hands and fell to the floor with a clatter. I gasped and picked it up with quivering hands and set it on the table face down so I wouldn't have to see it again. I felt tears escape my eyes and I sat down on my bed and stared at the wall once more. I had now forgotten what I had gotten off the bed in the first place for, but it couldn't have been anything important. I sat there breathing heavily until I heard a soft knock on the door. I couldn't speak, so I just sat there, ignoring the knock like I always did. I saw light pour into the room almost at once, and looked towards the door. I saw a masculine figure standing there, with a solemn look on his face. My heart immediately tightened when I realized it wasn't Charlie. Carlisle came into the room and closed the door behind him.
"Bella?" he asked quietly, turning on one of the lamps that sat on the bedside table.
"Carlisle," I whispered. He nodded his head and sat down next to me.
"I haven't seen you in days," Carlisle said. I shook my head slowly as I continued to stare at the wall. "Bella, please listen to me-"
"I don't need to listen to you Carlisle," I said with no emotion whatsoever. "I've listened to so many people the last few days; I think I've done enough listening for now…" Carlisle frowned as he stared at me as my eyes filled with burning tears.
"Please, listen to me Bella," he repeated as he brought his eyes to meet mine. "I know that you think it's my fault that Edward left. It was because of me that everyone has had to go through all of this...And you're right. But I'm here right now, asking you to-" he watched solemnly as tears fell down into my hair. "To forgive me. I'm sorry." At that, Carlisle's voice broke and he let out a sob, and he put his face in his hands. I turned, putting my hand on his back and rubbed him gently
"Carlisle, it's not your fault," I said in my firmest voice possible. I don't know where my sudden strength came from. All I knew was that I had to convince Carlisle that this was none of his fault. "It's Ed...Edward's fault. He's the one who made the decision, as stupid as it was. He may not have seen that...but you did, and for that, this isn't your fault." Carlisle looked up and stared into my eyes. I couldn't escape the urge anymore; I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder, while he did the same.
"Bella," he said as he pulled back. I looked at him questioningly until he touched his lips to mine. I responded immediately and Carlisle brought me closer to him so that there was so space between us. The kiss became much more heated in time, but I had to breathe. I pulled away reluctantly and gasped as I touched my lips which were now tingling. Carlisle was out of breath too, and he sat there staring at me as I caught my breath. I lay back on the bed, and Carlisle came up to lie down next to me. I leaned against him and felt a cold hand brush the stray hair away from my face. I looked up at Carlisle and grinned for the first time in days.
"I love you Bella," Carlisle breathed against my neck.
I shivered and replied, "I love you too Carlisle." Carlisle wrapped his arms around my stomach and I leaned against his stone chest, his sweet scent filling me. I sighed as I tangled my legs with his and finally felt loved.