Confessions of a Khorne Berzerker.
And other odd stories.
Ivan was mad. Really mad. Stamp your feet and bite your bolter mad. This was not an unusual state of affairs, because Ivan was a Khorne Berzerker, and such things are expected of the most feared shock troopers of the Fell Powers. What was unusual was how he was dealing with it.
As he approached the door, he saw another figure in red. "Borgia? They got you too?"
The other Dark Astares nodded. "Yep, they have half the squad in there. The bosses are 'experimenting' with how to make us better at what we do."
Ivan was reminded why he was there, and a bit madder for it. "I heard about the treatment they gave Clove the Abomination. If this puny puissant sorcerer tries anything like that to me, he'll be wearing a chain-ax in his face."
Borgia looked impatient. "Well, we're here, let's get this over with."
They opened the door and walked in. They looked around and saw their squad-mates Attila and Caligua sitting and obviously trying not to leap up and beat someone to death with their chairs. In the middle of the room stood a thin, pale sorcerer lord. The room was decorated with human trophies and all the paraphernalia of sorcery.
"Ah. Our final guests arrive. We are set to begin." Evil chuckle. "All of you here have at one point turned on your side in the grips of a mad rage. I am here, at the invitation of your commander, to rectify the situation. The Thousand Sons legion will be working closely with your warband in the next Black Crusade, and we will not allow you to get away with butchering any of our number. I will give you the tools you need to avoid such incidents, and thus, death at the hands of your comrades. I will, of course, require some consideration in the future for this service, but you needn't worry about such matters now."
Attila had a strange look on his face. Ivan recognized it as the rarely seen expression when the oaf had a thought. Slowly, his hand rose. "Yes?" The Sorcerer asked. "Are we going to do some dark ritual to let us unleash our fury at will? Something with maiden sacrifices?" Attila sure loved his maiden sacrifices. A little too much, for his peer's comfort. Even Chaos Marines have limits.
"No, you idiot!" Snarled the sorcerer. "There are more effective and evil ways of reaching our desired end. Anyway, there's barely a maiden to be found within the Eye. No, we will use hard work in place of Warp Magicks." He spun on his heal, and with one claw on his pointer finger started writing on a blank wall. "My name is Atep. Welcome to basic Anger Management…"
CONFESSIONS OF A KHORNE BERZERKER
"So you see, your anger can be harnessed, channeled into worthwhile goals in the service of Chaos. First we will try harmless venting of rage. Would anyone like to be the first to try?"
This was too much for Ivan. The tiny bit of his mind could still think rationally marveled that he and his comrades had lasted half an hour. He jumped to his feet and screamed, "BLOOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!" And reached for his chain-ax. His squad-mates followed his lead.
"There! You see, that is a wonderful way to channel your negative- GURK!" Atep was now wearing a chain-ax in the middle of his face, just like Borgia had promised when this hellish session began. After abusing the corpse for a little while, Ivan started laughing and the others joined in. It HAD helped to vent, and they all felt much better. After agreeing to meet up later and kill something, they all went their separate ways.
CONFESSIONS OF A KHORNE BERZERKER
Aspiring Chaos Champion Flavius Nero smiled as he watched Ivan's squad leave the 'counselors' office. He had long wanted a suite on the Sorcerer's Planet, but had never managed to displace them. So he offered them an alliance in the next great war. They were now sending sorcerers weekly to be killed by Nero's berzerkers. None the wiser, a replacement for Atep would be there Tuesday. He would kill off the Thousand Sons one at a time if he had to. Besides, it brought the men together. Yes, there's nothing for a frenzied berserker quite like anger management.