My eyes are puffier than the fluffiest pastries. I'm cold, hot, cold, sweaty, cold and sweaty, and then boiling for hours at a time. It's here. It's back.

I recognize Vampire cold anywhere. The symptoms are unmistakable. A bad case of vampire cold can kill us, though only vampires are susceptible. It can last from a week to a month or longer, and there is only one known cure.

"Hey Marcy. Heard you're feeling gross." Jake announces as he stomps into my room and throws a flimsy box of tissue at me with one extended hand. His other is in the shape of a mask over his mouth. "Finn asked me to bring these for you."

It's a sweet gesture, so I can't help but smile a little as I take one out and give a honk. I try to whisper thanks, but the gunk in my throat doesn't let me.

"Whoa, that's a super gross sound. What's the matter with you? A cold?"

"Vampire c-cold." I sniff. "The worst kind. Can't sing. Can't jam. I don't even want any red."

Jake's eyes widen the way only his can. "I didn't even know Vamps could get colds. Are you going to be okay? Do I need to call someone? PB, maybe?"

I think about it for a second. If I ask Bonnie, she'll ditch whatever she's working on within a heartbeat. But do I really want to do that? Have Bonnie waiting on me hand and foot as I sweat and moan and generally look gross? No one wants an ex to see them that way. "I don't know…"

"Lemme put it this way. You need some TLC. I know I'm no good at it, and Finn's busy trying to learn the ukulele. Unless you want a piece of candy to help you out, the only other person is PB."

I hate Jake's matter-of-fact tone, but he's totally right. "I mean, I guess. But only if she wants to."

"Fantastmic. I'll call her right now."

He flips open his hologram communicator to call Bonnibel. She answers on the second ring. "Yellow?"

"No, it's Jake. Hey, I'm here with Marcy who's got a bad case of the… what was it?"

"Vampire cold." I snap at him, exasperatedly. "How could you forget that?"

"Dogs don't get colds. Anyways, Marcy's got a vampire cold and she's-"

"-WHAT?" PB screams through the phone static. "Don't worry I will be RIGHT THERE." Before she immediately ends the call. Jake just stares at me.

"I guess it's a big deal."

"Yeah, no chizz. Vampires used to die from this all the time. It's just about the only way Vamps can die except for being murdered. Makes you see stuff."

My head aches, and all the talk is hurting me. Jake pats my forehead. "Don't stress yourself Marce. I'm gonna stay here until PB shows up. Do you need anything? Milk? Cookies?"

I laugh nonsensically. I imagine eating Crunchy in two bites. "No, nothing like that."

"A movie? I can get BMO to come over and play you something."

"Nah." I protest, stifling a yawn. "Don't sweat it, Jake. I wouldn't be able to look at the screen anyways. I'm pretty tired…"

"Alright. I'm gonna chill in the corner then, if that's alright."

"Totally. I appreciate the company."

I drift off into a cold, clammy sleep. My dreams are weird and fragmented, covering all sorts of topics including my past and deepest fears. Simon appears in a few, my father shows up, and so does Bonnie.

In one of the last dreams before I wake up, I'm walking with Bonnie through a pretty field of wild flowers. She has her hair in a braided bun and she's holding a picnic basket full of red things. Raspberries, apples, paint samples… we're laughing and having a good time the way we used to. She's sparklingly perfect and so, so pink. It takes me a long time to realize what's wrong with the pretty, idyllic scene… I've never strolled in the sun before. Just as the crashing realization descends, my perception of space and time changes too. I must be dreaming. Nothing this perfect can be real.

"Marceline?" She ask in a soft voice. "Are you awake?"

Suddenly I am, sitting up fully in my sweaty bed full of sweaty me and staring into the bubble gum filled eyes of my best friend. She has rings around the bottom like she hasn't slept in a crazy long time. It's still dark out, which I'm grateful for.

"Hey there Bonnie." I yawn. "You look sleepy."

"You look bad, Marceline. Why didn't you call me when this started?" She snaps, grabbing my wrist to feel for my pulse. She checks my throat, my lymph nodes, and even my nose. "This is not a good case, Marce."

"I've always gotten better before."

"Yeah, when you've taken medicine early and gotten lots of rest. But ever since we turned you human and back I've been afraid for the day that you get a vampire disease. I don't think you'll have the strength to fight this off by yourself anymore."

What dumb news. I stare at her, tears welling up in my eyes. I can't imagine dying right now without telling her how I feel. That would be the literal worst thing to ever happen ever.

"No, no… Marce, don't cry… Don't… ugh, you know I can't handle you when you get emotionally vulnerable. It's unnatural. Don't… oh, you're dripping snot on everything."

"Sorry." I mumble through the mess. "I don't mean to be so…"

"You're okay." She smiles, sitting closer to me. "Just relax. I need to be a bit more patient with you too. It's not your fault you got sick."

But it IS my fault. I felt a tickle in my throat three days ago, which normally never happens to me. I thought it was weird, but I'm not, like, infallible so I went with it. When I could barely move I called Finn and Jake. I never would have called Bonnie if Jake hadn't done it first. I'm far too prideful.

"What you need is the sticky sap of the glomp-tree. I bet my life on it." Bonnie finally murmurs, throwing the tongue depressor in my trash. "But I haven't seen a glomp-tree in five hundred years."

"What do we do if they're extinct?"

She rubs her face with one hand and sucks in breath. "I guess I'd have to come up with something similar artificially. But I need some spit."

"What?"

"To synthesize a new cure, I need some of your vampire cold. So, spit." She places a tiny cup under my mouth.

I do it, grimacing all the while. "I know you can't get my sickness, but I don't really want you touching it."

"I'm a scientist, Marceline. I'm not going to judge you for your microbes."

"But-"

She sticks one pink finger in my face. "No. Chill. I'm going to do some research in your kitchen, okay? When you wake up, you can come find me." She kisses my forehead lightly, sending my heart into a panic beat and my cheeks into furnaces. "You're warm."

"Probably just a fever." I grumble, trying not to let her see how easily I blush.

"Hm. Maybe."

She takes the cup with her as she leaves, closing the door ever so slightly behind her. I sigh once I'm alone, headachey from talking and overwhelmed from her sticky-sweet presence. There's so much I want to tell her that I can't.

"If only you knew…" I whisper aloud to my dark room.

"If only I knew WHAT?" Jake answers sleepily from his designated corner. "How totally in love you are with PB? Psh. I've known the whole time."

"JAKE?!" I scream-hiss, flying into the air. I totally forgot about him. His words take way too long to permeate my skull. "Wait, what do you mean you've known the whole time?"

"Well, less of a know and more of a suspicion. Did you guys date at one point?"

My whole face grimaces. "How did you know?"

"Body language and schizz. You've known each other a long time… emotions and stuff… she kissed your face… which was weird, but not the normal sort. It was like, familiar, but not familial. Ergo… relationship."

"Yeah...that's about right." I admit in a tiny voice. "We had a falling out a couple hundred years ago after she got REALLY into populating the candy kingdom. I was moving around all the time to avoid simon and it just strained our relationship. We were together three years."

Jake gasps femininely. "Three years? That's an insanely long time."

"Not to her. Not to me. We aren't like you, aging slowly and living slowly. Three years was like three months. It passed so quickly together, and then we were back at each other's throats. She chose her projects and government over me."

There's comfortable silence between us as Jake… I dunno… digests my reality. After an eternity he mumbles, "Glob."

"That's all you have to say?"

"I don't know what else I COULD say. You're telling me you've been in love with her since y'all broke up?"

"Well, no. I hated her for awhile. She blew me off!" I add when Jake's expression becomes cross. "And it wasn't like our relationship meant anything to her- it wasn't even built on mutual trust. I think we started dating because she was trying to get a feel on me as a person- whether or not I was a threat to her new populace. And when I wasn't, when she realized she could trust me, we just kind of fell for each other. Or at least, that's how it was for me."

Jake grins. "This is so awesome. I can't wait to tell Finn-"

"-AW HECK NO." I shriek, shooting upwards. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL HIM ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

I know my true form has encompassed my body from Jake's puppy-like shrieks. "BUT FINN IS MY BEST BRO. BEST BROS DON'T KEEP SECRETS."

"IF BEST BRO DOESN'T WANT BOTH HIMSELF AND HIS BEST BRO TO LOSE ALL FOUR OF THEIR APPENDAGES, BEST BRO BETTER KEEP IT TO HIMSELF."

"MARCELINE!"

I spin to see Bonnie holding a microscope in the doorway of my bedroom. She's confused as heck and more than a little annoyed. "What are you- is that Jake?"

Jake's pretending to be a lamp in my corner. "Oh hey PB, how's it hanging?" he chirps.

"It was fine before I heard crashing and yelling. Marcy, why are you a bat?"

I shrug. There's literally nothing else I can think of doing. I don't want to tell her what we were fighting about, and I certainly don't want Jake to either.

"Ohhh….kay. Well, you shook the downstairs with your knocking and I lost my sample. So if you're done fighting, spit in this cup and separate so I can focus. Also, Marceline, you should be in bed already. Vampire colds only get worse with activity."

I nod gruffly and point Jake towards the exit in the nicest way possible. The last thing I want to do is upset him to the point where he tells Bonnie I like her. It would destroy the foundation of the super normal thing we have going on. We don't talk about the old days much. One or both parties end up crying.

"Jake," I whisper once I'm back to my regular vampy self, "Please don't say anything. If you do anything for me ever, let it be this."

He pats me kindly. "Don't worry kid. I won't say a word."

"Thank yo-"

"-For ten million pancakes."

My eyes narrow. "What?"

"You heard me. And they have to be good pancakes or no go. From scratch, with real stuff. Eggs from chicken butts. Wheat from the dirt."

"How about I just spare your life and we call it even?"

"Killing me won't stop PB from knowing you loooooove her."

Bonnibel is only a few paces away, not looking at us but still there. I shove my hand into Jake's face as fast and hard as I can. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Why? Why won't you tell her?"

"We're at different points in our lives!" I hiss. "I'm an adult now, she's an adult now… I'm a slow riding bassist. She's a fast paced princess. We're just not meant to be."

"But!"

"Trust me, I have thought about this a lot. And I'm right to keep my feelings a secret. Please don't mess this up for me."

He stews for a moment. "Oh, alright. But I still want to tell Finn."

"NO."

"Finn won't tell no one nothing and you know it." Jake pleads. "This is too much to keep inside."

"Tell me about it." I snicker. "She's my best friend."

"Are you guys still talking?!" Bonnie interjects sternly, ripping us out of our bonding moment. "We don't have all right. C'mon Jake."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't harass me." He grumbles, waving off her hand. "I'm going, I'm going."

I want him to come back tomorrow. I hope he comes back tomorrow. The last few minutes have been liberating. I didn't realize how much I was keeping in until it came out. "Jake-"

"Yeah?"

"...Can you bring Finn by tomorrow?"

He grins at me. Grabs my hand. Pulls me close to him. Sticks his face right in my ear. "Only if I can tell him."

I don't get to answer before Bonnie picks up my dog friend and hoists him over her shoulder like a tree branch. "Alrighty you puppy, I'm done with your defiance. Leave my patient alone."

"Dohhhhh!" Jake whines. "She talked to me first!"

Bubblegum closes the door behind her and Jake, leaving me alone, shrouded in darkness. The same place I was yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that.

Alone forever.

As I turn to crawl back into bed, I notice a sparkling light to the left of my pillow. I flash my eyes out the window- there's no sunlight yet, and the moon is pointing at the other half of my house. So where's this weird, glimmery light coming from? I stare at the sparkle intently, totally spooked.

As I'm staring, it begins to open. A tiny little hole, dark in the middle and glittery on the outside, spreading wider and wider until it's big enough to fit a person in it. Through the expanse I can smell sulfur.

"Marceline." A voice whispers, slow, mocking. "Maaaaaarceline."

It echoes through the hole, so much so that it sounds like a choir of similar voices. They remind me of someone I know, but I can't lay a finger on it. What could it be?

"Hello?" I ask the void. "New number, who's this?"

"How do you nooooot knoooooow? Who elssssse calls you through a wooooormhole?"

Oh! All of a sudden it hits me like fight club. "Dad! Oh my glob, hey!"

"Marcelineeeeee. I heard you're not welllllllll." He enunciates, the echoes from the wormhole not helping our cruddy connection.

"Yeah, I mean, I got a vampire cold. Nothing I can't handle though."

"Do yooooou havveeee glomp-tree saaaaap?"

"Well, we're actually pretty sure that Glomp-tree's are extinct."

"'Sssss not true. I have the lasssssssst onnneeee."

I perk up. What? "Did you just say you have the last glomp-tree?"

"I doooooo. But to recieve its saaaaap, you must do meeeee a favvvvorrrr."

Great. Awesome. Of course dad wants a favor before he'll save my life. He is the lord of darkness after all. "What, dad?"

"Yooooou mussst be my successsssssor."

"What?" I hiss. "No, we've already discussed this."

"Maaaaarceline. You mussssst. I need you to signnnnnn the documents tomorrowwwww. There is nooooo time leffffft. You've had yooooour funnnnnn."

"But I-"

"You have-" there's breakage in the connection, "-responsibility to meeeee, to the people of the niiiightttttosphere, to mama…"

The mention of my mom makes me angrier than anything he could have threatened me with. "No, you sleazeball. I'm not doing it. I'm staying here, top side."

"YOU WILL GOOOOO WHERE YOU ARE ASSSSKKKED OR YOU WILL GO NOOOOWHERE AT ALLLLLL."

I'm furious. Shapeshifting into a gorilla, I take a fighting stance at the wormhole. "GO AHEAD AND TRY, FATHER DEAREST.

A pale, luminous hand shoots through the wormhole and lashes at the air. When it finds nothing, it becomes bigger and takes up more room as it fumbles to find me. I squeeze into my closet and close the door tightly. There's no way I'm going with him. Not a single way.

"Marceline." My father pleads through his sparkly portal, voice suddenly clearer. "Please. I am no longer fit to rule the Nightosphere. I would never ask if it weren't an absolute necessity."

My vision is interrupted by the doors in the way, but I can peak out the slots enough to see his face appear in the far, far back of the wormhole. His eyes are twice their normal size and pleading. "Marcy, if you ever do anything for me…"

"You're asking me to give up my entire life."

"For power and glory!"

"I'm already queen of the vampires!" I bite back. "I have all the power and glory I want. I'd rather try out Bonnie's cures than take your place."

He stares at me with sadness in his eyes. "You're doing your old man a disservice."

"Well… with how you've been treating me lately, that might be all you deserve. Blackmailing your daughter… for shame."

I cross my arms over my chest and heave a sigh. My headache is now a migraine, and all the commotion brings stars to my eyes. "Oh."

As I begin to fall, i'm suddenly aware that my father and I aren't alone. There's a third party, doing something with a laser. A glowy green light covers my dad, paralyzing him instantly. Bubblegum turns around to open the closet door with her free hand. "I thought Jake came back." She gasps, cheeks red from exertion. "When I realized it was your dad I started running, but I tripped on the edge of my night gown and fell down the stairs. So I'm sorry that I wasn't here sooner."

I can't help but giggle a bit, not just because my Dad's face is frozen in a really stupid way, but because Bonnie came to my rescue twice in one night. I smile dorkily at her, because what else do you do when you have a migraine and dad issues and a vampire cold at the same time that you're realizing you're in total head over heels love with your best friend?

She gives me a sweet, tight hug. "I heard everything with your dad. I didn't mean to listen in, but I was falling and there was nothing else to do… but I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why don't you want to rule the Nightosphere? It seems like a win-win."

I stare at her. The immediate and true answer is that I love being a part of the outside world, but that's not even it. It's all my relationships. It's Finn and Jake. It's Bubblegum. It's LSP and the candy folks. Even Simon, weird old man that he is, has a place in my heart that only he can fill. Ever since I started letting people in, I've been terrified that I would lose them. That they would pull a PB and disappear on me. My biggest fear is a rerun of the same thing we went through already.

"I… I just don't want some old man to make my decisions for me." I lie in my angstiest, nasaliest voice. "I'm not some little kid who's going to be shepherded into the family business."

"Oh." She murmurs, looking away. "I thought, maybe…"

"What?"

"It's stupid."

"Tell me." I beg. "Please."

"I just thought that you were invested in your life here. That you loved being here… with us… with me… and you didn't want to leave. But your reasons are… are…"

Without any warning, perfect Bonnibel Bubblegum sobs into my arms. It happens so fast that I can't figure out why it's happening at all. Did i hurt her? "Bonnie, Bonnie shush…"

"Your r-reasons are good too! I'm H-h-happy…"

I guide her over to my bed and move her hair off her shoulder. "Hey, shush there. Don't cry, Bonnie. Trust me, I love being here for more than just the freedom. I was just trying to stay aloof and desensitized as usual."

She narrows her sparkly, tear-covered eyes. "You turd."

"Hey! I didn't realize that keeping my response short and sweet would make you cry!"

She shakes her pretty pink head. For the first time all evening I've realized she's crown-less. "Hey, where's your bling?"

She pats her head. "Oh." She groans, staring at me in horror. "Oh, oh no."

"Oh no what?"

"My crown. It's missing. My crown is missing." She pats her head again in disbelief. "Oh CRABOHCRABOHCRAB."

"Don't flip your lid just yet sweets. Did you even bring it with you here?"

"Of course! I sleep with it! I live in it! Sometimes I shower with it!"

"That's super weird, Bon. Don't tell people that."

"It's my crown!" She screetches, feeling around. "Did I lose it…"

Suddenly the green light that's been keeping my father paralyzed flickers off. He immediately crawls fully into the mouth of the wormhole and holds up something dimly gold and glittery. "I think you're looking for this?"

Bubblegum leaps towards him and her precious crown so fast that I don't even notice her going into a nosedive. Without warning I see her pretty pink shoe disappear through the mouth of the portal, along with the rest of her and the crown. I screech at my father who has not yet disappeared.

"If you want this one back- and i'm sure you do- you have no choice but to visit the nightosphere in the next three days. If I have not seen you by noon on the third day, I will slaughter LITERALLY everyone you know and love."

I stare at him with my mouth parted. "Even for you… that's pretty cold, man."

"But effective, since you have no choice now. These are the fun decisions you get to make as ruler of the nightosphere! I'm so excited for you to get acclimated."

"You mean you're excited about your upcoming vacation."

"Ah, tomato potahto."

I'm terrified for PB, but I don't want to tell my father that. I need her to pretend to be a badass. Wimps DON'T survive the underworld.

"Fine. I'm coming for you old man. But you're not going to like it when I show up. You stole my best girl, and for that you're going to die."

Dad smiles warmly. "I thought you two seemed pretty close. Oh well, all the more reason to find me in the nightosphere."

And with all the finality I can expect of a deadbeat dad, he slams the portal shut.

"AUUGUGGH!" I scream at the early morning sky. "WHYWHYWHYWHY."

My floor is covered in sticky bits from bubblegum's shoes, and a little bit of my spit. My heart aches to think that, moments before she was taken, she cried over me. And now i've failed her.

No. Out loud I announce, "I WILL FIND YOU, PB, AND WHEN I DO I WILL ADMIT HOW I FEEL."

Far outside my house, I can hear someone whooping. "Yeah, GO GIRL! ADMIT THOSE FEELINGS!"

I stick my head outside. In the forest on the other side of my swamp, Finn waves excitedly while Jake tries to shut him up. "No bro, she's not supposed to know you know!"

"But I'm just so happy, man. After this whole time, I finally know why PB wasn't into…aughghh!" He shrieks when I appear right next to him in my jammies. "Marceline!"

"I thought I was crystal clear, Jake."

Jake shakes. "Uh, you never said anything after I asked to tell him the last time. So I did."

"What about all the other times I told you not to?"

"They became irrelevant as soon as I asked this time."

Guh. I pick Jake up by his neck fat. "I swear, if there was a lick of red on you or in you, I'd have sucked you dry in anger by now."

"Oh Marce, i'm super grateful you haven't yet. It's one of my favorite things about you. You're so… you know… forgiving."

"I'm really not. And in light of this fault, I'm going to blackmail you turds into helping me rescue Bonnie."

"No blackmail needed, Marcy." Finn announces, holding up his sword with one good hand. "We're Princess Bubblegum's friends. We're gonna get her crown, her, and you back safely or my name isn't Finn Mertens."

I can't help a small smile from leaking out the side of my mouth. "Well, I could use the company. I'm not exactly feeling the best. Probably need someone to keep my strength up. Feed me red, guide me…"

"If we're doing all that stuff, what are you going to be doing?"

"I dunno. Supporting you guys or whatever. I just want PB back, and three is better than two. Plus, my dad had glomp-tree sap somewhere."

We stand in silence for a moment.

Jake coughs. "So. Anyone got any bug juice?"

Thanks for the read! Will the gang get P-Bubs back? Will Marcy admit she's got a crush? Will Daddy Abadeer get the pole out from his butt? Stay tuned~!

(I do not, nor will I ever, own Adventure Time.)