I went down the stairs in Ashley's house. It would probably always be Ashley's house, Ashley and her mom. Me and dad just moved in here with them. I didn't feel like I really belonged here, but then, I didn't really belong anywhere.

It was Christmas time and everything was decorated. There was the Christmas tree, the presents strewn under it, the lights outside, even the railing in the house was decorated! Okay, it looked pretty, it did. But I was Jewish. I mean, c'mon, it was sometimes hard to be around all this gentile cheer.

Knock at the door, so I answered it. Craig stood there with snow all over him, stamping his boots off on the outside mat.

"Hi, Craig. Take your boots off," I told him, and as I was going upstairs I saw Ashley go over to him and kiss him. Man, were they lucky. Not only did I live in her house, but I envied her love life, or his. I mean, I wanted one. A love life. But I wasn't exactly the type of kid the girls would clamor over. Short, kinda fat, glasses, computer nerd. I know, every girl's dream.

Depressed, I went into my room and tried to listen to the rap stuff J.T. was getting into. I wasn't into it. I couldn't follow him down this path. D.J. Crazy Puppy just wasn't doing it for me. But I figured I'd call him and at least talk to someone…make outside contact…you know. Pretend for at least a half hour conversation that I wasn't a complete loser.

So I called him and his grandma said he was out. Who was he out with? Jimmy? Manny? Whoever it was, it wasn't me. It was a tough Christmas time for this little Jew, I'll tell you. No love life and no best friend. Nothing to amuse me.

I crept down the stairs and spied on Ashley and Craig. He was smiling, ducking his head, she was peering at him, and then she handed him that gift, that guitar. Nice. Nice for them. I'd like a gift from a pretty girl, a girl who was just waiting for me to arrive from the cold and the snow. I wanted someone to rush up to me and kiss me. But whatever. Some people had that and some people didn't. I was just one of the people who didn't.

I wanted to change it. Maybe run away, go somewhere warm like California. Find some bleached blond beach chic with a string bikini and painted toenails. I could make elaborate sandcastles and collect money in an empty coffee can. Screw Toronto with its seven months of winter and not a single girl who would even glance at me. Screw J.T. and D.J. Crazy Puppy. Screw Ashley and Craig and their perfect little romance. I could make something new of myself. I could leave chubby nerdy Toby behind.

My eyes glowed thinking about it. I could eat right and exercise, maybe take up surfing like Patrick Swayze in "Point Break". I could dye my hair blond. I could never even look at another computer, throw out the T.V. My window would be my T.V. I could lay on the beach, my skin getting darker and my hair getting lighter. I could meet the cool people, surfers and valley girls. Do they still have valley girls?

I looked out at the thick snow, at the red Christmas lights on the shrubs, and it looked a little eerie beneath the snow. Eerie and pretty. I looked at the old ladies walking their medium sized dogs. I wanted to leave. I could hear Ashley and Craig talking quietly. I could almost hear love in their voices. There was no love for me. It was time to go. Toby out.