Head Three doesn't own Harry Potter or Twilight. Head One edited this whole ting. Typos galore!

(If you don't understand what's up with the heads, go read our profile. Have fun duckies!)

CHAPTER 1.

"Damn it, just damn it all!" roared Harry Potter, hurling his fist towards a mirror. Today had been horrible. First of all, he woke up and discovered his girlfriend left him for Hermione. Then, he discovered he had feelings for Ron who was seeingDraco. After accidentally getting set on fire by some snot nosed brat, he decided that his black hair would look great with flame highlights. In the end, thanks to his shoddy altering appearance spell, his bangs became magenta colored and would not turn back to black. He furiously dressed himself to look like a mime. That was the style in the club he was going to. It was called Eth Neddih. He slipped on a black and white striped shirt that had a strawberry ice cream cone on it that said "Taste me". After putting on his lucky leprechaun made boxers he put on his pants. They fit loosely from the crotch down. They had all sorts
of zippers and pockets. The pants also had suspenders that he didn't bother to bring up to his shoulders. Sneakers and a super hot black beanie came next. In his mind, he focused on the club he wanted. And soon, he was at the doors of a stone cavern, below the city of London.

Meanwhile across town, something different was happening.

"Damnit Jasper did you take my fang sharpener again?" bellowed Edward Cullen. He was dressed to the nines. Tight fittingblack pants, emphasizing his manliness, a tight fitting red and black shirt with a jaw breaker on it that said "Bite me" in fancy script. It was an irony shirt, he was a vampire and vampires bite. Jasper came out half dressed. He wore a tight fitting spandex mini skirt with striped leggings. He also wore an ultra padded and lacy brassiere. In his hand was a skimpy striped tube top.

"You mean your pencil sharpener? Here it is." yawned Jasper, slipping into his top. Edward caught it.

"Its a fang sharpener, asshole." growled the sparkling vampire. He sharpened his fangs quickly as Jasper zipped up thigh high white leather boots. Jasper disappeared, probably to stuff his bra and further feminize. Edward had found out Jasper was gay a year after them being roommates. Edward was ok with it. After all, he was a total hotty. As soon as Jasper was done, they both teleported to the doors of Eht Neddih.

Harry was scrutinized by a studly bouncer before letting be allowed in. He made a streamline through the crowd of dancing, grinding, hormone filled bodies to the bar. He ordered a C Sharp, a drink that was a combination of whatever vodka and other alcohol was left from a year ago. The drink was free, after all he was Harry Potter. Harry took out his wand and waved it over his drink, murmuring "Getmeis drunkikus". He took a large sip and began to giggle. He was so drunk.

Edward and Jasper got into the club quickly. After all, they were the Cullens, sexy beasts, all of them. Jasper immediately sprinted to the dance floor, catching the attention of several good-looking men. Soon, he disappeared into the mesh of grinding bodies. Edward super jumped up to a rocky out cropping. That was his rocky out cropping. He darkly scanned the crowd. Everyone looked so happy. They weren't vampires. They would die eventually. "Bleh. Mortals. Lame. Even Bella's lame. At least she listens to my needs at three am but still. Bleh." he thought. "Look at them," he sneered, "They haven't been what I've been through. I'm Edward fuckin' Cullen. I haven't showered in ninety years. Who's a bad ass? I am." Edward wrinkled his perfect nose. It sparkled. Maybe some alcohol would make him feel better.

Meanwhile, out on the dance floor, someone was getting his groove on. Jaz, (Jasper's drag queen name) had many mortals around him. Mostly male mortals actually. Unfortunately, none caught his eye yet. Despite the thrill of having all these guys grinding on him, none of them turned him on, until he came. This Adonis with red hair strode into the club. Skintight black and white pants clung to his legs. His muscles were emphasized by the fact that he wore no shirt, just bright red suspenders. He wore a black bowler with a red ribbon around it. His face was painted to look like a sad mime. And Jaz could never resist a flaming red head.

Shoving away all the other men, he strode up to the red head. Jaz walked about ten feet towards the stranger and dropped a ring he was wearing. He slowly turned around and bent down to pick it up. He could sense the red head was turned on. "Hello stranger," he cooed, "What's your name hot stuff?" The red head blushed crimson,

"R-Ronald but me mates call me Ron," he stuttered. Jaz leaned in and whispered, "I'm Jaz. Ron is such a hot name. do you know I have a weakness for red heads? They are so damn hot." Ron made several gulping noises. "How about you buy me a drink, unless you want to dance," continued Jaz, leaning closer and closer to Ron.

"Let's get something to drink, then I can show you my amazing skills," said Ron with more confidence. He led Jaz towards the bar.

Edward jumped down from the ledge and walked towards the crowd of people. Several girls tried to dance with him but he shoved them off. He might want to dance with them later. Edward approached the bar and sat down a stool away from Harry. "You. Bar tender. Give me a Zombie," he smirked. The bartender started to prepare his drink. In a matter of minutes a bright orange drink was sitting in front of him. It was garnished with a cherry and had a neon pink umbrella in it. Sipping it, he could taste the alcohol. If only vampires could get drunk quickly, but sadly, they cannot. It takes ten drinks to get them to show slight signs of drunkenness. And thirty-five drinks to get really smashed. He turned to the boy sitting next to him. "Nice hair," he said sarcastically. "Who let this kid into the club?" he thought, "I bet he has no magical anythings."

Harry slowly turned to the man talking to him. "Listen buddy," he slurred, "I had the worst fuckin' day of my life. My girlfriend fuckin' left me for my best friend who's a girl. I think I like my best friend who's seeing this fuckin' ass hole who wanted me dead. I was set on fuckin fire because I would not sign a picture of me as the boy who fuckin' lived because my name is Harry Potter and not the boy who fuckin' lived. Then when I decided that my hair would look cool with fuckin' flames, my fuckin' bangs turn fuckin' pink and they won't turn back to fuckin' black. Now I'm fuckin' drunk and talking to a fuckin' stranger. Fuck off and let me drink my fuckin' troubles away." Harry returned to his C#. "Stupid ass hole. He's ruining my fuckin' mood stew," he thought.

End of Chapter One.

So, our first fanfic. Quite fun. Fangirls of both series, fight us if you dare...