Kaylyne's general thoughts on the Twilight series

My first thought is: What. The. Fuck.

I'm not usually one to swear. I mean, sometimes I cuss like a sailor, but other wise I use words like 'poopie' and 'banshee.' But this book. It... I can't...

No.

Just no.

My main problem with this book is there is no aura of mystery. There is no gosh-he's-so-strong-what-is-he type thought on Bella's part. It even says on the back – Ed is a vamp. Boring.

Let's examine the formula for it's popularity. Really it's quite simple.

Main Character: An empty shell. Her details aren't described in depth, and her only personality trait is that she's clumsy, which any adolescent and many adults can relate to. Basically, she's a dress any female reader can slip on and walk around in.

Love Interest:The most beautiful, fantastic, sexy being that only thinks of Benny, Brianna, or whatever Main Character's name is. He's here 4 u babez. He's Jesus reincarnated. It's ridiculous how many times MC says 'Edward's perfect face.' So here we have every woman's dream man, and he REALLY wants MC, more than I want a puppy.

Basic Romance Storyline: Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Something happens, usually the antagonist appears and usually steals the girl in one form of another. Boy only just gets girl back. They live sappily ever after.

Crazed Fans Who Follow Every Craze: This consists of preteen girls who also like Justin Bieber and scream a lot. They usually fall in love with main male characters, like Jack in The Titanic.

Twilight. A piece of crap book series which, if I rewrote and edited, would be about thirty pages, tops. People who call this 'groundbreaking vampire fiction' are wrong. It's just another love story with sparkling people and way too much lip-biting angst. The acting in the movie isn't much better; Kristen Stewart's face looked like this :| the whole time. No kidding. And RPattz admitted in an interview he didn't like the character of Edward Cullen, which figures. He looked constipated too.

So, let's look at the names. Simple, eh? Names. But Alice makes me think of an old grandma. Could Stephanie Meyer not at least Google baby names or something? Really it isn't that hard, but names like Jasper, Edward and James are just boring and stupid. 'Jacob' could have been Adolph, which means noble wolf. Bella could have been, ironically, Adel, which means sportslike. Hah.

So, if you try to compare Harry Potter to Twilight, I will hunt you down. Harry Potter was groundbreaking. Harry Potter was amazing. I grew up with Harry – I could relate to the problems he had, he was my friend. Twilight is Meyer's fantasies of herself and a perfect man and nothing more. Twilight is a big pile of firewood which was churned out in a few months, with no meaning, no mystery, nothing. I feel disappointed in my generation.

Immediately after reading Twilight I ran to my bed and curled up with a teddy and Harry. "WHY DID CEDRIC DIGGORY COME BACK SPARKLING?" I cried while stroking my book.