SCORPION - Post 4x22 - Redeem.
Ok, so I promised myself I wouldn't do any writing until my exams were done (sorry about that by the way I kind of disappeared from here without saying anything) but then I was so angry about the end of season 4 that I had to do a little therapy fic. I honestly lost faith in the writers, I know there doing this for the cliffhanger but this last scene in the garage felt so out of character for everyone. Like who would have thought that Paige would break up with Walter so coldly in front of everyone else? Anyway, I promise once I'm done with my work there will be a lot of other fics, and a lot of Gravity for those who follow it, because I need to get some writing out of my system.
Enough with the talk, enjoy this story !
Paige POV
The interview went well, and I know that « Team Scorpion 2.0 », as they call it, has some very… valuable asset but I'm very confident in Centipede. I mean we have three geniuses, they only have one, and even if they have Cabe for the smooth talk, well they have me, and judging from the looks the guy interviewing us gave me, I'm guessing he prefers a woman's touch.
« We'll be in touch soon. I had some other pretty skilled candidates for this job but I have to say your team is in a very good position. » he declared before shaking our hands (not without a look of disgust from Sly but luckily the guy didn't seem to notice).
« Thank you, we're looking forward to it! »
So it's pretty satisfied with ourselves that we turned around, ready to leave his office. And what was my surprise when I saw that he was still on the couch in the waiting area.
« Walter? What are you still doing here? »
« I uh… I need to talk to you. And since you won't return my calls I figured I had to use this… opportunity. »
It was still painful to see him this desperate, even if I played the tough one, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that talk yet.
« I don't have time Walter, I came here with Toby and Happy and they have an appointment with the adoption agency. »
« Then let me drive you home. Please Paige, just give me a chance to say what I have to say, I won't ask you to react or anything I just… can't keep it all to myself any longer. »
« You didn't seem to have a problem keeping your little night with Florence for yourself. »
I saw that these words hurt him and I almost felt guilty for pronouncing them. But he hurt me first after all.
« I… deserved that. But come on Paige, you can't avoid me forever and just erase four years of your life, our life. I know I can't. »
Well, I'd better agree to listening to him before another conversation gets too out of hand in front of the others, whom I saw pretending they didn't hear every single word in the corner of my eye.
« Okay. Let's go. »
Walter seemed surprised, but he quickly grabbed his jacket and followed me outside, without giving a look to the others when I told them that I would see them later.
The ride was very silent, which left me with a lot of thinking. These past two weeks hadn't been as hard on me as the ones after the end of my others relationship, and until now I didn't understand why, because as angry as I was I knew that Walter was the man I had loved the most. I still loved him to be honest. Just like he said, I can't erase four years of my life just like that. And now I understood that if I didn't cry myself asleep every night since I told him that we were done, it wasn't because I was sure of my decision and ready to move on, oh no. It was because first of all I had buried myself into work with the new company, trying to convince myself that it was only for the purpose of helping Centipede, when in fact it was probably to avoid thinking too much about Walter, and most of all, it was because I didn't process the fact that it was over. I understood that now, riding in his car and looking at the concerned look on his face. I may have been the one ending things, but my subconscious was just assuming that we would get over it and eventually find each other again in the end. Because isn't that what we've done since we met? Pushing each other away when we both knew that we belonged with each other?
It suddenly hit me how hard I had been on him. I didn't tell him that I needed time to think, or that we should take a break. I told him that we were done. And of course I had every reason to be angry, but maybe this had gone a little bit out of hand, and I wasn't sure I could go back. I mean what if he started seeing Florence? She clearly stuck with him from what I saw earlier, and she admitted that she had feelings for him.
Oh god, what have I done? I felt like all the tears that I felt so guilty about not shedding were coming up just now, as I realized that maybe we were not going back together.
« Uh we're here. »
Walter's voice took me out of my thoughts and I wanted to answer but my throat felt very dry and no words could come out of my mouth. We got out from the car and when we arrived at my door, I didn't know what I should do.
« Do you mind if I come in with you? I'd really like to talk to you. » he said with a really calm voice.
It worried me how calm he was actually.
« Walter are you dating Florence? »
I know it's stupid, but I really needed to know. I had to prepare myself for what was coming.
« What? Of course no! I can't believe you… »
He made a gesture with his hand to stop himself, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
« Paige I'm not here to fight. I just have things I didn't get the chance to tell you. So now, can we go inside? »
I nodded and I unlocked my door, my hand a bit shaking holding the key. It actually had been a while since Walter and I hadn't been alone together. Even before we broke up things were not so good between us and we spent most of our last nights as a couple apart. Now I was afraid that the tough cover I tried to build myself would crumble and that I would fall into pieces in front of him.
« Do you want me to make coffee? » he asked gently as I sat down on the couch.
« No thanks. Just… Tell me what you have to say Walter. »
He came to sat down next to me, not to close so we wouldn't touch, but enough so that I could smell his perfume.
Walter's POV
I managed to stay pretty calm until then, but now that I finally got to say what I prepared in my head for two weeks, I felt a knot in my throat and it really seemed like a huge physical effort to open my mouth.
« Well first of all, as I said, I won't ask you to answer me anything. You told me that I… that I didn't satisfy you, and even if I could try harder to meet your needs, I can't change how you feel, and most of all I can't change myself. But I want you to understand that… this feeling isn't shared. I know that I didn't show you enough, and I know that… you have some insecurities coming from you past, I should have taken account of that. But Paige, you are… well you were more than enough for me. Our relationship was far from perfect, but you were everything I needed you to be. I don't need someone with a higher IQ, my entourage is full of people with whom I can talk about physics and… theories and… Hum actually was full too but… that's not the point. I'm sorry if I made you feel otherwise but you are an incredibly smart person and also the only one I can talk to about… everything else. And I'm sorry I was so clueless about Florence. You were right, I knew something was wrong in what I did, it made me sick not telling you. But it made me even sicker to think that I could hurt you and it clouded my judgement. And I also had no idea that she was developing feelings for me. I never saw her as more than a friend, like I see Happy you know. And I don't understand why she fell for me. Hell I don't even understand how someone as incredible as you could have fallen for me in the first place. I know it doesn't change what I did, but since you have history with men not… giving you the attention they should, I wanted you to know that it has nothing to do with you. You have nothing to be insecure about, because you're so beautiful, and you're smart, and funny, and an awesome mom and… I promised myself I would never make the same mistake Drew made, and that I would never take you for granted, but I guess I'm just a moron. But I need you to know I meant it, when I said you were the love of my life. You still are. And you will always be. »
I said all that in almost one breath, and I felt exhausted in the end. I kind of wanted her to answer something but I told her that I didn't expect her to, so I got up.
« I also think that this little war between our companies is silly. And I'll retire from any job interview I have in common with you. Cabe can still make us work for Homeland and I'm actually the only one on the three that really needs the money since the other two already have a job. I'm not ready to talk to Sylvester, Toby or Happy yet, but I wish you well. Oh and tell Ralph that I hope he's not too mad at me for screwing up, and that I love him. »
I couldn't bear looking her in the eyes so I had my head down the whole time and I didn't see her reaction at all. I thought it was better to keep it this way, so I turned my back and was ready to leave when I felt her grasp my wrist.
« Wait. »
I froze, but didn't turn around.
« Walter I… » her voice broke and I understood that she was crying. So I went back to sit next to her, a little closer this time. I didn't say anything, I didn't know what I could add. I just let her take her time before she finally talked.
« I didn't mean it when I said you didn't satisfy me. I was angry and there was just… such a lack of communication between us when I worked so hard to not make that a problem. I'm just so tired Walter. Tired of us wanting this to work but not managing to do it. »
« I know. Me too. I still think you're worth the effort though. We solve impossible cases as a job, I hate to think that the one we failed at is the most important of them all. »
« Because we're not a case. Not every problem has a solution. »
I felt uncomfortable, because I didn't understand were she stood. So I figured I should make my own position clear.
« Paige I don't want to force you into anything, but I'd really like to... redeem your trust and… maybe give us another shot. »
I finally met her gaze, and even if her eyes were wet, and she sure wasn't smiling, she looked soothed.
« We have a lot to work on, you know that right? »
« I'm ready to give myself full time for this. I know I can do better. I can go further than an emotionally fifteen. I love you Paige. »
« I know. I love you too. For who you are, even if I made it sound like I wanted you to change. You just… Don't put all the blame on you, we have to work on both sides. »
I felt a big weight off my shoulders. Things were going to be okay. It might take us a long time, but we were going to be okay.
« Can I… can I hold you? »
Without answering Paige just curled up against me, passing her arms around me and burying her head into my neck, and I held her as tight as I could, so I would never have to see her go again.
There you go. I didn't put it with my other one shots because I kind of want to develop this into a multi chapters fic, what do you think?