Title: Merry Christmas, My Sweet Soldier
Author: imaginary_witness
Pairings: Eruri
Characters: Levi, Erwin Smith, Nile Dok, Hanji Zoe, Nanaba
Ratings: T
Warnings: None
Genre: Alt. Universe, Romance, Holiday, One-shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Author's Notes: Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all my readers. Happy Birthday to Levi, as well.
Erwin Smith always considered the Christmas season to be a magical time of year. There was some indescribable thing about the season that he found enchanting; whether it was the bright, dazzling lights that seemed to illuminate and fight off the darkness, or the way complete strangers would come together and find peace amongst themselves through the hustle and bustle of the stressful shopping events that led up to the big day, there was something so warm and tranquil that came with Christmas that he adored. Even during his service in the military, Erwin found Christmas brought a special holiday feel with it, a warmth that no other time of year could bring to a place so drenched in metal, machinery, and gun fire.
He sighed as he let the curtain fall down from where he held it open, having spent the last twenty minutes gazing out the frost-kissed window, enamored by the twinkling, colourful lights of all the residential houses that lined his neighbourhood street. He had watched large white snowflakes falling softly to the ground from the dark sky that stretched endlessly above the city, and tried to lose himself in the reality that the city was clean and safe, happily ignorant of the gunfire, death, and turmoil that plagued cities on halfway around the globe from them. Forcing himself to stare at the tall office towers in the distance, he reminded himself that they weren't going to buckle under the sudden impact of an explosion and crumple to the ground, leaving on bodies and rubble behind. He watched families drive up to their houses, jump out of their cars, and play briefly in the snow before heading inside, carefully observing the lack of fear they had to walk the streets at night, innocent to the thought that children had to follow military-enforced curfews after dark in other cities far, far away. After spending the last four years deployed in war-torn countries, spending endless days watching enemy lines and fighting a constant gun-fuelled battle over several feet of land, Erwin had discovered he had grown accustomed to living in such conditions that made a person fear for their life, and it had become normal for him to view the world as if it had been purged with the horrors of war, even if the reality proved differently. It wasn't until he was sent home that he realized how badly serving in such conditions had effect lay him mentally, and he was thankful that for the first time in five years, he'd be spending the Christmas season back home, away from the gunfire, war, and his fellow military-members.
He turned away from the window, heading to the small black radio that sat on the makeshift bar counter, and turned the volume dial up to drown out the voices in his head that reminded him of death. He had tuned into the familiar station he knew played only holiday-themed music at this time of year, surprised to find he had no difficult recalling the station digits even after being out of the country for so long, and sighed in relief as the cheery tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer filled the silence of the room around himself. He looked to the line of drink bottles that stood alongside the radio and debated pouring himself a scotch - his favourite spirit to throw back - and his fingers even twitched in anticipation to reach out and snatch up the bottle, but he knew the alcohol would only slow his process of healing. The only reason he was spending Christmas at home for the first time in years was because his time in the military had ended rather unexpected, resulting in him being withdrawn from service due to a life-altering injury.
He had been assigned to lead a squad of troops to a city north of their base in an effort to rescue fifty hostages taken by the local opposition forces; a variety of innocent men, women, and children. His squad and himself had travelled out at night, the twenty of them leaving in three armored vehicles that could carry thirty people each under the cover of darkness, but they never made it to their destination. By morning, they had stopped in their journey, stunned when they found the road blocked by a large fence made of the bodies of the fifty hostages, all already dead and tied to pikes driven into the ground. Clearly, it was a structure constructed to serve as a message for the military to turn back, another violent sign of opposition from the local terror-based militia that had recently became increasingly violent and inhuman with every protest and conquest they made. Erwin had gotten out of his vehicle, stunned by the display of grotesque violence; each body had been stripped naked and burned, before being left to rot openly and without respect in the middle of the road. Already, the bodies were being scorched by the rising sun, and every face, regardless of sex or age, wore the same expression; eyes scrunched tightly shut or popped wide open, while their mouths were frozen open and twisted in screams of agony, revealing to whoever became an onlooker that they had been tormented to their very last breath. Large birds had descended to feast on their rotting flesh, and several bodies had already lost organs, harvested by the local animals.
Shocked by the intensity of the terrorist group's protest, Erwin stepped towards the structure, feeling for the first time that the war was a fruitless effort. He had told himself countless times in recent months that the war was close to ending, that their presence there was lessening the hostility, that they - as soldiers - were making a difference and protecting the people there from worse harm. But seeing the bodies of innocent people, of children tortured to their premature deaths, Erwin felt that there was no end to the evil that had started in the city he refused to call by its name.
"Do we take them down?" One of his cadets asked, approaching him and breaking through the ringing in his head. "Or do we call it in?"
"We can't leave them here to rot." He found himself whispering, his own voice gruff and raw with emotion; making it barely recognizable even to himself. "Take them down. We should at least make an attempt to bury them."
"It's not safe to linger here." Another cadet had called. He stayed inside the vehicle Erwin had left, hanging out of the door as he spoke. "We should call it back as a failed mission and head back."
"Zoe," Erwin replied, "What do you think our orders would be then?" He countered the woman, watching her eyes narrow as she clearly understood what it was he was implying.
"It's too dangerous." She argued, "we shouldn't approach, we don't know what they planted there."
Erwin turned his attention back to the bodies, intently staring at their positions on the poles, the material that tied to together, limb to limb. The birds carefully flew from post to post, shoulder to shoulder, avoiding any of the thin silver wire that would around each bodies torso and arms. The scene before him made him want to vomit, but it also revealed to him the truth; the bodies were rigged as a means to harm them if they attempted to take them down. And then he saw Nanaba, the golden-haired young cadet who had accompanied him towards the bodies, approached and beginning to reach up to untie the first one.
"Nooo!" He called, reaching out with his right arm to grab the boy and pull him back, despite knowing he would never close the distance between himself and the cadet in the time he needed to.
The next time he knew, a loud bang sounded, followed by a blast of heat threw him backwards off his feet and slammed him into the front of his armored vehicle. He barely heard the scream of the young cadet that was engulfed in flames, his life suddenly and unexpectedly ended by the explosion that was detonated the moment he attempted to untie the first body from the fence tripped with explosives. The next thing he was aware of was the white-hot heat that caused his body to spaz with pain, the sound of his own loud and pain-filled screams, and the pressure on his right arm as his cadet Hanji Zoe came to his rescue. He could vaguely remember being dragged into the vehicle, instructed to lay on the floor as his comrades rushed to his side, and the blood - the endless sticky blood that didn't seem to end, but rather pool around himself and stain all of them with the spoils of war. He tried desperately to move his right arm, feeling his shoulder roll but no response from his limb, and the thought terrified him more than the sharp pain did. He screamed, screamed out of fear and confusion, disoriented and afraid of why his arm would raise when he moved it to. He felt his upper arm flop uselessly against the floor of the vehicle, but got no indication from his forearm that it also rested on the floor.
"Oh God!" He screamed, "Oh God! Oh God!"
The last thing he recalled was the roar of the engine, the initial bump of the vehicle on the road as it was turned around and sped towards their base, and the thought of Nanaba's body being left behind to burn away with the fifty other hostages.
"Mercy!" He cried out, unsure of if he was screaming out to the Gods to take pity on him, his friends, or the entire human race affected by such a trivial and sick event such as war, before he fell into a dark, painful sleep.
He later found out the sleep was the result of shock, blood loss, and a sedative, given to him by Hanji as she and several others attempted to tourniquet what was left of his arm. He was driven to the base and met by a party of waiting military-doctors, who rushed to transfer him by helicopter to a nearby hospital. His hand and wrist had been completely destroyed by the explosion, and doctors later explained to him acted as a ground for his body to absorb the impact, leaving the rest of the right side of his body with relatively low-risk burns. He had suffered a concussion and broke two of his ribs and his tibia (?) as a result of being slammed into the vehicle, which they had been able to cast for him, but his right arm had been amputated from just above the elbow, effectively taking him out of the line of duty. He had spent the first three weeks of September in the hospital he had been initially transferred to, before he was moved, again by helicopter, to one in the heart of London, where extensive surgery was performed on his amputated arm to ensure future nerve function and increase the chance of limb mobility and strength. He spent until the middle of November in London, waiting for his broken bones to set and seeing a councilor who insisted he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. It took weeks for the man to make a breakthrough with Erwin, finally getting him to accept his mental diagnosis and ultimately forming a plan with him to overcome his new and unhealthy way of thinking.
When he was well enough, his councilor would take him for walks in the city, showing him the London Bridge and Big Ben, before taking him back to the hospital. The day-trips were to help Erwin become social again, and not fear society, as he had become increasingly agoraphobic and afraid to leave his hospital room. With the help of his councilor, Erwin had become strong enough to make small trips alone, however, it was challenging and exhausting for him in both a city he was unfamiliar with and in a state where he was still unable to fully control his lost limb.
He was transferred to a hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, before November ended, and from here he attended rehabilitation classes daily to eventually master life without a limb. And while he wasn't fully able to depend entirely on himself for tasks that having two functional hands was a requirement, he had met his goal of returning to his hometown of Flagstaff, three hours from Phoenix, before Christmas.
Two days ago he was brought home and settled into the comforts of his bed for the first time since he had been give two weeks to return home three years ago. He was surprised to find everything just as he had left it, cleaned on a weekly basis by his childhood friend, Nile, who had quit the military years ago in order to remain at home with his family. Nile had welcomed Erwin home, giving him a hug and preparing him dinner that night. He helped Erwin shower, then change into comfortable, breathable clothing, before staying the night with him to make sure he settled in alright.
To Nile's surprise, Erwin had woken up the next day and insisted they go out shopping for Christmas decorations, buying everything from a fresh wreath to large red bows, colour Christmas lights to gifts for the small family and friends he deeply appreciated, and enough festive food to make up for a small dinner of three. He even asked Nile to purchase a small, live, six foot tree, and set it up in the open living room adjacent to the gas-based fireplace. The dark-haired man was perplexed by Erwin's request, admitting he assumed Erwin would be too lonely and too upset to celebrate the holidays, but was surprised by the amount of fight he seemed to have for a man that returned from seeing and experiencing the chaos humanity was capable of when corrupt.
"I've been given a second chance at life," Erwin had answered him, "And I intend to celebrate the blessings humanity is capable of every day for the rest of the life I was given, rather than focus on the abominations I have witnessed the darkest humans can commit."
Nile had left him that evening, heading two blocks away to his own home to spend time with his kids and wife, and leaving Erwin to bask in the tranquility and hope that the season brought. He returned in the morning, bringing his daughter and homemade breakfast with himself, watered the tree, and strung up the Christmas lights and all the bows for Erwin, who sat and spoke to the girl. They left Erwin at midday, excusing themselves to fetch a tree of their own, to decorate in the afternoon. Erwin took the opportunity to sleep, having felt drowsy after his medicine, but woke up when his councilor called him from London to ask how he was doing. The man was pleased that Erwin focused his energy into the holiday season, genuinely glad to hear that he was reunited with old friends back home, and able to appreciate the festivities that made the holiday warm and bright.
However, as the afternoon slowly transitioned to the evening, Erwin found himself sitting in a room with a bare tree and a low glow in the fireplace. He grew distracted by the window and the families outside, and the thought of war came back to haunt him. He recalled the way he lost his arm, his friend Nanaba, and the turmoil that his life had become ever since. But greater than any of the losses he had suffered, he felt that this year's Christmas would be the hardest he had ever faced because it was the first Christmas he would be spending thousands of miles apart from his lover.
Turning his back on the scotch, Erwin headed over to the couch and stared down at the small string of colourful lights that were coiled up on the first cushion. He never had a tree with his lover before, they never had the opportunity to have their own. Each year, they would place handmade ornaments made of popsicle sticks or pompom balls to the main tree in their base, but since he had been taken out of active duty - and his lover was still able to serve - he realized it was going to be their first Christmas they didn't spend together, even as minimalist as they had in the past.
"Levi," Erwin whispered his name to himself, biting his lower lip and attempting to hold back tears. He could hear the explosion like a booming thunder in the back of his mind, only this time he wondered if it was Levi - not Nanaba - that hadn't made it out, that he couldn't pull to safety in time. His lower lip trembled and his sea blue eyes filled with tears.
The room was suddenly dark, and Erwin glanced around in surprised before realizing that the sun had completely set and the dim lights no longer illuminated the room as brightly. He became conscious of the song on the radio, changing to the low deep tones of Elvis Presley's 'Blue Christmas,' and the lyrics ran through his mind as he thought of his lover.
"He's a fighter." Erwin growled, forcing the words out, "He's going to be alright. And he'd want me to be alright too."
He cut the flimsy cardboard that held the lights together with a pair of large scissors, then lifted the stump of his right arm up and out. He wasn't supposed to use it for heavy lifting, but he figured a string of lights was fine, and slipped the circle of lights over his arm. He found he could feel the weight of the lights against his limb, a sensation that he hadn't felt for a long, long time, and it restored his hope for the future.
"Even if he can't be here to see it, I'm gonna make sure that when I'm done, this is gonna be the best, frumpy-looking Christmas tree Levi ever saw." He mumbled, before beginning to circle the tree, laying the string of multicoloured lights on the fresh-smelling branches.
The more lights that began to fill up the tree, the more he felt consumed by the spirit of Christmas himself, and it wasn't long until he found himself embodied by an energy he hadn't expected to feel in his injured, fragile body. He could feel an energy pulse through him that sharpened his sense despite his heavy painkillers, and inspired him to create a space full of festive decorations and cheer. When the tree was completely wrapped in lights, Erwin plugged them in and smiled at the familiar sight of a multi-coloured tree. It brought the idea of childhood to him, innocent, carefree childhood, and he felt a small lump form in his throat at the thought of his childhood Christmas mornings. He recalled the way his mantle used to be perched with garlands of pine branches, and the way his stocking was hung and full of chocolate.
Inspired, he grabbed a long strand of pine from the garlands he had Nile purchase for him and pressed it firmly into place on the mantel. Unable to wrap a strand of Christmas lights around the pine garland as his parents would, he simply lay the lights above the pine garland, letting the green cord blend where it fell, before adding its plug to the outlet on the extension chord with the clicker-switch to toggle the entire display on or off, and illuminating the room.
He stepped back to admire his handiwork, before feeling that the image remained incomplete. He thought for a moment, aware that he hadn't purchased stockings with Nile, then headed towards the hallway. He stopped and took out the rod he used to access the attic door, pulling the stairs down from the ceiling for him to ascend. Up in the attic was dark, but largely spacious. Despite the dust, he manage to locate the box he was looking for, grabbing it and pressing it against his chest with his left arm. He was careful heading back down the stairs, coming to re-enter the living room just as "Up on the Rooftop" began to play on the radio. The cheery festive tune caught his attention and he began to shake his hips in time to the jingle bells as he sang along, feeling the joy of the season run throughout himself. He hung up his bright red stocking with fluffy white trim, admiring his name embroidered in gold thread on the sock, then hung up another red stocking that had no name written on it. This would be Levi's; even if they were apart he wanted to make sure he had something to show he was close to him during the season, so he settled on decorating as if they were still together.
He glanced over at the stocking, considering asking Nile to take him out to get it embroidered, then shook his head at the thought. It was Christmas Eve, and all the shops were closing early tonight. There would be no way to have the name added to it now, but the thought brought a smile to his lips as it made him imagine his lover's reaction to such a gesture: a comical denial to mask over his genuine flattery.
Erwin had met Levi when the man had been deployed overseas with him. To his surprise the man was an impressive leader that had a brilliant gift for making on-the-spot decisions that kept majority of his colleagues alive. Erwin had found himself drawn to the man as if he were a satellite, and once he got past the man's professional barricade, he found himself falling head over heels in love with the devilish personality underneath a well-composed soldier's guise. Their original two year deployment was extended by choice to four, and then mandated to six. They had been dating for five years, two of which they had decided to carefully keep their relationship a secret from the rest of the military for fear of harassment. It had been Levi's idea to go public with their relationship, and despite countless protests from Erwin, the fierce little man simply pulled him down by the collar and passionate kissed him in front of the entire mess hall the morning of Valentine's day just short of four years ago to this day. Levi's warm lips were inviting, his hands tightly clenched in fists where he held Erwin, holding him against himself, and unseen to everyone in the room, Erwin could feel the younger man's body trembling with fear as he pressed himself the taller man. He had been frozen in shock until he realized the trembling was from Levi and not himself, so he did the only thing a man in love could do, and that was to hold his lover in his arms and kiss him back with enough passion to reassure him that despite the outcome he would never reject him. It startled him with a loud applaud broke out around them, with several of their comrades loudly cheering them on as they kissed until they eventually broke apart - blushing from embarrassment and gasping from being out of breath - only to hold hands and lose themselves staring into the other's eyes.
Erwin smiled at the memory and made to touch his lips with his right hand, only to feel the odd tingle that he felt whenever he made to use his lost limb. The doctors had told him it was a sensation he would get used to, as it would never go away; his nervous system would never be able to understand that his right arm was gone forever, so it would send dead signals to his brain, as if his arm was still attached. The signals no longer frightened him as they once did, and he sighed as he felt the tingle fade out at the place where his right arm abruptly ended, standing still with his head bowed and his eyes closed until the sensation vanished completely.
He wondered how Levi reacted when he heard the news of his injury. He wondered how Levi felt about spending Christmas alone. He opened his eyes and his gaze settled on the stocking hanging from the mantle; if Levi were here he would have gotten it customized for him.
The radio broke through his thoughts again, this time beginning to play Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas, and the song brought a smile to Erwin's lips yet again. He pulled another bright red sphere out of the box he had brought down from the attic and stared at his distorted reflection in the side of the ornament. He sighed, placing the ornament on the tree and then stepped back to observe the scene now: now it was beginning to look like a Christmas tree.
He smiled a crooked smile at the scene, unable to truly appreciate the festive decorations without his lover by his side. Then he licked his lower lip, lifted the box against his chest with his right arm, and began to add the finishing touches to the tree by adding the rest of the crimson red ornaments.
A noise on the other side of the room caused him to whip his head around and he froze in place. His entire body felt cold and stiff, and he bit his lower lip, confused and afraid as another sound caught his attention. The sound was familiar, as if a door was being unlocked, but distorted in his broken mind the sound resembled the loading of a rifle, the slide of the magazine into the well. He held his breath, suddenly afraid, on the verge of beginning to question reality, when the front door pushed itself open and the familiar sight of his lover stepping over the threshold before shutting the door behind himself appeared.
Erwin opened his mouth and closed it several times, trying to find the words to make the scene real. The dark-haired man had his hands in his pockets and stomped the snow of his boots, his cropped black hair hanging in his face, before he looked up at smiled at Erwin. He seemed genuinely surprised by the Christmas decorations, then his silver eyes filled with worry and adoration as they settled on Erwin's missing limb, and he bit his lower lip, trying not to let his emotions overwhelm him.
"Merry Christmas, Erwin!" Levi called out softly, breaking the silence that until then had only been broken by the radio changing songs again.
Erwin opened and closed his mouth again, attempting to make any words, before he placed the ornament box down on the couch, never taking his eyes off the small man that stood in the entrance of his house. Once his hand was empty, he closed the distance between them easily, coming to place his right arm on Levi's shoulder and tilting his chin up with his left hand.
"Levi?" He breathed his name, both excited and surprised that the man was actually standing before him, and not leagues around the globe. "You're really here?"
"I am," Levi replied, blinking the snow off his eyelashes as he looked up at his tall, blonde lover. "I'm right here." He whispered, reaching up and placing his arms around torso, hugging himself tightly into the bigger man's chest.
"Levi!" Erwin cried out suddenly, tightly his hold around the smaller man and holding him closely to himself. He released him as suddenly as he had embraced him, only to lift him up and support the man against his body with his left arm, scooping him up so he could taste his lips once more. "I've missed you!" He managed to whisper between kisses, his voice gruff with emotion. "God, I've missed you so much!"
"I missed you-" Levi replied, breaking their kisses in an attempt to respond only to be cut off by the blonde pulling him closer for another kiss. "I've missed you too. My heart. My angel."
Erwin set Levi down on his own feet, then hugged him closer. He felt the man's arms wrap around his own torso, and gasped for breath, before realizing he was crying.
"Shh," Levi comforted him, rubbing his back, "I'm here, 'Win. I'm really here."
Erwin pulled away, realizing he had been mumbling the same statement of "you're not real" over and over until then. He kept his left arm around his lover's waist, staring intently into his silver eyes.
Levi took his lover's hand and placed it against his cheek, then guided it to run down his throat, along his collarbones, and down his torso. "I'm real, see? Touch me, feel me. I'm here. I'm yours."
Erwin nodded, feeling the man's lithe body beneath his clothing. He was poorly dressed for the snow, wearing only a light jacket over a grey button up shirt and dark jeans. His skin, were Erwin had touched him, had been cold, so he pulled his hand out of Levi's only to take hold of his left hand.
"Come by the fire." He urged, "Warm up, my love."
Levi chuckled, then tugged at Erwin's hand. "Let me take my boots off." He replied, then offered Erwin his left hand to hold again. He bent over, stripping the knots from his laces with his right hand, then stepped out of his boots, and followed his lover over the fireplace. He slipped his jacket off, hanging it on the back of a nearby chair, then sat on the floor before the fire and sighed in content at the feel of the heat from the flame.
Erwin sat behind him, wrapping around him from behind and holding him close to his chest. He sighed, kissing and nuzzling his face against the delicate curve of his lover's throat, then began to kiss at the shell of his chilled ear.
Levi chuckled, finding Erwin's kisses amusing. "Is that one mine?" He asked, pointing out the stocking on the fireplace without a name.
Erwin looked up, surprised by his lover's question, then smiled against his neck. "Mmh, yes." He whispered, "That one's for you."
Levi chuckled, wrapping his hands around Erwin's left arm, which was wrapped around his torso, then turned to kiss Erwin's warm lips.
"I'm so glad you're here." Erwin began, pulling away from Levi's lips to gaze into his bright eyes, "But I'm confused. How are you here?"
Levi chuckled, watching his lover's thick eyebrows pinch together as he tried to piece together how in the world the smaller man had made it all the way to where he was when he hadn't been in direct contact with him for weeks.
"Easily enough." Levi teased, then became serious in his response. "I was informed about the situation almost immediately but you were taken to the hospital so I couldn't leave my station to visit you. I pestered the top brass for quite a while about updates, until they finally admitted that you were being sent back to America. So I turned in my resignation papers and informed them that I wanted to be home with you, since you would probably need someone to care for you-"
"You quit?" Erwin asked, completely baffled by Levi's cool demeanor. The smaller man had loved his job, not only because he excelled in it but because he was proud and quite invested in it. "You love being a soldier!"
"I love being your soldier more." Levi replied easily, reaching up to run his fingers through Erwin's silky blonde hair. "Besides, we're getting older, 'Win. I've been shot three times in our careers, and you lost your arm. It put a lot of things into perspective for me. There's a whole ton of new blood that just arrived; I'm sure the military can handle itself. Six years is a long time to be on the frontlines."
Erwin nodded, following Levi's logic. "I can't believe they let you quit so easily." he mumbled, "But I'm grateful you're here, never mind the reasons." he chuckled.
Levi chuckled as well, reaching up to grab Erwin's hand and hold it in his own. "They weren't happy that I was quitting." he explained, "but they admitted they saw it coming. Really, I should have stayed until at least the summer, even after I quit, but I guess that's just the perk of being so highly regarded as a soldier."
Erwin nodded, then pressed kisses against Levi's hair. He inhaled his scent, able to differentiate from the various odors that he picked up on his travels home to indulge in the scent that was uniquely Levi's – sweaty, salty, and musky, but still somehow clean. He squeezed him gently against his chest, filled with warmth and adoration and love, and let himself be lost in the thought that he was finally reunited with his lover, until Levi squirmed against his chest.
"You were decorating the tree?" he asked him, turning to gaze at the half-finished tree. "I interrupted you."
Erwin smirked, loosening his arm around Levi so that he could get up and wander if he wanted to. "I was trying to get it done to send you a picture before tomorrow." he confessed, "I wanted to spend my first Christmas out of service with you, but I figured you would still be deployed."
Levi bit his lower lip, trying not to let Erwin's confession overwhelm him emotionally. He stood up, headed over to the box of ornaments on the couch, and pulled out a bright blue sphere. "I like my plans to celebrate Christmas better." He stated, then glanced over to smirk at Erwin so the blonde knew it was one of his lame jokes. He hung the ornament up on the tree, then stepped back to admire his work.
"I do too." Erwin replied, letting his eyes roam up and down Levi's slender body as the dark-haired man continued to place ornaments on the tree. He had never been to Erwin's house before, so the blonde was interested in his reaction to the various items around him; he noted how Levi paused to read what some of the ornaments said, cautiously handling them in his fingertips, as if he considered them to be of great importance. It gave Erwin a reassuring feeling that Levi truly loved him back, a feeling that helped him counter the delusion that Levi would forget him after he was injured and physically dis-armed that had somehow been conjured up in his mind as he lay in the hospital bed for days after countless surgeries.
"Erwin?" Levi's voice broke through the musing of the blonde's mind, and he gave his head a brief shake to clear it of what Levi was saying.
"Mh, yes, Levi?"
"I think I kinda lost you there." Levi replied, his voice smooth but full of concern.
"I was just convincing myself that you're really here." Erwin replied, then flashed a smile. "With all the medications I've been put on, it's easy for me to believe this is all a dream."
"A good dream, right?" Levi teased, turning around to pick up another ornament. He wiggled his hips, teasing Erwin with his rear, then turned to smirk at him. Erwin, as he expected, was staring directly at his ass, clearly hypnotized.
"A very, very good dream." Erwin replied, letting his voice drop in pitch to emphasize his desire for the smaller man.
Levi blushed, then hung the ornament on the tree. "I hope you don't mind me finishing this up for you?" he asked, aware that Erwin was an independent man and probably didn't want to be seen as disabled after losing his arm.
"Not at all!" Erwin replied, understanding Levi's attempt to vaguely question his feelings about his injury. "I'm glad you're helping me out, Levi. I'm really glad you're here. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Levi blushed again, this time the colour becoming a prominent rosy stain on his cheeks. Erwin licked his lower lip, feeling a rush of heat that had nothing to do with the fireplace behind him course throughout his body. "I'm- I'm gonna go make us some hot chocolate." he began, suddenly aware that his throat felt dry.
"That sounds good." Levi replied, stretching up on his tip-toes to reach a higher branch.
"My grandmother's recipe." Erwin teased, giving Levi a wink when the man finally met his eyes.
"Oh! I love her recipe! You're spoiling me!" Levi gushed.
Erwin chuckled, heading into the kitchen. He made the drink for Levi only twice before, when they had been lucky enough to have the ingredients for it one Christmas back at their base. It involved cocoa powder, of course, but also cinnamon, nutmeg, caramel, molasses, and Levi's favorite, a few shots of bourbon.
Erwin turned the electric kettle on to boil, then began to gather the ingredients together on the counter. The kitchen was dark, but he only switched on the light above the store to see what he was doing; something about the season made him appreciate the early darkness a little bit more than usual, and now that Levi was here he found himself oddly comforted by it. As he waited for the water to boil, he watched Levi in the reflection of the front room window, walking around the tree and filling it up with ornaments, taking time to precisely place each one so that the tree was beautifully and artfully done, and not just thrown haphazardly together. Erwin appreciated Levi's dedication, which the man extended to whatever it was he was doing. He was known in the military for not taking tasks when he couldn't give them his full attention, and it was this dedication that fuelled his decision to leave the military behind to remain by Erwin's side, the blonde was sure of it. As a couple, they had been a powerhouse for the military, taking important jobs both separately or together with the squads, but ensuring that every task got done. Erwin had been on the missions with him when he had been shot, but each time Levi was transferred out of country for surgeries, Erwin was denied leave to be by his side. Each time, Levi returned to the base six weeks later, as if he had never been taken out of the action at all.
But Erwin knew that under his mask of determination, Levi had been injured and those injuries never fully went away. He noticed how his run-time had decreased after taking a bullet to the calf, and he noticed how the dark-haired man would make pained faces after moments of heavy running or lifting after he returned from being shot in the ribs. They were growing older, and they had been through a lot for their country, but it concerned Erwin being under the same domestic roof with Levi that he had been under with his parents.
When his father finally passed away, many years after his mother, the house had been left to Erwin as the sole heir, but he had been deployed for several years at the time. Unsure of what to do, Erwin had left the house empty, only to be cared for on a monthly basis by his close friend, Nile, until he would returned. He had thought of bringing Levi back with him to Flagstaff and staring a new life here, but now that they were here he was suddenly afraid for any changes that their relationship would face. In the military, they were inseparable, renown for working, sleeping, and even breathing as one entity, even before their relationship was found out. Now that they were back home, Erwin was sure they would eventually learn things about the other that wouldn't have come up in the last few years; things, such as hobbies or interests, that they wouldn't have mentioned as they wouldn't have been able to do so before. Or perhaps their friends and family would create conflicts that they wouldn't have been bothered by living together on the base.
Erwin sighed, pouring the water into two mugs overtop of the cocoa powder. He could hear Levi singing along to 'Come All Ye Faithful' as he decorated the tree, and he forced himself to push the thought of arguing with Levi out of his mind. His father often told him he focused too often on the negatives, and he was sure with Levi's dedication and determination to find solutions, the man wouldn't leave him over something as trivial as a mere argument. Their love, he knew, was too deep to be so suddenly broken, and after living with someone and fighting for their survival, it was easy to see problems as nothing more than problems affecting one's judgment.
Erwin brought Levi's cup of warm cocoa out to him, handing it to him before heading back for his own.
"Do you remember that first tree we had?" Levi asked him, catching him off guard. "That ridiculous thing with the creepy red balls."
"Oh! Oh, yeah! That...fucking...what was it? A coconut tree?" Erwin began to laugh, recalling the spindly looking tree from years ago. "Didn't Hanji Zoe and...and who else made that silly thing?"
"Yeah! That's what it was!" Levi laughed as well, placing his drink down on the coffee table and moving the box of ornaments off the couch so Erwin could take a seat on the comfortable sofa and not the floor again. "Mike. Zacharius, from my squad. They wrapped the trunk in that foil-y green tinsel, and the white Christmas lights. And they hung bunches of those bananas off it!"
Erwin laughed again, "I forgot about the bananas." he admitted, "But I remember now, the lights- they would sometimes cut out, remember? And whenever they were on, they would reflect the tinsel on the bananas, and make them look really green!"
Levi snickered with laughter, placing two red circular ornaments together, side-by-side, in reference to the way their coconut-Christmas tree had only two red balls hanging on it. "Just for Hanji and Mike."
"Too bad we don't have the rest of the ornament." Erwin joked, referring to the way on the coconut-tree the first red ball was Rudolph's red nose and the second was a creepy looking Santa Claus's nose.
"Good enough!" Levi laughed, "I'm actually glad I don't have to see that creepy looking Santa this year!"
"Me too!" Erwin replied.
They fell into a small silence, in which they both sipped at their warm drinks. Levi continued placing ornaments on the tree, occasionally turning to Erwin and requesting where he wanted it to be placed, much higher than he could reach without standing on his toes. Erwin smiled, finding a reassurance to his original anticipations that he had about their relationship in the kitchen. Clearly they both felt a difference towards each other as they embraced quiet moments with ease but strained smiles, but Erwin could tell that these moments were more from their new environment of peace, safety, and tranquility, rather than any changes to their own relationship.
"Levi?" Erwin asked, suddenly finding his voice as an instrumental version of Carol of the Bells was played throughout the room.
"Mh?" Levi replied, humming his response around the lip of his cup as Erwin caught him mid-sip.
"I was just wondering...how was your childhood, on Christmas?"
The blonde let the words hang in the air, unsure if they were the right ones to say. He didn't know very much about Levi's family as the man never volunteered any information about them, and as they sat in his own family's home, decorating with his traditional ornaments and drinking his family's hot cocoa recipe, he wondered if there was a way he could incorporate even just one thing that made Christmas Christmas for Levi.
To his surprise, Levi smiled at the memory of Christmas. He placed his cup down shakily, but Erwin couldn't tell if the slight tremor in his arm was because of the nerves about the subject or because of the bullet he had taken in his tricep the year before he had met Erwin.
"Christmas," Levi began, pausing to run his tongue slowly over his lower lip, "Was a bit of a hard time for my family, I suppose. But it never disappointed me."
Erwin changed his posture, wiggling in his seat and crossing his legs at the knee so that he could fully indulge in what Levi was about to tell him.
"My father was a soldier, and he passed away when I was two years old."
"I'm so sorry, Levi." Erwin whispered, saddened by the news.
"Thanks, but I mean, I never really knew him, right? He was deployed overseas, so even when he was alive, I never really knew him." Levi exhaled heavily, "But the season was always magical, even if my family was small. I grew up in the town of Cedarburg, Wisconsin, so there was always snow and bright skies. It was magical."
Erwin nodded, finally able to put a name on the kind of accent that stressed the vowels slightly differently than his own home-state.
"My uncle would come to visit, and my grandfather, until he passed away. He was a veteran, my mom's dad. My father's family was never in the picture either, I don't think I met any of them at all. My uncle was a veteran too, but he lives in Canada, so we didn't see him often. Every year he'd bring me all these chocolates and candies."
"It must've been a small Christmas then," Erwin mused, unable to relate. "Three or four of you every year."
Levi nodded, "It was always small, smaller after my grandfather passed. After I enlisted in the military, my mom moved to live with my uncle, so it became a little lonely for me at first. I volunteered for a few Christmases, working in churches or shelters. It felt good, you know? To be there for someone, and make their season a little less...disappointing."
Erwin nodded, finding his throat dry from emotions again. Levi was a caring, compassionate, beautiful man, and he was overwhelmed by how much the man had done for humanity in his lifetime. "My family Christmases were nothing like that," Erwin replied in a low voice, looking at the floor. He couldn't explain why he felt ashamed that he had such wonderful Christmas memories that involved presents, warmth, lots of family, music, food, and love. "My dad had eight siblings, my mother four, so lots of relatives would come over and see us on Christmas. Our house was almost always bursting at the seams to accommodate them all. Truth be told, I'm not sure where any of my cousins are, or if I have contact with them anymore, we stopped having the large family gatherings when I was in my late teens and all my parents' siblings started to get too old or sick to make the trips. But there was always lots of family, food,...love."
Levi smiled, rolling a round ornament between his fingertips and trying to read Erwin's emotions. "That sounds a little chaotic for me." he replied, smirking when Erwin looked up at him in surprise. "My family gatherings were really small compared to that, but I can't imagine how I would survive that many other children." He laughed.
Erwin chuckled, "Were you a shy boy then?"
"Not shy, no." Levi mused, trying to find a way to describe himself perfectly in one or two words. He turned back to the tree and hung up the ornament. "I'd say I was more...sophisticated."
Erwin laughed.
"No, I think that's the word I'd use." Levi playfully defended himself, "I enjoyed sitting with the adults, listening to them talk. I liked being a child too, I mean what kid doesn't? But I didn't want to run around and get dirty and play with other kids, I'd rather sit around and read or something."
Erwin's blue eyes sparkled in wonder as he met Levi's gaze. "You liked to read?" He asked, "What books did you read?"
"Anything." Levi replied, "But I suppose my family's Christmas tradition was to read every Christmas book we owned. And I would get another one every year so it got a bit overwhelming." He chuckled.
"You got books for Christmas?" Erwin asked, completely surprised. "I never met another boy that asked for books for Christmas. I thought I was the only one."
"You nerd!" Levi teased him, then shrugged. He took a sip of his hot chocolate and placed the cup back down, the tremors continuing so Erwin knew it was the scar tissues and not the subject that caused Levi to shake with nerves. "I asked for one Christmas story a year. And Santa delivered, every year."
"Santa?" Erwin teased him, "You believe in Santa Claus?"
"He's real. I swear it." Levi chuckled, "It's a secret that...only people born on Christmas know."
"You're born on Christmas?!" Erwin asked, his voice rising and his eyes widening. "That's tomorrow, Levi!"
Levi burst into laughter, watching Erwin jump in his seat. "I am."
"How come you never told me?!" Erwin asked, leaning forwards in his chair.
"I'm surprised you didn't steal my documents to read it." Levi laughed, "But no, I'm a Christmas baby. I never wanted it to go around the army, and if you gave me a gift or said happy birthday - you know the Jesus Messiah jokes that would follow. I just, I didn't want to risk it."
Erwin chuckled, "What? That you could stop the war because you were Jesus?"
Levi rolled his eyes and threw one of his upturned hands in the air. "Exactly." he mocked.
Erwin laughed, "What do you want to do for your birthday then?" he asked. "I know there's not much I can do for a present, but maybe we can go out and have a nice breakfast somewhere tomorrow?"
"Would anywhere be open?" Levi asked, confused.
"Yeah, a great place just down the road called my friend Nile's."
Levi started laughing.
Erwin waited until he had stopped to tease him a little more. "So, Santa, huh?" He asked, biting his lower lip and refraining from poking at Levi with his toes.
"Santa is real." Levi repeated, "I know he is."
"Have you seen him?" Erwin asked, "C'mon, Levi. I hate to be the one to burst the bubble for you, but I'm a reasonably scientific guy. When I was eight I stayed up all night, determined to catch him and you know what I found?"
Levi smirked and waited for Erwin to continue, rolling his eyes at the blonde.
"I saw my parents putting the presents under the tree and eating all the cookies."
"That's not true!" Levi protested, "Santa Claus is real."
It was Erwin's turn to laugh at how adorably childish Levi sounded. It was hard to believe the man that was so highly regarded as a military soldier - now veteran - believed so firmly in Santa Claus.
"Honest." Levi continued, "If Santa isn't real, who sent me all the presents-"
"Your mu-"
"When I was alone on Christmas?" Levi finished.
Erwin stopped laughing and gaze Levi a puzzled look, tilting his head slightly to the side. "What?" he asked.
"Exactly." Levi replied, "I still received presents, in my home, under the tree. Always what I wanted or needed, always my size or favorite colour. Always wrapped well, and definitely not something that a stranger would know to give me."
"Like...what?" Erwin asked, trying to find a logical explanation to what Levi was telling him.
"For starters, a Christmas book, every year."
Erwin's eyes widened and he looked down, completely stumped by what Levi was telling him.
"I was a skeptic too," Levi teased Erwin, "I grew up in an apartment, so when had no fireplace. I would tell my uncle that Santa wasn't real, that he wouldn't be able to come because there was no chimney he could come down. But every year there was a gift, and a book, and not just for me but for my family as well. They all got something under the tree too."
Erwin smiled, finding a warmth spread throughout his chest as Levi told him about his past Christmases. He got up and wrapped his arm around Levi, letting his right arm rest on the man's shoulder. "Well, he brought you home to me, so I'm a believer too." he teased.
Levi chuckled, wrapping his arms around Erwin's waist. They stayed embraced for a moment, feeling the warmth of the other against their body and enjoying being held by their lover again. Silent Night began to play on the radio, indicating their embrace was longer than a song, so they pulled apart and resumed decorating the house. Erwin began to sing along to the slow tune as he watched Levi finish decorating the tree with him. The small man shook the box when it was empty, checking to see that nothing was left under any cardboard panels, then clapped his hands together to smack the glitter off them. He picked up his cup, taking the last sip of cocoa from it, then placed it beside the empty box on the table.
Erwin finished his cocoa as well, placing it on the side table beside the sofa, before reaching out and taking Levi's hand, then lifting their arms and circling Levi under them. He began to sing along to the radio again, now playing Come Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, his voice a smooth bass that enveloped them and brought Erwin's favourite smile to Levi's face. They swayed and danced together, not quite following any particular rhythm, but rather making their own, until they felt too tired to stay on their feet for much longer. Afterwards, they retired to the couch, curling up side by side and entwining their arms as they held hands. It was a little after midnight when they finally cuddled close, yawning and barely able to keep their eyes open much longer.
"Erwin?" Levi asked, breaking their descending silence. He snuggled against him, trying to rouse the man from his approaching slumber.
"Mmh, Levi?" Erwin replied, his fair lashes fluttering as he opened his eyes and lifted his head from where he had been leaning on the smaller man's shoulder.
"It's Christmas." Levi whispered, smiling at the blonde. "Merry Christmas, Erwin!"
Erwin smiled back at Levi, then pulled his left hand out of Levi's so that he could throw his arm around him instead. He leaned in and kissed him, stealing the very breath from Levi as he let their tongues entwine. He pulled away, licking the saliva from Levi's lips and feeling the gentle tremors of bliss race throughout his lithe body beneath his fingertips, only to gaze into his eyes and hold him tightly.
"Merry Christmas, my sweet soldier." he whispered to him, holding him tightly until they both fell asleep. "And happy birthday."
It was early in the afternoon when the first rays of sunlight had managed to creep around the Christmas tree and cause Erwin's vision to turn golden beneath his eyelids. He shifted, trying to fall back into the pleasant sleep he had been unconsciously enjoying, then ground his teeth together in order to silence his scream as pain shot through his arm and down his spine. He realized sleeping in had caused him to miss his morning medication, so it was with some level of dissatisfaction that he opened his eyes and surrendered to waking up.
He immediately gazed down at Levi, curled in his lap and pressed against his chest, and felt euphoric warmth run throughout his body at the sight of him. He squeezed him gently, trying not to wake him but selfishly desiring to make sure he was still warm and real, and smiled as the man mumbled softly in his sleep.
"-'Win."
"Huh?" Erwin asked, surprised that Levi said his name.
"-stmas, 'Win." Levi mumbled again, his eyes squeezing shut as he too attempted to fight waking up.
Erwin chuckled, leaning back into Levi so he could kiss at his cheeks and chin, "Mmh?" He teased, humming against Levi. He knew the man never admitted it but it was one of his favorite things Erwin would do, so he did it to persuade his lover into waking up and spending the day with him.
Levi reached out and hugged Erwin, holding his around neck and sightlessly searching for his lips. Erwin chuckled and surrender, kissing Levi and holding his waist, unable to move now that the smaller man was straddling his waist and clinging onto his chest.
"Wake up baby," He teased him, "I love you."
Levi reluctantly opened his eyes, then smiled at Erwin. "I love you too-" he stopped mid-sentence, becoming blinded by the bright sunlight as it reflected off all the glittering tree ornaments. He raised his hand to block the glare from the window and gasped in surprise at the tree.
Erwin turned at Levi's expression of surprise and his own mouth fell open in shock. Their stockings hung full of chocolates, ribbons, candy-canes, and bows, and under the tree several presents were nestled, all gracefully wrapped with crisp, gold paper, and bright red bows. And left right in the center of the coffee table, an arm's distance from where they had been sleeping, was a porcelain white place, with three Christmas cookies left on it: two reindeers and a Santa Claus face. The cookie of Santa was the only one with a bite taken out of it.
"He came!" Levi gasped, barely able to believe his eyes. "I told you Santa would come!"
Erwin chuckled weakly, unable to find a logical explanation for what just happened. Nile Dok did not have the means or the access to do this, and nobody else had been informed that he had returned home. "I don't- I can't believe." he whispered.
Levi untangled himself from beside Erwin and picked up a small, flat present from the pile, his actions precise and sophisticated. Erwin could almost imagine a younger Levi, not very different in looks or size, doing the exact same thing on Christmas morning years ago. The dark-haired man brought the present back with him to cuddle next to Erwin, then tore off the paper to reveal an illustrated book of Clement Moore's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.
"He really is real, huh?" Erwin chuckled, laughing as Levi's face lit up with a mischievous smile. The dark-haired boy nodded, watching his lover indulge in the glow that Christmas brought with it.
"Only to those born on the twenty-fifth," Levi teased him, letting his vague response hang in the air for the blonde to muse over.
Erwin hugged Levi tight to his chest, kissing the top of his head and then the tip of his nose until the smaller man looked up so he could kiss his lips.
"Merry Christmas, Levi." Erwin whispered. He took the book out of Levi's hands, placing it on the sofa beside them, then picked Levi up and into his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly against himself, grateful that he had his lover with him this Christmas day. "And happy birthday, my love."
"Merry Christmas," Levi whispered back to Erwin, wrapping his arms around the man's neck and cuddling close to him, "my sweet soldier."