A Series of Unfortunate Events
Spring Break is a time of rest and relaxation. It's a chance for friends to get away and blow off some steam between school semesters. Most people return from their vacations refreshed and revived, eager to share the tales of their adventures with their friends. This isn't one of those tales.
Reggie Peterson was a portly boarder control officer for the United States of America and he had been working at the San Ysidro border for a little over eight months. He had just started his shift on the evening of April fifteenth at eleven pm when he happened upon a trio of young teenage girls. He had been on vehicle inspection duty and as he cruised down the line of cars his eyes rested on a badly beaten up Winnebago. He eyed the vehicle with apprehension. The walls had been smashed, the roof badly dented and the exhaust pipe was within an inch of dragging along the ground; it looked like an elephant had trampled it in a furious rampage. With a nod to his partner he cautiously approached the RV and tapped on the driver's window.
Reggie waited while the window rolled down to reveal a young auburn haired bespectacled teen. She greeted him with a dead stare.
"Is there a problem officer?" Daria asked in bored monotone.
"Ma'am, can you and your passengers step out of your vehicle and present all of your official documents." He said in a firm tone.
Daria wound up the window and turned to the other passengers. Jane sat beside her, slowly shaking her head as she turned to Quinn. Quinn looked at the two girls questioningly.
"What?" Quinn asked as she felt the heat of Jane and Daria's deathly glares.
"I could kill you right now." Daria muttered as she retrieved their papers from the glove box and made her way to the exit.
***
"I still don't know about this sweetie, San Diego is a long drive especially by yourself. Are you sure you don't want me or your father to come with you?" Helen stood on the top step of the Morgendorffer residence and looked down at her eldest daughter with concern.
Daria rolled her eyes, "I'll be fine Mom, besides I won't be alone Jane's coming too remember?"
"Yes I know, but don't you think that a parental figure should go with you? I mean you are checking out a college to attend next year..." Helen looked hopefully at Daria. She knew day would come when Daria would no longer need her to nurture and protect her, she just couldn't believe the time had arrived for her eldest to leave the nest.
"Jane and I will be fine." Daria said.
"Yeah Mrs. M. we'll be fine," Jane reassured, "Besides, its Daria and me. What trouble would we get into?" she added.
Helen regarded Jane's words momentarily and shrugged, Jane was right. Daria wasn't one to go looking for trouble and often did her best to avoid situations that could lead to it. "Okay," she sighed defeated, "But drive safely and take plenty of rest stops and make sure you--"
"Honey, I think they'll be okay." Jake said with a reassuring smile as he placed an arm around his wife's waist.
"Thanks dad." Daria said as she turned and began to walk to their newly purchased Winnebago; a second hand RV circa early 1970's that she had gotten for a steal in the wanted ads. She and Jane had gone halves and Daria was able to talk the previous owners down to six hundred bucks. "Bye, see you in a week."
"See ya Mr. and Mrs. M." Jane said with a wave as she entered the campervan and sat in the passenger seat.
"Well be careful," Helen said hesitantly. "And call me when you get there." She added as Daria started the engine and pulled out of the drive.
Jake looked down at Helen and smiled, "They'll be fine." He said as he gave her a light squeeze.
Our plan was to drive nonstop to San Diego to check out a college, we estimated that it would take us two and a half days to get there. The Winnebago had been Jane's idea; if we slept in the van instead of staying in motels and took turns driving we would cut down travel time by a day and save money on accommodation fees. They weren't the most exciting Spring Break plans, but we weren't the most exciting people. We thought we had everything worked out, that we had all bases covered that nothing would go wrong. We were wrong.
Daria awoke with a jolt as Jane drove the RV over a large bump. For a fleeting moment of panic her eyes darted around, until she remembered where she was.
"Road trip," she muttered groggily as she retrieved her glasses from the bedside table and pushed them on her face.
She could hear the radio; Golden Earring's 'Radar Love' was flowing in tinny waves from the old speakers. As she stood and made her way to the front of the van she checked the window and saw the desert scenery flash past.
She plopped into the passenger seat and smirked at Jane, "Appropriate song," she said as she eyed Jane; she looked tired, dark crescent shaped moons clung to the underside of her eyes.
"Yeah, I can relate." Jane replied with a yawn.
"Have you really been driving all night?" Daria asked.
"Yep, we just crossed the border. Another fifteen hours and we'll be in San Diego. I can't believe there may be a chance of us both going to the same college next year."
"Well there's definitely a chance. Dalton has a great fine arts course and one of the best professor's on the west coast teaching the writing and literature course."Daria replied as she leant forward and turned down the radio. Her brow furrowed, "I thought we dropped out of radio reception?"
Jane nodded, "We did. I found a tape when I stopped for coffee. Oh that reminds me, there's a cup'o'joe for you sitting in the sink. It should still be hot I only stopped half an hour ago."
Daria nodded and carefully made her way to the small kitchenette. She picked up the empty Styrofoam cup; the bump in the road must have upended it. As she took it to the bin, Jane hit another pothole and Daria heard a faint cry in the back of the van.
"Did you hear that?" Daria called to Jane.
Jane kept her eyes on the road and shrugged, "Hear what?"
Daria walked toward the back of the van, to the small bathroom, "I thought I heard…" she trailed off as she pulled back the concertina door and laid her eyes upon Quinn, who was sprawled out on the floor.
"Hi Daria." Quinn said with a nervous titter.
***
"What the hell are you doing here?" Daria cried in frustration as she paced back and forth across the small dirt clearing on the side of the road. Jane had parked the van and the three girls stood beside the RV facing each other.
"I wanted to go somewhere for spring break?" Quinn replied her voice inflected innocently toward the end of her sentence.
"And you don't have a million friends you could have done that with?" Daria shot back angrily.
"But none of them are going interstate. I thought that maybe…"
"Maybe what? That this would be okay? Mom and Dad are going to kill me." Daria sighed and stopped pacing.
"I'll take full responsibility; they can't put any of the blame on you for me hiding in the van."
"No, that's not why they're going to kill me. They're going to kill me for murdering you and leaving your body to rot in the middle of the desert." Daria inhaled deeply and looked at Jane. "We'll have to take her back." She said simply.
"Daria, we're at least a thousand miles from home. We've driven nonstop for a day and a half, we can't turn back now." Jane said quietly.
"I don't care, when Mom and Dad find out Quinn's here with us,"
"They think I'm with Stacy," Quinn interjected. "They're not expecting me back until Sunday."
"The exact same day we're due back? What a coincidence," Daria scoffed. "Did you plan this?" she asked suspiciously and continued without waiting for Quinn's response. "You know what, I don't care. We have to go back."
"Daria… Maybe we could just keep going? At least now we have a third driver," Jane shrugged. "I don't know about you but I'm really tired; I can't drive anymore today and I'm pretty sure you won't be able to do another twelve hour stretch. This way Quinn can take over for the last few hours and we can be there by late tonight. We'll be ahead of schedule by more than half a day. "
Daria opened her mouth to speak then shut it. "Fine, but the moment you get on my nerves you'll be on the next train back to Lawndale." She said as she went back into the van and started the engine. "Hurry up and get in." she called; her tone was well passed irate. Jane looked at Quinn and shook her head. She didn't want to have to deal with Daria in this mood. Thankfully she wouldn't have to, it was her turn to sleep; she just hoped she wouldn't be woken by the Morgendorffer sister's trying to kill each other.
***
The sun was slowly beginning to nestle into the horizon when Daria gave a labored yawn and turned to Quinn, "Do you think you can take over?" She had been holding off as long as possible, but sleep was calling for her.
"Really?" Quinn perked up and looked at Daria.
Daria nodded and pulled the van over, "We're only a few hours away. There's a reserve down by the harbor that has camping sites. The address is on the sink." Daria replied sleepily as she walked through to the sleeping quarters. Quinn smirked as she sat in the driver's seat.
A violent stream of sunlight woke Daria from her blissful state of slumber. She squinted hard against the harsh light and felt for her glasses, as she pulled them on she sat up and realized the van had stopped. She turned and glanced at the other side of the bed; Jane had already awoken. Slowly she ventured outside.
Daria held her hand up to her brow shielding her eyes from the sun as they got used to the glare. Although she was still stunned from sleep, she immediately realized that they weren't parked in a reserve in San Diego. She did a one eight degree turn and her mouth dropped; the RV was parked in a parking lot on the top of a steep cliff, overlooking an ocean.
"Good morning sleepy head." Quinn's chipper voice came from behind her.
Daria turned and glared at Quinn, "Where the hell are we?" Daria asked incredulously.
"T.J." Quinn replied with a smile.
"T.J? T.J as in Tijuana? Tijuana as in Mexico?" Daria asked in disbelief. "How the hell did you manage that?"
"Good morning Amiga," Jane called as she approached the pair.
Daria turned to Jane, "Did you let her smuggle us into Mexico?"
Jane shook her head. "Nope, I woke up an hour ago."
"I didn't smuggle you into Mexico Daria, I'm not stupid." Quinn said as she rested a hand on her hip. "You two had all the documents you needed to get across the border in your college folder thingies."
"Then how did you get through the check point?" Daria asked.
"I kind of brang all my papers with me…" Quinn muttered.
"Wait a minute, you planned this all along?" Jane asked.
Quinn nodded, "And now that we're here, we might as well check out the sights!" she beamed.
"Oh no. We have to go back to San Diego, Jane and I have to look at the college." Daria said.
"Well…" Jane started, "I mean we're already here and I've always wanted to go to Mexico."
"Great! So that's two against one." Quinn smiled triumphantly. "I vote we hit the shops then check out the beach." Quinn said as she entered the Winnebago.
Daria glared at Jane and shook her head. "Thanks for your help."
"Look at it this way, now you have some major dirt on Quinn." Jane smiled.
"Whatever." Daria sighed and got into the van.
It only got worse from there. After babysitting Quinn while she fluttered from shop to shop we were dragged to the beach. I don't know what was worse, having to listen to Quinn ask repeatedly whether or not if this skirt/shirt/hat made her look cute, or being made to lay on a crowded beach in a black lycra swimsuit.
Daria shook her head as she watched Quinn sunbath. "You should be careful, the sun is different down here."
Quinn looked at Daria and scoffed, "How can it be different? It's the same sun."
"It's just… oh forget it, just don't whinge to me when you're skin is red raw."
"I'm wearing sun block, I'll be fine. Jeeze Daria this is supposed to be a holiday, can't you like, not be you for five minutes and relax?"
"Forgive me if your little stunt has put me in poor spirits; being kidnapped and taken into another country against my will isn't my idea of a good time." Daria deadpanned.
"Wow Daria it's like you're trying not to have fun. Jane seems to be enjoying herself." Quinn looked around, "Where is she anyway?"
"She went to get some lunch. Here she comes now."
Jane approached the sisters and looked at them hesitantly. "I've got some good news and some bad news…"
"What's wrong?" Daria asked.
"Bad news: We low on funds; I don't think we have enough to get home,"
"Wait what? Where did the money go?" Daria asked.
"Uh, you mean the money that was in the RV?" Quinn asked.
Jane and Daria looked at her, "What did you do with the money Quinn?" Daria asked menacingly.
"I didn't mean to but the sales assistant insisted that my outfit wouldn't be-"
"Where's the money gone?" Jane interjected.
"I spent it, when we were shopping this morning."
The two girls looked at her astonished, "We needed that money to get home Quinn."
"How was I meant to know that?" she replied quietly.
They sat in an uncomfortable silence while they digested the news.
"Wait, you said there was some good news." Daria said suddenly.
"Yeah, but you're not going to like it." Jane replied. "I found a way we can make one hundred and fifty bucks; with the eighty we have left it will be enough for us to get home."
"Well what is it?" Daria asked.
***
"Oh no. No. There is no way I am doing it." Daria said.
The three girls stood beside a large stage erected on the edge of the beach. A local college radio station was hosting a 'Spring Fling' beauty contest. All participants were given fifty dollars for entering.
"Come on, we have no other choice." Quinn said.
"I'm not prostituting my beliefs for a meager fifty bucks. I'll just call Mom and ask her to transfer some money into my bank account." Daria said.
"And tell her that both of her daughters are stranded in Mexico?" Jane asked.
"Hey, whose side are you on?" Daria asked.
"Look I'm just looking out for you. Helen is going to want to know why you need the money, and you guys have caller ID, she'll see that you're calling her from Tijuana, not San Diego."
"What about Trent? Couldn't he wire some money through?"
Jane scoffed, "Yeah right, Trent having money. Good one Daria," Jane shook her head. "There's no other option. This is the fastest and easiest way to get the money."
Daria glowered at Quinn and sighed. "You owe me BIG time. Sis."
"Next we have a young lady from the States. A feisty young school leaver with attitude to boot, her hobbies include planning world domination and she enjoys long walks along the beach at sunset. Give it up for Daria Morgendorffer!" The announcer's voice boomed over the speakers.
Backstage, Daria looked at Jane, "World domination? Walks on the beach?" she questioned.
"Hey, you said to write whatever I wanted on the application." Jane smirked.
"It's not funny," Daria said.
"It is a little funny." Jane chuckled.
"Daria, you're on." Quinn said as she pushed her sister out on stage.
Daria stared out into the crowd and froze. ' What the hell have I agreed to? ' she thought as she shakily walked across the stage and returned back to Jane and Quinn. Both were laughing at her discomfort.
"I hate you." She muttered to Quinn as she was announced and walked out onto the stage.
There was a loud crash, followed by a collective gasp and Daria and Jane ran to the side of the stage to see Quinn being lifted back onto the stage; it seemed in her eagerness to perform for the crowd, she had tripped on an electrical cord and fallen off the stage into the crowd.
Jane and Daria looked at each other wide eyed then burst in to laughter.
***
The three girls sat in a booth seat in a small pizzeria, they ate in silence except for an occasional snigger from Jane and Daria as they watched Quinn. Despite it being almost nine o'clock at night, Quinn was wearing a baseball cap and a pair of dark sunglasses.
"Stop laughing, it's not funny." Quinn snapped, the scolding only elicited louder laughter.
"Just take the disguise off," Daria said. "I'm sure it's not that bad."
Quinn hesitantly removed the hat and glasses to reveal a large purplish bump on her forehead. "Well?"
Daria shrugged, "It's not that noticeable." Daria said.
Jane laughed hard, "Not at all." She managed between breaths.
Quinn pouted and pulled the cap back on, "Just hurry up and finish eating so we can go back to the van." She huffed.
Daria nodded and she and Jane finished their meals. Once finished the trio made their way back to the parking lot where their van was parked.
"Where's the RV?" Jane said as she looked around the deserted parking lot.
Daria looked at Quinn, "Are you sure this is where you parked?"
"Yes. I moved it after the show finished while you were collecting the money, it was right over there," Quinn pointed to an empty spot at the edge of the area.
"Well it's not there now," Daria said. "Are you sure you locked it?"
"Of course I locked it, I'm not an idiot!" Quinn shot back angrily.
"Really? You seem to be doing a pretty good impression of one." Daria said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Ah, girls?" Jane called out; while the girls were squabbling she had walked to the space that Quinn had pointed out. "You might want to take a look at this."
Quinn and Daria walked over to Jane. The parking lot backed onto a shallow ravine, the Winnebago had rolled down and sat at the bottom in a mangled mess.
"You are kidding me!" Daria said quietly as she began to make her way down.
"How did it get down there?" Jane asked. "Quinn you did put the park brake on, didn't you?"
"Of course I used the park brake… I think." She said hesitantly.
Thankfully the van had landed upright. When they reached the van, they pried open the door and examined the inside; it was trashed. Daria grabbed the keys off Quinn and tried to start it. After three attempts the van roared to life and they all gave a sigh of relief. Daria peered through the smashed windscreen into the dim light of the headlights. The ground was relatively even and the ditch connected to a dirt road a couple of hundred feet away from them.
"What do we do now?" Quinn asked.
Daria forced the van into gear and slowly began to drive toward the road, "We go home." She replied.
***
Reggie Peterson looked at the three girls. He had escorted them to the office while he checked their papers.
"Well everything checks out, but I'm afraid you will have to pay the fine for driving your vehicle in its current condition." He said.
"How much do we owe?" Daria asked wearily.
"Six hundred dollars."
"We don't have that kind of money on us!" Jane exclaimed.
"We're going to have to call Mom and Dad. We have no choice." Daria said defeated.
"I can pay for it." Quinn said.
"You had money this whole time?" Jane asked.
Quinn nodded.
"Then why did you spend all of our money on clothes?" Daria asked.
"It's only for emergencies. Besides, I already said I would pay you back what I spent."
Daria waved her hand and walked away, "Whatever, you can also pay for the bus tickets home." She said resignedly.
As they were collecting their belongings from the van Jane turned to Daria and Quinn, "So we have an agreement? We tell no one of our adventures."
Daria and Quinn looked at each other and back to Jane, "Agreed." They said in unison.
***
A month later, Jake sat at the kitchen table drinking his morning coffee as he read the mail. He opened the credit card statement and his brow furrowed. He looked up at Helen who was getting ready for work. "Honey, have we been to Mexico recently?"
The end