A/N I finally got into my Xan-loving mode and have rewritten this story a little. I changed "Romani" to "Sren" because I decided I should give her a name that isn't the name of a people. I also combined chapters 1 and 2 and there's a limey-lemony part towards the end. I'd say lemon but some less reserved people would probably put it closer to a lime. I am working on finishing it - I swear!

"What do you mean, Estel'amin?" her former lover queried her. "You are saying that we are through?"

"Yes, Xan, I'm sorry but I just-I can't be with you right now." She said back, tears glistening in her eyes

"But we bonded, we've done so many things and now you're saying that it meant nothing to you?" Xan said, desperately holding on to those memories

"No, look at how you've changed since I rescued you from Nashkel Mine. You no longer see anything as futile. You are no longer convinced that we are all doomed and your home of Evereska is safe and will stand for many years to come." Sren whispered as she came closer and placed her hand on his chest.

Xan placed his hand over hers and grasped it, her fingers curled around his and he kissed them, longing for this moment to last. Sren pulled her hand away.

"Please, don't make this harder than it already is." Tears were pouring down her cheeks

"If it is so hard, we don't have to separate. I love you, Estel'amin"

"We have to, I have to. I'm sorry, Xan, I'm so sorry." She whispered again

"Is it Anomen?" Xan whispered.

Sren stiffened slightly. Her dark purple eyes blazed for a split second. "Yes, he has made me very happy since we met him."

"Do you love him?"

Sren chewed her lip and looked down, unable to reply.

"Estel'amin, do you love him?"

Sren just turned around and left, Xan looked longingly after her. Her coal black skin seeming to blend with the night and the fire reflecting off her dark purple eyes placed in contrast to her stark white hair. She was a prime example of drow looks, beautiful and mysterious but with a heart as good as any paladins

Xan looked up at the sky and felt rain drops falling, mingling with his tears. He couldn't bring himself to move, he just collapsed there and leaned against the tree, he slipped into his reverie before he could stop himself and all he saw was his memories of her.

She had been the one that had saved him from the Nashkel mines, and had opened his heart gently prising it open. Even when he'd run away from his feelings, she had convinced him to stay and even to embrace those feelings.

He never regretted those feelings, he realized that he still didn't. Even after all she'd done, he couldn't stop loving her. He didn't care if others had told him to just move on and find happiness in another - he couldn't stop loving her. She was his sun and moon, his stars and magic. He could not give his heart to another because it was no longer his to give. It was hers now, she took it with her and he knew he could never get it back.

Xan stirred from his reverie in time to see the sun peeking from behind the mountains and trees. He sighed, waiting for his dreams and memories to go away but they didn't move, as if they were punishing him for letting her go. He watched the sun rise slowly into the sky, staining it with various shades of pinks and reds. It reminded him of the time he took Sren to see her first sunrise back on the Sword Coast, not long after he had first met her. He rose slowly and made his way to the ledge they had camped by to watch the sunrise and he found Sren sitting there already, she was watching the sunrise as she had taken to ever since he showed it to her. The only difference was that she used to wake him up so that they could sit and watch it together, it was in these times that she had confided her fears. He moved up cautiously, she either did not notice his presence or she simply did not react. She seemed drained; this was the first time she appeared so since Irenicus had stolen her soul more than a year ago.

"You don't have to hide, Xan, I know you're there" She whispered in a sigh, the pain and sorrow in her voice made his heart break.

"I just did not want to disturb you, Estel-Sren." He caught her flinch when he used her real name he could also swear he saw tears glistening in her almond eyes.

She stood up and turned to face him. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I-during my reverie last night I remembered some of the nice times we had together. Such as the night you pretended to be drunk so that you could seduce me." He caught the ghost of a smile in her eyes, but her face didn't betray the same feeling. Xan took a deep breath and plunged on. "You told me that night that...that you loved me." he finished in a whisper

Sren sighed as she moved passed him and watched their companions still deep in their slumber. She ran a hand through her hair, he imagined she was contemplating her reply. "I meant it then, because that is what I thought I felt. I felt something for you but it was never love. I...love Anomen." The pause made Xan raise his head; she was still facing the camp. The embers of their fire flared slightly in the wind the kicked up and the leaves whistled with its presence.

"Sren, I cannot believe that. I simply cannot let you walk away from this, from us." Xan took a few cautious steps so that he stood right behind her. He heard her breath as it hitched in her throat. "If what you say is true, than please stop me. By all the Seldarine, stop me before I hurt you more." He whispered as he gently moved the strap of the shirt that she was wearing off her shoulder and kissed the tender flesh beneath.

Sren turned and locked her purple gaze with his chocolate one. Keeping his eyes on her, trying to gauge her reaction, he wrapped his arms around her and leaned his head down. He gently kissed the crook of her neck. She didn't fight back, she seemed to welcome it even.

Holding her so close, lit a thousand fires under his skin. Slowly, he moved his hands to the hem of her shirt. He looked at her, while her face betrayed nothing, her eyes were begging him to go on. He raised his hand and gently ran his fingers along the curve of her ear. He smiled inwardly when he heard her breath catch in her throat. Her dark eyes closed and she smiled instinctively.

He kissed her again, their kisses slowly becoming more intense and more passionate. He grasped her tight around her waist when he felt the back of his hands brush against the wind-worn bark of the pine tree that he had set his stuff under. Her hands wound themselves in his brown locks and she kissed his jawline. He kissed right where her neck met her shoulder and she moaned quietly.

He carefully untied the laces that held her shirt in place and then wrapped his arms around her bare flesh. She slipped the shirt the rest of the way off and it landed in a pile next to his bedroll. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he pressed her against the tree to ensure that she would not fall. He kissed her passionately as he felt her questing hands pull on the hem of his shirt, they parted long enough for her to pull his shirt of his head then he was kissing every part of her that he could reach.

His hands fumbled for a second but then he was able to push his breeches down and somehow managed to leave them next to Sren's shirt without - it seemed- the slightest movement, a questioning look simply brought a smile and a wink.

Xan wrapped his arms again tightly around Sren as he pulled her away from the tree and laid her down beneath him on his bedroll. Somehow fully disrobing her as well. He pressed his finger into her and knew that she was ready. He looked at her, giving her a chance to leave before they went too far.

"Please." Was all she said and he pressed into her gently. He moved inside of her slowly, at an almost agonizing pace enjoying her moan and feeling her writhe beneath him. She loved it faster than this, he had learned that long ago. She pulled him into a kiss that drowned their moaning down each other's throats and she pushed him around so that he lay prone beneath her, his hands resting on her thighs.

She smiled her sadistic smile and he knew that he would not be done so easily. She ground her hips against his, pushing him deeper. She raised herself so that his tip was just within her then she came down again, pleasure beat through his body as waves on the shore.

She leaned forward and kissed his chest as she laced her fingers in with his, Xan could feel his self control reaching its breaking point and she knew. She always knew. She liked it fast, but she could play it slow if she had to. Their sweat mingled as they both drew near their drew near their climax.

Sren mercifully allowed him to regain control. How is it the she knew him so well? She knew he would have to finish it now, his self control wouldn't allow for anything less. He stepped up the pace, moving within her faster and more urgently as he felt them both drawing nearer. He felt her climax at the same time as he and he lays his head upon her chest. Her hand rested on his scalp. He looked up to her and saw her hair splayed on the leaves and his bedroll in sweaty strands as if moonlight was inching its way across the ground.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and simply reveled in the familiar feeling of her presence.

Xan brought his hand up and caressed her cheek, bringing her attention to him.

Suddenly her eyes widened, as if she just realized who she was with. She pushed him to a sitting position then stood up and hastily donned her shirt and breeches. Xan remained sitting, his shock plain upon his face.

"What did I do?" Sren asked herself, she held her head in her hands and paced while Xan tossed on his robe. She finally looked at Xan. "That wasn't supposed to happen. This didn't happen, understand? I'm-I mean, I should be with Anomen." And she turned on her heel, and ran away leaving Xan stunned and heartbroken.

He went to his pack as if in a daze and brought out a piece of parchement, a quill and some ink. And, using his spell book as a table, drafted a letter while his eyes filled with tears. He placed it under a stone and started walking towards the cliff face. He enacted a levitation spell just as he got to the edge and gently floated down. He didn't know where he was going or what he would do, he just knew that he was leaving his whole world behind him and she was in love with another man.

...

Sren stirred from her short reverie a few hours later. She slowly opened her eyes and gently woke up her other companions. She went to where Xan had set up camp but she didn't find him, she was going to turn around, thinking that he had just gone for a walk to forget about that morning she then noticed the parchment that was secured beneath a stone. She picked up the tear-stained note and read it slowly.

Estel'amin,

Don't bother trying to find me because by now I am long gone. I am sorry it has to be this way but I cannot stay.

After everything we have shared, that pain would be too unbearable. I cannot regret the things we did together, no more than I can regret the feelings I still hold for you. I know that if I were to stay with you, that things would just become worse between us. I told you that I could not bear seeing you in the arms of another man and that still holds true. I know now that you do not love me and so I will not remain as an ever-present reminder of feelings long passed nor will I return. Our bond will fade with time but for that to start one of us had to leave. I wish you no ill, nor do I bear any ill will towards you.

May the Gods smile upon you and may you find bliss in your choice

"Sren, what's wrong?" Jaheira came up behind her, buckling a final strap in her armor, her quarterstaff held loosely in her hands.

"Xan, he's-he's gone" Sren managed out, not wanting to believe it.

"I'm sorry, Sren. What happened between you two that would make him do that?" Jaheira asked as she sat down next to her friend.

Sren held the letter to her chest as tears made their way unbidden down her cheeks.

"I thought you two loved each other." Jaheira said, remembering all that the two had gone through.

"He did, I told him I didn't." Sren whispered her admission.

"Why would you say a thing like that? Looking at you now, it was obviously a lie."

"I-I had to, I told him I loved Anomen."

Jaheira's eyes widened slightly. "I know that that is a lie, Sren, you hold no love for that pompous, wannabe, windbag of a paladin. Why would you hurt yourself and Xan so much?"

"I had to save him, someone told me that if I didn't leave Xan that they would kill him. They would rape me in front of him and then they would murder him. I love him too much to see him go through that." Sren whispered, tears falling from her eyes. "And then, I screwed up even more."

Jaheira raised a questioning eyebrow "What did you do?"

"I slept with him, I knew I shouldn't have but I just couldn't help it and now it just hurt both of us even more. I drove him away, I drove away the only man I have ever truly loved."