Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution or any X-Men of any kind, dammit.
A/N: This was a random idea that sort of came up when I was talking with a member of this yahoo group (Join it. I command you.), and she informed me that Pyro and Gambit were between 17 and 20 years old (Specifics- Pyro: 17-19, Gambit: 18-20) So I wondered why they didn't go to school. Stupid me, how obvious it was—Magneto homeschools them!! This made me giggle, so I decided to bring the wonderousness of it to you!
This one is by just Leslie. No Kayli at all, so if it sucks, don't go ranting to Kayli. If it is the greatest you've ever read, don't go praising Kayli! : D
"Gambit! To my office immediately!" The voice of the great Magneto echoed through the home base of the Acolytes. Gambit stood up from where he had been sitting in the common room to walk to the office of Boss Man, as they had dubbed him. Okay, as Pyro had dubbed him and they all went along with so as to avoid arson of any sort.
"Ooooooooh! Boom Boy in trouble!! What'd ya do? Huh? Huh? What'd ya do this time?" Pyro made annoying noises like a 7th grader might when a peer was called to the principal's office. Gambit noticed the use of his annoying nickname and cringed. Pyro gave annoying nicknames to everyone.
"Nothing, Spaz. I assume the Bossman is just informing me of our next mission against humans and/or the X-Men. That is typically what he does when he calls me to his office. You know, every time he has so far…" Gambit replied, using his own little nickname for Pyro.
"Sure it is." Pyro gave Gambit a knowing wink and went back to cleaning and refilling his gas tanks.
Gambit sighed and walked on his way to Magneto's crib. Pyro was so mentally tiresome. Quicksilver had an attitude problem, but they were breaking him in. The only reason that arrogant smirk still showed up on his face was because 'Daddy' always intervened, but someday when 'Daddy' wasn't looking…Gambit gave a little chuckle. Oh, Fastass would soon be in his place.
Colossus was okay. He was kind of quiet and gave off the air of eternally tormented. So what if he was forced into lackey-ity because of something Magneto is holding over his head that he won't tell anyone about? Weren't we all? Okay, so maybe Pyro wasn't.
Sabertooth was so…animal like. It was disgusting. He must have grown up in the forest or something. Gambit wouldn't blame his parents for throwing him out, if they had. He spoke in mostly grunts, he smelled all the time and was violently opposed to baths, and he even went out at night to hunt for his food. Crazyass…that's what they all are.
Gambit had reached Magneto's door. Looking both ways down the hall to make sure there wasn't some speedy Q-Tip or otherwise mental Acolyte running his way so as to avoid getting run down (it was a common problem living with crazyasses. The largest killer in all crazy homes and/or bases), he crossed the hall and knocked on the large metal door.
WHOM, the door opened seemingly of its own will with that sound that always accompanies Magneto anywhere he goes and anything he moves with his special metal powers. Gambit rolled his eyes. Show off.
He stepped in the door and froze. WHOM, it closed behind him, but Gambit was too busy staring at Magneto to notice. He was wearing a baseball cap sideways, dark sunglasses, a basketball jersey, and lots of 'ice' to accompany it. "Yo yo, my home eey. What is up, G Dog Man…dude…" Magneto said, stiffly. What was going on?
"Uh…sir?" Gambit replied.
"I'm just trying to fit in! I don't feel like I connect with you guys on your level!" Magneto sobbed suddenly, "You get so lonely at the top…"
"If I can make a suggestion, sir?"
"Certainly. Go right ahead." He regained his evil overlord composure immediately.
"Well, if you just talked to us sometimes…maybe joked around a bit. If you didn't act so…so…" Gambit trailed off, not wanting to say what he knew would outrage the Bossman.
"Act so what? Go on; you've sparked my interest." Magneto leaned forward on his desk.
"So…er…like you're better than us." He cringed, fully expecting to be stuck to the wall and stabbed through the gut with a metal bar.
"I don't know what you're talking about. You stupid lackeys think you know everything. Why you're nothing but pawns to be used at my whims, bugs to be crushed under my little finger. Leave my presence immediately, you foul excuse for a mutant! You aren't worthy of breathing the same air as I!!" he stretched his arm out and flicked his wrist in the universal "shoo" gesture and turned his face away, not even looking at Gambit.
Gambit was close to tears. He had only done what Magneto told him to, anyway. In a surge of teenage hormones, he stood up and yelled, "See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You never listen! I hate you!" and he ran, sobbing from the office.
"Crabapples. He's just a whippersnapper…what does he know? I'm all old an wise-y. I know everything and he knows nothing." Magneto crossed his arms and pouted. Though he kept telling himself Gambit was wrong (Which was an interesting spectacle if you'd watched. A crazy, powerful mutant in gangster clothes arguing that "He's wrong! He knows nothing!" While it seems that no one is arguing back.), he couldn't help but realize he had a point…
Donning his regular Magneto clothes so as not to have the same effect on the rest of them as he had had on Gambit at first sight, minus the helmet- yeah, that was just too intimidating- he floated out the door with a loud WHOM and down the hall into the common room where they were all chilling except for Gambit who was in his room crying because no one understands him.
"My dick's so big, it was once overthrown by a military group. It is now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick!" Pyro said to the other two.
"Oh yeah?" Colossus challenged him, "My dick's so strong, it's metal…" There was silence.
"Man, that was lame, Tinfoil Lad. I should burn you for that." Pyro stated. (Who else?)
Some strange grunting noises came from Sabertooth's direction. He seemed to be trying to communicate.
"Did the Fuzzmeister just tell a big dick joke?" They were all dumbfounded. Except Sabertooth, who looked slightly offended.
"My dick is so quick, it can go to the moon and back in point five seconds!" Quicksilver said, excited to be part of the group, "Wanna see??" He began to unzip his costume.
"Aww, man, Fastass! Put that away!" Pyro exclaimed, disgusted.
Colossus laughed, "It rhymes! It rhymes! Dick…quick! Huhuhuhuhu!!"
Magneto coughed from the doorway, "My dick's so all-powerful, it bent Colossus' dick with its mind." They all turned and stared, gaping. Magneto was slightly uncomfortable. He fidgeted in the air and looked down at his feet then mumbled, "You know…because he just said his dick was metal, and I can bend metal with my mind…" They were still silent, "And if my dick were really powerful it would have a mind of its own, so it could bend metal with its mind and therefore bend Colossus' dick…"
A collective "Ohhhhh!" went through the room, as well as a couple of shouts of "I get it!"
"Wow, Magneto, sir. That was a pretty cool, if not complicated, joke!" Colossus said, but Magneto didn't answer. He had just realized why he couldn't seem to connect with them.
He hovered speedily back to his office and WHOMed through the door. With a WHOM, the PA system microphone flew to his hands. "Gambit! Get in here, quick! My brilliancy has showed itself yet again! Quickly now! Chop chop!" He sat down and sighed happily, smiling to himself. While waiting for gambit to get over himself, dry his eyes, and drag his feet all the way to his office, Magneto amused himself by making various metal objects dance.
He was just making a couple of forks do the cancan when there was a knock on his door. WHOM, "Come in! Come in!"
Gambit sat down moodily and heaved a moody sigh, "What brilliancy has your great mind come up with this time, oh great Master?"
"I've figured out why we can't communicate!" He exclaimed.
"Whoa there, Cowboy. Keep your cape on." Was the sarcastic response.
"Erm…yes, well." Magneto raised an eyebrow. Cowboy? "Anyway, the thing is, I tried to joke with your buddies just now-"
"Hey, hey! Buddies? Let's not go that far. Stick with acquaintances."
"Fine, acquaintances. Anyway, I told this amazing joke, but none of them got it. I had to explain what I meant, and you know that takes all the fun out of it. I converse with you every once in awhile because you're the only one of moderate intelligence. And even 'moderate' isn't much. Your filth stupidity bothers my head."
"No shit, Sherlock. What was your fist clue?" Gambit was still giving him 'the attitude'.
Magneto raised his eyebrow again. Now he was Sherlock? Sherlock wasn't a cowboy. How could he be both? "See, I figured that maybe if you were all smarter, we could connect and communicate better and easier."
"Well, thank you for that wonderful tidbit of information, Captain Obvious. Do you have anything else blatantly obvious that you'd like to share with us today?"
Captain Obvious? Us? The mental trauma of hormones must have been too much for him, frying most of his brain cells. Maybe he should help straighten him out. "Uh…my name is Magneto, Gambit, not Sherlock or Captain Obvious. And I'm not a cowboy, I'm an evil overlord. And there is only one of you. There is no 'us'."
Gambit rolled his eyes, "You weren't supposed to actually point out the obvious, dumbass! I was making fun of you!"
"Oh…?"
"Just…just tell me what your
brilliant idea was to solve this mental obstacle."
"Well, I thought I could teach you guys myself!"
"Like homeschool??" Gambit sat up straight, alarmed.
"Yeah! Like homeschool!" Magneto clapped his hands together and giggled.
"AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!! NOT SCHOOL! ANYTHING BUT SCHOOL!!!!" He ran from the office for the second time that day, but this time to warn the rest of the Acolytes so they could all run away.
A/N: Good? Yes? Wee? Personally, I think being homeschooled by Magneto with Pyro and Gambit would be pretty fun…REVIEW!!!!! I can't stress the reviewing part enough. If u don't, it means I suck. Plus, short chappie. Want more? Review.