Title: Sasuke's birthday
Author: Me. Duh.
Words: 647
Rating: Blfft.
Warnings: Utter and complete crack. Not Hebi-compliant. Written two years ago (2006) for Sasuke's birthday, but never posted to . Enjoy! P

Sasuke didn't have a calendar, but it didn't matter when he had Naruto to keep track of the days for him. It was hardly an issue that they lived in two separate countries, both of which were full of shinobi intent on keeping them separate. Naruto had ways of attracting Sasuke's attention without really trying, so when he did try, he got it in a rather spectacular way.

He always knew it was his birthday when something exploded spectacularly somewhere, be it a monument, a forest, or a Sound village. Sure, things exploded all the time in the shinobi world, but few of those explosions involved a chakra-enhanced Naruto standing in the midst of the dust and rubble bellowing "Happy Birthday" at the top of his lungs.

While Sasuke had come to realize that Naruto just did some things differently from most people, he never could figure out why Naruto didn't just settle on sending a birthday card or something. A present would've been nice. Maybe a new set of kunai, or a set of arm guards to replace the ones he'd torn up in his first round of training with the Snake bastard.

But no; Naruto seemed to think the best way to honor Sasuke's birthday was to go haring around the countryside sniffing under rocks and trying to find Sasuke so he could kick his ass and drag him back to Konoha.

As much as Sasuke had at tendency to ignore his own birthday when unprompted, he hated having his ass kicked on it even more. Therefore, he'd developed an unhealthy paranoia in the days leading up to his birthday, and had become incredibly familiar with every back alley and side street in the entirety of Sound country. He was beginning to run out of options, though, as Naruto had an unwholesome tendency to find those back alleys and side streets just as quickly as Sasuke used them, and always used his kage bunshin to block off those escape routes in the following years.

Sasuke was beginning to feel like a rat being flushed from under the floorboards by a ravenous horde of cats.

It was a rather uncomfortable feeling.

Even Orochimaru was beginning to get annoyed, though Sasuke had to admit that having Naruto tramp through the countryside was a rather welcome distraction from the increasingly suggestive advances the Snake sannin kept making on him. More than once, Orochimaru had gone off to ask Naruto to please leave his country alone, as the damages were beginning to take a heavy toll on the money Sound had scrounged together by intimidating its neighbors. Each time, he'd come back with singed hair and almost no eyebrows; apparently, Naruto found it greatly entertaining to blast precise little balls of fiery chakra at Orochimaru in an attempt to make him dance.

This year, though, Naruto had found Sasuke.

He hadn't kicked his ass, but he had grinned rather evilly in Sasuke's shocked face before dropping a heavily wriggling bundle on his doorstep and scooting off cackling at the top of his lungs.

Sasuke wasn't sure, but he thought that Naruto was getting a little crazier as time went by.

Sasuke blinked down at his present.

The bundle blinked back balefully, blithely basking in Sasuke's non-alliterative glare, and bounced bashfully back.

"Oh, no, you don't." Sasuke muttered gleefully, as an unholy gleam entered his eyes. "You are not getting away this time."

And he scooped his brother up and toted him inside as Naruto blazed back down the street, laughing uproariously as the former occupants of the public female bathhouse chased him, screaming obscenities and hurling soap and tubs at his back.

"Happppyyyy biiiirtthdaaaaaay, Sasuukkeeeeeee" he screamed, "Come back to Koonnoohaaaaaaa when you're done unwraapppinnng youuur preseeeeeeeennnnttttt…"

Sasuke sharpened his knives.

Itachi quivered.

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THE AYND.

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