-- Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story so please don't sue... I'm poor lol Thanks for reading!! --
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chapter 1: Fall To Pieces
New York City... The traffic, people, flashy lights and billboards are constant and everywhere all at once. Amongst the huge skyscrapers and towering billboards, a small building resided, surrounded by a tall chain link fence and large asphalt parking lot. The 27th Precinct was the (sometimes literally) home of several patrol cops, detectives, snipers and occasionally an FBI member or two. Inside, the bright florescent lights glared down from the ceiling onto the carpets that were almost thread bare from being walked over so many times. Multiple offices lined the hallways, some with their doors and blinds open, others with both closed to keep people out or reserve privacy for meetings.
Inside one of these closed offices, Detective Dee Laytner sighed for the 50th time that day and leaned back in his chair. "Mr. Santana, I'm sorry, but I can't help you with this. Your son committed several crimes that night and there is nothing I can do to just 'get him out of it'. I understand you think he could never do something like that, but I assure you, the video from the store surveilance cameras are unmistakable. Your son threw a brick through the front window of the store then climbed inside, apparently cutting himself in the process because we found blood stains on the glass which match his DNA perfectly, then proceeded to collect what he wanted and left with over ten thousand dollars in electronics. Therefore, he's being charged with breaking and entering as well as robbery and possession of a deadly weapon."
"Deadly weapon?! What deadly weapon?" Mr. Santana exclaimed, sitting forward even more so in his chair in front of Dee's desk. Dee leaned forward, steepling his long fingers in front of his face and stared at the man in front of him calmly. "You're son, Mr. Santana, had a .38 millimeter gun in his pocket when we arrested him. If someone had been in that store, a security guard for instance, I firmly believe your son would have shot and possibly killed him, even if just out of shock of being caught."
"My son would never kill anyone! He's just a boy with a sudden rebellious streak and..." The man trailed off, leaving Dee to nod and lean back in his chair again. "Well first off, sir, you're son is no longer a boy. Being 21, he is legally an adult and will be tried as one. Second, you just admitted yourself that Steven has a rebelliousness about him, yet you deny left and right that he would ever do anything like this. Now, I can show you the video if you like, if you don't believe me that it was definately your son, or you can accept the fact and realize that arguing with me is getting you nowhere." He stared at the now speechless man for a moment then stood up and went around the desk to stand beside the others chair. "Come Mr. Santana, I'll walk you out." He said gently and moved away as the man stood up, secretly praising him for keeping his calm when he looked so angry. He opened the door for him then led him to the front door, where he opened that door as well and sighed as it clicked shut behind him. "God, I thought he'd never leave..." He muttered to himself, closing his eyes as he rested his head against the closed door.
"Problems with parents, Laytner?" Dee turned and opened his eyes then ran a hand through his hair, nodding to the commissioner who was walking up to him. "Yeah, the Santana kid's father keeps pestering me that his son is innocent." Berkley raised an eyebrow and chuckled softly. "Steven Santana? Pfft, innocent as a cat with a mouse tail hanging from its mouth. What's his plea of innocence for him?" Dee leaned back against the wall and pulled out one of his ciggerettes, eyeing the stick as he spoke. "Oh, the typical 'my son wouldn't do that' bullshit... Same with every parent, I guess." Berkley nodded slightly and glanced around before staring back at Dee. "And how are you doing?" Dee glanced at him then back at the ciggerette in his hand, twirling it a bit in his fingers. "I'm alright." He said, scolding himself for not sounding more reassuring, even to his own ears. "Mm hmm..." Berkley muttered, not believing it either. "Well, if you ever need to talk or just need time off or something, come see me, alright? With anything." Dee nodded, unable to meet the others eyes and Berkley sighed softly before turning and walking back to his office, closing the door behind him.
Day after day,
After all you seen,
It's alright if you feel like unraveling.
I'll be right here...
Back inside his office, Berkley leaned against the door for a moment before heading over to his desk and plopping down in the comfy chair behind it and steepling his fingers in front of his mouth, elbows on the arms of the chair. For months now, he'd watched Laytner closely, making sure he didn't show any signs of severe depression or suicidal mentionings or anything. He'd cared for Dee since they'd met in England, though he'd hit on Ryo more, just to get on Dee's nerves. Once back in America, Berkley had requested the job as commissioner of the 27th Precinct, knowing there he could find the two he'd met before. Although he and Dee had always butted heads on several occasions, Berkley had always actually cared more about him then anything, even going so far as to admit to himself that he'd fallen in love with the strange and often times obnoxious detective from down the hall.
A few months ago, however, when he'd received news of Ryo's death, he'd immediately asked Dee's condition as well, knowing how real their relationship had become. It pained him greatly to hear Dee's anguished sobs and screams in the background as the other officers told him of the number of gang members killed and names of those that had been arrested. At the wake, he'd watched as Dee walked around in a zombie-like state and been amazed at the amount of paperwork the other had gotten done in the few days after Ryo's death. Dee had never been a desk person, always prefering to be outside chasing people with his gun out and loaded, but those few days and still now months after, Dee seemed more content to stay in his office, doing paperwork and dealing with people like Mr. Santana who came in to plead their friend or family members innocence. Berkley's thoughts wandered a little more about Dee and how he could help cheer him up at least a bit but then JJ came in with a stack of paperwork and the commissioner got back to work.
Dee, meanwhile, stood by the front door for a few minutes then shook his head and went outside, lighting up the ciggerette and taking a long drag from it, watching the exhaled smoke snake its way up to the sky. Immediately calmed considerably by the taste of the tobacco in his mouth, he leaned back against the brick wall and closed his eyes, letting his mind shift away from work for the time being. He thought about Ryo and how they'd met. He thought about how he'd bugged him and nagged at him until he'd finally won him over, making the year worth waiting. He thought of the precious year they'd had together and the good times they'd had before...
He opened his eyes again and stared at the sky. Before his death... His mind whispered and Dee shook his head violently to wipe the thought away. Don't think about that... Don't do it to yourself again... He told himself and clenched his teeth together against the tears he felt brimming, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. After another couple minutes, he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, cringing a bit as the smoke from his ciggerette burned them. He glanced around quickly, making sure no one had seen his near breakdown then took another deep drag of his ciggerette before stubbing it out in the garbage can/ashtray outside the door and going back inside. On the way back to his office, he passed a few people who used to comment and scold him for walking through the building 'reeking of smoke', but on this day they were quiet, simply exhaling through their noses quietly as they passed.
Once back in his office, Dee considered sitting at his desk then shook his head and went over to the couch, opening the blinds to stare out the window as he slowly sat down, his hands shaking a bit as he ran one through his hair. He bit his lip gently, fighting off the lump that was slowly reforming in his throat and clenched his hands into fists, willing himself not to cry. He'd cried occassionally after Ryo's funeral, though always in private and never as badly as he had at the funeral, when Berkley had had to comfort him.Berkley... He'd never really thanked him for being there during that time when many others had simply turned away, unable to look into Dee's anguished eyes whereas Berkley had continued to stare him in the eyes while they spoke, gave him comforting pats and hugs when Dee needed one as well as given him a week off after the funeral, which Dee had appreciated but turned down. Working had been needed during that time... Something to get his mind off the whole horrible ordeal... And work had done just that. He'd thrown himself fully into his cases, working up so much overtime that Berkley had actually had to physically take him out and drive him home to rest.
Now though, in the bright light of his office, Dee felt utterly alone. Berkley was in his office, still talking to JJ from the sound of it as he'd passed, and no one else really had the guts to walk in and just ask how he was doing out of the blue. Dee clenched his fists harder, little lines of blood forming in the horseshoe cuts in his palms as he tried to force himself not to cry. He bowed his head a bit, his eyes closed tightly against the tears threatening to fall, his shoulders shaking against the tension running through his entire body. A soft whimper escaped him, causing him to scold himself mentally as a single tear slipped from his eye and began sliding down his cheek. That was it... The drop that overflowed the cup. After that single tear, more came... And more, and more, and more until he was sobbing freely, his knees brought up to his chest, hands over his face and resting on his knees. One of the officers passing poked his head in slowly, hearing the sobs then ran down to Berkley's office, knocking on the door repeatedly.
"What is it?" Berkley called through the door and looked up as the officer came in. "Laytner, sir... He looks like he's falling apart at the seams." Berkley cursed softly and jumped from his chair, running past the officer and down the hall to Dee's office, quickly going in and closing the door behind him. "Dee..." He went over slowly and sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around Dee's shaking frame then pulled him gently against himself and held him there while he cried. "Shh... Shh..." He whispered into his hair as he caressed his back, sighing softly to himself. Dee let himself be held and continued to cry, the sobs wracking his body as he clung to Berkley's shirt, burying his face into his shirt.
I cannot be silent, Im crying out
My soul is cold, my heart is numb
I break from my old self and step into you...
After a good twenty minutes or so, Dee's sobs finally subsided to a slow, quiet cry and he unclenched his hand from Berkley's shirt. "Sorry..." He said softly and sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Berkley got up slowly and went to the desk, retrieving a tissue before going back and sitting back down next to Dee, handing him the tissue. "Don't apologize. You needed to get that out of your system." Dee nodded a bit then blew his nose and tossed the tissue across the room into the wastebasket next to his desk. "Nice shot..." Berkley said and Dee smiled a bit. "That's what happens when you're too lazy to get up and throw something out... You're aim gets pretty good." Berkley laughed softly and took hold of his hand gently, tilting his head a bit as he looked at him. "Do you feel better?" He asked quietly and Dee nodded, wiping his eyes again and cringing at the stinging pain from the cuts on his hand. "What is it?" Berkely asked, immediately worried again, causing Dee to laugh softly again. "Just cut my hand a bit, that's all." "Let me see..." Berkley said, taking his hand gently and looking over it. "Looks like I got some on your shirt too..." Dee commented, noticing the small red spots amongst the dark wet spots from his tears. "Don't worry about it... I've got plenty. We should get some cream on your hand though." "Oh please, they're just little cuts..." Berkley shook his head and stood up again. "I'll go get some cream and a bandage... You stay here, okay?" Dee started to protest then fell silent and nodded, bowing his head again.
Once outside the office, Berkley sighed softly and ran his hands over his face. Dee's eyes were getting harder and harder to look into as his sadness seemed to deepen instead of heal and Berkley wished with all his heart that he could show the detective how much he loved him and wanted to protect him from the depression he saw settling in those emerald eyes of his. "How is he, sir?" Berkley snapped out of his thoughts and glanced at the officer who had told him of Dee's breakdown. "He's better... I'm just getting him some cream and a bandage for his hand." The other nodded and glanced at the office door. "I've been trying not to bother him, but when I heard him crying..." He trailed off and shrugged a bit. "You did the right thing coming to get me. Thank you..." Berkley said and the other nodded again. "Sure thing commish. I better let you get back to tending to him." This time it was Berkley's turn to nod as the officer turned to leave and he himself went to his own office, pulling a tube of cream, a small patch of gauze and a roll of medical tape out of his desk before heading back to Dee's office, knocking softly.
"It's open, Berkley." Came the quiet response and Berkley went in quietly, closing the door behind him. Dee was once again staring out the window and didn't turn till Berkley sat back down next to him. "Do I really need all that? They're just little cuts." He asked as the other took his hand and wiped it with the tissue he'd snatched on the way over, causing him to wince in pain. "Yes Dee, it's necessary. I don't want to risk them becoming infected and you not being able to use your good hand." Dee stared at him as his hand was tended to and Berkley glanced at him. "What is it?" He asked as he smeared the cream on his hand and placed the gauze on top. "You've just... Never called me by my first name before..." Berkley stopped and raised his head to stare at him, brown eyes meeting green as they stared at each other for a moment before the older drew his gaze back down, wrapping the tape around the youngers hand slowly. "Dee, I need to tell you something, but I don't know if you're ready to know about it yet..." Dee tilted his head as he watched him rip the tape and secure it in place. "Like what?" Berkley sighed softly and closed the tube of cream, fiddling with it slowly. "Dee I... I care about you and I've been worried about you..." He trailed off for a moment and Dee stayed quiet, not wanting to rush him. After a moment, Berkley looked up, meeting his eyes. "I... love you, Dee..."
Oh I see you look at me,
When you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues,
Of just how deep my feelings are.
How do you prove the sky is blue, the oceans wide?
All I know is how I feel,
When I look into your eyes...
"You... love me...?" Dee asked after several seconds of silence and Berkley nodded, turning his eyes away again. "I know you're probably not ready for another relationship but..." He was suddenly cut off as Dee's mouth captured his own and gasped softly before falling into and returning the kiss. "Dee?" He asked when the other had backed away and Dee blushed slightly. "I'm sorry, I just..." The statement trailed off into a sigh and Berkley smiled softly. "I didn't mind at all... Trust me." He said and Dee grinned a bit. Berkley reached his hand out slowly, caressing the side of the others face gently. "Especially not if it makes you smile this much... I just want to see you happy." Dee nodded and leaned into him slowly, causing Berkley to wrap his arms around him and trail his nails along his back slowly. "Thank you, Berkley..."
A few hours later, with both their shifts over with for the day, Dee and Berkley stood outside at Berkley's car smoking together before they headed for home. "Are you gonna be okay, Dee?" The older asked and Dee exhaled a long string of smoke, watching it drift off into the air before answering. "Yeah... I'll be alright." Berkley nodded, remaining silent as he stared at the ciggerette in his hand. "You know..." He started quietly, "You could... Always stay at my place. Less lonely maybe?" He glanced at him during the last half and saw the hand holding Dee's ciggerette stop before reaching his mouth and slowly drop back down. "You don't have to, I just thought..." He trailed off as Dee looked up at him, once again in almost awe of the deep green light that flickered from the younger mans eyes. Both remained silent for a few moments then Dee nodded, taking a drag of smoke and exhaling it towards the sky again before looking back to Berkley. "I'd like that... Thanks." He said with a small smile, which Berkley returned. "Come on then... We can stop at your place then go to mine." Dee shook his head as they both stubbed out their ciggerettes and got into Berkley's car. "No reason to stop at my place, as long as you have a pair of pajama pants and a toothbrush I can borrow." Berkley stared at him for a moment then nodded himself and backed out of the parking space. "My place it is then."
Only a few minutes later, (Their shifts ended right after rush hour traffic), the car pulled up the driveway to a large house and stopped outside. Berkley killed the engine then got out, motioning Dee to follow him as he went up to the front door, unlocked it and let Dee inside. "Here we are..." The younger looked around slowly, taking it all in, then smiled at Berkley. "It's nice. Really suits you." Berkley laughed as he went into the living room and kicked his shoes off next to the couch. "Why, because it's big, expensive and snobby looking?" Dee chuckled softly and followed him, kicking his shoes off next to the others and sat down next to him on the couch. "No, not that. It just... Screams Berkley I guess." "Oh well no wonder my neighbors complain so much... Must be a hell of a disturbance to have a screaming house next door." Dee stared at him for a moment as if he were crazy then both broke out laughing. "You're a nutcase, Berkley..." Dee laughed out and Berkley smirked. "Damn, you must be rubbing off on me." Dee smirked back and pushed him gently. "You're a..." He cut off as Berkley let himself fall backwards onto the couch and pulled Dee with him, gracefully flipping mid-fall so that Dee lay underneath him. "...jerk..." Berkley snickered softly then leaned down and kissed him softly. "Oh am I now?" He whispered against his mouth, causing Dee to whimper softly. When Berkley backed away, a wave of guilt swept over him when he saw tears brimming in the others eyes. "Dee? What's wrong?" He asked quickly, suddenly full of worry, but Dee just shook his head and wiped his hand across his eyes. "Nothing, I just... I guess I just needed..." He trailed off and Berkley kissed him softly again. "The comfort?" He asked and Dee nodded, tears spilling over slowly. Once again, Berkley wrapped his arms around him and shifted to the side so he could hold him against his chest.
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone...
Soft sniffles filled the large, otherwise silent house and Berkley caressed the stray hair out of Dee's face gently. "Feel better?" He asked and Dee nodded, wiping his nose with the tissue Berkley had gotten him from the box on the coffee table. "This is gonna get embarassing if it keeps happening..." He said with a small laugh and Berkley smiled. "Well it's not like I'm going to tell anyone about it, although I'm sure they'd be glad to find out you finally cracked and aren't going to suddenly explode in a total emotional meltdown." Dee laughed again at the mental image of himself as a small puddle on the office floor with everyone crowded around. "That'd be pretty interesting..." Berkley nodded and sat up a little, pulling Dee up with him. "Come on, sniffles. Let's get something to eat then head off to bed, alright? You need a good nights rest after everything today." He stood up and headed to the kitchen, glancing back a couple times to ensure the other was following. "Sounds good to me... Especially if I have to deal with Santana again tomorrow." His hand went up to run through his hair habitually as he watched Berkely manuever around the kitchen, cooking them up something to eat.
"You know, I never pictured you as the cooking type..." He said after a little while and Berkley laughed. "What'd you think I did for food? I can't stomach that fast food garbage, other then Dunkin' Donuts, and I don't have an in-home chef so... I cook." Dee nodded as he was handed a plate and followed Berkley back into the living room to sit. "I suppose that makes sense. You sure it's not poisoned?" He asked, casting a playfull sideways glance at him. "Of course it is! Are you telling me you don't prepare your dinner with a dash of rat poison and a smidgen of ammonia?" Dee choked on the bite he'd taken, causing Berkley to laugh again. "God, Dee, you didn't believe me, did you?" Dee shook his head, taking a sip of water from the cup he'd gotten as well, swallowed again then let out a small laugh and smiled at Berkley, who returned it. "Come on then, let's eat." And so they ate their first dinner together... And no, it wasn't poisoned.
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-- Soooo have I lost my touch or should I continue? Please R&R and let me know!! Thanks again for reading! --