AFTER LIFE
Danielle Winters
SUMMARY: Because the battle for peace is not always an extrinsic struggle; most of the time, the real battle for peace comes from within. Ten years since Makoto Shishio had fallen, a young swordsman reflects upon his life as he walked down old roads during his wandering.
YEAR ONE
"Ah, thank you for the dango obasan." Soujiro Seta said to the kind old woman who had given him dango. He was on his way out of Kyoto since the police were searching for him. Shishio Makoto had just lost the battle with Kenshin Himura, their hideout in burned to the ground together with the bodies of Shishio and Yumi Kamogawa. He had many reasons why he needed to leave. Aside from being a fugitive, he thought that by wandering, he might just find his own beliefs and answers that he seeks.
:"Are you going on a journey lad?" The old woman inquired.
"Hai obasan! A very long one." He answered in his usual cheery tone. His iconic smile plastered on his angelic face. "Where do you think this road is heading?" He asked.
"Heading north lad." The old woman answered.
"De wa, I must be on my way. Thank you very much."
And that was the first day of Seta Soujiro's life as a wanderer.
YEAR THREE
He knew he had successfully avoided Meiji authorities in the past three years that he had wandered. Even the famous "Mibu" of the Shinsengumi had failed to locate his whereabouts. And so, it came as a surprise for him that in the outskirts of a small town somewhere in Northern Japan, he bumped into the "Mibu".
"Ara, my luck must have ran out." Soujiro casually said as he stood in front of Saito Hajime. They were standing on a narrow dirt path just outside a small town. "Have you come to execute me or to bring me to prison so I can have my due process?" He inquired.
Puffing some smoke from his cigarette, Saito threw the cigarette and stomped on it. "Indeed. Looks like lady luck's on my side." He said with a smirk. "But I have not come here to kill you, not yet at least. I have an offer to make." Saito added.
"What made you think I will accept any offer the Meiji government extends to me?" Soujiro retorted. His smile never wavered.
"For one, you wouldn't have to avoid being caught." Saito began. "And secondly, you will find the work agreeable to your current status a bum."
"Oho, what does the government need from a bum?" Soujiro inquired amusedly.
"Information." Was Saito's simple answer. "You can go wander Japan while carrying your sword, you can even take the main roads or public transportation without being on the watch by the police. All I want is information." Saito explained.
"Information. So you want me to be a spy." Soujiro deduced.
Saito lit another cigarette and puffed the smoke as he showed one of his trademark smirks to the rurouni before him. "Ah well, its up to you and I do not care much about how you call it. I just want eyes to unusual things that can cause potential threat to the current peace everyone is experiencing." Saito turned his back from Soujiro and began walking towards the opposite direction of town. He then stopped as if forgetting something to say. "By the way, Kamiya dojo just received a threat. Chaos will ensue in Tokyo very soon." He said and then he continued walking down the path. Soujiro was still smiling as he watched the police officer walk away from him.
"Himura-san is strong." He said to him.
Weeks later, he found himself in the office of Saito Hajime. Chou, a former comrade was more than happy to see him. He have decided to take up the offer of Saito. He, however, clarified with the later that he still abhors the government and he was only doing this just to ensure that he would be keeping majority of the people out of harm's way. Saito remarked how much Battousai had rubbed off on him.
Saito took the opportunity to brief his new recruit about the new enemy, Enishi Yukishiro. Soujiro learned that a demon from Kenshin's past had exacted revenge on him by killing Kaoru Kamiya. He also informed that Iwanbo was actually a spy of Enishi whose main purpose was to trace Himura and learn about his present way of life. When the Juppongatana had fallen, Iwanbo was one of the members who had escaped. After the briefing, Saitou dropped on to Soujiro his task.
"You are to locate the factories of Yukishiro here in Japan. Even if we cut off the leader, the production of drugs would still continue and as of late, 90% of the shares are controlled by one greedy merchant who wanted easy money.
Months after his meeting with Saito, while he was in Hakodate, he received a letter from Chou. Soujiro just finished trashing on of Enishi's factories. Oh no, he do not kill people anymore but he injures them to the point that they'd be prevented to hold any weapon. Soujiro, still with a smile on his face, read the letter. Chou wrote that Himura won his battle against Enishi and that Kaoru was not dead but kidnapped. The corpse of Kaoru was none other a puppet created by the person who made Iwanbo. It was Shinomori, Aoshi who proved that Kaoru's alive by digging up her grave and piercing the body inside the dugged coffin. As pierced the body, he pulled it out and revealed thn strings. Soujiro was glad to hear that Kenshin won his battle.
YEAR FIVE
Soujiro Seta found himself on the road on the way to Tokyo. He had received a letter from Kaoru and Kenshin inviting him to stay at the dojo for a couple of days. The now married couple, and soon to be parents, learned from Saito that he was ordered to go to Tokyo. They wrote him a letter to insist that he was welcome to stay with them.
He didn't expect to receive a warm welcome though; nonetheless, it made him feel like there was something stirring on his stomach. As soon as he arrived, he was ushered to his room and was invited to have tea with them once he had settled down. And tea he did have with them. He marveled seeing the huge bulge on Kaoru's stomach. Kaoru even held his hand and placed it on her stomach. He felt the child move and his eyes widened in awe. Kaoru laughed at the surprised expression of the ex-Tenken.
He truly had changed, she thought.
During tea, he was introduced with another student of Kaoru, Tsukayam Yutaro. Yutaro and Myojin Yahiko had been promoted assistant instructors and were taking turns teaching the students since Kaoru is no longer fit to teach as of the moment.
The two swordsmen were left alone afterwards which gave them the privacy to talked about what had happened to each other. Soujiro told Kenshin that he now works for Saito as his "field agent". He told the older (and much wiser) swordsman that he still hasn't figured out his purpose and answers. Kenshin heartily laugh at him.
"Don't rush it Soujiro. The more we look, the more it eludes us. Sometimes, the answers we seek are just right before our eyes."
"Maaa, I wonder if it would take me longer to find what I am seeking for." Soujiro agreed as he scratched his head while chuckling.
His stay in the Kamiya Dojo in Tokyo as whole proved to be an eye opener for the ex-Tenken. During his stay, Kaoru entered into labor. When Kaoru was in labor, he was with Kenshin, standing outside the birthing room. They both heard Kaoru's scream of pain and he witnessed how Kenshin fought with himself from tearing down the shoji screen. The older samurai's fist was shaking, not with fear but with anger; Anger that he couldn't be much of help to his wife who was in pain as she gives birth to their child. After what seemed like endless hours of agonizing moments hearing Kaoru scream, Takani Megumi and Gensai-sensei went out of the room and congratulated Kenshin. He and Kaoru has a son. They named him Kenji. The baby looked like the spitting image of his father. Kenshin went inside the room, fell on his knees as he kissed his wife's forehead. He then took the little bundle of joy in his arms and Soujiro could swear to whatever deity watching over them, that he had seen tears come out from the the ex-hitokiri's eyes.
Before, he only hears the scream of a person begging for his life or shrieks of terror before he takes away their life. Before, he can only watch the light in a person's eyes fade away as their life ends. Now, amidst the screams of pain, he heard an energetic cry of a child. He witnessed the beginning of a new life.
Soujiro, for the first time in years, felt that he had smiled a genuine smile.
Days after Kaoru gave birth, he found himself looking curiously at the couple's bundle of joy. He watched how Kaoru took care of the child. Kaoru sensed that he was watching her and so she invited him to seat with her. He obliged.
"Come one, put up your arms like this." Kaoru said as she demonstrated what she was asking him. Soujiro followed suit. The next thing he knew, Kaoru placed the baby on his arms. His eyes widened in astonishment, his heart was beating wildly on his chest. The baby who was sleeping when Kaoru placed him on his arms, stirred and slowly opened his eyes revealing a pair of amethyst eyes. The baby smiled and giggled at him as he began pulling on Soujiro's bangs. Kaoru chuckled.
He was used on carrying sacks of rice, carrying dead bodies and swords. Five years after his life with Shishio, Soujiro Seta now held a child on his arms.
"Suteki…" he said outloud as he heard his voice cracked. He felt something warm on his cheeks. "Araaa, is it raining?" He asked, his smile never leaving his face.
"Iie." Kaoru answered gently. "Those are tears Soujiro-san. You're crying."
And never in his entire existence did he felt someone embracing him. Kaoru wrapped her arms around him. He couldn't explain it but his tears kept falling on his eyes and at the same time, he felt very warm. Kenshin watched them from a distance with a smile.
The strong shall live and the weak shall die. These were the words that Soujiro believed almost his entire life.
But somehow, after holding Kenji on his arms and after feeling what it was like to be embraced, he finally asked questions he dare not ask himself before. He was sitting on the porch one evening with Kenshin, both were drinking tea.
"Himura-san, somehow I'm beginning to ask questions I dare not ask before." Soujiro said.
"Hmmm…tell me what is in your mind."
"When children are born into this world, they are naturally helpless and needs someone to depend to. How can they be strong if there is no one to nurture them? If only the strong will live, does it mean that these children should die because they are weak?" He voiced out. "Somehow…I find it…" He was unsure whether he should say what was to follow.
"Find it what?" The older man inquired.
"Unjust." Soujiro finally said.
"Soujiro-san, what did you notice in your wandering so far?" Kenshin asked. The younger man looked at him quizzically as if seeking to know whether Kenshin was saying a rhetorical question. When he noticed that the red-head was waiting for an answer, he exhaled and let out his thoughts.
"Before, I abhorred people who could not even help themselves, people who cower in fear and just follow out of their fear. In the short span I have wandered, I noticed how people helped each other. When one sees weakness, another uses their strength to help the other. Of course, there are people who exploit their strength and use it to force others to submit to them but most of the time, people were so kind enough to offer help to each other." Soujiro answered as he stared at the star-filled skies above.
"I vowed to use my strength to protect. Now, I have more reasons to protect people especially the ones I love the most." Kenshin said as he watched the silhouette of Kaoru put their son into sleep. "If we think of people as merely strong or merely weak, there'll be total anarchy; however, if we think that each one of us has strengths and weaknesses, we learn to value the importance of dependability. We use our strength and share it with others to compensate for their weakness." Kenshin said. "And others use their strength to help us compensate our own weakness." He added.
"I wish I have those wise words with me now." Soujiro commented to which Kenshin just chuckled.
"You will find them, that I am sure of." Kenshin said with a reassuring smile.
"Demo saa Himura-san, if you say people have weakness, these weaknesses will just be a hindrance, will be used as leverage and exploited isn't?" Soujiro questioned.
"Soujiro, true strength is not about eradicating one's weakness. It's acknowledging that it's there and doing something to improve it." Kenshin answered. "That is why we need others to help us improve those weaknesses."
"Is that why you vowed not to kill?" The ex-Tenken asked.
"You do not cut down a tree just because it hasn't bear fruit. Sometimes, you need to learn that the fruits come in seasons." Kenshin answered. "
It was summer when Soujiro decided to go back into wandering (plus the fact that Saitou wanted him to investigate something too). He had grown accustomed to the life in Kamiya dojo. He was the occasional baby sitter of young Kenji (a task he had come to like), sparring partner of Yahiko and Yutaro. Sometimes, he'd even take on the task of cooking to which Kaoru had become envious of (since he cooks way better than her). The night before his departure, the Kenshingumi (minus Sanosuke who was in hiding) threw him a send-away party. Chou was even invited who in Tokyo on assignment at that time.
He felt something heavy weigh on his chest when he left the dojo, as everyone waved him goodbye, with Kaoru inviting him to stay with them again. Was this how it felt to have a family? To have a place to belong to?
He soon found himself on the road again. Unlike the first time he left, his sack was now filled with supplies (food and water. Tae and Tsubame of Aka-beko was kind enough to prepare him food for his trip) that he would need for his travels plus his purse was filled with money (advance payment from the Mibu as per Chou's advice plus a small amount from Kenshin and Kaoru which he declined. The couple was persistent though so he had no choice but to take it).
"Saa, I wonder where the road will take me." He said to no one as he headed down south.
YEAR SEVEN
Never in his wildest dreams did it ever occur that he would go back to this place.
Soujiro Seta stood in front of a grave marker in a public cemetery. Obviously, the place had not been visited for ages. Placing a bucket with a flower on the grave, Soujiro stared at the marker.
"Okaasan…" He said. The words came strained and he felt something inside him stir, as that something was in upheaval. "I have not visited you in a very long time."
It was a warm summer day when he visited the grave of his mother. The prostitute who gave birth to a bastard child and that child was him. He tried to recall if he even have memories of his mother but his mind was blank. He bowed as sign of respect and then he walked away. He didn't know where his feet was taking him.
Soon, the sunny skies were enveloped by dark clouds as Soujiro traced a road that he knew would be embedded on his mind. As a boy, he would always walk on that road while carrying sacks of rice towards the storage house that also served as his home before he joined Shishio. Water hit his face, a drop became drops until it started to pour heavily. The ironies of ironies; the day he killed his relatives and left, it was raining and now that he has returned, the rain had poured heavily.
He didn't mind that he was dripping as he stepped at the old courtyard that used to have an ample amount of plants. It looked so desolate now. The once extravagant house where his dead relatives used to live was now abandoned and falling apart. Soujiro wasn't smiling anymore as he trekked as small path towards the storage house. It was where he hid Shishio Makoto, it was the place where Shishio spared his life, the place he called home. He stood in front the fallen building, his emotions were out control as he began shrieking and shouting.
"I NEVER WANTED TO KILL!" He shouted. "I just wanted to live my life. Why didn't you just let me be? All I ever wanted was to be loved and accepted. I didn't want your money, I just wanted to be embraced, to be acknowledged that I exist." He didn't know to who he was directing those words. Was it to his mother who died on him? His father who had abandoned him? His relatives who treated him worse than garbage? Or to Shishio Makoto who taught him that the only way to survive is to be strong and to be strong means to kill?
"I never wanted anything in my life." He fell down on his knees as he began to sob. Was this the feeling loneliness? Of bitterness? "Am I difficult to love?" Why must I be born into this world if I'm difficult to love?" He said in between his sobs. He didn't know how long he stayed there, on his knees while crying. It was so unlike the ex-Tenken to break down.
But then again, he wasn't the ruthless assassin anymore. Who he was now? He had no idea. This time, he could no longer deny one fact he had been avoiding all his life.
He was lost.
Tired.
He felt tired after crying. How long had he cried? He didn't care at all. It was then that he noticed that while it was still raining, he didn't feel the cold water on him anymore, looking up, he saw an umbrella. He knew someone was holding it and so, he fixed his gaze in front of him.
Before him, there stood a young woman with ebony hair in a braid. The braided hair was resting on her shoulder. She was wearing a grey kimono-like top with a pink obi tied like a huge bow at the back and what seemed like a hakama cut a few inches above the knee. He emerald eyes were looking kindly on him. Somehow, at the back of his mind, he knew he met this young woman somewhere before.
Sunbeams began piercing through the dark clouds and soon, the rain had stopped falling as the dark clouds gave way to the red-orange hued sky, the sun setting casting a glorious glow in the ruins that surrounded them.
"Maa, finally the downpour stopped! It was raining cats and dogs you know?" She cheerfully said as she looked up the sky and closed the umbrella. And it suddenly hit him, that sing song and gentle voice, he remembered it. He heard it once before but it contained more spunk and anger as she cheered on Himura.
The young woman before him was the kunoichi who was with Himura and Saito during his first fight with Himura at Shigetsu Village..
"Araa, aren't you the kunoichi that was with Himura-san at Shigetsu village before?" he said. The woman looked at him. Her eyes held a cheerful and warm light in it.
:"Oh so you remembered me?" She chuckled. "I have a name just in case you're curious to know." She said as she winked at him.
"Saito called you a weasel." He bluntly said.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" She glared at him as she gritted her teeth. "I shouldn't have extended my umbrella to you."
"Gomenasai, I didn't mean to offend you." Soujiro said politely. "I didn't catch your name back then."
"Makimachi. Makimachi Misao." She said with a smile. Her anger earlier had already disappeared. "And you're Tenken no Soujiro am I right? I didn't recognize you earlier since I've always remembered you with a smile plastered on your face."
"Ah, just Soujiro now." He said. "Seta Soujiro and I am pleased to be formally acquainted with you."
The two young adults sat on the stairs outside the ruined estate. Misao was kind enough to give him her towel seeing as he was wet. Soujiro had returned to his 'smiling' self again.
"A~ano, Makimachi-dono, how long were you standing there?" Soujior inquired. His voice echoed that he was embarrassed being caught during his most vulnerable moment.
"Not long…a minute maybe." Misao answered casually as she shoved him a rice ball. "But I heard your monologue though and I apologize for eavesdropping. And please, Misao will just be fine. Streesh, no need for formalities"
Soujiro graciously accepted the rice ball. "I see…" was all he said as he began to nibble on the food he received.
"I was on a mission in this area. Saito had asked the assistance of the Oniwabanshu and as Okashira, I volunteered to go." She explained. "The rain began to pour heavily and so I took shelter in this old place. I was shocked to see you here actually so I hid and masked my ki."
"Looks like Saito's handling so many cases. I imagine getting a good scold from him when I meet him in Aizu soon." Soujiro commented.
"Chou mentioned that you're now working with him under Saito's command." Misao mentioned. Soujiro just smiled at her. "Chou drops by Aoi-ya whenever he is in Kyoto. One time, he even brought Kamatari who had just come back from England."
"Kamatari-san is under cover in England and he's investigating an illegal trade of opium there." Soujiro explained. Misao just nodded.
"By the way what are you doing here?" Misao finally asked. He knew he'd get that question from her. Since she had just seen him breakdown, he decided to tell her the truth.
"This place was where I lived before I joined Shishio-san." He answered.
Silence.
Misao didn't know what to say. She had been in this town for a couple of days already and during her stay, this old estate had caught her attention. The locals called the place haunted since they said that an entire family was massacred there by a ruthless killer. The boy who lived the family had disappeared and was presumed dead too. Could it be that the boy the locals said was Seta Soujiro?
Soujiro on the other hand contemplated whether he should tell about the history of this place. If he did, it would mean he would be spilling his dark and bloody past to the young woman beside him. Was he ready to share more of himself?
"Sou da ne. This place must have held so many painful memories for you." Misao simply said. "Ah but you do not have to tell me anything if you are not comfortable with it." She added as she gave him a smile. She then stood from her place and dusted off her short hakama. "I think we should go now. The sun is setting." She said and she offered a hand to him. He looked at it, surprised at the friendly gesture his former enemy had shown him.
But was she really an enemy? No…Soujiro thought that in this day and age, his former enemies were now his closest friends. He took her hand and stood from his seat as well.
"Arigato, Misao-san." He said as he gave him one of his genuine smiles. Misao couldn't explain it but somehow, she felt like the ex-Tenken was truly smiling. She blushed a bit as she finally was able to see how handsome he had become.
"Ikimasho!" She energetically declared as she walked before him.
"Demo ne…:" Soujiro began to protest. "I was your enemy. I was the one who invited Shinomori-san to join the Juppon Gatana. Are you sure you can trust me?"
"That was like seven years ago!" Misao deadpanned
"Demo…" Soujiro was about to protest.
"I wonder if it's me you do not trust or you do not trust yourself." Misao said and this struck Soujiro. She walked ahead of him and then stopped after a few steps. "Come on, I know you'll need a place to stay."
It's been a week since he and Misao had met. They shared a room in the inn where Misao was staying. The owner was apologetic that he didn't have a room to spare and so, he brought a divider to separate the room during sleep time for Misao and Soujiro.
After meeting Misao, he received his new assignment from Saito. The case involved the case Misao was handling so they decided to collaborate. Soujiro marveled at the intellect that Misao has shown as she tried to deduce facts from whatever information and evidence they collect. While she can be impatient and childish when stressed, Soujiro thought that it only added to her charm.
She wasn't completely defenseless either. Soujiro noted that Misao was a skilled warrior. He observed her agility and accuracy especially when throwing her tobi kunai. While she injured the bad guys, she never once gave them a fatal wound that could end their life. She'd bring thugs to the police for due process.
"Death is an escape for criminals. They should pay for their crimes." Misao once said when he asked her why she doesn't kill when in fact she was more than capable to do so.
From a fierce warrior and respectable okashira, Soujiro was amazed how childlike Misao can be. She marveled at the simple pleasure of life like seeing wild flowers or enjoying the site of fireflies by the riverbend near the inn where they were staying. She can be very cautious and carefree at the same time. Her smile was radiant, radiant as the morning sun. She was breath of fresh air.
She was full of life.
And Soujiro remembered the first time he heard Kenji cry after he came out from her mother's womb. He remembered the first time he held him to his arms when Kaoru gave the child to him.
"What does it mean to live?" He asked himself as he watched Makimachi Misao reached a finger to touch one of the fireflies from the window of their shared room.
It was warm summer night. Soujiro and Misao were hiding on a tree as they watched a couple of thugs enter a dark alley in the red light district of the town. Soujiro noticed that Misao had been looking at a couple , holding hands while they passed by a street near the entrance of the red light district. Somehow, in the two months he had spent with her, this was the first time Soujiro saw an unusual emotion in Misao's eyes.
Sadness.
"Misao-dono, daijobu desu ka?" He asked.
"Nee Sou-kun…" Misao said (and Sou-kun is his new nickname courtesy of Misao). "Have you ever wondered what it feels like to love and be loved in return?" She asked and the question caught him off guard. He can understand if the question came from someone like him, but to come from a vibrant young woman like Misao, he just couldn't put it together.
"I do." He answered honestly. "I stayed with Hmura-san and Kaoru-dono throughout winter until spring three years ago. Whenever I looked at them, there's this gentle and warm light from their eyes. I am no expert with feelings but I've always wondered what that light in their eyes is. Maybe it's what you people call as love." Soujiro explained.
"Ah, Himura and Kaoru are a lucky pair." She said and Soujiro noted that there was a tinge of bitterness in her tone. Before he could inquire any further, he sensed the sudden shift of Misao's ki. As he looked down again, he saw the thugs they were observing starting chaos in the red light district.
"Sou-kun." Misao said as she nodded at Soujiro. Soujiro smiled at her and disappeared. Misao followed suit as she hopped from the tree branch to one of the roofs. Kunai were already on her hands.
The fight was over in a matter of seconds. Soujiro used his Shukuchi to knock down the thugs while Misao through her tobi kunai to pin them on the wall. They turned the thugs in the police and soon, they head back to their shared room.
"Misao-san." Soujiro called out. Misao was walking ahead of him. Misao stopped and turned back to look at Soujiro. "I'd like to show you something." He said as he gently smiled at her. This time, it was his turn to offer his hand. Misao looked at his hand and with a smile, she took it.
She didn't know how long they walked until they stopped. Soujiro cleared the leaves that was blocking their view and revealed a breathtaking sight. Misao stepped in and was amazed at the sight of a waterfall.
"When I was a boy, I used to come here to escape being beaten by my relatives." Soujiro said. "I found this place by accident and soon, it became my hiding place. Whenever I get beaten, I come here and take bath wishing that the water would wash away the pain and bruises on my body." Soujiro said while he held a gentle expression on his eyes. "Whenever I am here, I always look up the sky, asking whoever it was who's listening above to give me someone who would love me."
"What a selfish creature I must be." Misao said as she sat on of the stones. "I was referring to romantic notion of love earlier and yet here you are, your need for love is much greater than mine." She added while Soujiro watched her. "I may be an orphan but Aoshi-sama and the rest of the Oniwabanshu were like family to me. The loved me, cared for me and raised me up. I had like a bunch of fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters in the oniwabanshu. And yet here you are, you had blood relatives but didn't treat you like one. Your need for love is much greater than what I was pertaining earlier."
"I was a son of a prostitute, a bastard child as people call it, I was treated a slave and beaten like my life meant nothing. Shishio-san taught me to survive. One night, my relatives learned I was hiding Shishio-san and they got to greedy. I wanted to protect Shishio-san but as it turns out, my relatives were willing to kill me just for the sake of the reward money they'd get if they turn in Shishio-san. I just wanted to live and feared for my own life. I ended killing all of my relatives that fateful night and Shishio-san took me in as his apprentice afterwards. I really didn't want to kill them, I just want them to love me." He said. He didn't know what urged him to share that to her.
Misao could not see the emotions in Soujiro's eyes. She stood from the rock she was seating, approached Soujiro and locked the young man in an embrace. Soujiro's eyes widened in surprise. For the second time in his life, someone embraced him.
"Sou-kun, we may not be your blood relatives but I hope you treat us as your friends and family. I appreciate you telling me this." Misao whispered on his ear. "Thank you for trusting me with your story." She added.
And for the first time in his life, He encircled his arms around Misao as he rested his chin on her shoulder. He pulled her closer to him as she closed his eyes to feel her warmth that soothed his soul.
Soujiro Seta finally learned how to embrace another person.
He didn't know how long he slept but when he woke up, the sun was already peering through the window. He looked beside him and saw that Misao's futon had been neatly folded already. The divider between them had been placed on the corner of the room.
Last night, they walked back to the inn hand in hand. No words we exchanged between them but somehow, they understood each other. As they set their beddings the previous night and changed into their sleeping yukata, they bid each other good night. He immediately fell asleep. He wasn't a heavy sleeper but somehow, he felt at peace after their conversation at the waterfalls.
He got up from his futon and looked at the hand that held Misao's hand last night. He could still feel the warmth and softness of her hand against his. Lost in his reverie, he didn't notice the shoji door slid open.
"And the sleepy head's finally awake." Misao teased.
"Araaa Misao-san, good morning." Soujiro greeted.
"Good Morning," she greeted in return, "Saito's downstairs. He'd like to meet with us." Misao added.
"Yare-yare…:" Soujiro mumbled,
Saito informed them that their mission's complete. Misao had sent him a message about the whereabouts of the group they were investigating and the raid was carried on smoothly. Soujiro wasn't very pleased to hear the news that their assignment was over.
It would mean that they would part ways.
"Shinomori's down in Okinawa investigating a port that was connected to the Yukishiro incident." Saito informed them.
"Ah, well then I'll wait for his report in Kyoto." Misao said. The Mibu just smirked.
"I was half expecting you would follow him there. Seems like you gave up on the ice block." Saito sheepishly said.
"Nothing escapes you Saito." Misao chided. "Since you so openly admitted you meddle your nose in our personal business, Aoshi-sama told me that his feelings towards me were platonic."
"I am not interested in your lovelife Weasel." Saito declared in an nonchalant tone. "Good job, you two." He said as he exited the restaurant of the inn where they were staying.
Misao turned to Soujiro and sighed. Since their mission was over, it means they would be parting ways. Misao didn't just want to leave Soujiro who had become really close with her. They had just a breakthrough in their friendship last night! Soujiro sensed that Misao was feeling down but before he could say anything, Misao had beaten her to it.
"Sou-kun, would you like to spend the day together?"
Soujiro Seta and Misao Makimachi spent the day walking around the town. They found something common between them, both loved to eat. They didn't know where their feet would take them, they just roamed around town, talking and laughing just like a bunch of energetic young adults that they should be. As the sun set and the stars began to appear in the horizon, they saw the people going towards a nearby temple. Curious, they asked one of the locals what was happening and was informed that there was a festival. Before Soujiro could even thank the man, Misao pulled his hand and dragged him towards the temple.
It was a whole new experience for Soujiro, attending festivals. When he was still with Shishio, he had happen to just watch a festival unfold before him from a tree, hidden from all the people who enjoyed the festival. Now, he wasn't an observer but he was actually in the festival, trying out the games and the food. Misao bought him a cat mask which surprised him. He looked at the mask and then at the young woman who had gone on ahead of him.
Soujiro Seta felt light. Light as a feather.
He hastened his pace and made his way beside Misao which surprised the young woman. Soujiro held her hand and they walked together around the festival. Soon, the sky lit up as fireworks exploded in different sizes and colors. Soujiro watched in awe not aware that Misao was watching him in a amused expression.
"I got my heart broken." Misao said as they were heading back towards the inn. "One night, I got drunk and I just started blurting out everything I held inside me to Aoshi-sama. I told him that I loved him and I am willing to wait for him. I was drunk but I wasn't drunk enough not to remember what he said. He told me he didn't love me the same way. He sees me more as younger sister whom he raised. It was true, he did raised me up. It hurt like hell when he said that. All my life, all my life, loving him is all I'd ever known and be loved back in the same way I wanted was what I ever wanted. But you see, life isn't always filled with rainbows and butterflies." Misao continued. Soujiro notice the somber tone in his companion's voice.
"Maaa, kinishenaide kudasai." Misao commented as she pinched her cheeks and tried to perk up. "That was a thing of the past. I cannot let the past haunt me always or else I won't be able to move forward."
"Why?" Soujiro asked. His eyes were hidden beneath his long bangs. "Why do you keep saying the past is in the past; that it was a thing of the past."
Misao was caught off guard with the question. She looked at the sky and answered "Because it already happened. There isn't anything we can do to change what happened yesterday ne? All we can do is try to make things better from here on and resolve not to make the mistakes of the past." Misao looked at Soujiro. "You've been travelling a lot, surely you must have learned something from what you have experienced?" Misao said rhetorically. She then proceeded to walk, getting ahead of Soujiro who had stood frozen on his spot.
To move forward.
To make things better here on.
To avoid making the past mistakes.
Was that what Himura did when he seek for atonement during his time of wandering? Was it because Himura can no longer bring back the life he took and so the best he could do was to resolve to protect it? He wanted peace but he knew that the methods he had used to achieve peace cost the lives of many.
"Misao-san!" Soujiro called out. Misao stopped and looked at Soujiro.
"Nani?" She inquired.
"Did you regret it? Did you have any regrets?" He asked. He wasn't smiling at all when he asked that, Instead, he was looking intently on Misao, waiting for her answers.
"I have regrets in my life." Misao answered. "But there isn't much use entertaining the what ifs of life. If I did that, I'd miss out living in the present." She chuckled afterwards "But confessing to Aoshi-sama is one thing I don't regret at all." She then walked again before him.
Living in the present.
What does she mean by that? Soujiro pondered. He looked at the night sky and somehow, he realized how beautiful a star-filled sky is.
The next day, Soujiro and Misao bid farewell to each other. Misao was returning to Kyoto while Soujiro would resume his wandering. He couldn't express what he was feeling as he watched Misao take the route going to Kyoto. He felt like something in him had broken. He'll surely miss the company of the spunky young kunoichi. He looked again the hand that held her hand the previous nights. Before, he only holds barrels and sacks of rice, and then a knife or a sword. Now his hand held something much more, heavier than the loads he carried before but definitely warmer than the cool blades of steel.
He held a child.
He held a hand of another breathing human being.
He held life on his hands.
YEAR NINE
"Soujiro-ojisan!" a red-head boy came running down from the dojo and threw himself on a man standing at the entrance of the Kamiya dojo.
"Uwaaa, Kenji-chan you surely grew up!" Soujiro said as he knelt one knee and picked up the boy. "It's funny you still remember me though. You were still very little when I left."
"Okaerinasai Soujiro-kun." A man with red hair and warm amethyst eyes greeted.
"Himura-san konnichiwa! Gomenasai for coming her unannounced." Soujiro bowed. Kenji had began pulling on his hair.
"Looks like someone needs a haircut." Came Kaoru's greeting as she stood beside her husband. "Okaerinasai Soujiro-kun. You know you are always welcome here at the Kamiya dojo." She warmly welcomed.
"Ah arigato. Gomenasai if I'm going to impose again on your hospitality."
"Well don't just stand there!" Kaoru chided. "If you promise to wash the dishes and look after Kenji when we are busy we'll call it quits."
He was given the old room of Yahiko's. As it turns out, Yahiko had moved to a place near Akabeko so he would be near his 'dear Tsubame-chan'. That evening, the Kenshingumi threw a welcoming party for Soujiro. Tae and Tsubame brought food from Akabeko while Gensai-sensei brought sake. Stories were exchanged and laughter echoed through the dojo.
Soujiro watched the people who surrounded him now. Former enemies turned friends…friends who were more than friends to him.
Was this how it feels like to have a place to belong to?
Was this the love and acceptance he was seeking?
"Oi Seta don't just stare out!" Yahiko scolded as he placed a bottle of sake in front of him. "Drink up man. If Sano was here he'd definitely force you to drink."
"Maa I really don't drink Yahiko-san." Soujiro said but the bottle of sake was shoved to his face. Everyone was cheering him on and it left him with no choice.
The next morning, he was nursing a bad headache. Hangover as what Kenshin told him when he brought him tea and warm soup.
As the days passed by, Soujiro fell into his old routine when he stayed at the Kamiya dojo years before. Since he didn't want to impose too much, he usually helped Gensai-sensei in his clinic by running errands for the old doctor. The doctor would usually pay for his services. Since he was always smiling, children were drawn to him and Gensai-sensei saw this. Whenever children were brought to his clinic and were afraid of the procedures he would do, Seta Soujiro would be with him. He cheers on the children by playing with them or encouraging them that every thing will be better.
Gensai-sensei mused. Who would have thought that this smiling young man beside him, cooing a little boy in his clinic was the former right hand man of Shishio Makoto. But then again, look at Himura Kenshin. He was the former Hitokiri Battousai.
Gensai-sensei chuckled to himself. You can never judge a book by its cover,
Soujiro marveled at the wide-eyes of children that held so much light and wamth. Working with Gensao-sensei proved to be an advantage for the ex-Tenken. He was naturally curious and children were drawn to his smiling face. He became the playmate of children who were waiting on their adult companions who had appointments with the old doctor. Sometimes, when he could see that a child was afraid of his doctor's appointment, he would join Gensai-sensei in his office and cheer up the child. He would be rewarded with a smile or a warm laughter most of the time.
This made him warm. He couldn't explain it but he felt like he's being filled with something warm that sometimes, he feels it overflowing he'd feel giddy.
And so in the nine years he had wandered, Seta Soujiro finally witnessed another death unfold before his eyes. An old man was rushed in Gensai-sensei office. The old man was very ill. He had a grandchildren who was with the old man. They were crying while clutching Soujiro's gi. He was at a loss for words. He held the children in his arms and hoping that it would be enough to comfort them. The old man struggled to breath as he tried to tell his grandchildren to keep smiling and soon, the old man's eyes closed down and it never opened again.
What struck Soujiro Seta was that the old man died so peacefully. He looked at peace.
"The man lived a full life." Kenshin said as they were sipping tea in the porch one evening.
"But he died." Soujiro countered. "What does it mean to live if we will all going to die eventually."
"Soujiro, what did you notice the old man had before he passed away?"
Soujiro looked at his hands. He held the old man's grandchildren.
"As long as those children lives, that old man's memories will also live." Kenshin said as he sipped his tea.
What does it mean to live?
To live is to make the best out nothing
To be independent and still depend on other people.
To move forward and to learn from the mistakes of the past.
To make memories that will last even after the light of life is extinguished.
Somehow, Soujiro Seta felt like he have the answers he needed but still missing one important piece. When he woke up one morning two weeks after he witnessed a natural death, Soujiro felt like he was seeing the world in a while new perspective. He was greeted by the cheerful voice of Kenji Himura who was playing with his father. He smiled at the sight before him. He wondered if he'd get to experience the bliss the former Battousai now has.
"Maaa, I didn't know you're staying here too." Soujiro picked up a very familiar voice. A voice he had not heard yet the memory was very vivid in his mind. The voice that made his heart flutter. Looking at the direction where he heard the voice, his eyes widened upon seeing a former enemy turned comrade and friend.
"Misao-san…" he breathed.
"We meet again Sou-kun." Misao cheerfully greeted. She was wearing a light green summer kimono that brought out the shine of her emerald eyes,
He didn't know what force had prodded him to do what he did but he locked the kunoichi in an embrace. Misao was extremely surprised but she returned his embrace nonetheless.
Over breakfast, Misao told him that she would be staying at the dojo for two weeks. She had business to take care of. She had written Kaoru about it and Kaoru was more than happy to have her with them.
"Besides, I miss the little spitfire!" as she picked up Kenji who comfortable settled in Misao's lap. Soujiro saw her in a different light when she held Kenji.
"Kenji missed Mi-neechan!" The boy squealed.
"I hope Yahiko is not teaching you any weird stuff." Misao said as she tickled the boy.
"Ah when Soujiro-kun doesn't help Gensai-sensei, he babysits Kenji for us." Kaoru mentioned. "Maaa, Gensai-sensei is contemplating in opening a day care center since Soujiro-kun's good with children." Kaoru added. Misao looked at Soujiro and she smiled at him.
"I guess kids are attracted to you smiling fool." Misao teased.
"I guess they are."
And as if on cue, children's voices were heard outside the Kamiya dojo. The children were looking for their playmate, "Sou-niichan" as they call the ex-Tenken. In that group of kids, the old man's grandchildren were among them, eager to be held again by Soujiro.
"Play, play, play!" Kenji garbled on Misao's laugh.
"I guess the little spitfire wants to play too." Misao chuckled.
"Ah Misao-san why don't you take Kenji with you and join Soujiro-kun with the children outside." Kenshin suggested. He was looking at Soujiro with a mischievous glint on his eyes. Kaoru was smiling at him too.
"Ah sounds like a plan." Misao said as he picked up Kenji from her lap and stood from her seat. Soujiro excused himself and followed Misao.
And the two young adults spent the morning playing with the children around the neighborhood where the Kamiya dojo was located. Kenji seemed to have a great deal of fun too. The children were comfortable around Misao and had taken a great liking for the kunoichi. Soujiro watched her as she ran around chasing the children as if she's one of them.
When the sun was high above the sky signaling that noon was about to come, Soujiro and Misao took the children back to their homes. The parents were grateful with them. Kenji was sitting of Soujiro's shoulder as they walked from one house to another. When they reached the house of the two children of the deceased old man, the children's parents thanked them while the children hugged the ex-Tenken.
"Ah Soujiro-san," the mother of the children said. "You have a lovely girlfriend."
And the comment made both Misao and Soujiro blush.
The two weeks that Misao spent at the Kamiya dojo went like a blur. Soujiro had so much fun spending time with Misao whom he had not seen over two years. When the sun was about to set, they would often take walks and just talk about anything. When Misao didn't have business to take care, she would play with the children in the morning. When Misao gets home late from her business meeting, Soujiro would wait on her by the stream while holding a lamp. They would walk together back to the dojo.
"Fireflies!" Misao exclaimed one evening as they were walking the path beside a stream that leads towards the dojo. "Lower the lights Sou-kun." Misao commanded.
"Beautiful." Soujiro quietly said. "Misao nodded in agreement. "What I meant is you are beautiful." Soujiro explained. Misao looked at him and blushed.
"What are you saying?" Misao chuckled.
He didn't know what possessed him that evening but he repeated it. "To me, you are beautiful."
Misao looked at him in bewilderment. Soujiro laughed at the shocked expression of the young woman in front of him.
"Too bad you're leaving so soon. I happen to like being around you. I don't know how to put it into words but you make feel like…"
"Like?" Misao asked.
"There's more to life that I should look forward too." Soujiro finished.
"Soujiro-kun…" Misao looked at him with soft warm eyes.
"Misao-san…maybe when you have space in your life, do you think you could ever give me that place?" Soujiro asked.
And what happened next just sent Soujiro Seta's mind into hyper drive. Makimachi Misao pressed her lips on his cheek. She then walked ahead of him towards the dojo. Soujiro found himself putting a hand on the cheek where he felt her soft lips.
Kenshin had a hearty laugh when he related the story of his conversation with Misao. He was right to assume that the young man's in love. The poor thing just didn't know it.
"Himura-san, I know you find my story amusing demo saa, I'd appreciate it if you can tell me what's wrong with me? I keep blurting out weird things." Soujiro said in a helpless tone.
"Oro?" Kenshin said and then he laughed again. "There are times that even if I know the answer my friend, I simply cannot say it. You have to figure it out for yourself." Himura said as he stood from his seat and began to walk towards the room he and Kaoru shares.
He couldn't sleep that night as the events earlier that night replayed on his mind. Did he just asked a place in Misao's life? Never in his life did he almost begged for something so why now? Why to her? He was sitting in one of the branches of the tree outside the Kamiya dojo. As he closed his eyes and remembered the feel of Misao'He wanted to clear his thoughts. As it turns out, there are a lot of things about life that he has not figured out.
And then that feeling of emptiness struck him again. The feeling that he had when he already had his answers and yet, there's still something missing. But when he saw Misao stepped in the Kamiya dojo a week ago, he felt that he had everything almost figured out but he couldn't put a name to it.
"Aishiteru Tsubame-chan." Soujiro heard. He looked down and saw Yahiko and Tsubame walking, hand in hand together.
"Aishiteru Yahiko-kun." Tsubame said back as she kissed the young man on the cheek. "When should we tell them that we are engaged?" Tsubame asked.
"Maybe before the Weasel leaves? Knowing Kaoru, she loves to throw those send away parties. Man I'm going to get the ex-Tenken drunk as hell again." Yahiko proudly said.
And finally it dawned on him. He quickly went down from the tree and made his way back to his room. On his way back, he saw the silhouette of Kenshin and Kaoru was they were putting their sun to sleep. He overheard him say something.
"Aishiteru Kenji-kun." Kaoru said.
"Aishiteru watashi no musoku." Kenshin said as he bent down and kissed the forehead of their sleeping son.
There are things in life that other people knows the answer but sometimes you have to figure it out for yourself.
Seta Soujiro's in love.
Okina and Misao were deep in discussion about the new patrol scheme of the Oniwabanshu. The local government of Kyoto and its police had requested for their assistance to keep the peace around town. Along with them in the meeting is former Okashira Shinomori Aoshi who would occasionally give his thoughts about their strategy. In the heat of their conversation, Omasu slid the shoji screen open. This made Misao lose her patience,
"Omasu-san we are in the middle of a meeting!" she yelled.
"Gomenasai but you have a visitor." She said apologetically. "It gave me a shock to greet this visitor."
"It can wait." Misao said sternly.
"Why not rest for a bit. The tension between the three of us so thick already. We need to have a breath of fresh air." Okina suggested. "Let the guest in."
A few seconds later Omasu ushered a man wearing light blue gi and a navy blue hakama. Inside his gi a western style collared shirt. He had a smile on his face.
"Gomenasai, I told the nice lady that I can wait." He said politely. Seta Soujiro bowed at them.
Okina's jaw fell and Aoshi eyed the ex-Tenken cautiously. Misao was overcome with shock.
"Tenken no Soujiro…" Okina finally said.
"Ano saa…I just go by the name Seta Soujiro nowadays."
After Misao recovered from the shock she just received from seeing Soujiro, she smile brightly and lunged himself at the man standing outside the shoji screen. The force of her jump sent Soujiro falling with Misao on top of him.
The Oniwabanshu gave Seta Soujiro a big welcoming dinner that evening. He noted how crazy the oniwabanshu was compared to the Kenshingumi of Kyoto. Seeing Misao in her natural home, it gave Soujiro an exhilarating feeling. Her cheerfulness and laughter was infectious (and he wonders how the hell it didn't rub off on Aoshi.) and he marveled at it.
Soon he found himself being shoved a bottle of sake by Okina, Shiro and Kuro. The fact that Himura Kenshin's master, Hiko Seijuro came down from his mountain home to join the party meant it would be harder to refuse the sake.
"My baka-deshi is a strong drinker." He proudly said. "Surely Makoto Shishio trained you to drink sake as well." He teased.
He didn't know how many drinks he had but all he know, when he fell, he fell on Misao's shoulder who smiled at him. He didn't mind nursing a bad headache the next morning. He knew Misao will nurse him tomorrow.
YEAR TEN
What does it mean to live?
Standing in front of a cave that once housed the headquarters of Juppon Gatana, Seta Soujiro laid a bucket of flowers on the ground. He closed his eyes as if in prayer and uttered a thanksgiving to his mentor.
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have experienced so many things in my life. I may be seeing your views in a different light now but I owe you much. You'll have my gratitude for giving me a chance at life."
To live is to make the best out nothing
To be independent and still depend on other people.
He turned his back on the cave walked to the clearing that leads towards Kyoto. He smiled knowing full well that he now has a place where people didn't mind his past and accepted him with open arms; people who treat him not as a slave neither nor as a bastard but a man with dignity and respect. He now has a place which he calls home.
To move forward and to learn from the mistakes of the past.
To make memories that will last even after the light of life is extinguished.
To love and be loved in return regardless of one's past.
"Sou-kun where have you been?" Shiro asked as he met the young man outside of Aoi-ya. He was cleaning the front of the inn.
"Ah, just paid my respects." He cheerfully answered. Shiro just nodded and returned his smile. "Glad that you're back or else Misao-chan will go ballistic on us if she doesn't find you here."
"Did she went to the temple to serve Aoshi-san's tea?" He asked. Shiro nodded.
Some things never change.
"I'll go wait up on her at the temple. Arigato Shiro-san."
After he made his bold entrance to the Aoi-ya, literally interrupting the meeting between the heads of the Oniwabanshu, Soujiro found a place for himself amongst his former enemies. While Shinomori Aoshi was wary of his presence, he soon realized that the ex-Tenken posed no threat and had let him stay with the rest of the Oniwabanshu. Moreover, Aoshi saw through Soujiro that he held a special affection to their current okashira.
And Misao was not completely oblivious to his affections. He just indirectly said it to her a year ago and Misao understood what he meant.
A week after he arrived in Aoi-ya, he spoke to Okina and Aoshi alone. He asked if he could formally court Misao. He explained that he didn't want to make any move on her without their knowledge and permission. He openly admitted that he was inexperienced and didn't know how courtship works but went on his gut to ask their permission. The act endeared him to Okina who cheerily told him "yes" and even volunteered to help out. He received a threat from Aoshi that he'd kill him if anything happens to Misao to which Soujiro replied.
"My life is in your hands Aoshi-san." And then he bowed to them.
The courtship he had with Misao was one wacky experience. The other members of the Oniwabanshu were more than eager to help. Chou even had a few things to say and Soujiro even received a letter overseas from Kamatari Houjou telling him a few advice on love.
As always, his family in Tokyo (the Kenshingumi) were on his back. He would often receive letters from Kaoru and Kenshin that contained letters of encouragement. One time, he got a letter from Megumi telling him to take caution on the feistiness of the "weasel girl" but told him as well that his intended had one of the purest soul she had ever met.
Pure soul. Soujiro couldn't agree more.
And one and half year after their courtship, Soujiro proposed which Misao happily accepted. They were married on fine spring day, under the Sakura Tree. Soujiro marveled at the sight as former enemies became friends. Kamatari returned from his assignment abroad just to be in Soujiro's wedding. Of course, Kaoru and Kamatari both received snide remarks from him about how they should take care of how they look to which Megumi agreed.
They went to Karuizawa for their honeymoon. It was a gift from the "Mibu" and his wife. It was during their trip to Karuizawa that Soujiro had asked a favor from his new wife.
And To learn how to forgive and be forgiven.
It's been three years since he last went to his hometown. The place where everything began. Soujiro made the all familiar trek to the ruined house where he used to live. Placing a bouquet of white lilies on the ground.
"All I ever wanted was to be loved. I never meant to kill any of you. May you find peace in the after life and I pray that you forgive me for the crimes I have committed to you."
And as if on cue, the remaining of the ruins of the old house where Soujiro lived crumbled to the ground. The sun was shining brightly and the wind was blowing. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at the woman beside him. She was smiling at him. He rested his forehead against hers.
"Let's go home Sou-kun." Misao whispered.
"Aaa, we'll go home."
Hand in hand, Soujiro Seta and his wife, Misao Seta walked away from the now completely destroyed house.
THE END
Author's Notes: This is my second attempt at SouMi fiction and I must say, I am very pleased with the outcome. I hope you like this ^_^ Do leave a review so I would know how I can improve.
Thank you! :)