"Would you believe me if I said I was sorry?
The question wasn't meant to hurt, it was just my fear of losing you. And now you're filling all the space that surrounds you. Will you give yourself to me? Will I give myself to you? Maybe it's all for the best. But I just don't see any good in this.
Maybe we'll find something better, but the lovers that left us would always hold their place.
I've been filling up the empty space between you and I."
When all things were said and done, Mai was dropped off at her apartment.
It was dimly lit, and the brunette didn't even bother clicking the light switch on. Her knees were shaky and her hands were cold as she slumped against one of her counters. It was the same apartment that it had been a week ago. Tiny, cramped, unorganized, and filled with the smell of tea. A week ago, Mai was looking forward to the new case. She had no reason to expect anything different from the previous one. It was just another ordinary case. If the girl had known how differently things would go, perhaps she wouldn't have bothered showing up. A small, thin smile worked its way up to her lips. No, she would still go. Mai would always be there to Naru, even if it was nothing more than a one-sided crush. Even if he didn't return her acts of friendship, let alone her romantic ones.
Even if she was in love with Gene.
The rejection; it wasn't something she had been expecting. His words were equivalent to a slap in the face, confusing and raw, leaving unshed tears glittering in her brown eyes. Although it wasn't truly a refusal, more like an avoidance, it hurt more than she had ever braced for. She had been preparing for a scalding lecture of how her feelings only belonged to Mai herself. She knew there was a good probability of that happening- a straightforward rejection. A simple 'no' would've sufficed. It would hurt, but at least she would've gotten closure. Mai would've gotten to go home and not wonder whether or not this entire time she had been in love with his dead older brother, whether or not Oliver Davis had ever felt something remotely close to love for his petite assistant. "Me or Gene?" That had been his answer. He wouldn't stand to be a stand-in for his brother. He wouldn't be Gene's replacement. She got that. It was obvious that was one of his insecurities. He lived life with girls confessing left and right of their love for Gene instead of him. And now the one person who had never wanted to hurt him was burning him in the worst possible way.
And that smile. It wasn't cruel, or full of love. Not even filled with comfort. Just pity. A sympathetic smile, like he had awaited this the moment he met her. It hurt. It puzzled her to the point of tears. He didn't hug her or press her close to his chest- she knew he never would. Kazuya Shibuya- Oliver Davis- Naru- would never be the consoling type. And she finally grew to be okay with that. She was okay with this distancing ways and his workaholic attitude. She accepted him, faults and all. Wasn't that love? Mai wouldn't do everything for the narcissist, not because she didn't want to, but because she simply couldn't. Mai wasn't strong like Bou-san or Ayako or John. She could only be herself. Mai could have dreams- she would have dreams. Gene would help her, always smiling brightly. If she was in love with Eugene Davis, then why did she long so much to see Naru smile in real life?
It didn't make any sense. It was as if the short-haired girl was trying to jam together puzzle pieces that didn't fit.
And after everything, she finally realized something. Oliver Davis was only a kid. As smart and clever as he might be, he was merely a boy who lost his brother. She knew what if felt like to have your world ripped from upside down. Both her parents had died. She remembered them clearly, so it wasn't as if they died when she was too young to recall what it felt like to be loved by them. Their deaths had made her weak, but it had then made her strong. And Naru? It seemed that his brother's death only made him weaker because he wouldn't allow himself to feel. He kept his distance, stern and seemingly emotionless, like that would scare his friends off. It certainly didn't make Mai want to go away. If anything, it motivated her. He pushed everyone away because he assumed that he would lose them like he lost Eugene.
She slid down the wall, resting against the floor.
Maybe they just weren't meant to be. Maybe she was never meant to be with Oliver.
Mai closed her eyes.
It was for the best.
Wasn't it?
Maybe it was better for everyone.
Right?
Naru had to depart to go bury Eugene, his deceased twin brother who had recently been recovered in the lake. She remembered his expression. Plain, cold, stone-looking, just as her handsome boss always had looked. But his lips continuously twitched, as if he were holding back a stifled cry. His blue, combat eyes were swimming in pain, dark and chilling.
Mai had been wrong.
Everything she had thought of Kazuya Shibuya, every detail she thought she had placed was a lie- even down to his very name. Oliver Davis. It wasn't the discovery that troubled her, although she did feel a tad betrayed that he didn't trust her enough to tell Mai his own name. She could understand why he had lied. He didn't want the attention, moreover, maybe he wanted to keep everything secretive. But still, the brunette couldn't comprehend why he didn't tell them his real name after he trusted them. Did he ever trust them? Did he ever trust Mai?
She wanted to believe that, but everything she thought about him, all her opinions, were rapidly changing and disconnecting. Everything was breaking apart. She never did know him. Mai sank her head down in her hands, allowing emotionally drained tears to drip down onto her bare knees. No one ever did. Maybe Lin and Madoka, Martin and Luella, who were around for his childhood. Who knew him before Noll registered that it was a bad thing to be so cold. But everyone else- as much as she self-loathed herself to admit it- never truly did know the mysterious Oliver Davis.
He claimed he would come back.
Mai would have to hold onto his words, even if they weren't true.
Because they had to be.
When had Naru ever let them down?
Maybe once.
But not again.
Mai believed that.
He would return to Japan. When he did, she would wait this time. Instead of forcing words out of his mouth, she would play alongside the walls he had set up. And slowly, brick by brick, she would take them down. She could be patient. Mai Taniyama would wait until Naru was ready. And when he was, she would profess her love for him again.
Perhaps she did love Eugene. She didn't really know the Davis twin, but she admired the warmth that was cast from him, blinding like the sun. It drew her in, but Naru's freezing hostility made her stronger. His cold storms and infuriating remarks made her appreciate the little smiles that they shared. Because when Naru did smile, it was rare. It made Naru different. It made loving him special. He taught her the most important lessons in her life, and for that, she would be forever grateful. And as far as her love went, even if it never happened, she would never forget him.
And when the distance between Noll and Mai slowly closed, she would make sure that the narcissist wasn't afraid. He would give himself to her, and Mai would give herself to him.
For now, she would fight here without him, painful as it was.
She would fill up the empty space between them. It was clear as day by now to Mai that the narcissistic man that she had fallen in love with would never make the first step towards her.
Mai began to cry, the tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. She curled tighter against herself, wishing that it was Naru hugging her instead of herself. Possibly one day that dream would become a reality.
And when the void finally closed, this time they would both be ready.
"Me or Gene?"
Mai smiled through blurry tears at the darkness of her apartment.
"You."
A/N: I watched a Mai/Naru video on Youtube to the song "Between You And I" by Every Avenue. The song is beautiful and I think it captures their relationship better than any other song I've heard. I hoped you liked reading this. Reviews, follows, favorites and simply just reads are always appreciated. Thank you for reading! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own GH. If I did, this NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED. *sobs*
I do not own the song "Between You And I" either.