The storm is coming soon, it rolls in from the sea,
my voice, a beacon in the night, my words will be your light,
to carry you to me.
Is love alive?
- Sara Bareilles
I'm crying.
I'm actually crying.
I shouldn't be crying, I'm Niall Horan, already known for laughing constantly and being happy and upbeat. Nobody has any idea why I'm like that, what I'm making up for. The pain I'm masking with my constant smile.
It's times like this that, just for a second, I let myself feel the pain I normally oppress and it pours out of me in a wave of emotions. This is so risky, anyone could walk in at any moment here and ask me what's wrong. I can't lie, not about this.
The tears continue to fall silently, noisy sobs would give my location away, and I don't bother to stem them as I've been here before. Eventually I'll run out of tears for this time. I'll take several deep breaths, fold the small scrap of paper in half again, return it to its hiding place behind my phone case then blast some random music while I regain my false grin.
That's what happened the last two times I let myself feel since being here.
"How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tread, with these waves crashing over my head."
I sang softly to myself because I knew it would help. When I'm singing, I'm not thinking and when I'm not thinking, I'm not feeling.
"If I could just see you, everything would be alright,
if I'd see you, this darkness would turn to light.
And I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall,
and I will get lost into your eyes, I know everything will be alright."
The tears had subsided slightly now as I reverently snapped my phone case back into position, concealing the secret hidden inside, only to reappear if I got like this again. I carried on singing to myself.
"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose,
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.
If I could just see yo-"
"You done yet Niall?" A bright, loud voice followed the sound of the door to the room banging open.
No. This wasn't right. I wasn't ready to see people again, my smile wasn't back yet. Why wasn't Liam downstairs watching the film with everyone else?
"Um, are you okay?" Liam gave me a wary look, making it clear the effects of my recent crying session were still clear on my face. We'd only known each other for a month; I wasn't ready to tell him.
But it was too late. The shock and surprise of being interrupted had distracted me from concentrating on forgetting again and returning to the Niall everyone thought they knew. Tears were pouring down my face once more as a wave of grief swept me up. This, coupled with knowing Liam could see me, made me shake with worry and sadness.
Liam looked slightly alarmed but mainly concerned as he ran straight over to me, glancing me up and down like he was looking for some kind of injury. A fair reaction I suppose to why I could be suddenly appearing so traumatised.
He wouldn't be able to see my pain though.
"Oh my God Niall, what's wrong?" he asked, starting to look panicked.
I told him with a look that it was a long story and he seemed to understand as he sat down on the bed I was crouched behind, patting the space next to him.
"I'm a good listener." Was all he said, silently giving me the option to decline his offer and tell him to go away.
I knew Liam wouldn't tell the others and, if I wanted, I could ask him to forget this ever happened and leave me alone but something inside me made me want to tell him. Being ready to accept it and ready to talk about it were two separate things but right then I knew the best option was to swear Liam to secrecy and tell him everything.
Silently, I stood up and sat next to him on the bed.
"I guess now's the time to tell you about Hebe." I said, my voice croaky from all the crying.
"Who's Hebe?" Liam asked curiously.
"The girl I'm in love with." I said simply and Liam looked surprised. "I'll go right back to the beginning."
The sun shone brightly down onto the lush, green fields of the Mullingar countryside. Worlds away from the busy city centre where my house was, it was quiet and peaceful here, barely a bird could be heard. That's why I came here, for some peace and quiet.
It was a short walk, made harder by carrying my guitar, but in the pleasant weather I enjoyed it.
I strummed away on the strings, not following a particular pattern or tune but simply letting my fingers play the notes that felt right. There was no one here to hear me and nothing mattered, only the trees and the grass could absorb the music I was making.
It didn't matter that I wasn't the best guitar player in the world, that I'd only had a couple of lessons at school once and had mostly taught myself from YouTube. I liked that it was natural and everything I knew how to do was down to my own hard work and initiative.
My mind wandered, getting completely lost, as I sang along with made up words to the music I was creating. I didn't hear the twig snap behind me from where I sat on the grass and I didn't realise someone other than nature was listening to me.
The music I was playing reached a natural end and I lowered my guitar, placing it beside me and gazing at it fondly. It was then that I noticed I was being watched.
"Please, don't stop." She said boldly, considering I'd just caught her spying on me. She started walking towards me, a light breeze fluttering her pale blue dress and rippling her long, dark hair. She had a complexion like porcelain and rosebud lips.
I hadn't done as she asked and picked up the guitar to start playing again, I was simply watching her with curiosity.
This didn't faze the girl in the slightest as she took a seat beside me on the dry grass, crossing her legs beneath her and watching me expectantly.
"Sorry if I scared you. I was walking past and I heard you playing so I stopped to listen, I figured it would be okay as it would be such a shame for nobody to hear that music."
"It wasn't even music. I was just improvising random stuff." I mumbled shyly.
"No, that was music. It was beautiful, wherever it came from."
"Well, thankyou." I said, grateful for her kind words, even if the idea of somebody else hearing me play just then made me squirm.
"No problem." She parted her lips, displaying a pretty smile. "I'm Hebe by the way." She looked away into the sun as she addressed me.
"Niall." She didn't look back. "Doesn't it hurt your eyes, looking straight into the sun like that?"
She glanced back at me, giving me an appraising look. "No. Doesn't it hurt your eyes to waste such a beautiful sight?"
I couldn't help thinking that the sight I was currently experiencing was very beautiful as it was.
"Play some more." She commanded, not in a rude way but in an inviting way.
I immediately obliged, picking up my guitar and resuming my random strumming. Hebe closed her eyes appreciatively as I played, her head swaying ever so slightly to the music. I started to sing along to the tune I was playing and her eyes flickered open again.
"Wow Niall, you can really sing."
"Thanks." I blushed looking down at my guitar that I was continuing to play. I enjoy singing, it's something I know I'm good at and something I really love doing.
I returned the next day, hopeful that she might be there again, and I was in luck. Hebe was sat on a tree stump, today in a pastel green sleeveless top and denim shorts, her hair adorned with daisies which could have been real or artificial.
"Good, you're here again Niall! I was hoping you would be." she said as soon as she spotted me.
I smiled in response and settled myself on the ground, my guitar propped up on my knee as I played for her. Soon, she got up from the tree stump and came to sit beside me again like yesterday.
I played for her intermittently, dispersed with what ended up being a game of twenty questions. Every time we both answered the other's question, I would play some more until I naturally stopped.
"If you could live forever but none of your friends or family could, would you choose to be immortal?" she asked provoking a lot of thought on my part. Our questions had moved on significantly from the ones we started with, to do with favourite films and other trivial facts.
"No, I wouldn't." I said after a while. "I'd rather have a day to live so I could spend it with everyone I love than have to continue existing on my own forever."
She nodded in agreement, gesturing for me to continue playing music.
It became a daily thing that summer, meeting Hebe on the edge of that field. We talked about the most varied topics, chatting and getting to know each other deeply.
About two weeks after we met, I kissed her for the first time. Everything had been like normal, Hebe suggesting we look for shapes in the clouds. We were laying on the grass beside each other, pointing upwards and enjoying the sunshine. There was a lull in the conversation as the clouds rolled past and the next thing I knew, Hebe's hand was brushing mine.
Instinctively, I held onto it, squeezing her palm in a gentle grip. She responded with her own squeeze and interlaced our fingers. A few seconds later, I turned to face her at the exact moment she mirrored me.
We were still holding hands, our eyes connected and unblinking. Her bright blue eyes pierced my own as the gap between us closed up, neither of us sure how it had happened.
Things changed when summer ended and we had to return to school. Hebe was at a different school to me but we kept in touch, continuing to meet in our favourite place. My friends at school would try and set me up with other girls in year ten with us but I would shrug and say I wasn't interested, all the while smiling to myself because they didn't know about Hebe.
Nobody knew about Hebe at all.
She hadn't told anybody about me and that was how we liked it, keeping what we had a secret from the world. She wasn't my girlfriend. I wasn't her boyfriend.
We weren't a couple. We were Hebe and Niall, unexplainable. But we didn't have to explain to each other and that was why it worked.
Winter started to arrive and soon it got too dark and cold to meet at the edge of the field after school like we were used to doing. It had been three months now and we decided the only way forward was to start bringing our relationship into the real world.
Hebe didn't want to, was adamant that we could carry on the way we were but after a few more days freezing in the dark she had to admit we couldn't carry on like this.
"Come back to mine today, it's just my mum home anyway." I suggested and Hebe smiled and nodded.
Before long, as far as everyone was concerned, Hebe was my girlfriend but we never used that term. She was my Hebe, I was her Niall. That was just the way it was.
And we weren't trying to be all independent and hipster by 'not labelling'. We'd never officially even talked about not calling each other that, it just came naturally. Thinking of Hebe as my girlfriend seemed too forced and almost like it couldn't actually sum up the way I felt about her.
We were young, just fifteen years old, and I kept telling myself it was stupid to start even thinking about love. I couldn't be in love could I?
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and carried on with life.
Summer came round again and it dawned on us both that it had been a whole year since we'd met. I'd been battling with my own thoughts for months now and one day it all came out in one big rush.
"Do you know, it's be-"
"A year since we first met? Yes, I know Niall. Of course I remember." She seemed slightly distracted, still herself but like she had her mind on other things.
"Hebe, I'm so happy I did meet you. You're amazing and beautiful and sweet and you make me laugh and I've never met anyone like you before."
She silently smiled weakly, her eyes crinkling at the sides. "Nialler, I don't deserve you."
Her lip trembled and she looked suddenly downhearted. I pulled her towards me and held her against my chest, rocking her gently. "You deserve the world and more Hebe."
Her ear was pressed against my chest so she probably heard my heartbeat pick up significantly as I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to do. Hebe clasped her hands behind my back, her eyelids fluttering closed.
"Hebe, I… I love you." I said it quietly, but the word echoed between us like cannonfire.
"Niall, don't say that." She pulled away from me and disappointment crashed around me instantly, but I hid it from her. "Because if you say that, if you admit that's how you feel, then I can't deny it any longer either."
"I've said it. I've admitted it. And if that scares you? Well, it scares me too Heb, it terrifies me. I'm sixteen years old and I'm in love. You don't have to say it back. Just know that I do."
"I want to say it back. I wish I could say it Niall back because I do, of course I do. But if we're in love, well, that's not good news for me." She looked down at the ground, away from me.
"How could that not be good news? It's me Heb, just me." I was worried by the fact that her eyes were slowly filling with tears again.
"There's something I need to tell you Niall. Something serious."
The look on her face showed me she wasn't messing around.
"I've never told you before, but when I was younger, nine years old in fact, I was diagnosed with Leukaemia. I was lucky, they caught it early and I was given the all clear a year later. I had a check up last week, and it's… well, basically it's back." She took a deep breath and smiled as if she was simply letting me know that a bus had arrived.
I gasped loudly. "Shhh Niall." I nodded apologetically. "It's back, more aggressive than last time, but they think they've caught it in time again. I'll have to start treatment again, like before, but the doctors are hopeful."
She was staring me straight in the face, a steely determination in her eyes, urging me to say something.
"Niall? Look, I'll understand if you want to end things with me. It's going to be hard, so so hard, but I've got my family to support me if you don't want to."
I looked up from the floor, the darkness in my voice scaring me slightly. "If you think I'm going to leave you because of this Hebe Flynn then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did. I'll be here, right here, I'm not going to leave you."
She fell into my arms once more and I stroked her hair as her body shook with sobs. "Oh Niall, I was hoping you'd stay. Don't ever feel pressure though, if it gets too much you can leave anytime."
"No Hebe. You can't leave this at any time so why on earth should I be able to? I'm here."
"Niall?"
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
It was Hebe who made me audition for X Factor, Hebe who sent off the forms and sat with me while I filled them in. She used to joke that I had the ultimate sob story; it amazed me how casual she was about her own life. I refused to mention her in my application, not wanting to use her to boost my chances, mainly because that was unfair on her but also because I wanted to succeed due to my talent, not what was happening to Hebe.
And she was there for the first audition, there for the second, even the third. But not the fourth, the first real audition, the one you see on tv. After a particularly rigorous course of treatment, Hebe was unable to come with me, putting me on edge the entire time. I phoned her mum the second I was off stage to check Hebe was okay, which she was.
From here, things started to get worse for Hebe and me. It seemed like, as soon as things started to go well for me in the competition, Hebe started to get worse. I got through to bootcamp, Hebe received stronger medication. I got put into a band with the other boys, Hebe was monitored on a daily basis. Our band made it to the live shows, Hebe became permanently hospital bound.
It very nearly tore us apart but I spoke to her every single day and spent every minute I was back in Ireland by her bedside.
Hebe requested to be treated in a London hospital instead, so she could be near to me while I was living in the X Factor house. She had been nothing but supportive to me throughout the whole process, and the countless times I said I would quit because she meant more to me than a singing competition, she refused to let me, saying I had a dream to follow and she would never forgive herself for standing in my way.
It came to the day that I was moving to London to move in, Hebe having scheduled to be moved at the same time. But as it turned out, her doctor said she wasn't strong enough to be moved right then. He said she could come over in a week's time when she would have recovered from her round of treatment.
"The week stretched to two weeks, the two becoming three. Now we're here and she's still in Ireland." I explained to Liam, who had been silent throughout my story. "But she's moving tomorrow. That's just one day away Liam."
"Niall, you're unbelievably strong do you know that?" Liam said seriously.
"Not as strong as Hebe." I replied automatically.
"Yes you are. You've been going through… through this and you never said anything? That must have eaten you up inside."
I nodded gratefully, realising that he was right and having someone know what I was going through did feel good.
"I'll understand if you don't want anyone else to know, but feel free to talk to me whenever you need to. Don't forget that okay?"
"Liam, what if… what if she doesn't get better? What if they can't get rid of it this time?" I voiced my biggest fear aloud for the first ever time.
"Dwelling on what ifs will get you nowhere Niall. Focus on the now, you get to see her tomorrow! She needs you to stay strong for her, doesn't she? Like you have been."
"Yes." I said in a monotone. Part of me resented Liam trying to give me advice on this when he had absolutely no idea what it felt like for me, but mainly I was grateful that he was trying.
"Breathe Niall, take a deep breath. In and out, that's it." He guided me as I followed his instructions and he rubbed my back. "You ready to come downstairs? There's still about half the film to go, take your mind off tomorrow for a little bit?"
I nodded uncertainly, knowing that now I'd put the note back inside my phone I could face people again. "Liam, you won't tell-"
"Of course I won't. It's yours to tell, if and when you want to." He placed an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me gently. "Do you want to stay up here? I can tell the others you're not feeling well."
"No, no I'll come down with you." I knew the worst thing now for me was to be alone. "Does it… does it look like I've been cr-"
"You're fine. You can't tell, honest." I nodded at his words, following him out of the room. I took a deep breath and plastered a smile on my face, putting my usual Niall mask back on. Liam gave me an encouraging smile, noticing that I was grinning and he visibly relaxed; that was good, it meant I was hiding it properly, like I normally did.
"Nialler, you're missing the film! Guess who chose it?" Louis greeted me as I entered.
One look at the screen made me look instantly at Liam. "Toy Story… that's two isn't it Liam?"
"Sure is." Liam said, casually throwing himself on the sofa with a grin. I was jealous of how happy and carefree he could be.
"Good phonecall?" Harry asked nonchalantly from where he was sat next to Louis.
"Yeah, good to speak to my family. It'd been a while." I replied instantly and Harry nodded, mainly concentrating on the film. This was how it always was, I'd got so good at pretending now.
It took me forever to get to sleep that night, tossing and turning, worrying about the fact that Liam knew about Hebe now. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, more that somebody knew that I was hiding something. I was worried I wouldn't be able to fake happiness anymore when I knew there would always be one person who understood that I wasn't happy.
Monday's rehearsals were exhausting on two hours of broken sleep made even worse by knowing I was going to see Hebe that night. I was scared and elated at the prospect of seeing her, scared because I didn't want to see her suffering but elated to see the girl I loved.
It came around far too quickly, being sat in a car heading for the hospital. Mum gave me a worried look as we entered through the huge glass doors.
"Niall honey, breathe please, you're scaring me."
I jolted out of my train of thought and looked at my mother. "Sorry, I'm breathing, promise."
My footsteps echoed across the deserted reception area, the walk to the desk seeming never ending. The smiling lady behind at the computer did a double take when she saw me and it looked like she was about to ask me about X Factor but one look at my expression told her otherwise.
"I'm here to visit Hebe Flynn." I said quietly and the lady nodded, tapping on her keyboard quickly. She took a square of paper and wrote down a few numbers onto it.
"She's in this room, take the lift to the third floor then follow the signs to the Mayflower Ward. Somebody there will be able to help you."
"Right." I said quietly, accepting the paper and following where she was pointing to the lift. I looked up, tears threatening to fill my eyes; I couldn't cry, not now, not here.
Mum squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Don't worry pet, be happy that you get to see her today. She's close to you now."
I pressed my lips together tightly so they became a thin line and nodded weakly at her words, trying to see the good side of things.
"Which room is Hebe Flynn in?" I asked the nurse at the desk, forcing myself to appear confident and brave.
"Are you family?" she asked, looking up from what looked like a crossword.
"I'm her boyfriend." I said simply, inside thinking about me and Hebe never used the words 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. The nurse would have looked at me strangely if I'd said 'I'm her Niall' though.
"Ah yes of course, her special visitor." She said smiling, making me confused. "Maria?" she called out to someone behind me and I turned around to see another nurse who was passing.
"Yes?"
"Could you show this young man to Hebe's room please? He's her special visitor." She added in a stage whisper, though for whose benefit I had no idea as it was only me and Mum in the corridor at the late hour.
"I'll wait for you here sweetie. Come get me if you need me okay?" Mum took a seat on one of the solid plastic chairs as I uncertainly followed the nurse, my legs quivering with every step.
"She's been talking about you non stop since she got here, saying how excited she is to see you and how you're a big star now." The nurse chatted to me as I followed her round a maze of corridors.
"Oh really?" I said distractedly, thinking that this sounded like a good sign if Hebe had been talking non stop.
"She's in that room. I'll let you be alone." She showed me to a door and gestured for me to go in. Despite looking forward to this for weeks, I suddenly didn't want to go in and see her. I was scared about what I would see. "Go on love, seriously."
I nodded at the nurse's urge and gently opened the door, poking my head around it first.
"Niall!" Hebe greeted me happily, propped up by pillows.
"Oh my God Hebe, I missed you so much!" I ran straight over to her then hesitated before hugging her in case she was too weak. "Can I?"
"You'd better!" she responded with a laugh, raising her arms weakly to embrace me. I held her gently, putting every ounce of love I had for her into that one simple gesture. We kissed softly, Hebe still held securely in my arms.
"How… how are you?" I asked nervously.
"I'm okay, still waiting to hear from the latest test results but the last treatment went well. They think I'm getting stronger, I think they're right." She whispered.
"That's great Hebe, really great." I could never cry in front of her, could never let her see me being anything less than completely strong for her.
"But enough about me, I've got a celebrity in my room!" she pulled herself up on her bed, patting the space next to her legs for me to sit. I perched beside her, unable to take my eyes off her beautiful face.
"I've been watching every single week, and voting for you of course." She said smiling. "You're amazing, I'm so proud of you Niall."
It didn't feel right, Hebe telling me she was proud of me. Compared to her, what I was doing was barely anything.
"I'm proud of you Hebe. You're the strongest person I know." I took both her hands in mine and faced her. "I love you."
"Niall Horan I love you too."
She gave me a watery smile and her hand jumped to her neck where it fingered the delicate chain hanging there. A tiny silver H hung there, on the back of which were engraved the words 'Stay Strong'. Of course I couldn't see the tiny words from here, I only knew they were there because it had been me who had chosen them when I'd picked the necklace out for her.
"Don't cry Hebe." I said quickly, watching her stroke her thumb back and forth over the words on the H.
"I won't Niall. Because you told me to stay strong." She looked down at the charm, my eyes following her gaze too, and I knew she was right.
"How… how was it?" He asked uncertainly.
"It was perfect. She's getting stronger Liam! Actually getting stronger, my Hebe is." I loved saying it out loud as it gave me hope.
"That's fantastic Niall!" Liam was enthusiastic and he pulled me into a hug.
"It's amazing news! Her doctor said she might even be able to come to one of the shows soon! She's been watching and voting for us, she wants to meet you and the other guys."
"You know you'd have to tell them for that to happen." He said seriously.
"Yes, I know. I've been thinking for a while now, I think I'd like to tell them. It doesn't feel right having a secret as big as this."
"Well that's great! Are you going to tell them soon or w-"
"Now. I want to tell them now before I change my mind." I said, partly convincing myself as I nodded sharply.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, definitely." I told him confidently.
"Shall I get them to come in here?" he said supportively.
"No, I'll do it." I said at the same time as the door to our bedroom opened. Harry and Louis walked in, laughing about something. "Oh, you guys are here. Where's Zayn?"
"In the kitchen. With Rebecca." Louis added suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. "Why?"
"I er, I have to tell you all something." I think Louis picked up that I wasn't joking around like normal and immediately dropped his act of making kissing sounds.
"Sure thing, I'll go get him." He said, disappearing from the room.
"Are you okay Niall?" Harry asked, seeming slightly concerned.
"It's sort of a long story. I'd rather wait til Louis and Zayn are here and tell you together." I said, sitting down on my bed.
Harry nodded looking curious as he also took a seat on a bed, next to Liam.
At that moment, Louis returned with Zayn in tow, both looking confused.
"What's up Nialler?" he asked cheerily.
"Right, I suppose I should start from the very beginning." I looked at Liam who gave me an encouraging smile, silently telling me it was okay.
I told them the story I'd told Liam, all about how I'd met Hebe, when she told me of her illness, about it being her idea for me to enter X Factor. I explained everything, right up to the part where she moved to the hospital in London.
The boys looked speechless; you could tell that was the last thing they'd expected me to say.
"I went to see her last night, after rehearsals. She's getting stronger, hopefully permanently recovering, but they can't say for sure. But her doctor said when she's ready, she can come to one of the shows! He said it might not be for a few weeks though." I finished sadly.
There was a short silence that was soon broken by Louis. "It just got even more important for us to stay in the competition boys." He said, causing the others to all nod vigorously. "Niall you're so brave."
"People always say that, but it's not me that's the brave one. It's Hebe." I said seriously.
"No, you are too. For having to deal with this on your own for this long, I'm glad you told us." He said in a slightly fatherly way, standing up and giving me a hug. Soon, the other three joined in until I was right at the centre of a silent envelope of support.
I visited Hebe every single week, on a Sunday night after we got the news about who was going home each week, then again sometime around rehearsals in the week. It was much easier now I didn't have to come up with an excuse as to why I was leaving the house so often. None of the other contestants knew, only the boys, but if anyone asked they just said I was in our room.
The weeks went by, One Direction still in the competition and Hebe was getting stronger by the day until her doctor said it was okay for her to come to a show; the final.
I was ecstatic, so excited to show her how far I'd come. I knew she'd been watching on tv but this was different. The boys couldn't wait to meet her and she couldn't wait to meet them!
Despite being nervous and excited for the results tonight, I knew anything that happened would be put right when I got to see Hebe.
It was upsetting hearing we'd come in third place, not really because it meant we wouldn't be getting a recording contract, but because it meant it could be the end of One Direction. The four boys had become my four best friends and if we didn't have a band we might lose touch and I don't think I could deal with that.
The mood was low as we went off stage, most of us on the verge of tears. In fact, I think I was the only one who didn't cry. The thought of seeing Hebe stopped me crying.
I wanted to see her straight away, but we'd only just come off stage and I had to wait until later. I settled for sending her a quick text saying I'd be with her as soon as possible because I knew she'd understand.
"Boys, Simon would like to speak with you in his dressing room now." Somebody who worked backstage said to us, pressing their hand to an earpiece.
"Right, straight away." Liam said, ever the organiser, shooting everyone confused looks.
We trooped into Simon's room, each making no secret about how low we felt.
"Alright boys." He said to us as soon as we entered.
"I've been better." Harry said honestly.
"Well, as you know, the winner automatically gets a recording contract. I wish I could give one to everyone, but that's not how it works. You guys, your band, you're a risk. Boybands aren't big at the moment, they're not the 'in' thing and you're all so young it would be a huge gamble."
So this was the 'I'm sorry it's over' conversation. At least Simon was decent enough to give it to us himself rather than get someone who worked for him to do it.
"Having said that, I don't want to see you lost. I've been talking to Sony records and they're very, very interested in signing you. They're sending over a contract in the morning if you'd be interested in looking at it." He gave us a questioning look.
"Of course we're interested!" Harry said enthusiastically.
"I thought you might say that." Simon chuckled.
"What, so we're getting signed?" Liam asked excitedly.
"Looks like it. Well done boys, I'm really proud of you." he said, smiling with his signature white teeth.
"Oh my God!" Harry exclaimed, the most audible out of all of us as we grabbed each other into a group hug.
"This is amazing!" Louis said happily and I couldn't help but agree. One Direction were staying together and Hebe was here! She was mere metres away from me right now, in the very same building.
I grabbed my phone and went to text her telling her I had great news for her when I saw her shortly, noticing she hadn't yet replied to my first text as the boys and I ran happily down the corridors to the place where we knew all our family were waiting.
The first thing I saw was my mother, her face looking serious. I couldn't wait to go and tell her what we'd just been told, that she didn't need to be sad that we'd come third.
"Niall." She said, and straight away I realised this had nothing to do with the competition. "Niall, you-"
"Mum where's Hebe?" I asked instantly, feeling panicked.
"Calm down please. Hebe is at the hospital, we need to go there now." Her voice was steady as she delivered this news.
"What? Why? Why is she at the hospital?" I said quickly, not realising that I'd alerted Liam to what I was saying.
"Just come with me, I'll tell you on the way." Mum said quietly.
"I'm sure it's okay Niall." Liam grabbed my shoulder carefully and gave it a friendly squeeze.
I shrugged him off, unable to say anything. I was grateful he was trying to help but how could he possibly be sure it would be okay? I told him with a look that I just needed to go now and I could tell her understood.
"Is Hebe… okay?" I choked out as we walked across the huge car park in the freezing cold. A few flakes of snow had started to fall.
"Hebe… Hebe collapsed Niall. She saw you perform your first two songs, but she collapsed before the results. They took her to hospital straight away."
"But she was getting stronger! She was getting better, her doctor said she was strong enough to come to the show! She's supposed to be here!" I almost felt angry at her for not being here now as I stopped still in the car park.
"Niall, I know. Just please get in the car, we'll go to the hospital."
"No! I don't want to go!" I didn't care how childish I was being. Going to the hospital meant admitting that Hebe wasn't as strong as we thought she was.
"You need to go, she needs you Niall."
Those three words, 'she needs you', were what made me get into the car with Mum.
We didn't bother stopping at the main reception desk anymore because we knew where Hebe would be. Instead, I ran straight for the lift, preparing to call it to the third floor like normal.
"Wait!" said a voice from behind me and I whipped round to see a nurse who often worked at the main reception desk. "She's not there today, she's in accident and emergency. It's this way."
She walked smartly down a corridor adjacent to the lift and I followed at a quick pace, Mum a few steps behind.
"Is she gonna be okay?" I choked, the first time I'd walked the halls of this hospital and been close to actual tears. I tried to tell myself I couldn't cry as Hebe would see me being weak, but no matter how many times I repeated this to myself, I couldn't stop the steady stream of tears flowing.
"I'm really sorry love, I don't know. I just know where she is." The nurse explained sympathetically and I nodded with a sniff.
"In here." She led us down yet more corridors before stopping outside a door. Hebe's doctor was coming from the other direction.
I pleaded him for answers with just a look; of course he knew who I was by now.
"She's stable Niall, but still unconscious. You can come in and see her, her family were with her but they're in my office now."
I barely breathed as he pushed open the door, revealing what looked like a sleeping Hebe on the bed.
She seemed peaceful and didn't stir when the door banged loudly behind me. Her chest rose and fell gently as she breathed, her hands hooked up to a million technical looking machines.
"I'll leave you alone." The doctor said, closing the door behind him.
It was as if, as soon as the door clicked shut, the waterfall that had been threatening to spill over finally released. I cried more than I ever remembered crying before, holding Hebe's hand in my own, carefully wiping away any tears that fell onto it.
Her fingertips quivered beneath my touch, her whole body stirring. She was waking up!
"Niall?" she breathed upon seeing my face. "You're here."
She was smiling weakly but genuinely. "I'll always be here Hebe, always. You need me, so I'm here."
"Niall, I'm scared. What's going on?"
"You're safe. You're in the hospital again, you collapsed at the show."
"Oh the show, Niall you were beautiful. I'm so glad I didn't miss you performing."
Her grip was loose on my hand as I held on desperately.
"I love you Niall Horan." She said, her eyes closing for a second, her voice quiet and scratchy.
"And I love you Hebe Flynn." I replied without even having to think about it. "It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay. And we'll be together forever, like we always said we would right?"
I was partly trying to convince myself with these words but Hebe nodded vigorously. "Forever and ever. I'll never stop loving you Niall, no matter what."
"Hebe, you brighten my whole life up. Being around you is like everything I ever imagined love would be like, I'm blessed to have met you and I adore you so much." I was crying again, tears flowing freely as I spoke, blurring my vision. Hebe became a blurred figure before my eyes, but I had memorised her smile long ago. "You, you just complete me. I'd be nothing without you, I struggle to remember life before I met you. I don't know how I survived. I love you so much."
I blinked away the tears so I could see again, expecting to see Hebe's weak smile again. Instead I saw her eyes closed and her head flopped backwards onto the pillow. "Hebe?" I panicked. She didn't respond, clearly having slipped into unconsciousness again. I cast around, looking for the button to call the doctor when a loud beeping started up. One of the monitors Hebe was attached to started flashing something on its screen, accompanied by an ear splitting beep.
The door flew open as a team of doctors rushed in and immediately started fiddling with the machine and attaching a breathing mask to Hebe's face.
"Son, can you wait outside please?" one of them asked me.
"No! I can't leave her!" I protested, unwilling to let go of Hebe's hand.
"You need to wait outside, please son it's for the best."
"Please don't make me leave!" I was still crying without even realising it, Hebe's hand gripped in my own when it was wrenched away by a doctor who was attaching a monitor to her fingertip. "No! Hebe!"
"Niall, please wait outside." Hebe's main doctor who I had met countless times instructed me. I think it was the use of my name that made me see sense and pay attention.
"I'll be right here!" I said to Hebe, leaving the room backwards, my view of Hebe obscured by breathing apparatus and doctors' hands.
I paced around outside, unable to sit down and settle to anything. However, after about ten minutes of pacing, I was feeling dizzy and sick and took a seat on one of the plastic chairs. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them to me like a little boy, staring at the floor.
What could have been straight away or ages later, a hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up to see Louis and the other boys stood behind me. I knew instantly that they knew what was happening, that I was waiting to hear the news.
"We'll stay with you." Liam said as they noiselessly arranged themselves around me.
I was surrounded, almost smothered by love and friendship. Liam held my right hand while Louis held my left, Zayn and Harry each had a hand on one of my shoulders as we stayed in contact. It could have been for five minutes, it could have been for five hours, but we stayed like that for as long as I can remember.
The silence and agony seemed to stretch on, never ending and eternal, torturing me inside. I couldn't cry, there were no tears left. I was completely empty inside, an empty vessel. I needed Hebe to be fully me right now.
Without thinking, I moved, startling the boys who gave me space straight away. I found my phone in my pocket and slid off the back cover, uncurling the tiny scrap of paper concealed inside. With a loud bang that echoed through the silent waiting room, the door had opened and Hebe's doctor had appeared, looking straight at me.
Before I could face hearing what he was going to say, I looked down at the note and read it to myself, even though I already knew what it said off by heart.
Stay strong forever Niall like I know you can, I'll never stop loving you, ever.
Remember me
Hebe xxx
Thankyou for reading :)
Twitter: IzzyEatsCarrots
Lyrics: Bareilles, S. and Michaelson, I.
Lifehouse – The Storm lyrics: Hardson, J. and Powers, B.