DISCLAIMER: I have written this story myself. The idea may not be original, but it's funny.
Lil' JQ is not a real rapper. I made him up.
This story is rated M for swearing, rude comments, and drug use. It is not for anyone under 18.
This is a PARODY and is not meant to be taken seriously. It is not meant to be racist at all.
UPDATE 9/3/13: I read the original Cinderella version where she loses the shoe on the second night, so I've included twice the balls (lol).
THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS
CINDERELLANIQUA
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cinderellaniqua Freeman. Her mother had died in a shootout when she was little, so her father took her in. Her father had married a fat bitch named LaVonne Jackson. LaVonne had two daughters of her own, LaTavia and LaToya. LaVonne, LaTavia and LaToya were angry bitches and they made Cinderellaniqua do all the chores while they went out and partied.
Unfortunately for Cinderellaniqua, her father died in a shootout a year after his wedding, so Cinderellaniqua was stuck with the wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters. She did every chore in the house. Every day she had to go to steal some drugs for her stepfamily to do. She had to wear rags that concealed her figure. She wasn't allowed to have any bling or rap CDs. She even had to sleep on the hard wooden floor.
Cinderellaniqua had grown into a hot shorty with a Beyoncé-like face and a Rihanna-like figure. She had caramel-colored skin and slammin' black curls. She wished she could be a strong, independent black woman who don't need no man. But alas, she could not be. She was stuck doing housework.
One day, local rapper Lil' JQ decided to host a ghetto party at his house. He invited all the hos in town.
"Well sheeyit," said LaVonne, "Lil' JQ be one bad playa in the hood! It would be the bomb for you two to go to the party!"
"I could wear my new weave," said LaTavia.
"I could use my new ices," said LaToya.
Cinderellaniqua, who had been picking scraps with a tweezers, overheard them. She was so excited about the ball.
"Stepmutha," said Cinderellaniqua, "I wanna go to the party too! I done collected all that crack for you to snort."
LaVonne laughed at this prospect. Her daughters did too.
"No, Cinderellaniqua," said LaVonne. "You have no bitchin' new clothes or a motherfuckin' weave or a sassy black attitude. You're a dummy, bitch, you will never know shit. Take your fat ass down to the welfare if you wanna do something with yo life."
"But Stepmutha," said Cinderellaniqua.
"NO!" said LaVonne.
"We gotta get ready for the party," said LaTavia.
"We'll see who gets Lil' JQ," said LaToya.
"I will," said LaTavia.
"No I will," said LaToya.
"You step off mah man," said LaTavia.
"He's mah man!" said LaToya.
The girls got into a fight.
"Daiam," said Cinderellaniqua.
Cinderellaniqua had to help her stepmother and stepsisters get ready for the ball. When they were ready, they left, leaving Cinderellaniqua behind. Cinderellaniqua could not help but cry her eyes out and smoke weed.
"I wish I could go to the party and meet Lil' JQ and get drunk," said Cinderellaniqua.
Then, all of a sudden, Cinderellaniqua saw a light in the room. Out of the light came Cinderellaniqua's fairy godmother Kenyatta. She looked like Whitney Houston, only more ghetto. She was wearing a white gown and no shoes. She carried a magic wand with her.
"Don't be cryin, Cinderellaniqua," said Kenyatta. "I can help you go to the party."
"How?" said Cinderellaniqua.
"With magic," said Kenyatta. "First, I'll be needin' you to steal an old bike."
Cinderellaniqua went out and stole the nearest bike. She stole a little girl's pink bike with training wheels.
"Good enough," said Kenyatta. Kenyatta waved her magic wand and turned the kiddie bike into a slammin' black Cadillac.
"Thanks," said Cinderellaniqua. "But I don't know how to drive."
Kenyatta then saw a stray cat. She waved her wand and turned it into a driver. She found a pair of rats and turned them into bodyguards.
"Now about your clothes," said Kenyatta. "Here I go!" She waved her wand and turned Cinderellaniqua's rags into a fly pink mini-dress and a pink Nicki Minaj wig, On her feet were glass pumps.
"I'm so pretty," said Cinderellaniqua. "Like, be on my pedal bike."
"You got mad flava," said Kenyatta.
"Aw, shit!" said Cinderellaniqua. "I'll have all them playas eating out of the palms of my hands!"
"Remember to keep this down low," said Kenyatta. "Don't tell them your name; otherwise you'll be in trouble. And drive normally. The popo are out at this time."
"Word," said Cinderellaniqua.
"And you must leave by midnight," said Kenyatta. "The magic will wear out after that. And if you ain't out of the crib by then, your stepmother and stepsister will see you in your rags and know that you snuck out without their permissons. Remember to get back to your crib by then."
"Def," said Cinderellaniqua.
Cinderellaniqua got into her car and the driver rode off. He took her to Lil' JQ's mansion.
When Cinderellaniqua arrived, she saw that people were gettin' down in the backyard. They were dancing to the latest Lil' Wayne song. The hos were shaking their asses and the playas were sagging their pants.
"I be nervous," said Cinderellaniqua. "What do I do?"
As Cinderellaniqua walked in the yard, everything stopped. Lil' JQ noticed the fly young woman with the pink wig.
"Who dat?" he asked.
"I'm the best bitch In town," said Cinderellaniqua.
"May I have this dance?" asked Lil' JQ.
"Hell yeah!" said Cinderellaniqua.
Without further ado, the song "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent started to play. Cinderellaniqua and Lil' JQ started to dance together. Cinderellaniqua did the wine and other sexy dances. Lil' JQ playfully smacked Cinderellaniqua. The two looked so hip together. The stepsisters were getting jealous.
"Who's that bitch?" said LaToya.
"Her dress is kickin'," said LaTavia.
"I think I saw her before," said LaVonne. "I just don't know who."
Cinderellaniqua and Lil' JQ danced to all sorts of rap songs. Grillz, Bedrock, Stupid Hoe, Gold Digger, Ms. Jackson, among others. Later, Lil' JQ and Cinderellaniqua made out and other kinds of shit in Lil' JQ's bedroom.
When it was 11:30, it was time for Cinderellaniqua to go. So she said goodbye and left.
When Cinderellaniqua got home, she fell asleep. That was until 3 AM, when her stepsisters woke her up.
"Cinderellaniqua!" yelled LaTavia. "There was the most fly bitch at the ball!"
"She had swag, doll, and everything," said LaToya.
"Lil' JQ was so impressed that he's hosting another party just for her," said LaVonne. "Of course, you ain't goin' nowhere."
But the next night, Cinderellaniqua did go to the party. She wore an even more over-the-top outfit - a pink beehive wig and a leopard print dress. She was the star of the party and danced with Lil' JQ the whole goddamn night. They also had some "fun" in the bedroom.
Eventually, it was getting late. Cinderellaniqua looked at the clock on the wall.
"Uh-oh!" she said. "It's time to go!"
"No you can't leave," said Lil' JQ. "Stay, baby! Please, baby, please!"
"Sorry," said Cinderellaniqua.
"But I don't even know your name," said Lil' JQ. "You're like that Rihanna girl."
She burst out of the house, leaving one her glass pumps on the front lawn. She then went to the parking lot to find her car, but all she saw was a cat chasing a pair of rats around a little pink girl bike. And at that moment, her dress returned to normal. Cinderellaniqua heard Lil' JQ coming, so she bolted. Lil' JQ did not see her, but he found her glass pump on the lawn.
"Daiam," said Lil' JQ, looking at the shoe. "Got to find the bitch who wore this."
Cinderellaniqua ran home as fast as she could. It was painful walking around in one shoe, so she put it in her pocket.
The next day, Lil' JQ went door to door, looking for the girl who fit in the shoe. Many hos tried to fit in the shoe, but they were all failures. No one could fit in the shoe.
Eventually, Lil' JQ found Cinderellaniqua's house.
"It's Lil' JQ!" said LaVonne. "He's got the shoe!"
"I'll have each ho try it on," said Lil' JQ. "First, her."
LaTavia tried on the shoe. No fit.
"Next, her," said Lil' JQ.
LaToya tried on the shoe. It did not fit her either.
"Now me," said LaVonne.
"You're too old," said Lil' JQ. He then saw Cinderellaniqua snorting crack in the other room. "How 'bout her?"
LaVonne, LaTavia, and LaToya burst out laughing.
"No way!" said LaVonne.
"She's too ugly," said LaTavia.
"And fat," said LaToya.
Nevertheless, Cinderellaniqua was allowed to try on the glass pump. It was a perfect fit.
"Oh snap!" said Lil' JQ. "That be the girl I was looking for!"
Kenyatta appeared out of nowhere and transformed Cinderellaniqua's rags into an over-the-top outfit consisting of half yellow/half pink hair, a pink and purple halter top, a silver skirt, tie dye leggings, and a giant pink bow on her head. Around her neck was tons of bling.
"Now we can get married," said Lil' JQ.
"Word," said Cinderellaniqua.
And so, Lil' JQ and Cinderellaniqua got married. They lived happily ever after - though of course, there were a few infidelities from Lil' JQ, him being a world-famous gangsta rapper and all.
THE END