Authors Note:
This chapter is a preview of what to expect from 'I Thought In My Heart...'. You're not going to understand fully what is happening but are introduced to two characters who have a different view on love and what to do with this love for one another. The title comes from the band Anathallo, the song is of the same name.
Bella Swan didn't understand why Jacob Black took her down to the beach at the first light of dawn. She looked into the eyes of the over anxious young man in front of her. She knew then she wasn't going to like what he was going to say.
Jacob paced back and forth glancing up at her with fearful eyes, knowing very well there was a strong chance of rejection coming his way. But, he made up his mind, he knew what he was doing and he was ready to fight it tooth and nail.
He stopped in front of her and took a deep breath. He had practiced these three words for weeks now in front of a mirror and the very scene replayed in his mind countless times since he met her. He could do this. Love conquers all right?
He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and bent a knee on a piece of driftwood. He fished out his mother's wedding ring from his jeans. He took a breath, wished for the best and opened his palm up to her, revealing the ring.
"Marry me Isabella." He kept his eyes wide on hers.
"No Jacob!" She threw up her arms and cried.
"Why not? I'm sorry I don't have a box. I couldn't find one!" Jacob shot up from the log and shoved the ring towards her, as if she saw the ring up close she would change her answer.
"There is no point." Bella spoke softly now as she approached Jacob. She cupped his too warm face in her hands, "Jacob, I'm not going to rob you of happiness! Please Jake, we both know how this is going…we both know there is going to be an end. It would only hurt more if we were legally bonded. I would be a constant reminder for you. It would be a hundred times harder for you to move on after I..." Jacob cut her off.
"You make me happy! You won't be robbing me of anything. You are going to be here! You're going to live! I want this Bella, I want you, forever!" Jacob blinked rapidly and his eyes started to wet.
"Jacob, trust me, this is for the best. You don't realize it now but in five, ten…" Bella was interrupted by a growl. Great he was on the edge of phasing.
"Five, ten years? That's bullshit Bella! Can't you see that I'm yours! I'm not going to be with anyone else. It's you Bella, it has always been you." He kicked at a rock and turned his fierce gaze on her, "I'm tied to you Bella! Every fiber of my being is pulling to you and I know you feel at least half of how I do! I know it in my heart! I love you and I want to be the one that takes care of you!" Jacob took a step back, wondering where all of his passion had come from.
"You're 19 years old! You can't take care of me! Besides, I don't want to be taken care of!" Jacob's face fell, like he just got a shot to the heart. He was speechless, how could she think he was too young to take care of her? He had set out to prove to her since he found her plugged into that machine in her room that he would take care of her.
She pressed her finger tips to her temples and ground her teeth together. She wanted Jacob to see that he was able to move on
"I know you can move on Jake." Bella folded her arms across her chest, "I was gone for two years and you had moved on. You will be able to do it again, I promise." She reached a tentative hand out to Jacob. He flinched back from her, feeling completely heartbroken and rejected.
"But I always thought of you. And I came back to you…" He choked out. A lone tear trickled down his cheek.
"After you found out I was sick. I told you not to…I wanted you to be happy." Bella murmured the last part to herself. She knew she had made a mess of things by letting Jacob get so close. She should have kept him out like she intended to when she moved back to Forks.
Jacob took both of her hands and scrunched down so he could be face to face with Bella. "You," he cupped her cheek with one hand and stared into her eyes, trying to reach her soul, "you make me happy."
She sighed and tightened her grip on his hand and leaned into him. He thought she was giving in to his plea until she said, "Jake, I need to sit down."
Jacob immediately bundled her up in his arms and sat her on his lap. She leaned her cheek against his chest. "I shouldn't have brought you out here so early. I'll get you back home." He tightened his grip around her.
"No, no. It's okay. I just need to sit for a bit." She leaned up and kissed his cheek.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both contemplating what to make of this mess. There was no correct answer to any of it. Bella was right just as much as Jacob was. Honestly, there was a lot of baggage to saying 'yes' to Jacob's request of marriage that neither Bella or Jacob knew the extent of.
Jacob wasn't going to give up. He wanted Bella bonded to him in every way possible. He was a full believer in the saying 'Love transcends all boundaries'. He was going to make Bella believe in love wholeheartedly again. He was going to make her believe in him.
Bella turned her body around so it was pressed to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and touched her nose with his. Jacob wound his arms around her waist and puckered his lips out waiting for a kiss from her. She smiled and leaned into his awaiting kiss. She pulled away, too soon for Jacob. "I love you, please know that. My decision is made because I love you too much to hurt you anymore."
"Then say yes to me." Jacob thought he was going to hurt more from being rejected by Bella. But Bella knew better.
"No." Bella refused again.
He rolled his eyes and lifted her up with him and started off to his car. I'll make her change her mind sooner or later, he thought. He hoped.
Any guesses of what 'sickness' Bella has? You will be introduced to it soon.