Hmmm...I just /had/ to write this...couldn't help myself...besides...what better way to eat a plot bunny than to cook it up all tasty and serve it in a stew? (did that make sense?)
Disclaimer: Haha!!! I'm Tamora Pierce and there ain't nothing you can do about it! Nya nya!!! ::runs in circles:: ::is dragged off by men in white coats:: Okay! Okay! I didn't mean it...noooo!!!!!! Not the lab!!! Not the lab!!!
Dedicated to my two bestest, most peachy PotS buds! This goes to Rin and Mia, otherwise known as Peachblossom's Equal and SirPuma! Luv ya guys!!! You make me so happy! ::huggleglomps::
Sorry if this is really confusing...it's hard to refer to all people not by name but by blue-eyed two-legger stallion, or freckled two-legger mare.
From the Horse's Mouth
By Fantasizing-Lady-Knight
I watch through the window in my stall as the stupid little two-leggers hit each other with shiny sticks, in utter disgust.
Stupid two-leggers.
What is their point in life? Who knows. Definitely not I. My ears flick back and I snort and roll my eyes. Yes I am a horse. Were you wondering?
My own personal two-legger is also watching the many colts of her kind trying to poke their partners, the corners of her mouth turning up. I hear her mutter something along the lines of, "Page training." Even if she is all right for a two-legger, especially a mare, she can be rather odd. Page training indeed.
I snort and butt her hand with my head, reminding her that she /had/ been brushing me and that she'd /better/ continue. Just because I tolerate her doesn't mean I'll allow her to slack off on her job. She /is/ my personal servant for a reason.
As she goes back to stroking my left flank with the brush-thingy, I hear the stable door as it swings open. My ears prick in interest as I swing my large (and very handsome, if I do say so myself) head around to see who has just entered my domain. I fervently hope that it is my squeaky toy because I am in the mood for amusement.
To my disappointment it is not my play thing, but rather another two-legger stallion resembling him. Blue eyes and dark hair don't cut it when I want amusement—this two-legger only widens his stupid blue eyes and pulls away when I bite him—no squeaking!!! It's ever so rude.
Stupid two-leggers.
Narrowing my eyes, intent on setting the stable wall on fire from glaring at it, I hear their absolutely /lovely/ conversation:
"Hello, Protector. How are you this fine evening? And your testy pony?"
As she starts to stutter something along the lines of "Hello, Dom" I snap my teeth warningly at this cocky creature, just daring him to take one step closer...
"Peachblossom!" my two-legger scolds, yanking on the rope connected to my poor muzzle. Resuming my pony pout, I glower as their stupid chattering continues.
"Dom, it's only two hours before noon—besides that, I'm fine, thank you." she murmurs, obviously trying to hide behind me. I notice that her face is bright red.
Oblivious to this fact, the blue-eyed one cheerily bids her farewell and strolls off to tend to his master, a pretty little roan six stalls down from mine.
My two-legger continues to tend to me, although her mind is elsewhere and her face still a startling shade of crimson. I am slightly worried about her, and nuzzle her, just to make sure she's fine.
This happens almost everyday. That stupid male two-legger comes and disturbs my mare from tending to me.
If only for the love of a good brushing, this has to be thought about and, hopefully, stopped.
After a few days I realize that my two-legger wants to be mates with the blue-eyed-stallion-relative-of-squeaky-toy.
One thing I just cannot fathom, though, is that the stallion in question seems to be more interested in the weak, stupid, little mares which would die first if the herd was attacked. You know, the stupid type which would try hiding behind a stallion until the smarter stallion ran away.
Stupid two-leggers.
My personal two-legger is strong and fit—good for protecting herself and any foals. She would keep up with the herd, and even help repel predators in her herd if she were a horse. Such a pity. Her kind does not fully appreciate her.
If I were the blue-eyed one (Horse Lords forbid!) I would definitely look more at the efficiently strong and bold mares for possible mates, not the ones that scream at crawlies, make little whinnies in little groups while blabbering non-stop, and are always covered in layer upon layer of flimsy soft stuff which doesn't let them move easily.
Stupid two-leggers.
Now that I closely observe my two-legger, I realize that she once acted like this many summers ago. Around my squeaky toy! Always blushing and stuttering and even making the queer whinny sounds every once in a while! Two-leggers are just pure strange.
Us horses know the way...all of us People seem to be pretty well off—take the strongest as your mate, let the strongest survive and have strong foals as the weakest get devoured by cougars. It seems to work, so why do stupid two-leggers try to change everything? Two-leggers should really try our way.
Stupid two-leggers.
I have decided—something has to be done about this whole mess. And who, but I, the Magnificent, would be more suited to do that?
This whole thing is just stupid, so I'm going to fix it.
And I know just the way...
I am once more being brushed by my servant—stroked with the little spiky thing while awaiting the arrival of the blue-eyed one.
Here is the sound of the door swinging open and the cheery whistling of a two-legger...
I'm completely tense, waiting...waiting...
And then—the two-legger passes my stall...a stupid blonde stallion...
That's another injustice I've noticed...are there any two-leggers like me? It isn't quite fair, having my stallion-hood taken like that...
Stupid, evil, cruel, wicked two-leggers.
The door swings open again...the boots trod closer...and closer...and closer...
/Another/ stupid stallion two-legger passes my stall, this one a little shrimpy creature—a perfect example of the weak which wouldn't last a day in a herd...
I imagine little scenes—chiefly those of wimpy two-legger mares getting devoured by wolves. Daine encourages me to think optimistically once in a while.
Silence...my eyes and ears are focused on the door...only on the door...my legs tensed, heart banging in my ears, weight shifting from hoof to hoof nervously...
There...the...drawn...out...creak...of...the...old...stable...door...
Each second seems to last forever.
Stupid time. I want to bite it.
The boots...approach...
The two men that had come in before leave together, chatting...but I /know/ someone came in the door...
There he is! The tall, broad-shouldered stallion with blue eyes! Oh, I've never been so happy to see him! I let out a whinny of joy, and the triumphant music playing in my head is suddenly thrown off track as both my mare, and the stallion which had brought with him such elation, stare at me, blinking stupidly.
I resume my usual scowl, and burn holes in the wall. So much I get for caring...sort of...
As the blue-eyed stallion opens my stall door so he can come in to talk with my freckle-dusted, brown-furred servant, chatting with her eagerly as she slowly mumbles replies...
I push her.
I push her right into the two-legger she wants for a mate. He catches her, and they find each other very close...
I guess you can guess what happens next. They smoosh their mouths together in that sloppily-disgusting way only two-leggers can as I try not to regurgitate my morning ration of hay.
Stupid two-leggers.
Eventually the two of them are crooning to each other like a filly and a colt with new-found love, nuzzling each other and pushing their lips together at intervals. I try not to gag as I notice they're also grooming each other...
Not only that, but I'm forced to watch this sickening display...
As I hear them admit undying love for each other, and refer to "infatuations" that had lasted years, I think with dismay that I'd better be given an extra apple for this.
Stupid two-leggers.
The End!
Tada. ::grins:: That was so stupid, but strangely amusing. I'm glad I wrote that. I may even write a sequel...hmm...the possibilities are endless...::evil cackle::
Just to benefit poor Rin, who probably didn't understand part of this, animals call themselves the People, and the People call humans two-leggers...yeah...I have issues...