An artist lives by no simple standard: life is far too simple for that. Simplicity, the eggs cracking on the heads, it's all full of tom-hoolery! When he picks up his brush, smelling the bones of seven ants, he knows only this: there is cabbage in the yonder window that means "Truffle-links, who are you and what have you done with Cabbage 5?" And Cabbage 5 replies, "Don't shred me in two, I needed the bread loaves for flying fish… yes…yes…
She finished writing her latest novel, in all of its one paragraph glory, and sighed passionately, flicking away at the quill onto the table top as she pushed back the wheeled chair and stretched out her legs. Lima Bean Day! The chair spun about the room as she swiveled over the red wood floor to a tall standing mirror, and examined her reflection within. Short-length blonde hair no messier than a butchered corpse, wide- staring green eyes glassy and doll-like. No dirt on her face… she would have to fix that. Today, on most joyous Lima Bean Day, there would be the annual Mud Eating Contest, and she always entered. And she always won.
"Alright, Espy, what's on the agenda for today?" she asked herself as she jumped up from the chair and threw open her wardrobe, a tall structure of steel that stood on clawed feet, illuminating different colors of the rainbow every three seconds, shimmering with a faint aura of black cherry in color. A simple green dress awaited her within, the waist adorned with a golden rope, and it was by far her favorite thing to wear…as it was the only thing she owned to wear.
Talina Questai ripped the dress from the dress from the wardrobe and threw it over herself as quickly as she could, blowing a kiss at the parchment where she had written her soon-to-be bestselling paragraph. The Afflicted Bing-Bong would be happy to read it to her. He was always good for reviewing her work. Strapping on her thick, black rubber boots, she waddled into the hall outside of her room and took the spiral stairs down two at a time, the stairs racketing loudly, as they were all in rust. By the time she reached the main foyer and had fed her pet plate a cracker, the silver platter resting precariously on the floor beside a mouse hole that she hoped would not steal her plate's food this time, the voice had begun to speak.
What's on the agenda, you ask?
Talina stopped dead in her tracks, her hand rested upon the doorknob that she had been about to pull open. Fury shot into her bewildered expression at once. "What!?"
I asked-
"No, I know what you asked! What I don't know is WHY YOU TOOK THIS LONG TO ANSWER ME!?" she screamed, her eyes bulging as she slammed a fist against the green linen walls, biting her tongue hard as she did. Blood she tasted. Tasty blood.
I was just waking up. You can't force a girl to-
"Mamma always said, don't say you can't, and mama always said, you'll get squashed by an ant, and daddy always said, that brother knows you can, hopta mama hopta mama throw her in the can…" Talina had begun a chant of the ages, rocking back and forth in place against the wall as she clawed at the wallpaper. "Don't tell me I can't… really, don't you dare tell me I can't!"
I was just saying, you expect a girl to answer just upon her awakening and you get peed on with disappointment…
"Shush, now, shush!" Talina encouraged the voice desperately. "Really, do not go there! I mean it. Shush! If you speak, I'll be forced to cut out my own tongue…" She rubbed her bloody tongue against the roof of her mouth. Yummy tongue…yummy red tongue… "No, it's not yummy, Espera! It's tasty! TASTY!"
"Tasty, huh? Well, fine, if you insist."
She clapped her hand to her mouth hard. That had not been the voice inside of her head. It had come from her own mouth. She gnashed her teeth together.
"Don't you dare use me to talk! Don't you dare use me to talk!" She began to cry, broken hearted upon the floor as she crumpled. "Don't you dare use me to talk, don't you dare use me to talk, don't you dare use me to talk, don't you dare use me to talk, don't you dare use me to talk, don't you dare use me to talk!"
Would you shut up already!?
Suddenly, a knock upon her door, loud and jarring the sudden silence of sadness, jarred her from the spot. Heart attack notwithstanding, it almost seemed to rock the house around her with its intense vibrations upon hard blue wood. She jumped to her feet and threw open the door. A man there did stand, on the steptop before her, a large bouquet of corn-on-the-cob in hand, a wide grin upon his face as blue eyes bored into green irises. Talina felt her breath catch, as she looked at the man on her doorstep.
Chubby around the belly, hair jet-black and eyes the most intense light blue, he smiled behind his unshaved mustache and he bowed his head and offered her, "Good evening, Miss Questai. Corn?" he pushed the bundle of corn into her arms. Talina's eyes shined with a most intense happiness.
"GRON!" she cried aloud, corn flying in every direction as she threw her arms around the man, and Gron Hatchat of Crucible suddenly was flying into the cobble street outside as Talina crashed on top of him, plating kisses all over the man's face and lips and even his eyelids, a slobber most Squish-like in nature, the dog within the woman, but also afraid of her.
"T-Talina…Talina!" Gron breathed through her impact, as his breath pushed outward. Talina screamed, almost, a loud whoop of joy that was not unlike that of a child being rewarded with a balloon full of sweets. She rolled off of him and onto the cobble street, the stragglers who were waltzing about the Bliss town square staring around at the noise that she produced. But Talina cared not. As she rolled around the street, tripping a man carrying a stack of cakes in hand, desserts flew to heartbreaking skies and Aureal guards began to move in at once, the golden clad Saints drawing swords and bows as they came in a group of three. Gron jumped to his feet at once, bustling over to where the man who had been carrying the cakes was currently standing over Talina, who was bent over in tears, cursing at her with the most foul language. He almost slipped over white cream and fallen strawberries as he came. It was a terrible case of Cake-acide.
"And you had better shove it right down your rabbit hole, you dismal sack of whalloping-" But Gron laid a hand upon the Redguard man's shoulder, just as the three Golden Saints stopped before them, their golden eyes boring angrily into the scene.
"You are disturbing the peace, sir!" one of the hefty woman scorned at the Redguard, while her two companions pulled Talina onto her feet. Gron had to say something, and quickly.
"Hold now, she's not!" Gron cut in as quickly as he could. "Please, it's not her fault. She was just excited about her present, that's all! Sir," he said soothingly to the Redguard, who pushed himself away from Gron with a look of disgust. "Please, consider this: today, of all days, is Lima Bean Day! It's the happiest day of the year, and Talina here loves Lima Bean Day! Don't you, Talina?" He looked stonily at her, and she got the message at once, pouting her lips and widening her eyes in the cutest fashion.
"Lima Beans…lima beans…"
The Redguard snorted, and not in a humored way. "Do you know how long those cakes took to-"
"I don't care who cooked what cake or who destroyed such cakes!" the Aureal captain cut in, holding her sword between the two men in a most threatening way. "Public disturbance shall not be permitted on Lima Bean Day, or any other day. Someone is going to pay-"
Gron moved in a most subtle fashion, coming to a stop before the golden woman and placing a hand delicately upon her own, gazing into her eyes with his intense blue stare. Forced the power of his will upon her. His energies focused upon the very thing that could save them from this situation: a man's Charm. The gas that he emitted from his hand was a faint green mist of sorts, and as soon as it touched her, the spell worked its way through her armor and into her mind itself. A soft, pacified expression soothed her face.
"Please, it's Lima Bean Day," Gron softly plead, in something that could very well have passed as an attempt at seduction. He spoke quietly, out of earshot of the two guards working under the captain, who held Talina in golden cuffs, and the Redguard who was waiting impatiently to hear a punishment on her behalf. "Don't do this to her. I'm begging you… it was a one-time incident, it won't happen again….okay?"
A flash of a grin, and a soft laugh as she looked at the ground with an embarrassed look.
"Yeah, alright, fine. Just this once. I'll let it slide."
"HEY! What!?" the Redguard fumed angrily. "Come on, miss, she destroy-"
"Move along, sir, and don't question me!" the Aureal captain snapped, but she flashed Gron a wink that clearly said I hope we meet again soon. Gron nodded at her, spinning around in place to face the two guards who held Talina, and with their captain's command, she was released into his awaiting arms once more. The Redguard stomped away angrily, growling threats and insults, and the Aureal captain motioned for her women to follow as the three of them tailed after the man, watching him carefully to make sure that he did nothing rash.
Talina and Gron ran as fast as they could from the town square, snorting with laughter at their very near miss.
"Man, I thought they were going to cart us off to Aichan. The last thing I want to see on Lima Bean Day is the Laughing Coast from an escapee's point of view!" Gron gasped as they continued to run with a speed that suggested they were being pursued by a pack of Skinned Hounds.
Talina squeezed his behind as they ran, making him yelp loudly as he jumped into the air. "You're my hero, Gron Hatchat!"
"Hey, I wasn't going to let them get you! It was an accident, yeah?"
"Life's an accident, Gron!"
And so are you…
"Shut up!" she snapped, as the two of them came to a halt beside the Bliss Stone of Mer, a large statue near the exit gates of the town depicting beautiful mermaids around a fountain. Gron stared at her questioningly, and Talina shook her head quickly.
"The bad girl! She's grr and roar and not so nice, not nice at all, nope not for a moment, uh-uh!"
"The bad girl as in Espera?"
"That's right, Gron…" Suddenly her voice had changed, the tone shifting to something lower and softer, more direct to a sensual proclamation of seduction. She pressed her hand against his chest and forced him back against the statue, a most wild expression upon his face. How to react? "I'm in here, but you can have some private time with me, if you want…" And then she shook her head, and suddenly her face darkened into a frown. "Hey! He's my man, you keep your filthy hands off of him!"
"Yeah, you tell her," Gron squeaked, his voice high from the elation that had just caused the erection he tried desperately to hide beneath his green tunic's front hang. "You tell her, you tell her…"
"Happy Lima Bean Day, Gron!" Talina said, in her normal, highly energetic tone that he loved her for. She kissed him forcibly, making a loud "Mmmmjjjj" noise as she did it, her eyes sparkling. Gron smiled through the kiss.
"Happy Lima Bean Day to you too," he wished her, twirling her golden hair in hand. "I hope it's going to be everything you want it to be."
"Of course it is! Hey, I've got great news! My new book is finished!"
Gron grinned. "Awesome! When I can read it?"
"You don't have to! I can recite the whole thing, right here! Ready?"
Gron raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"
Talina cleared her throat loudly. "An artist lives by no simple standard: life is far too simple for that. Simplicity, the eggs cracking on the heads, it's all full of tom-hoolery! When he picks up his brush, smelling the bones of seven ants, he knows only this: there is cabbage in the yonder window that means "Truffle-links, who are you and what have you done with Cabbage 5?" And Cabbage 5 replies, "Don't shred me in two, I needed the bread loaves for flying fish… yes…yes…" When she finished, she gave a low bow and grinned enthusiastically at her fiancé. Gron stared, hang jawed and amazed at the brilliance of her ability. To speak such poetry…to break the air with those musical words…
"BRILLIANT!" he sang, picking her up and spinning her about, much to her joy as she laughed loudly, snorting like a wild swine as she did. "Truly breathtaking! It'll be a bestseller yet! When did you finish!?"
"Just now, as a matter of fact! My paragraph is going to hit the bookstores with a storm! But I want to show it to the Afflicted Bing-Bong. Do you think we can!?"
"Probably," Gron nodded, though his tone was less than sure. To have an audience with the Afflicted Bing-Bong required the right presentation tactics, otherwise you may end up at Execution Point, just west of New Sheoth… or rather, thousands of feet above Execution Point, to be punished as one who had greatly upset the Afflicted Bing-Bong. "He always likes your work, doesn't he?"
"Sure does. I've read him all my work…"
Yep. You're quite a whore, that way. Talina bit her tongue again, hard, and no matter how badly it hurt, she knew that it also hurt Espera. Ouch! WILL YOU STOP THAT!?
"No," Talina snapped firmly through a mouthful of blood. Gron gasped.
"Talina!"
But she pressed her finger against his lips. "No, Gron, no, no, no, NO! Nope, not ah! No! No, no, no… Don't even… don't, don't…" Blood flecked out onto his cheeks as she spoke. He closed his eyes, sighing. Poor Talina…
"Come on, let's go!" she said, pulling his arm as she led him back onto the main street. The staircase up to the palace of Sheogorath was on the eastern side of Bliss, and already the masses were huddling over towards them, in anticipation of the celebrations that the Mad Prince had in store for Lima Bean Day. Aureals were escorting the crowds in large numbers, Argonians and Wood Elves chatting away excitedly at the prospect of what was to come.
"I heard that this year, he is attaching his friend Haskill to one of the rockets," one of the excited Argonians, a red scaled, spikey haired male named Big Head, said ecstatically to his Bosmer friend, Engo. The Argonian had one of his favorite forks, a golden triple fang, in hand, and was waving it about happily. "Booms for Big-Head! Blast and boom! Can't wait to see!"
"As long as they don't hit any walls!" another man in the crowd screamed in response to Big Head's cries. He was a Breton man of fine, light blue clothing and a fair shaved head, but his face could not have been more stricken with the fear of a man who could only live his life running from every aspect of the world around him. He crouched down low as he walked, his head jerking around and staring about at every tall structure surrounding them with terror. Amiable Fanriene lived in a constant fear that the walls would fall down upon him, some day… some day…
"Hey, you make Big Head scared!" the Argonian screamed, turning on Amiable and brandishing the fork about like a sword. He was much taller than Amiable, and when the man looked up at the tall, angry Argonian, he backed away in fear.
"Please…please don't fall upon me!"
"Hurry along now!" one of the Aureals called out irritably. "The Madgod awaits!"
Gron flinched. Madgod, indeed. There was only one God to Him, and He certainly was not a raving lunatic. But nonetheless, he lived in the Shivering Isles, and had to be respectful, or else he would find himself over Execution Point. And Gron Hatchat loved heights. But he hated his love.
Talina pushed ahead of him and took a nip out of a nearby Orc. The green, pig-like man jumped in place, touching the spot where she had bitten his near, but already she had slunk back beside Gron and was staring off into the other direction, innocently.
"Hey, who did that!?" the Orc savagely demanded of the crowd. Gron squeezed her hand, and when she turned to look at him, he shook his head, a stern expression to greet her. The Orc stomped his foot angrily, and turned back to face forward, only to be met with a slinking Khajiit in simple sack clothes, who had taken advantage of the Orc's distraction to sneak up in front of him and take several strong whiffs.
"You smell like dogs. I like dogs!"
The Orc howled angrily, pushing the cat-man away from him at once. "You damn cat!"
But Bhisha the Khajiit was already running away, pushing his way into the back of the crowd, before the Golden Saints could come to investigate.
Finally, several minutes later after pushing their way through the extreme crowd, for denizens of the Isles abroad were coming in to watch the festivities for Lima Bean Day, Talina and Gron had made their way into the palace grounds of the great Afflicted Bing-Bong himself, Sheogorath. The massive stone castle met their eyes with a radiant brilliance, its towering magnificence beautiful in the mid-afternoon as the art palette of a sky shined down bright upon its towers. Folks were crowding all about the widespread courtyard, settled upon the grass, or in some cases, settled upon other settlers who had already settled and had not wished to be settled upon. Talina and Gron found a comfy spot on the tall staircase midway. Every citizen from both Bliss and Crucible was assembled in the massive courtyard, as well as several, several people from the distant villages littering the Isles. Sheogorath the Mad Prince had decreed, seven years before, that the Lima Bean Day Fireworks show was to be mandatory, and that anyone who remained behind in the towns would be feasted upon by Shambles that he personally released each year into the streets to ensure that the townsfolk were present at the Palace grounds.
"I think we're in for a show," Gron said to Talina, eyeing the long line of assembled guards who stood in a row of at least twenty before the doors to the Palace, their numbers consisting of ten Saints and ten Dark Seducers, the dark skinned, demented guards of the lands of Dementia and the town of Crucible. He wondered why they were assembled in a stony still line like that before the Palace. Another guard of Aureals stood at the top of the stairs, allowing no one to actually step onto the stone lay before the doors, confining the people to the lower parts of the courtyard and climb.
"I hope people get burned," Talina said distantly, circling her hair in hand. "Fried flesh, dry flesh, ring flesh and blue eyes…" She clawed at his cheeks, and Gron kissed her hand lightly, loving her even against the poetry.
"You look great."
She grinned. "And you look like a dragon!"
Gron was surprised. "A dragon?"
"Yeah, cause you're steaming hot, get it!? Ha ha ha!"
Gron snorted. "That's terrible, but I can't argue with that!"
He continued chuckling, but suddenly, Talina's face turned stony and she stopped laughing at once. Gron stopped too, suddenly concerned.
"You okay?"
She looked hurt. Angry, even. "T-terrible…?"
Gron gulped. "Well, I meant that-"
Incoming fire! Incoming fire! We have flames off the port bow!
"Terrible, Gron…?" Her voice had lowered, to a mere whisper that incited danger with every syllable that pushed its way past her bloody lips. "You said my joke… is terrible…?"
"By terrible, I m-"
"You had the balls to call my joke terrible!" Her hands suddenly gripped tight around his arms, and Gron gasped, as a sudden burst of pain shot through his body. He felt his arm burn where she touched him, but he could not shake her loose. "All I wanted to do was joke and call some playful banter but my jokes aren't good enough and so the bastard son reminds me and calls me "Blugh" and eck and can't even take a joke, no, not once joke, never in a million years, just crying all that he can because he's seen terrible, terrible, terrible-"
"Talina. Talina!" The pain was getting more unbearable and he was shaking. He closed his eyes in agony, could actually hear the steam rising from his arm. She released him after several more seconds, and by this time, Gron fell onto his hands, staring at the great burn upon his forearm, steaming with a bout of smoke. Several onlookers gazed at the wound and began to whisper to each other, but Gron turned away from them at once. "Talina… that h-hurt…"
Talina was staring at the wound as if she had never seen it before. "Oh, my goodness, you're hurt! Gron, who did this to you!?" She pulled his arm towards her before he could stop her and she began to lick at the wound. This was more painful, and Gron cried aloud as it stung him madly.
"T-Talina!"
"Hold on, Gron, I'll fix it!" she sobbed, rubbing her hair against his arm like a sponge, though it did not soak up the wound. "WHY CAN'T I FIX IT!?"
"SILENCE, ME BOYOS AND BOO BOOS!"
A sudden burst of musical laughter pierced their ears and shook the world. Gron and Talina both jumped, looking around as everyone's attention suddenly turned to the great Palace.
Sheogorath dressed fine for a man with purpose this day, his outfit proper and fitting. For he wore nothing. Nothing, of course, except for a belt of giant bean pods, light green in the sun, that hung about his chest and legs. He hopped up and down upon the air as something like a gray clouds whisked him down from the roof of the Palace of New Sheoth and down to his honored people. The massive crowd about the place roared excitedly, throwing all manner of vegetables and living dogs, barely pups, in the Madman's direction, as offerings. Gron clapped respectfully, turning away from Talina so as not to get enraged anymore over his burned arm, and Talina crawled cradled herself into a ball, rocking back and forth as they watched Sheogorath land several steps below them, in the midst of the great crowd.
"Hey, all you stuck-up hooligans of the Singing Turnips. What makes meat and pies do delicious things!? It's the taste of inkwells!" The Madman threw his arms into the air, and suddenly the cloud that had carried him downward flew upward, spreading by a mass scale above the heads of everyone in the courtyard. And then, thousands upon thousands of black droplets poured down from the massive cloud, and it could not be mistaken that these droplets were blots of fresh ink. People screamed in some cases, others stripping away their own clothes so that the ink could rain upon them better, ceaseless laughter booming about from the Mad Prince as he stood rooted to the spot, chortling insanely.
Gron closed his eyes as the droplets hit him, but Talina was running about, suddenly inspired out of her brief catatonia, holding out her tongue to taste the droplets that came to greet her disgusting awaiting gums. Gron sighed. He was going to have to kiss that mouth again.
But he loved her. And a madwoman had to be good enough for him.
"And now, ladies and gents, say goodbye to these lovely ladies of the evening, for they've opted to go out…with a bang!"
Sheogorath, the Madman's golden, cat-like eyes blazing with intentness, turned to face the long line of Saints and Seducers assembled before the Palace doors. With all eyes turned on them, they all raised their hands in a salute to their Prince, and the Mad Prince snapped his fingers. Blasts of white smoke and the smell of rotten eggs as the twenty guards suddenly were projectile into the air, rocketing off as if they were not living beings, moving so fast as they were thrown upward into the sky that the mass of twenty became as black and green and golden blurs.
The twenty rocket-like women came together in a great clash of collision, and suddenly the massive crowd beneath screamed, some in horror, some in amusement, as the group exploded within the sky, vanishing behind a great shower of red and blue and green and golden sparks, sizzling sparks and twisting spirals rolling around in every direction, blasting bright lights of flashy colors before those who had come to watch such entertainment…
Gron's heart skipped a beat.
They had gone out… with a bang…?