I do not own Gundam Wing. I own this fic and that is all. I do not own the song either.
Take Me With You
I pull my boots off, throw my weapons on the floor
Heero Yuy sat in the cockpit of the Wing Zero in silence. He stared forward. It was over, finally. The war was over, OZ was defeated.
So now what? What was really left for him? There was nothing on earth, or any of the colonies. It wasn't as if he had family to go to. He didn't have anyone to go home to and even talk to, unlike the other pilots. Quatre had Trowa. Trowa had Quatre and Catherine. Even Wufei was going to be with Sally. And Duo…Duo didn't even need anyone. He would make friends wherever he was.
But what was Heero going to do?
Cry my eyes out, in my private little war
Heero stood up and climbed out of the Gundam. He landed in the sand. For a second he thought of going inside Quatre's mansion, where the pilots were staying until they got organized and ready to go. Instead, he sat on the ground and leaned on Wing Zero, closing his eyes.
Through the entire war, he had made sure to show no emotion, to have none. Life was simpler that way- no regrets. But now that it was over, he couldn't hide behind the mask that was his Gundam. He didn't have a mission to distract him.
All that was there were him and his regrets.
Now, with nothing to distract him, he had only two choices- look into the blankness which was his future, or look back and see all the death he had caused.
If he closed his eyes, he could almost see the battles going on again. But when he saw them, it was like he was just a spectator. He saw himself as someone else might have seen. He saw the ruthless killer that struck down all those in his path without any pause. He saw himself fighting Zechs once again, and felt…what was it? Was it regret?
And for the first time, he started to cry. Really cry, and Heero put his face in his hands.
Well it seems I've been a soldier
Heaven knows I've been no saint
in my camouflage and armor,
Cold heart and grease paint
"Heero, man? You alright?" Heero jumped, and turned. Duo was standing there, a look of true concern on his face. It looked like he had been in the middle of braiding his chestnut colored hair- it was only half-braid, and was rapidly coming undone. "You've been out here for a few hours. Almost thought you went to find another war." Duo smiled comfortingly.
"Go away, Duo." Heero said, quickly wiping his face and sitting down, "Leave me alone." Duo sat down next to him.
"No way, something's up. And you know me, I'm not letting up until I find out what's wrong with you." Duo said decisively, "So you might as well tell me." Heero looked at him, annoyed.
"Do you do this to the others, too? Or do you save the interrogations for me?" Heero turned away for a minute. He couldn't remember a time- save for when he had first met Duo- when Duo hadn't been trying to get inside his head. Trying to figure out how he worked. And, even though he didn't act like it, he appreciated it. Duo Maxwell was the most grounding person Heero knew. Duo was his link to reality, what kept him from becoming the cold and emotionless machine that he pretended to be.
"It's all for you Heero, you know that." Duo joked.
"I was thinking about the war." Heero said, and he saw the surprise on Duo's face- he rarely ever responded to Duo's endless prying, "About all the pain and suffering I caused. Was it worth it, Duo?"
"Of course." Duo said, "Look, man, we fought, and we did things that we wished we didn't. But in the end, we got peace. And we came out of this alive. Remember, it was either OZ or us."
To you this has no meaning the Armistice laid down
the armies are all quiet and the guns don't make a sound
"You don't get it, Duo." Heero said, standing up and walking away, "You may call yourself Shinigami, but I did a lot worse than you. You at least were trying to save the Good Guys. I was just killing OZ. And now we all have to live with these deaths. At least you guys have a chance to do something else- doing something with your lives. I'm going to be stuck as a Gundam Pilot! I have nothing else!" Duo stood up and forcefully turned Heero around to face him. His hair was loose now.
"You think I'm gonna let that happen, Heero?" Duo yelled, "Get real! I've been trying to bring you back into the real world. Do you think I'm gonna leave you until I finish?"
"But…why?" Heero said quietly. Duo blushed and looked at the ground while mumbling something. He thought Heero hadn't heard. But he had.
He heard Duo say, "Because I love you."
'Cause you melted the steel walls, tore down the barbed wire
Filled in the trenches, demanded a cease fire
And now you're leaving, there's nothing I can do
I want you to know you're gonna take me with you
"Look, Heero, once everyone starts leaving, I'm going to Earth. Make a life there…if you want to, you can come. I've got some money stashed away…not a lot, but enough to try and get an apartment…" Duo started to ramble, "And we can get Quatre to help us…he'll help- and then I'll have to keep Relena from finding where we were, because I don't want her bothering us all the time, and-"
"Duo, shut up." Heero smirked. Duo watched him in silence. Heero looked so beautiful when he smiled…Duo wished he could see it all the time. Maybe now, with the war over…
Heero wasn't sure about all this. Duo was asking him to move in with him…in a seemingly permanent situation. Duo was even trying to hide him from Relena. Duo was wonderful. The problem was, Heero wasn't sure if he was ready to make that commitment to someone. It wasn't an actual relationship, true- Duo was asking for his friendship. But he was scared. Scared he couldn't give his friendship.
Because, he realized, he wanted to give it all to Duo. But he wasn't sure if he was ready.
Well now three on a match is suicide in the foxhole of my mind
And way off in the distance the air raid sirens whine
Duo put a friendly arm around Heero. Heero stiffened for a moment, but quickly adjusted.
"Heero, I have a mission" Duo announced, "The most important mission I've ever had. See, I have to make you normal." Heero snorted.
"Fat chance." Duo laughed as he started to rebraid his hair. Heero looked towards Quatre's mansion. The other pilots were coming towards them. Duo followed Heero's gaze and smiled.
"I told them that if I'm not back in seven minutes, to come and make sure you hadn't shot me." Duo smiled. Heero rolled his eyes.
"What were they going to do?"
"Besides mourn my death? I was thinking they would take over the Heero-normalization mission."
"You're never going to stop are you?"
"Never!" Duo shouted, with maniacal laughter. The other ex-pilots got closer. They all had raised eyebrows.
"Did we miss something?" Quatre asked. Duo stopped laughing, but still had a smile on.
And they sing your song of rescue to my tattered worn out shell
you drag me to your safety from this my front line hell
"Just explaining to Heero how he's not going to get rid of me." Duo said, but then he got serious, "Unless…of course, if he really wanted to or something…"
"Which isn't going to happen." Heero guaranteed. Duo smiled widely, and hugged Heero tightly.
"Get off of me." Heero grunted. Duo jumped off right away. Trowa put his arm around Quatre's waist as he watched Heero and Duo. Quatre looked at him knowingly.
They both had seen how much Duo had done for Heero. They had seen him try, time and again, to keep Heero sane. They had seen it work, and they had seen it fail. They knew that those two were meant for each other- just like Quatre and Trowa were meant for each other.
Heero looked at all of the ex-Gundam pilots. They had become more than just co-workers to him. They were all something more, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
Maybe it was family.
'Cause you melted the steel walls, tore down the barbed wire
Filled in the trenches, demanded a cease fire
And now you're leaving, there's nothing I can do
I want you to know you're gonna take me with you
Wufei watched them all in silence. He was happy to see them all together alive. It seemed right. He saw how Quatre made Trowa smile, and how Trowa made Quatre laugh. He saw how Duo reminded them they had fought for- they had fought so people could be as happy and carefree as he was. And he saw how Duo made even Heero slightly more…what was it? Real. Duo made Heero more real. They needed each other.
But what about now? Since the war was over, they were going their separate ways. He had Sally, and Quatre and Trowa were together…but what about Heero and Duo? They needed each other at this point. Duo knew that…
But did Heero?
The blood that was spilled in the heartache before
Left road maps of scars that I never could ignore
"Can you guys explain to him that the war is over, and he doesn't after worry about it anymore?" Duo exclaimed, "I mean this guy won't take a hint." He leaned in near Heero's ear before shouting, "THE WAR IS OVER! YOU ARE ALIVE! IT IS OV-" Before he could finish, Heero pushed him away, hard. Duo tumbled, landing in the sand. He winced.
"Hey, what was that-" he started.
"Don't you get it, Maxwell?!?" Heero yelled, causing the others to jump, "It isn't over for me! I still need to get over everything I did, all I caused! And it will never, ever be over! I'm not even sure what I'm getting over at this point! It's not the same for you as it is for me- I can't just brush it aside…" Before he realized what was going on, Duo had rushed to him and had Heero in his arms. Heero hadn't realized he had started to bawl. Since when did he cry? Was it a backlash thing? From all the times he wanted to but wouldn't let himself?
'Cause you melted the steel walls, tore down the barbed wire
Filled in the trenches, demanded a cease fire
And now you're leaving, there's nothing I can do
"It's all okay, Heero, man." Duo said, as the other pilots looked on concerned. Quatre looked like he wanted to help Heero, but Trowa held him back. It was obvious that Heero needed Duo right now.
"Look, you won't even have to think about it all. Unless you want to. Then I'll be there to talk to you…just don't do anything stupid…please…come on, Heero. Stop crying, Come on man, you don't need to freak. No reason…" Heero looked into Duo's violet eyes. He swallowed, and nodded.
"Right. God, Duo, are you aware of how annoying you are?" Heero grumbled. Duo smiled softly.
"So, you'll come with me, Heero?" Duo asked hopefully. As Heero saw Duo's face light up when he saw Heero respond, he realized something. No matter what happened, Duo had been there. And Heero wanted him there. Needed him even.
Cared for him.
Heero wasn't ready to say that he was in love, but he knew something.
I want you to know you're gonna take me with you
"I want to stay with you, Duo." Heero said softly, "It looks like you're stuck with me, too."