Something that just popped up in my mind... I don't know why...
He was being so awfully understanding...
He was also being so awfully considerate...
He was so being Chakotay right now and it took her breath away... again... as always...
She couldn't take it anymore!
Her stomach started churning, her breathing became labored and on top of all that, she noticed him noticing all things above.
She looked away, rubbing her forehead with one hand, while placing the other, in a typical Janeway manner, on her hip.
"Kathryn..."
'Seriously?' she thought to herself, turned around and smiled kind of awkwardly at him before walking past him, out of her Ready Room to the adjoining corridor. She was grateful for its empty state and hurried to the turbolift, not noticing he was right behind her.
"Deck 6." she ordered, pacing like her life depended on it. She felt it, something she couldn't quite define but what was always there, stir inside her.
When the doors finally opened, she hurried to the holodeck, asked for her program to be run and stormed inside.
The cooling Indiana breeze immediately soothed her. She closed her eyes and sank down on all fours, grabbing handfuls of the luscious grass, steadying herself mentally as a small storm raged inside her mind.
"Computer, locate Captain Janeway."
'Captain Janeway is currently in Holodeck 2.'
He knew it. He was almost there.
When he arrived, he had to use his override code to enter. He stopped dead in his tracks, seeing her on the ground, thinking there was something wrong with her, until she, unexpectedly, lay down in the grass and started laughing uncontrollably.
He silently approached her and startled her. The laughing stopped and she was up in a flash. The next thing he didn't expect at all...
Both her hands flew up to her mouth, trying to muffle the sound escaping her. Something between crying and screaming, all the while shaking her head no. He tried to close the distance between them, but she wouldn't have it. For every step he took towards her, she backed one away.
"Don't you understand?" she managed between sobs.
"Understand what? What's going on?"
"I can't take it anymore, Chakotay. On top of everything else... I can't handle it anymore."
"Kathryn, you're not making any sense."
She turned around, hands on her hips again, shoulders slumped, head down. Then she mumbled something he didn't understand at all.
He stepped up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense up under his touch.
"I love you dammit!"
"Kathryn?"
"I LOVE you! And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it." she actually screamed. She started crying again. "I can't hold you when I want to, when I need to. I can't kiss you when I want to, I can't hug you when I want to, I can't do anything."
Chakotay forced her to turn around and made her look at him. He simply said: "I know how that feels."
They stared at each other in silence, a few stray hiccups aside.
When she finally broke that silence, the only thing she said was: "Screw it!" And then she kissed him.
Aaaaaah, got this one out of my system. Hope you like it, faults and all. I hope it's not too bad...