This is Crack-tastic Wonderfulness. Yeah.
Disclaimer: Nada. falls back asleep
First is GaaraChouji. Yes, I shudder at the thought too.
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Gaara sat with his beloved, Chouji, at the Ramen Shop. Today he was going to profess his love for the 'pleasingly plump' boy. After they ordered, Gaara took Chouji's hand in his an slowly said "Chouji.. I love you." Chouji looked at Gaara. "I love you too." he said. and they were going to plan upon their wedding and such had not Sauske walked in and the ramen had not been placed in front of the slightly horrifying couple. They began to eat the ramen. Then some psycho girl burst in, screaming "WHERE'S SASUKE!?!?!! Nyo..." Sasuke slowly got up to leave, thinking this was an ordinary fangirl, missing the look of pure hatred in her eyes. She noticed him and began yelling at him. "YOU JERK!! STOP KILLING THE AKATSUKI DANGIT!!!!! If I can help it the whole population of Akatsuki fans will be here to wreak horrible vengeance upon your team and I shall finish what Itachi started you tard. All the meanwhile, Chouji and Gaara began to get married right in the middle of the Ramen Shop. The spaz girl flew (she had wings) onto a strangely familiar, angel-like blob. Sauske realized that it looked strangely like something he fought with before... "Begone Deidara-Killer!" She said. "Why are you such a Deidara fan?" Sauske asked once more oblivious to the marriage going on behind him. "Because..." Sauske realized, with an impending sense of doom where he had seen that shape before. "Art is a BANG!" She jumped off the blob-angel upon which she was standing. "Oh sh-" KA'SPLODE!! The girl noticed a very charred-looking Gaara and Chouji. "Aw, poo. I do have he horrible habit of bombing odd couples. Oh well." And she flew off, leaving a stunned Gaara and Chouji. Gaara shook his head as if he was recovering from a spell. Which, in fact, he was. "What am I doing here? With this guy? In a dress???" asked a very confused Gaara. He walked away, leaving an emotionally shattered Chouji behind. "But I thought we had something special!?" He called after his ONE TRU LUV!! And then the story ended.
Chapter 2 Sauske Someone. If I told you, it would ruin the suspense. Guess if this is post or pre timeskip.
Sasuke wandered around in the strange place he had found himself in. He wondered where he was. Suddenly he spotted a piece of the most beautiful blond hair he had ever seen in his LIFE go around the corner. He followed it. Whoever had hair that amazing was a very possible girlfriend. He ran to catch up with her. Finally he did. She had a ponytail and a piece of hair that fell over one eye. Sasuke was amazed at her beauty. "Hi." said the tactless male "I'm Sasuke. Wanna date me?" The object of his affection's eye twitched. "FOR THE TWELFTH TIME I'M NOT A GIRL, UN!!" Deidara yelled at Itachi's little brother, about to kill him for the death-causing mistake of thinking Deidara is a girl. And then Sasuke DIED. YAAY!!
If you have any crack-ness or ways to kill/torture Sasuke, tell me!