The Valley Girl Rider

A/N: This is an AU parody. It is not supposed to be serious. My world is almost like 2007. But in this world dragons are free to walk around Washington DC and not be gawked at. Got it? Galbatorix can be an evil president instead of king. Got it? And the new Rider can be a valley girl if I want her to be. Got it?

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon, although dear old Christopher would probably cry if he read this and sue me anyway.

A/N: On with the story and the OOCness!

Eragon: Okay, let me get this straight. You want me and Saphira to break into the White House, steal the last dragon egg, find the person who the dragon is meant to hatch for, train said person, and then attack Galbatorix and win back the United States of America.

Oromis: Yes, that is correct.

Eragon: That's flippin' sweet!

Saphira: You are not taking this seriously, young one.

Arya: Do you need my help Eragon?

Eragon: Nah! This is going to be a piece of cake. Unless Galbatorix bakes me into one.

All: (shiver)

Eragon and Saphira: (Wave goodbye and fly in the general direction of the White House)

Gladr: Well, it was nice knowing them.

Murtagh: Yo! Galbatorix! Was that Eragon and Saphira flying over the White House?

Galbatorix: Shut up you insolent fool!

Murtagh: (muttering) Well then.

Muragh: But, dude man, that really is Eragon!

Galbatorix: Please stop talking. You're ruining my yoga class.

(Sound of glass breaking.)

Murtagh: Hey? Where are they?!?

Eragon: (voice comes from far away) Damn Saphira! Stop being so clumsy!

Galbatorix: I think that was the young Rider Eragon. Murtagh! Why didn't you tell me?!?

Murtagh: Sir, I di—

Galbatorix: Do you dare to contradict me? Feel my wrath! (Summons hundreds of feathers to tickle Murtagh.)

Murtagh: Please! Master have mercy!

Author: (Hops in though her laptop screen) Um, not that this isn't fun, but you might want to go check your last dragon egg. (Winks and disappears)

Murtagh: Well, that was weird.

Galbatorix: You fool! Go check the ulta-secret cabinet of doom in which I keep the egg!

Murtagh: Um…seeing as it's ultra-secret, I have no idea where it is.

Galbatorix: I'll do it myself. (Summons feathers again and leaves Murtagh writing on the floor)

Oromis: Where is that kid?

Arya: (Begins to cry)

Eragon and Saphira: (Appear from nowhere)

Eragon: Hey guys! Do you like this nifty little trick the author taught us?

Arya: (Kisses Eragon)

Eragon and Arya: (Keep kissing)

Gladr: This could take a while.

Oromis: Saphira, did you and Eragon get the egg?

Saphira: Yes, we did. Eragon has it, which means we won't get it back for a while.

Oromis: Okay then. Who wants food?

Eragon: (Stops kissing Arya and looks up eagerly) Did someone say food? I am so there!

Arya: (Hits Eragon)

Eragon: Ouch! What was that for?!?

Arya: (Under breath) Men.

Saphira: Thank you for taking us to dinner, Oromis.

Gladr: At least one of you remembered your manners. (Shoots a disdainful glance at Eragon who is kissing Arya…again.)

Author: (Does "nifty" trick and pops in from nowhere.) Hey! You two! Break it up! We have other stuff to get done here! (Eragon and Arya keep kissing) I could kill all of you with a few keystrokes!

All: (Look shocked. Eragon and Arya even stop making out.)

Author: (Smiles) That's more like it. (Disappears)

Waitress: Like, OMG, what's up?!? Can I, like, totally take your order?!?

Arya: Yes, I would like the Caesar Salad. Um…Eragon, why is your pocket chirping?

Eragon: (Pulls egg out of pocket and sets it on the table. Egg wobbles over towards waitress.)

Waitress: OMGZZZZZ!!!! I GET TO BE A RIDER!!! OMG!!!!

All: (Wince and cover ears)

Gladr: This is going to be fun.

Waitress: Oh, BTW, my name is, like, Brittany!

Gladr: Even better.

A/N: What did you think? That was my first attempt at a parody, so don't be too harsh.