Mojo. :D
As we all know...I do not own Rent...nor the tarantula...I don't want to own the tarantula shudder
(If you don't know what a tarantula is...it's a huge...nasty...hairy...spider.)
Maureen and Joanne sat cuddled up on the porch swing, slowly rocking back and forth. Joanne's parents let them borrow their cabin out in the woods for the weekend, to get away from the busy city and to relax and spend some time together for once.
A cool breeze drifted through the midnight air, causing Maureen to shudder and snuggle up closer to Joanne.
"Pookie, can we go in now? I'm really cold." She said through chattering teeth. Joanne looked down at her and smiled softly.
"But, it's such a nice night out...and there's nothing to do inside. It's not like we have a tv or anything." Joanne replied, playing with the ends of the diva's long hair.
Maureen sat up and fully looked at her girlfriend, a naughty sparkle in her eye.
"Hmm, well. I know something we can do. And we don't need a tv to do it." She whispered, running the back of her fingers over Joanne's cheek.
The lawyer smirked and cocked her left eyebrow up.
"Gee, whatever could that be?" She joked.
Maureen leaned in and lightly kissed her on the lips. Joanne pulled away, seeing nothing but desire in her lover's eyes.
Joanne stood up pulling Maureen with her into the coozy, warm cabin.
The reconnected their lips in a heated kiss. Maureen wrapped her arms around Joanne's waist, pushing her backwards toward the bedroom that was located in the back of the cabin. Once reaching the room, Maureen pushed Joanne back on to the bed and proceeded to climb on top of her until something caught her eye. She glanced up and let out a ear piercing scream and jumped backwards off the bed. Joanne, having no idea what had just happend, jumped up as fast as she could.
"What!?" She asked quickly, her head whipping around, waiting to see a masked murderer hiding out in a dark corner. After not seeing anything, Joanne turned back around to face the diva but was clocked in the head by a bottle of bug poison.
"What the hell? Maureen?!--"
Before Joanne could even finish yelling at her, Maureen let out another lung busting scream and jumped up on the desk that was beside the bed.
Still confused, Joanne just stood there, looking at the bottle of bug killer in her hand. She turned around again and still didn't see anything.
"Mo, what the he--"
Maureen let out another scream and lunged at Joanne, causing them to both to tumbled to the floor.
"MAUREEN, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Came an aggervated yell from Joanne.
The diva glanced back up, watching as the giant spider crawled toward them on the bed. She jumped up and pointed to the tarantula, then screamed, "Brain eating tarantula!" And took off running the opposite direction of the bed, leaving Joanne behind.
Joanne quickly stood up and caught sight of the large creature. It was now making it's way down the edge of the bed, coming straight for the lawyer. Now, it was Joanne's turn to let out a very loud scream as she took off in the direction of her girlfriend.
Both girls stood on the couch in the living room, clinging on to eachother like there was no tomorrow. After looking around for a few minutes, not seeing the spider anywhere, they decided it was safe to atleast sit down.
As if right on cue, Mojo's little spider friend came lurking around the corner, coming straight for the couple. Joanne was first to see their little friend and pounced off the couch and took off down the hallway to the bathroom, leaving poor Maureen alone.
"JOANNE!" Maureen screamed, as if she was about to get hacked into little tiny pieces. Feeling bad, Joanne opened the door and ran back down the hallway to find Maureen on the back of the couch, against the wall with her hands covering her face. She stood at the end of the hallway and looked around for the spider but didn't see it.
"Mo, I don't see it, come down." Joanne whispered, as if the little guy could hear and understand her.
Maureen uncovered her eyes and cautiously looked around. After not seeing anything, she stepped on the coushins of the couch, and looked around once again. Satisfied, Maureen jumped off the couch and ran into Joanne's arms, almost knocking the wind out of her.
"Thanks for leaving me like that." Maureen said, a pout curling on her lips as she looked up at her girfriend. Joanne kissed her forehead.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I promise I won't ever leave you again."
Right as those words left the lawyer's mouth, she saw the tarantula crawling behind Maureen, coming their way. Joanne let out a "Eek!" before turning around and running into the kitchen to stand on the table.
Maureen quickly whipped her head around to see it about 4 inches away from her. She screamed and ran and joined Joanne on the table.
"Oh, I promise I won't ever leave you again." Maureen said in a mocking tone, glaring at Joanne.
"Sorry!"
Maureen just rolled her eyes.
"Okay, we're going to have to kill this bastard. I'm getting sick of running around." Joanne nodded her head in agreement.
"Where's the bug spray I threw at you?" Maureen asked, her eyes glued on the tarantula. It just sat there, not moving, as if it was waiting for them to move.
"Shit, it's on the floor in the bedroom." Joanne replied, wrining her hands together nervously.
Maureen turned her head to face Joanne, but didn't take her eyes off their little buddy. "Well go get it."
"What!?" Joanne screeched.
"Well, one of us has to do it. And I'm sure as hell not." Maureen replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
Joanne rolled her eyes. "Okay, how about this. We'll both go."
"Ugh, alright, but you're going first!"
"Fine, whatever." Joanne sighed, as she slowly made it down to the floor, taking Maureen's hand and helping her down.
Maureen instantly clung to Joanne as they slowly made their way around the spider. After finally reaching the hallway, both girls took off. Oddly enough, Maureen was first to make it to the bedroom. She dashed for the can of bug spray and quickly threw it at Joanne.
"I have to spray it?!"
"Yes! I got the spray didn't I?"
"Oh my God, you are unbelievable, Mo." Joanne grunted as she made her way back down the hallway, not caring anymore if Maureen followed her.
She reached the end of the hallway, her arms outstretched, with the can of spray in hand. She frantically looked around the kitchen. After not seeing it, she cautiously made her way into the living room. She slowly turned, eyeing every piece of furniture in the room, still not seeing it. She lowered her arms and let out a small sigh of relief.
"Honey, I don't see it anymore." Joanne called out.
"Are you sure?" Maureen called back.
"Yeah."
A few seconds later, Maureen appeared at the end of the hall and made her way to Joanne, slowly looking around just in case.
"Great. What do we do now?" The diva asked, her eyes still searching around.
"I don't know. If I can't see it, I can't kill it." Joanne replied.
The couple stood in the middle of the room, too afraid to move. For some odd reason, Maureen decided to look up. Sure enough, there was their best friend, chillen on the ceiling right above them. Maureen threw her hands over her mouth and backed up. Joanne instantly knew what was going on and backed up as well. She lifted up the can and aimed at the spider and pressed down on the button causing a shower of poison to drench the spider.
It twitched a few times before falling to the floor and curling up into a tiny ball. Joanne sighed and made her way to Maureen.
"Is it dead?" Maureen asked, staring at it.
"It looks like it." Joanne replied.
"Thank God." Maureen breathed, as she threw her arms around Joanne's neck, burring her face in the crook of her neck. Joanne looped her arms around her waist.
"We still have to get rid of it." Joanne stated.
"Son of a bitch..."
Joanne smirked. "Well, since I killed it. I think it's only fair that you get rid of it."
Maureen lifted her head and shot Joanne a hateful look.
"You've got to be kidding me! I'm not touching that thing!"
"All you have to do is get paper towles, pick him up and then throw him outside."
Maureen gave her infamous pout, and her irresistable puppy eyes to her girlfriend.
"Oh, no. That's not working this time."
"Ugh, fine!" Maureen hissed. She walked into the kitchen and practically used the whole roll of paper towels. She walked back into the living room, shooting Joanne another dirty look. She stood as far away from the spider as she could, and reached her arm out, attempting to grab it. As soon as she was close enough to get it, it's legs started to twitch, and it unrolled from it's little ball.
"ZOMBIE TARANTULA!!" Maureen screamed and stumbled backwards into the kitchen. She dropped the paper towels and took off down the hallway and into the bedroom where she hopped up on the bed.
Joanne just stood there, starring at it. It seemed to be starring back at her, waiting for her to move.
"Alright, little guy. This cabin ain't big enough for the three of us. And we sure as hell ain't leavin'." And with that, Joanne slammed the bottle of spray down on top of it with all of her might. She could have sworn she heard it give a little scream. She waited a few minutes to see if it moved again, and when it didn't she used her big toe to roll the can off of it.
"OH, ew." Joanne said scrunching up her nose at the site of the smooshed creature.
"Maureen, I killed it." Joanne declared, still starring at it, waiting for it to move again.
Maureen walked into the living room, here eyes instantly going to the deceased thing.
"Way to go, Pookie!" Maureen cheered, rewarding her with a kiss on the lips.
"Why, thank you m'dear." Joanne said, bowing.
"You're still getting rid of it, though."
"God damn it." Maureen breathed as she retreated back into the kitchen to gather the paper towels. She made her way back into the living room and scooped it up with out hesitation.
"Pookie! Get the door!" She screached, holding it as far away as possible.
Joanne ran toward the door and opened it. Maureen ran and tossed it off the porch. They both ran back inside and Maureen quickly locked the door...just incase it wasn't dead and opened the door.
"Well, that was fun." Joanne said sarcastically.
"Loads."
"I'm pooped. I say we hit the sack." Maureen suggested,
Joanne nodded, and walked over to her, wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her close.
"I say we finish where we left off."
"Ohh, no, no, no, no. You left me to die, and you expect me to have sex with you?"
Joanne's mouth dropped open.
"Oh my God, honeybear. It wasn't going to kill you. It was just a spider."
"Then why'd you run!"
"I don't know!" Joanne attempted to give her best pout. "I'll make it up to you." She said in a sweet voice.
Maureen just shook her head. "Nuh uh."
Joanne sighed. "Alright, fine. Let's go to sleep."
They made their way back into the bedroom. Joanne flung the comforter back, and crawled into bed, Maureen following behind her.
"What if it gets back inside?" Maureen asked once the light was out.
"Baby, it's dead. It's not coming back inside."
"But...what if theres more?"
"There isn't. Now, go to sleep."
Maureen snuggled up as close to the lawyer as she could. "Hold me."
Joanne smirked, and pulled her close. Maureen rested her head on Joanne's shoulder, and Joanne rested her chin on top of Maureen's head, running her fingers through her curly strands.
After a few minutes, a light snore could be heard from a sleeping Maureen. Not being able to resist herself, Joanne ran her hand up Maureen's thigh pretending to be a spider. The diva's eyes snaped open. She let out a scream and started to kick her legs and flail her arms, accidently punching Joanne in the face.
"Owww! Son of a bitch!"
Maureen quickly sat up and turned on the lamp on her side of the bed.
"IT'S IN THE BED!" She jumped off the bed and made her way back onto the desk.
"No it's not. It was just me." Joanne said, holding the side of her face where Maureen punched her.
"Why the hell did you do that!?"
"I was just kidding!"
Maureen huffed and made her way back to the bed.
"Let me see your face." Joanne removed her hand and turned her face so Maureen could see. It was red and almost swollen.
"Aw, Joey, I'm so sorry!" Maureen cooed, running her fingertips over her cheek.
"Nah, it's okay, I shouldn't have scared you." Maureen just smirked.
"Damn right."
"Okay, let's actually go to bed now."
Maureen leaned over and turned off the light and snuggled back up to Joanne. She kissed her hurt cheek and layed her head back on her shoulder.
"Night, Pookie."
"Night, Honeybear. Have sweet tarantula filled dreams."
"Damn you, Joanne Jefferson."
I was laughing so hard when I was writting this, so pardon on the mistakes and errors. Did it make you laugh? Review and tell me. :)