Ugh, I don't like doing this kinda stuff, but some things need to be said. I don't care if you disagree or agree, I need to vent this shit out.
So, Dark Souls II, eh? Pretty good game bro/sis. Already got 300 hours on that baby. Alas, all great things have a teenie, tiny mark in them that makes it slightly disappointing.
And Dark Souls II has LOADS. I shall name a few.
Let's begin, shall we?
#1. NG+ difficultly spike(s).
So NG was a bit difficult for me at first. I initially thought it was the game being dickish and being unbeatable... until I realized I made a dire mistake of walking into Drangleic with Lordran knowledge in my belt.
The Smelter Demon reminded me "NO. YOU WILL PLAY LIKE A NEWB, NOT A PRO LIKE YOU THINK YOU ARE."
So I agreed with the aforementioned bastard for all eternity, and learned that yes, Dark Souls II is a great game.
Up until NG+, when things just get blown way out of proportion.
More mobs equalling more opportunities to unleash their bastard tactic of zerging (something that too many mobs like to do). In the middle of that circle jerk, you are at the mercy of 3x the base health, attack and assholiness of the mobs. If you have shit armour, you are well, and truly FUCKED.
That's not all. Bosses become more dickish and spam AOE moves regularly (see aforementioned bastard for all eternity, Smelter Ass Face and his papa, Old Iron 'I'm not Satan but I'm trying so HARD' King.) Dukes Dear Freja and her damn spiders like to buttrape your ass soon as you jump out of the fog wall with lasers, pincers, and pincer dicks that fire lasers.
But then, there's the NG+ Red Phantoms. More on them later. Those fuckers deserve their own section.
#2. Disgusting Weapon set ups that every 'Pro' player likes to use.
Santier's Spear.
Avelyn.
Monastery Scimitar.
Lion Mage Set.
Great Resonant Soul.
I guarantee you've met a fucker in PvP with at least ONE of these weapons (I've see a cunt with all of them at once). Now here's the thing. EVERYONE USES THEM. These weapons require no skill (bar the Monastery Scimmy, that takes SOME practice), are easy to get and spam, and everyone thinks they are the second coming of Christ himself, and so spam the fuck out of 'No Way!', the bitchest, most ghetto emote ever.
Hah, and it only gets better.
Lion mage with hexer hood or black hood is the ugliest fucking setup ever. Shitty green, mixed with something that looks like it spent the night trying to get his dick into a paper shredder.
And of course, spell time is completely erased. Great Resonant Soul/Climax combos are filthy cheap, and I don't care if they spend souls, NOTHING SHOULD GRACE THE EARTH WITH THAT POWER. Climax is the rarer, and thank you, THANK YOU, Darklurker, for making that a reality.
"GUYS, GUYS! We should get the twin-blades two-handed r1, spear range, and give it amazing power!"
"That's a great fucking idea Yui! Let's put it in a really easy place too, and make the side quest for unlocking it epic and fun!"
"Fuck no! Let's just make the player hit walls and corpses forever, much easier for them that way!"
"HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE."
And that was how the stupidest, overpowered weapon in DkS II was created.
Two Avelyns plus Havel's set. Need I say more? This game needs some serious balancing for PVP, thanks poise for being useless.
#3. The new community.
I part of me died when I saw the new community. Us veterans all felt it when these new, annoying, 4-Chan ridden demons filled our beloved universe with their shit. Ya know, let's follow the crowd kinda idiots. Let's all pick the same fucking set-up and claim it's unique and new.
Nothing new about double Avelyns with Havels, you stupid pricks. Go back to your shitty Cock of Dooty.
Now, there are some good newcomers, ones which I like. Unique set-ups are always refreshing to see, I duel bow every time I see one.
Lion Mage sluts can have my Vanquisher's Seal uppercut right up their colon.
But most of the new guys are so, so stupid. How many times have I seen a host run into a mob, thinking "This is like Skyrim on novice mode! Piss Easy!" only to see them get wrecked, is countless.
And I swear, if I have to clean out the damned room in Drangleic castle with all the ruin sentinels ONE MORE TIME, I'm seriously going to flip my shit out.
#4 Enemies Tracking and Hit boxes.
Everyone knows what tracking is. It's when you see an enemy try and hit you while moving at the same time on the spot. It's normal to have a little tracking in games. It's so it's not a breeze every time you walk through a corridor.
But oh muh jeezus, the tracking in this game is awful. And I don't mean they miss all the time, I mean they hit every fucking time.
What's that, a roll to the side? Better move so fast my dick nearly comes flopping out, say the Bastard sword wielding hollows at the start of the game.
Lost Sinner and Smelter Demon are some of the biggest bullshitters in the game. With silly arcing swings that give a massive middle fingers to Isaac Newton and his cats.
FUCK YO PHYSICS.
But nay, it's not only tracking, but their stupid hit boxes as well. Hitting you mid roll, clearly missing but still hitting you kinda thing. Royal Swordsman, Bastard Hollows, and that god-damn Smelter Demon, to name a few.
But no, the worst sinner out of them all, is Velstadt, Vendricks little cum-dumpster of a Royal Aegis.
THAT BASTARD IS THE MOST ANNOYING BOSS IN THE FUCKING GAME. It's like Garl Vinland and Paladin Leeroy Jenkins thought it was a great idea to have a kid.
No it wasn't.
His tracking is so fucking good, despite his massive weapon, and his hit boxes are so outrageous, I nearly threw my controller against the wall. The amount of times he has killed me when I was behind him is ridiculous. And why does he have a stab move!?
This filthy jew-bag was so god-damn annoying, and yet he was simultaneously hilarious. His tracking rivalled that to a SAT-NAV. One minute, he's so accurate, that poor Gough would cry in his sleep, the next he derps out and starts fighting the freaking wall.
And I don't care about his story. It's not sad, It's not heroic and inspiring, it's hilarious.
He got cock-blocked by Vendrick, cried quietly while Nashandra/Manus got boned instead, still got cock-blocked when they walked through the Shrine of Amana together and Undead Crypt, and still got cock-blocked with a fog wall, unable to watch Vendrick fap alone.
And then he cried quietly again.
Speaking of the Shrine of Amana...
#4 The Shrine of Amana.
Sweet Jesus. This place.
Every. Fucking. Thing. About this place, sucked ass. So much.
Spammy projectiles that follow you to infinity and beyond and did a crap ton of damage. And before you bitch to me saying 'Scraper, just use a shield with high magic resistance, easy!' I did, and it still sucked. Stupid fucking Archdrake fuckers with retarded stun lock capabilities, and to top all of that off, ZERG RUSH TACTICS EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
The area is so god damn long, not because it's huge, it's because you are always walking at half-speed thanks to all the water, that every play through I cringe whenever I finish the Mirror Knight and go down that dreaded lift.
This took so long to do a few hours ago, I did the dirtiest thing and whipped out two Avelyns and breezed the area. I know, I'm sorry. I have sinned. I felt very dirty afterwards.
I'm sorry. So god damn sorry.
:'(
Praise the Sun that the Demon of Song is piss easy and takes zero effort and estus.
#5 The New Game Plus faggots.
You should know one thing about me. I rarely get angry. Sure, I get irritated, and I've only ever been angry once where I have thrown my fists around. This bully was being a prick, so I broke his nose.
ANYway, when I encountered these pricks, I was so very close to getting angry, I nearly rage quitted the game.
These guys are the biggest pricks known to the Souls series. They come in all shapes and sizes, and appear nearly everywhere in NG+, and my god, just WHY!?
The Drake keeper war-prick in front of Drangleic castle is so godly powerful he should be a boss fight. Nearly 4k health, infinite stamina, and spams the fuck out of the halberds running R1.
The guy in Iron Keep? Could only kill him using the environment.
Two ass-holes in the Forest of Fallen Giants? Pushed them off the ledge.
But Nay, environmental kills wouldn't always save my cheap, dragon ass. So what then? I would actually have to fight them.
And I hate actually fighting them. Especially the dirty duel-wielders. Why? Here's why. They Move Cancel.
What's that, you ask, despite the obvious name.
Move Cancelling, or MC for short, is a technique normally found in fighting games. It allows the player to trick the opponent to do a counter, only to get countered instead. Soul Calibur, for example, uses MC as a legit mechanic. Characters like Nightmare, Mitsurugi and others use MC in some of their moves. It's perfectly legit and quite impressive if you master it. It keeps them on their toes, using moves like a slow heavy slam, cancelled into a fast punishing horizontal slash is a great trick to use.
But this isn't a fucking fighting game. This is Dark Souls, dammit.
MC is impossible to perform in Dark Souls II. I only know that in Dark Souls when you could do it with WOTG cancelling. But Dark Souls II works differently. You cannot, an will not be able to MC. It's impossible, I've tried to do it so many time, and you cannot do it.
But the fucking NPCS do it like it's their destinies calling. They will move cancel so much that they negate the ending lag of an attack, and quickly switch to another attack, therefore stun locking you into oblivion. It is VERY noticeable if you use a great shield. The rebound stun that happens when they hit your shield is non-existent, ant they will spam guard break like no tomorrow if they miss with the first one.
Don't believe me? Try going against the pair in Drangleic Castle, and just watch that cheeky prick with two swords spam you with dirty MC tactics. Be careful, his butt buddy with the greatbow also has MC, and will spam great arrows like nothing if he sees the oppourtunity.
No don't get me wrong, Dark Souls II is a GOOD GAME. But some things stick out so much it hurts me. I feel terrible when I see a gaping flaw in the games design.
Phew, after all that ranting, I need a drink.
Maybe I'll write a good chapter soon...
Maybe.