I am so sorry for this story.
This chapter: Chrom is trying to find the best way to propose and Robin just wants him to leave her alone.
11/2/16: Grammar
Chrom can't get a Date
"So then I looked at her, and I just knew, I knew that I had to marry her."
Robin made a noncommittal sound, not even bothering to look up from her paperwork as she felt around with her non-writing hand underneath her desk.
Oh good, she still had two bottles of wine.
"But then I asked Frederick," Chrom petulantly kicked his foot against her desk—somehow the whole thing split in half. "And he said I couldn't marry her because she was already married," he kicked out again, and her ink caught on fire. "And I thought it wasn't really a problem, but apparently it is."
He was pouting now, and Robin with her booze exposed, both her ink and paperwork lost forever and her very nice portable desk split down the middle, took a long and deep breath. Emmerson, Emmermione, uh, the Exalt wouldn't like it if Robin killed her brother.
Robin set her mouth into a twitching smile, put down her quill, and very tightly folded her hands together. "Chrom," she said his name slowly, carefully, painfully. "We talked about this, even though you're a Prince you can't hit on every person you meet. You need—"
"A ring." Chrom stood up suddenly his cape flapping, quite regally, in the apparent breeze behind him. "I always forget to propose with a ring." One of her candles flipped over. "That's just it, thanks, Robin."
"Wait Chro—"
Chrom proceeded to walk through her tent wall, and three seconds later her priceless Ylisse vase shattered.
Robin reached down and uncorked a bottle of wine.
This was going to be a long day.
Xx
Chrom was very proud of the ring he found in his bag, it was shiny.
Now he needed someone to help him propose, and luckily he knew just the person.
"Virion," Chrom swooped into the noble's tent his cape fluttered, quite regally, behind him.
Virion's not quite so regal pillow exploded.
"Oh, my." The self-proclaimed archiest of archers put a hand to his chest in shock before flipping back his hair to regain composure. "Prince Chrom what can I do—" Virion stopped, thought about what he was going to say, and choked back his words; what left his mouth sounded something like, "blaghsfs."
"Virion I didn't know you spoke Plegian."
"Gaphsds."
"Yes, well thank you." Chrom puffed out his chest seemly flattered, Virion wheezed. "But I came to ask you, less fashionably dressed man for help."
Virion looked as if he was about to choke again but he flipped his hair to calm himself. "I would love to my lord, but you see—" wait. "Less fashionably dressed, excuse you. I'll have you know lace pants are totally hip right now."
"Yes well." Chrom flexed the arm with his single-sided useless shoulder armor.
Virion fumed.
Xx
"He said no." Chrom said standing in front of Robin having destroyed her "guest" chair by sitting on it.
Robin on her hastily duct taped desk quickly placed all her redone paperwork in a fireproof container. "Well, you did—"
"You know what I'm going to apologize to him."
Robin blinked, "that's actually—"
"For his horrid taste in fashion," Chrom smiled brightly, "thanks, Robin."
"Wai—"
Chrom walked through the newly patched tent wall, and Robin's bedroll caught fire.
Xx
Chrom weaved through the dining pavilion and surprisingly nothing blew up, but that may be because Frederick and Sully were on Chrom duty.
Originally Sully was on cooking duty, but the oven and Stahl still haven't recovered from her "casserole". Thus, for everyone's sake Robin had no choice but to ban Sully from the kitchen indefinitely.
And by indefinitely she meant forever.
"Sully we must watch the Prince closely. Robin has assigned to us this Naga given privilege to gaze upon the Prince of our great kingdom. One of the righteous descendants of the Great Hero King who struck down evil with the blessed sword of Ylisse. The Great King who triumphed over the odds and defeated the foes of our great kingdom. You and I must—"
"Frederick." Sully managed to grit out between her teeth.
"Yes, my sister in knightly arms."
"Shut the fuck up."
Frederick gasped, "That foul language is beneath a soldier of the great kingdom of Ylisse, home to the Exalt, her Grace, the serene and beautiful Emmermissa, um, Emmerminion… the Exalt." Frederick nodded, nailed it.
Sully decided the best route for her mental and Frederick's physical health was to ignore him indefinitely. And by indefinitely she meant forever.
She glared in the general direction of Robin's tent, when she got her hands on Robin she was going to wish Sully's casserole killed her.
Sully paused, wait. If she was busy plotting a certain tacticians demise and Frederick was doing whatever he did with his thoughts of Ylisse who was watching—
BOOM.
"MY SPINACH PUFFS!"
Shit.
Xx
"He said no."
"Well," Robin hiccupped trying and failing to put her bottle of not-liquor back beneath her desk. "In his defense, you did burn his spinach puffs."
Chrom groaned head slamming against Robin's tent, and her once again newly patched tent wall ripped. And yet, she just really couldn't give a damn. She tipped back the bottle of wine, prepared to chug.
It was empty.
Ok, now she gave a damn.
"Listen Chrom you gotta just, wait for it—you know." She swayed a bit but caught herself on her desk. "You gotta find the right person, and you'll know when you—"
"Robin, will you marry me?"
"No." She wasn't that drunk.
Chrom sniffed, "ok."
Xx
"You called?" Frederick carefully stepped through the tear that now served as a door and over what might've been a thunder tome. He looked around the wreckage. "What seems to be the problem?"
Robin's (who was now to somber to deal with anyone) eye twitched. "What seems to be the—" she pressed her fingers to her temples. "In and out Robin it'll all be over soon." She cleared her throat and folded her hands in her lap. "Frederick I need you to control your prince."
"No."
"But—"
"Prince Chrom is the Prince of Ylisse. He is the champion of our people," He clenched his fist, "He can do no wrong. His noble actions reflect those of the Ylissian people."
"Exactly, yes, sure, his actions," Robin could work with his actions. "He destroys everything, proposes to everyone, and his armor—I mean seriously what is that!?"
"Exactly," Frederick wiped a tear from his eye. "He reflects the Ylisse way of war, love, and fashion." He clenched his fist, "He is a paragon of the Ylisse way."
Robin decided then and there that sobriety was for the weak.
Xx
"Robin," Chrom whined as he entered her tent, his cape drooping; for some reason the apparent breeze was absent.
Unfortunately, Robin had just woke up and thus her blood to alcohol content was way too low to deal with Chrom.
Also, she had a massive hangover.
But if this man was sad, that was bad; he was her employer and gave her a very nice paycheck at the end of every month.
If she was fired how else would she get the gold to buy her booze?
So she slowly, oh so slowly, got up and went to the remnants of her desk, "Yes Chrom?"
He sat down on the floor, "I asked Sully to marry me, and she said no."
Robin breathed through her nose, "look Chrom—"
"I also asked Gaius to marry me again, and he said no." Chrom began tearing up, "so I asked Miriel and I don't know what she said, but it sounded like a no. So then I asked Sumia, but Sully somehow got into the kitchen again—"
"Shit I knew I forgot something."
"—so Sumia is now in a coma." Chrom sniffed again. "Am I so horrible that no one wants to marry me?"
"Um…"
"What's wrong with me Robin? Am I ugly? At least I don't look like a lobster."
"What does that—"
"Is it my cape, does it intimidate people? Do I smell bad? Am I not hot enough? Am I—"
"YOU KNOW WHAT!" Robin slammed her hands where her desk would've been, it was less impressive without the bang. "JUST MARRY YOURSELF—shit." She gripped her throbbing forehead, the regret was real.
Chrom blinked, "Robin that's… that's a great idea why didn't I think of that." He began to jump up and down excitedly. "This will be the best proposal ever I can't—I can't wait." He stopped his cape once again flapping wildly in the breeze. He got down on one knee. "Chrom I have loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you will you marry me?"
There was a pause.
Then an extended period of silence.
"Pssst Robin."
"What?" She groaned from behind her hands.
"How do I tell myself no?"
If you can guess who Chrom is going to marry you have to buy Robin a drink.
So Robin is basically the "normal" (mwahahahahah you will get this later I have great things planned for this word) one of the Shepherds, and is the unfortunate protagonist. I once again apologize for how dumb this is I do love all the FE:A characters even if it's hard to tell.
I made Frederick the Ylisse equivalent to Arthur and I am so very sorry.
This story will follow the canon storyline but with some… artistic liberties taken.