Dreams Undeferred

Miles & Phoenix

Inspired by: "A Dream Deferred" by Langston Hughes, Regina Spektor's "Ghost of Corporate Future" and Fruits Basket: Chapter 45

"Really Edgeworth, I don't get you sometimes." Phoenix commented one time while in Miles's office. A rare sight, since as a Defense Attorney he's not really welcome. The only reason he's allowed to come as often as he does, which isn't often anyway, is because everybody in the office is just happy enough that Edgeworth has friends.

"I make a job out of that Wright." Miles remarked and kept busy doing whatever paperwork he had to do that day. Phoenix invited himself over, which is what he has to do in order to ever see Miles outside of court. Seeing Miles outside of his office is a rarer sight than seeing Phoenix with all of his paperwork done. In that aspect they were completely different. Well, in all actuality, they were different in many almost all ways.

The two were like two intersecting lines. They hit each other at one point, and then indefinitely go in separate directions. At least, that's how it would have been if Phoenix hadn't of decided to become a Defense Attorney.

Miles would have been perfectly content living his life the way he was before Phoenix had entered his life. He wasn't happy, per say, but it was the life he was leading and it was fine with him. If he couldn't be happy, then perfection was the next best thing. He allowed perfection, or the aim for perfection to fill up the void he missed since his father died. The void of love, the void of friendship. The days of those things had been too far away from him; the feelings forgotten.

The fact remained that he had felt those feelings, at least once in his life. If it weren't for the feelings being there before, Miles doubted that he could have been saved. He doubted that he would have been able to renew his friendship with Phoenix, doubted that he would have ever faced his demons. There was at least one time in his life where things were simple. He would grow up to be like his father, without a doubt. He went to school, and spent the days with his best friend Phoenix. That time had faded away now, but the remnants still remained.

The proof of that was in his office right now.

"I prefer to keep you on your toes." Phoenix was surprised at Miles's snide remark and looked over at his friend to find him smirking. While surprised, Phoenix found the smirk preferable over the normal frown he gave. At the same time, though he wanted to top that comment. As to expected, for they both kept their rivalry strong.

"You know I'll figure you out though. I always do." Phoenix feigned boredom in his statement, yet he hoped to hit a mark on his friend. When all us fails, he could always bring up their court record together to see exactly has the advantage between the two. Phoenix smiled as he saw Miles flinch slightly, but then a smile appeared on his face.

"I know."

The truth was, while Miles felt happy around Phoenix, he still had a long way to go. He couldn't just throw away had that he had learned, and become during his time with von Karma. He still had a lingering need for perfection, a need that was slowly driving him mad. The worst part was that Miles was aware of it. It still felt that all that mattered in life was business and being successful. And look at him now, pathetic. That's what von Karma would think, if he were still around.

The only saving grace was the fact that Miles didn't feel so pathetic around Phoenix. This feeling, which at first surprised and frightened Miles, gave way to a growing need for Phoenix in his life. Which, is the underline reason that Phoenix was allowed in his office at all. Yet, despite his need for Phoenix, he could never understand the reason why he would still want to be around him. He took a look at the man in his office.

Why do you want to be around me? He wanted to ask.

Phoenix's answer to Miles's unasked question would undoubtedly be: "Because I want to be."

Miles put his hand on his cheek and rested his elbow on his desk and took a deep breath. This man… would always astound him.

Miles suddenly became aware of the amount of silence in his office. Typically, this was preferred for Miles. However, he become worried that it might bother Phoenix. "How are you getting home today? After you're done bothering me at work for the day." He didn't really mind Phoenix being there. Not really.

"Uh, I guess I'll be walking home today. I already missed the bus and the next one won't be coming for a while." Phoenix scratched his cheek, and laughed slightly. Miles just pointed outside.

"In this weather?" He asked. Phoenix hadn't realized before that it was raining outside. He was wearing his normal suit that he wore in court. He sighed. He really didn't want to ruin this suit, but it couldn't be helped. Either way, he'd get wet before he reached home.

"Eh… I guess." He shrugged. There was no helping it.

"Are you okay with this?" Miles asked, offhandedly. The mere concept made no sense to me. Then again, Phoenix made no sense to him ever. This man sitting in his office was the greatest mystery to him. Probably because he was so simple.

"Sure. Might as well, you know? Take off your shoes whenever chances you get, especially when their wet." Phoenix quoted, leaving Miles puzzled.

"What?"

"Just something I heard before." He shrugged. He took things at face value, not looking in too deeply.

It was silent, again. Silence between the two, though Miles couldn't tell if it was awkward of not. Awkward to him was not really silent, rather awkward felt more like when someone talks to him and he doesn't want them to talk to him. That was awkward, and also annoying. The two went hand and hand to him. But he wondered if Phoenix felt awkward. He had just mentioned him leaving, and then didn't say anything else. Phoenix probably thought he wanted him to leave. Which he does sometimes, but not right now, no right now…He wouldn't want Phoenix to take his silence to mean-

"I guess I'll be going then-" Phoenix started.

"No, don't leave yet." Miles didn't mean to come off as childish, really he didn't. But gauging by Phoenix's look, he probably came off that way. Okay, now to bluff his way out of this.

"I mean, the rain will probably let up if you wait long enough. Might as well see." Miles tried to say nonchalantly. Phoenix didn't know what to say in response and settled for an "Okay." Once again, silence. This time though, Miles wanted to break the silence.

"What, what was it you were asking about earlier? That you don't understand about me?" Miles asks tentatively. He doesn't know why, but he wants Phoenix to have some other reason than just his rain excuse to stay there with him.

"I was thinking, I don't really understand how you act with people. And when I try to understand, the answer doesn't make sense to me." Phoenix tried to explain, though it was a bit vague as to what Phoenix was really trying to say. At the same, Miles was scared of what he was to say.

"What are you trying to say?"

"It's like…people makes you nervous. You hide it in annoyance…though."

Phoenix braced himself for the blow that was sure to come from Miles after that. Instead, there was nothing. Phoenix took another breath and braved another statement.

"And I'm afraid that you feel that way around me too."

The silence was overbearing for Phoenix at that moment. He felt that maybe Miles was really wanting him to leave, for real this time. He got up, and turned his back towards Miles as to reach for the door, but a quite voice reached him.

"It's not that…" That voice said. Phoenix turned around to see Miles have a different expression on his face. "You're right about me, it's true that people make me nervous. I don't know how to act, or what to say. It's easier to act in annoyance, and let them think that of me. Keeping space from people, that's the easy part."

Phoenix didn't fully understand what Miles meant from all this. By not answering his last statement, he thought that Miles felt that way about him too. He opened his mouth to speak, but Miles beat him to it.

"It's when you want to be around them, that's the hard part." Miles looked Phoenix directly in the eye. Phoenix was shocked to say the least.

"So, so this means?" Phoenix was a bit afraid of making any assumptions at this point.

"The basic truth is… I need you."

Miles felt embarrassed at this point and couldn't bring himself to look Phoenix. Phoenix felt himself, unnaturally breathe a huge sigh of relief. He had been so scared. So scared before that Miles didn't really want him around. All along he had been thinking, "I want to see him again," when he become a Defense Attorney. And once he met him again and he had forced his way into Miles's life again, he had never stop to think, "Does he even want me around?" He tried to ignore thoughts like that. Yet the fear remained.

He just felt so relieved.

"I, uh, I admit that I know I'm a bit-." Miles trailed off.

"It doesn't matter! I'm just glad you feel the same way I do." Phoenix told Miles enthusiastically. Miles was so caught off guard, that heat quickly rose to his cheeks. His whole body tingled, in a weird way that Miles had never felt before.

"What?" The words slipped from his mouth.

"I need you too, you know." Phoenix let out, without realizing what he had said. Miles immediately became more flustered.

Within a few seconds, Phoenix realized what exactly he had just said, and what it meant to both he and Miles. He looked over to the now flustered Miles, and felt the embarrassment for what he said. This feeling brought Miles a whole new stream of thoughts.

He thought about, the question that had been on his mind for some time now. "Why am I here? For what person was I born?" That time as a child seemed so far away. Beyond that time, there didn't seem to ever be a reason that he was existed. The von Karma way was more along the lines of "Become perfect, and so life will forgive you for existing." No one would want to live that way. Miles ignored his feelings, until Phoenix came back into his life.

If this was fate, that the two would meet again, that Phoenix would see the article about him, and decide to become a Defense Attorney… If this was all fate. Then maybe there is a reason to exist. They both came a long way to reach this point. It had seemed that the two were to never reach again. If this was all meant to be.

Then maybe they were both born, just to meet each other.

Coming to this conclusion gave Miles a happiness that he had not felt… ever before.

Miles became aware of his surroundings again. He saw that the rain outside had began to subside. He saw that Phoenix was still there, in his office. He saw that Phoenix was looking at him, with a look he had never seen on Phoenix. He saw that it was getting dark outside. While sitting in his chair, he became aware of his hands shaking, of his pulse beating loudly, calmly but loudly. It was as if it was to remind him, "You are alive."

"Let's go." Miles announced suddenly, snapping Phoenix out of his trance. He seemed confused, but mostly embarrassed. Embarrassed about what? Miles wanted to ask, but more than likely, he doubted Phoenix felt like talking about it. Instead, Miles got up and walked over towards the man. He reached his hand out for the other to help him up, a move that Miles typically avoided. Phoenix look confused, and embarrassed yet again but took the offer. Once he was up, Miles let go of the pressure in his hand holding Phoenix's. Yet, they did not let go. At that exact moment, Miles felt his pulse, beating faster this time and his hands shaking again. Phoenix took his hand and gasped it tightly.

"Why are your hands shaking?" He asked. Miles didn't have a reply. Surely, he thought, Phoenix surely knew what this action meant, and what it was doing to him. He was uncomfortable… but not for the reasons he expected. It was rather, it felt uncomfortable because this course of action comforted him. And it shouldn't…right?

He knew that he needed Phoenix. He had admitted that. But, not like this… right?

It seemed that Phoenix got the memo that Miles felt uncomfortable and let go. Phoenix assumed that it made him nervous to have physical contact. Still, it felt awkward between them at that time. But all Miles had to say to explain himself was.

"It's not that…"

While Phoenix was curious, it appeared that he wasn't going to finish that sentence. So he took that for an answer and followed Miles outside. The rainwater was still dripping from the building, and the sidewalks were still wet. Miles felt wrong for not explaining himself, yet at the same time he knew that he couldn't fully understand himself too. So instead, he wanted to say one last thing to Phoenix. Something he wanted to say to him for a long time.

"You saved me. You know that right?"

"I know that I defended you in that case-"

"I meant more than that."

Phoenix responded with a soft "Ah." He never knew that Miles thought so highly of him, in this regard. It was silent, and inferred that the two were supposed to separate at this point. Something was keeping Phoenix from leaving, though.

When he realized what he it was, he thought how ridiculous it was. Yet, Phoenix knew that this was a moment that wasn't going to be replaced. Phoenix always believed in enjoying whatever he could out of life. Taking in the little moments. Never being afraid to take chances. He knew what he wanted, on the inside. There was no reason to back down. The world would keep on turning no matter what. Life's coming and its going. He felt his moment slipping away as Miles turned to leave.

"Wait. Miles." Once again that evening he felt words just slipping out of his mouth. He even used his first name…he hoped that Miles wasn't going to be mad. Miles turned around, eyebrow furrowed together.

"Yes?" The next thing Miles knew, their lips had collided. Once again, that uncomfortable feeling welled up inside of Miles but for the sake of feeling like he shouldn't enjoy this. On the other hand, Phoenix was the one to initiate course of action. Just as Miles was about to respond to this kiss, Phoenix broke away.

"Um…" Phoenix felt horribly embarrassed now and began to walk away hurriedly. He kept thinking, "Oh my god, oh my god. I can't believe I just did that to Miles. He must be livid…he hates body contact… oh my god." On the inside, Phoenix was completely freaking out. All of those feelings disappeared as Phoenix heard him call out.

"Phoenix!"

Phoenix risked turning around. He supposed that it sufficed as answered Miles, for he wasn't quite capable of talking at that moment. He was surprised to see Miles smiling…smiling?

"I'll be seeing you." He said, no he promised. And he turned around to leave as well. Phoenix smiled as well. It was requited then.

I was born for you.

The thought rang through the heads of both men. Phoenix knew he would have to walk all the way home, and with the sidewalks covered in puddles… it was too great of a temptation.

He took off both of his shoes and carried them in his hands, all the way home.

"And if you kiss somebody, then both of you get practice."

Fin