I always feel so sorry for Ion every time I read the manga or watch the anime, but I also think that his litte-bit-more-than-a-crush on Esther is adorable, and I like pairing him with her better than I like pairing her with Abel to be honest
Ah well... enough of my ranting already. This, I guess, is the part I imagine as where he sort of starts to like her a bit more, y'know? However, it does have slash stuff in it
Warning: heavy hints of slash (don't know what it is? Look it up, cause it's not my problem if you don't like), mushiness heart-to-heart stuff
Disclaimer: Esther, Ion and everyone else in Trinity Blood belong to Sunao Yoshida *poutpout* not to me
Staring out to see, Ion felt as though the burning, aching hole in his chest would cause him to cease breathing. He knew… he knew that this pain wasn't enough to kill him, though he'd seen before what grief could do to a methuselah. But it felt as though it would be the end of him. With this acidic wound on his soul, how was he supposed to recover? How was he supposed to live again?
Radu… why…?
Why… that was the question he really wanted answered and knew probably never would be. Why would Radu betray him this way? Why would he lie and say he hated Ion, whose status had overshadowed his own all his life? Why would he try to kill the person who loved and trusted him most in the world?
My tovarish…
Ion clenched his eyes shut tightly, wishing that he would wish all of this away and pretend that it was a fleeting dream, a vision of his fevered mind. Maybe he was back in that stupid room with Radu tending to his silver-infested wounds, and these people—Sister Esther, Father Nightroad and Brother Petro—maybe they were all figments of his imagination.
But when it came down to it, he knew what was real and what was not.
This was why it was so hard to accept what had happened between him and Radu. They had been best friends since forever, and even more than that! Radu had taken his first kiss, had been the first one he'd ever cared about… loved that way. His first in all things.
Could he have misjudged? Could that all have been a dream? Could Radu have been using him for so long, resenting him… hating him?
No, his mind insisted. He loved me back. We've been best friends since we were little kids, and we promised to stay together forever. Even when he grew and left me behind, we were still together, still partners. Tovarish, why…?
"Are you okay?" a soft voice asked from behind him. He turned to look at the girl—Sister Esther, her name was—and tried to quell the rise of anger that flooded the burning, empty space in his chest. He wanted to shout at her, to scream at her and tell her to go away and leave him alone! But he didn't… couldn't.
It's not her fault. The only one who can tell me the truth is Radu. And the only one who can give me peace is him.
"I'm fine," he lied smoothly. "Did you need something, terran?"
Her huge blue eyes flooded with fire at being called a terran. "My name is Esther," she muttered almost resentfully. They'd been getting along better since Radu had slipped away, since Father Nightroad and Brother Petro had rescued them—to be completely honest, he found Esther kind of cute, but maybe that was the problem. He didn't want to like this girl, didn't want to enjoy the fiery look in her huge blue eyes.
Radu had blue eyes, too, and hair the color of the sky at dusk.
"Esther," he corrected half-heartedly.
Her eyes met his, and she gave him a heart-wrenching smile, which somehow made his cracked and shattered heart flutter inside his chest. "I just wanted to know if you were okay… You look so lonely and tired up here alone."
She had a point. He hadn't been sleeping well, and wouldn't until this problem entwined around Radu's betrayal was taken care of, until he had ended the threat to the empire. The little warmth that her smile had given his heart was washed aside with a bitter chill as he thought about what he had to do.
I have to kill him. He is my tovarish, my duty… but I don't want to.
Remembering all the time they'd spent together, how many times the two of them had wondered off into an adventure as children, when they'd trained together as they grew older, how Radu would take care of him when he was ill or wounded and vice-versa, it was just so painful. His chest throbbed. He remembered the first time they'd kissed, and the first time it had gone beyond… the first time… Tears pricked at his ruby eyes.
Why did you have to do this to me, tovarish? I love you… but I have to kill you. Is it worth it, this pain? You've ripped my chest open and shredded my heart, and yet… I can't bring myself to hate you at all. I still love you; I love you enough to stop you.
"I guess I've been… thinking," he replied hesitantly, finding the courage to confide in this girl, who had also done her best to take care of him even though he'd treated her lower than dirt when they'd first met. "I've been thinking about… about Radu."
Understanding flooded her blue eyes. "It must hurt a lot," she whispered.
Yes, betrayal definitely hurt. He closed his eyes, listening to her tiny, soft footsteps as she came up beside him. "I had a friend once, too, who I thought I could trust, who I thought loved me. He was just playing with me, though, and I was a little fool and played right along with him. I nearly got myself killed! But… well…" He looked up to see her blushing and glancing over her shoulder. "Father Nightroad saved me, convinced me of the right way to go. That betrayal, though, hurt more than I can say." Her tiny hand was raised over her heart.
It wasn't the same as his story. "I still can't believe that Radu would use me, could spend all this time with me and hate me. I don't believe him! He's never been able to lie to me before."
Esther glanced up at me with saddened blue eyes. "You must have been close," she whispered.
"Closer than brothers," he replied shortly, wishing suddenly to talk about anything else. They had been as close as two people could get, and Ion had given all of his trust and devotion into his tovarish. Now… his heart was broken and spent.
"I hope you can find the little peace that I found," she replied, smiling gently at him with her rosy lips and huge blue eyes, her cheeks flushing with color. Ion found himself admiring her face and her brightness. For a terran she was pretty cute… beautiful even. "I know the hurt never goes away, but maybe discovering the truth will help."
"I hope so." Ion stared at her. She and Radu had some similarities—that inner fire that captured his attention so completely—but they were also as different as night and day, almost literally. Yet…
"Thanks," he said softly, "For listening to me… I feel a bit better." She helped to soothe that aching place in his chest. It wouldn't ever be gone, but…
Maybe this girl could help him mend what was left of his heart.
Well, at least it's not completely angsty, da? I try to be merciful to my favorite characters (however, usually I fail *sigh*)
Review if you wish to